ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY

Hello Everyone,

Minus 4°c outside and a boy walks with an ice cream in his hand.  He finishes one and tries to pull out the second one from the pack of four;  A boy leaves hand of his mother and crosses the road without looking at the traffic just to reach the shop on the other side of the road to purchase an ice cream scaring his mother to death.  Everyone else around is watching that boy with a look which says “OMG! Ice cream in this chilling weather”, ” what kind of mother she is who is letting him eat ice cream”, ” So unhealthy!”, “how careless she is to let him go”.  And when you catch them staring at you either they pass sheepish smile or roll their eyes to other side.  What a mother goes through when her credential as a mother is being put under scanner?  Who’s fault is it precisely when the boy in question is “Autistic”?

Having a child and seeing him grow up, playing around and playing with us, posing questions (making us laugh and wonder) at every step and action, discovering things, catching up the pace with the world and have an own little world of ours – this was our dream of a happy life which was rocked completely when doctors diagnosed our son with Autism at the age of three and a half years.  To accept the fact that your beloved is having a “Problem” doesn’t go down well for obvious reasons.  The first question that stuck my mind when tears were rolling down and dampening my face was “God why me?  I never wanted anything bad happen to anyone then why me?”

If finding a place to fit him in a curriculum was a struggle then streamlining day-to-day activities and habits for him is even a bigger challenge.  Handling unexpected tantrums at places where you least wish it to happen with dozens of pair of eyes piercing through makes heart sink. Please   Getting cranky, lying down on road, shouting and crying (this list is too small) – these are the things I handle on daily basis in and out of the house.  At some point during this struggle I simply give up and answer the complaining tongues and questioning glares with a sorry and an explanation “Il est autiste” (He is Autistic).  This mellows down their tone, softens their behaviour and they end up saying “bonne courage” (be brave).

What was I trying to do?  Was I expecting them to understand or trying to garner their sympathy or asking them not to be judgemental about me or my son?  May be everything.

When it comes to me, I must confess that many a times I end up losing my confidence and patience and just flare up at my son, cursing my fate and reprimanding him for not behaving the way I want.

Is it my son’s fault being an autistic or the fault lies in us who can’t accept deflection?  We all have defects in us but when such defects become obvious to everyone we call it disability.  Disability to cope up with changes, disability to adapt, disability to express and you name it we have it.

Yes my son is “handicapped” because of his disability to interact and express “Verbally”.  He has behavioural disorder because he exhibits tantrums.  But I believe he is a better person in making because of serenity and innocence his soul has.  His love is unconditional as compared to mine ( even being a mother doesn’t deters me from expecting him to be at par with other kids of his age, which is impossible but can’t help it.  This is my frustration that is speaking).  It seems he understands that I am not happy with him but it never holds him back from running towards me to embrace me in happiness and fear.

Quite independent in many things he do, great memory power, exceptional grasping especially with music, his teachers praising him for being a good student in the class – he reminds me that he needs acceptance more than sympathy, he needs words of encouragement and a little help to pull off.  When I am mad at him his teary eyes say “Mom I am equally frustrated because I am unable to explain what I want.  I need your help, catch those signals.  Being Autistic is not my choice

For every person who is “able” by the standards set by “whosoever” it is important to understand that it is easy to be judgemental about a person whom you call disabled and give expert opinion about how to cope with it than to live with it and more importantly to have it.  No disability is greater than being unable to accept.

GOOD PARENTING REQUIRES WISE BALANCING

“Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.”

It’s easy to be a child, but requires hard work to be a good parent.

Good parenting doesn’t mean to give in to the wishes of children all the time…to fulfill every desire as soon as it is uttered by them. That’s termed as Permissive Parenting in psychological lingo. Permissive parents do more damage to their children than they can even think of. Children of permissive parents never learn to accept ‘NO’ for an answer. As they grow up, and get to hear ‘No’s from different quarters, they feel rejected, unloved and frustrated. Unable to manage the volley of emotions springing up within them, they either sink into depression and become addicted to smoking, drinking and drugs or strategize to have their desires fulfilled by unscrupulous means.

Good parenting also doesn’t refer to being strict taskmasters and building fences all around children…always keeping them caged within the boundaries of do’s and don’ts. That’s Authoritarian Parenting. Authoritarian parents aim to control their children all the time. And so, they end up robbing their children of the joys of childhood. Children of authoritarian parents seem to be obedient and well-mannered. But in essence, they are individuals with bottled up emotions who lack the freedom of thought and expression. As they grow up, they feel lost in a world that expects them to take decisions and make choices.

An overdose or under-dose of love and discipline can cause irreparable damage to children’s development. Hence, it is ideal to maintain a wise balance between the two. Discipline your children within the warmth of your love so that even as adults your children will look up to your presence and counsel in their lives. Train up your children to choose their paths wisely and as adults they will always be prudent in their choices.

WHAT IF LIFE GAVE YOU AN DESERVING OPPORTUNITY TO BE ARROGANT? WOULD YOU?

Our topic this week is haughty eyes – or pride – or arrogance, you know the drill.

But let me flip it for you a little. What if a situation gave you FULL authority to be proud, to show your authority over another? What would you do then?

The answer lies in this wonderful little video that went viral a couple of months ago – it is about a judge passing a sentence to a man convicted of burglary theft.

As he was about to leave, the judge asked him if he went to a particular school. Immediately he recognised her and broke into uncontrollable sobs. They were classmates in the same school while growing up. One became a convict, another a judge. Imagine this situation.

The thing is, she could have chided him – gloated about where she has reached in life, and where he was, a convicted burglar.

She didn’t.

Rather, she gently told him, “I hope you can change your ways, you were the nicest kid.” Hearing that the man burst into tears, only managing to say, “Oh my goodness…!”

Thanks to this kind and humble judge, there is a good chance that the man will possibly mend his ways and turn to an honest life.

Watch the video – and keep a box of tissues nearby. You will need it.