CARING FOR A LOVED ONE WHO IS GOING TO LEAVE THIS WORLD

I was staying in hostel as part of my PUC( Pre-University Course). Once in two weeks, on Sunday we get a few hours outing time, where we can go out of campus at around 12 PM and report back in the campus by 8 PM the same day. Other weeks parents and family can come to meet the students for an hour. Every week my parents used to come to meet me at the hostel. It was the time where I could see happiness on their faces, this time the case was different.

“Swathi is diagnosed with blood cancer, doctors are saying that she is only left with few more months” said my dad. The news was not syncing in, she was my best friend. The thought of loosing her itself was so tough on me, I could hardly breathe, my energy drained to the smallest percentage, I was drowned in sweat in no time.

Next week was the week of outing, I requested my parents to take me home so that I can see her. One week felt so long, I was waiting so much to meet her. My heart was pounding so high as the time approached.

“It is so painful, I prefer dying than going through the therapies, not able to bear this anymore” – I can never forget these words uttered by my best friend. She was so lean, with no hair as her chemotherapy sessions have commenced, it was unbearable to see her and her parents going through that pain.

I’ve hold her hand in mine, and said “everything is going to be fine, don’t think about anything”. I was not fooling her, she is going through the stress of handling her own condition and it is very important to ease such person with comforting words. I tried to divert her attention by talking about our school, and some of our common friends.. “I don’t know where my bicycle is … “ said she, hearing to this I asked her dad where it was ? Because now she is staying at her aunt’s place close to the hospital and not at her own home.  I requested him to take me to their house so that I can bring her bicycle here. We washed the bicycle, decorated it a bit, we took it for her, she felt so happy seeing her bicycle.

“I want to eat Indian gooseberry. Can you get it next time you come to meet me ?” – for those of you who doesn’t know how it looks I am attaching a picture.

It feels sour when we bite into it, turns slightly bitter later on and has various health benefits as well. I requested her that I would be back in half an hour, went home took some of those gooseberries for her. After seeing those her expression was priceless. I have also requested my sister to take few of those everyday for Swathi so that she can have as many as she wants. The next time I went to meet her, she was all in smiles for that small gesture of my sister.

Week after week, I kept visiting her though that meant spending only couple of hours with her due to travel constraints etc. There were many small things like these over a period of two months that made me feel how petty things can make the most important memories for us. She used to share a lot about her visits to hospital, doctors, her chemotherapy sessions, some times I wondered if she knew she was going to die, but I never dared to ask her.

At the time when she left this world, believe me she was holding a couple of gooseberries in her hand. After she passed away her parents needed me the most, whenever I met them, they were happy to see their daughter in me. I am so happy to serve that family, even today our relationship is very much similar.  I dream of her at times, and feel blessed to have a friend like her.

Caring for someone who is in the last days of their life is very challenging. It can be due to natural process of our body aging or an ailment, when the care has to be given at home it calls for different type of challenges. It is the last opportunity we have to serve someone who did so much for us, who mean a lot, whom we are definitely going to miss. We should keep in mind certain facts that can help us through.

• Don’t see them as burden, in fact no one wants to be a burden on another. It is just that they are in need of help now, we may be in the same position tomorrow or little later.
• Ask questions to engage them in conversations. Secret stories, mischievous instances , it can be anything, don’t ever make them feel lonely or as if they are not so important any more.
• Crack jokes and laugh a lot. Laughter can make us forget a lot of pain.
• Be kind, not only to the person who needs us, but ourselves too. It can become very frustrating at times, do not ever show the frustration before them. If you feel so, take a stroll down the road or relax yourself for sometime before resuming back to them.
• When the time is tough, give the time a tough challenge. There is nothing called “dirty” task. It can be giving a bath, cleaning their bed, do it with love, because when there is love care-giving comes naturally.

All of us are part of this world for a very less time, today it may be someone else, our time may not be much farther. Always have patience and love, those are two things that would make us feel really good to have been caring for someone in need.

A CALL TO THROW, RESHAPE & DECORATE

Relationship is so very important today. Whether it’s a family relationship or marriage relationship or brother & sister relationship or parents & children relationship or relationships between colleagues, all are very important and needs perfect attention and care of the individuals involved.

Today, with the advancement of technology and human civilization, the tolerance level of individuals are going down and down. That’s why we find more divorce cases, separation from parents, brothers and sisters are not in talking terms, jealousy among the colleagues and so on.

I have always tried to help people to build and maintain new or existing relationships. I never say, that’s it even in my own relationship with others. I keep pushing my brothers, sisters, relatives, friends to reconcile, to mend a strained relationship. It doesn’t mean that I don’t face problems in my own relationship but after the strained phase I tried to find out where I made a mistake which troubled me. I may thing why in the first place I am in the relationship but when I cool down I think how to solve it and rearrange it.

As we are approaching Valentines day, a reason to mend and manage our friendships, relationships I have few steps to rearrange a strained or disarranged relationship as follows:

1. Search for waste materials & THROW them: When we rearrange our homes, we first try to search for the wastes which are occupying unnecessary space in the home.  Then we simply discard them or throw them out forever. Once we do this the home looks cleaner. In the same way we have to do in our disarranged relationships. Jealousy, ego, hatred, lies, pride, prejudices, selfishness etc. are wastes in all relationships. We need to Google search all of them and then press the delete button once for all. Once we do this the relationship looks clean and easier to breath in and out.   
2. RESHAPE the existing qualities & bring newness in them: Then the next step would be appreciating and reshaping of each others as well as our own good qualities. This is a very crucial moment. Sometimes what happens is, when we try to reshape ourselves but don’t get to see the other party in the same action then we again start bringing our old nature in. we get angry and ask ‘why are you not reshaping yourself’, then again the relationship takes a step back. So we need to take real care at this phase and give each other ample time to reshape and readjust to bring newness to their persona.
3. DECORATE with new characters and habits: Finally, after rearrangement of our house we think of buying some new decoration items like, paintings etc. to decorate our reorganized house.We have to decorate our freshly arranged relationship in the same manner. We need to adopt and learn more good qualities or habits or behaviors that keep others happy and in peace. For learning new traits in relationship we need to give time to each other instead of our own work. We need to join relationship training programmes, take examples of others who are good at it. This is how we can decorate our relationship once again new, beautiful and attractive.

Do we have a disarranged relationship? Let’s rearrange it with TRD (Throw, Reshape & Decorate) while celebrating Valentines day this year.

Get to ready to respond to the TRD call.

Stay Blessed!!!

MIRACLES OF LOVE EXCHANGED BETWEEN A MOTHER AND A CHILD

The expression ‘miracles of love’ is best understood by a woman who has just become a mother. The world just turns topsy-turvy for a woman when her baby arrives. Her schedule changes and everything she does is directly related to the care of her baby. This is the time of the building up of an unbreakable bond between the mother and child. I am sure those who have and have not experienced the joy of motherhood have gone through the delight of watching a child develop different skills as they grow up. It is definitely miraculous to watch a child develop and grow regardless of him/her being your own.

Given the status of our standard of living, women have nowadays stepped out beyond the thresholds of their houses to make a mark in this world. There has been an increase in the number of working women which according to me is a wonderful thing. But this also has its disadvantages. Often we hear ultra modern married working women saying, “I do not have time for kids” or “we have planned not to have kids”. I do not want to hurt the sentiments of any individual reading this article by refuting these statements but what I mean when I pick up such a topic is that the gift of having a baby is one of the most amazing blessings one can receive. I think the arrival of a baby into a couple’s world is God’s way of saying to mankind, “I still love you in spite of your hatred and indifference”.

On the other hand there is a spate of working mothers who tend to leave their infants under the care of nannies and creches while they are out earning for the family. There is seriously no harm in doing so but you don’t know what you are missing out. The words from a little boy struck me so hard that I had the urge to convey my message through this. He asked his mother, ” Mommy would you leave your purse with all money in it and your jewellery with the maid?” The mother answered, “Of course not”. To this the boy asked again, “Then why do you leave me with her?”

This was an epiphany. Children are the most precious possessions given to us. This also explains the issue of killing a foetus in a womb under various grounds as female infanticide and pre-marital abortions.

Therefore my friends, it is time each one of us acknowledges the miracles that have happened to us or which are going to occur in our lives. These ‘miracles of love’ don’t demand anything else but our love and care. Let us acknowledge it by sharing these words of grace to those who need it.

— Ruth

LOVE REQUIRES A COST TO LET THE MIRACLE HAPPEN

A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.  So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.  But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.  He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

The above story of the Good Samaritan makes me really think of the price we need to pay in response to our feeling of love towards people – even towards strangers. Coming to our own loved ones, the price would be even higher.

The Samaritan man had to expend his EMOTIONS as the victim was a total stranger; his TIME as he took him to the inn and promised to come back again; his MONEY as he paid the charges of inn for the victim and also used his belongings; his COMFORT as he put the victim on the donkey and walked along with it to the inn.  

If just one act of love cost him so much, then think of our daily lives… We meet so many people, we discuss so many issues with them. When we are needed to show our love in action towards them, we have to pay the price of our love. On the contrary when we receive the love acts from others, we need to remember that they also pay a price to display their love towards us.

Remember! Love requires a price to be paid. And when we pay the price, we see miracles happening around us.

Stay Blessed!

MY MIRACLE OF LOVE – MY FATHER!

Everybody loves being loved, it is a wonderful feeling, a sense of belonging that everyone craves. Whether the love of a parent, a friend, a partner or a sibling, it is this ultimate feeling of happiness that everyone is running toward.

But what people fail to understand is that sometimes it’s not the feeling that’s important, it is the person. They might not be able to express it verbally, but it is always there in the small things they do for you.

The best example I can think of, is my father. He is a man of few words; he is not a warm ball of affection, but has been a rock all of our lives. An ever present tower of strength, he is my go-to guy. If there is a miracle of love in my life, he is the one.

Talking about my father makes me emotional because he is the strongest example of everything good and beautiful in my life. I think that’s my point in effect!

Whatever kind of love you look forward to in your life, it is only the love of a parent that you can fall back to. So, if you want to experience the true sense of belonging and the feeling of being loved, talk to them today and say in not so many words “Thank you.”

Say that you love them, that they mean the world to you! And when you see that smile creeping onto their faces and eyes filled with tears and love, you will know that all is well in the world and that pursuit of love you were in just arrived.

— Avishikta Dey