HIS AGAPE LOVE FOR YOU AND ME

Agape is a word that is not commonly used by people. The English word agape means, ‘ajar’, ‘open’, ‘amazed’ etc., but the Greek word agapē means, the unconditional love of God for humankind. And this Agape love is mentioned only in the Bible explaining how God has been displaying His love for mankind from the beginning till now.

If we look at ourselves, we find how intelligent and supreme we are from all other animals and all the creations as a whole. The Bible says we were created in God’s image as He formed us from the dust whereas He created all others just by His commands and words.

Doesn’t it show His special love and purpose behind creating us?

Apart from that in human history, we all know, how God has been a God of provision, sustenance and protection. He has always been faithful to control the cosmos, the seasons, the environment etc., all because of His love for us. He never abandons any provisions from anyone despite our deformities and iniquities.

Just imagine if one day, God calls me from heaven and says, “Chiradeep, you have been so wicked for last one month, so as a punishment, sunlight will be suspended for you over a period of one week.” And I will be in darkness for the next seven days. But the good news is He has never done like that to me or to any human-like me though we have always been taken Him and His goodness for granted. His love has always been unconditional whether we obey Him or follow His instructions. The only time we suffer when we go against His set system which He had set for the whole creation to run around it.

But the agape love of God manifested only in the context of Jesus’s coming to the world and dying for the whole of humankind. I agree it is not easy to understand or grasp. As a young boy, I had this quest in my mind which remained and unanswered and unresolved for many years. The quest was – “Why on earth Jesus had to take birth and die if He was God. If He simply uses His might and authority everything will come into order… Then why this drama of such a painful death came into the scene in the first place?” My logical young mind couldn’t find any satisfying explanation for this question.

This question never left me till I entered adulthood leaving behind my teenage years. This burden weighed me down till one of my teachers enlightened me about The Truth through a few truths from the eternal scripture.

I remember, he asked me to name God’s attributes according to my generalized idea of God. As always, I was prompt to respond by giving a list of attributes that seemed appropriate to me – God is Holy, Righteous, Just, Kind, Good, Love etc…

He smiled and started to explain all the attributes of God that I had mentioned to him. As he went on illuminating my mind, I began to analyse them one after the other. This eventually addressed my quest and I could feel a calmness in my whole being.

Let me share about it in details….

If we read the Bible, we will find God’s these attributes are mentioned numerous times but for this article, I am quoting a few of them only –

 God is Holy: “For I am the Lord your God. You must consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy.”

God is Righteous: “The Lord is righteous in everything he does; he is filled with kindness.”

God is Just: “The Lord is known for his justice. The wicked are trapped by their own deeds.”

God’s holiness, righteousness and justice debar any relationship or connection between Him with the unholy, unrighteous and unjust ones.

Humanly even if we are corrupted, we will never want to be identified with corruption in any manner. So, when it comes to God, who is holy, righteous and just, it is impossible to think that He can easily mingle with us.

Mankind sinned against God and had fallen short of the glory of God and became unholy, unrighteous and unjust – “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.”

All the above-mentioned attributes of God declare that man cannot come to the presence of God. General understanding says that the consequence of any wrongdoing is punishment. So, men have to be punished. And the punishment is “DEATH” – “For the wages of sin is death…”.

That day when I was eagerly and desperately waiting for my teacher to help me understand my long-borne quest, he dramatically paused there and looked at me while I was amazed at his logical and Biblically proved explanations about the way God deals with His created humans.

He started speaking again about one last attribute of God with a confident smile on his face.

God is LOVE (includes kindness and goodness): The Bible says,

“So, God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God, He created them; male and female he created them.”

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”

The Bible

God’s love ensures and reflects God’s heart – “I created these men and women in my own image, how can I punish them! I will save them from this eternal death. I will make them righteous, just and holy. I will give then eternal life”.

And thus, they can ultimately come to the presence of a Holy, Righteous and Just God.

God can’t die being God and being a Spirit. So, He had to take the form of Jesus – the human form of God with flesh and blood so that He can die substituting the whole human race, saving them from the wages of sin.

While dying on that cross, God showcased all His attributes together not even abandoning one. This was the reason why He had to die for you, me and for all others in this world.

Friends! In my life of pain and suffering, I have known God’s agape love for me all the time. It is possible only when we give in to Him. In closing, I can only say, “Taste and see that the Lord is good”. Tasting and Visualising are two of the sensory perceptions that supersede the other sensory perceptions when it comes to authenticating God’s goodness and unconditional love in one’s own life.

Stay Blessed!

FRIENDS – A GIFT TO OURSELVES

Throughout our lives, we have different relationships with different people. Most of the relationships we have are by virtue of being born at a certain time in a certain family. Our parents, our siblings, our uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents etc. 

Then there is another set of relationships we have by law. If yours was a love marriage at least you chose your spouse, if you were in an arranged marriage even your spouse was chosen for you. Either way, the in-law’s family that you get is by virtue of being married to a certain person.

I am not complaining, we love our families fiercely. But there is one relationship which you choose and form. It grows on you. And it becomes a very important part of your life. That is friendship.

We start forming friends at a very early age. Maybe you are still in touch with your kindergarten friend. And all along we make a lot of friends. Some are left behind in the race of life and with some, the bond becomes stronger. So, for all of us, we have a few friends or at least one such friend whom we can call a true friend.

That my dear is a gift we have given to ourselves.

Growing up my parents have always been exasperated with the number of friends I had. There was this gang of school friends, the colony friends, the college friends, the computer classes friends, the tuition friends and the list goes on and on. I have loved to be surrounded by good friends. 

But now so many years later I cherish a close group of friends. Whom I love dearly and can go to any lengths to support. And I am sure they will do so too. 

You know what the best part of a good friendship is? There is no pretence. There is no need to put up a façade. I mean if it is your school/college friend they have grown up with you and know all the goof-ups you did as a kid. My close friend was there with me when my teacher punished me, or when I clumsily fell in the canteen, or when we made Maggi together and ate like it was the last packet on earth or she was there when we made lofty plans for our future which never materialized. My friend knows me so thoroughly that I don’t have to pretend in front of her. She understands me.

Then there are the friends I made as an adult when life had started showing its true colours. When life has become so hectic that we carry loads of tensions and stress on our heads. Meeting these friends and just talking or you may call it gossiping can relieve so much of my stress. I love these gossip friends with whom I can let my hair down and discuss just any topic under the sky and not be judged for it.

Also, there are friends who guide you when you need it the most. They coax, cajole and also at times be blunt but they help you give your best to the given task. The “friend, philosopher and guide” kind or friends are too precious as we can turn to them and trust them when our own judgement is compromised.

Finally, my closest circle of friends whom I can call the 3 a.m. friends. I know even if in the middle of the night I give them an SOS call they will drop everything and will be there with me to stand through thick and thin. I know I have a family for such times also but sometimes reaching out to friends is easier than reaching out to the family.

I just cherish and love the friends I have in my life and thank them for being a part of my life. Friends are the gift I have given to myself. When everything in life gets too much to handle, I turn to my friends and they bring me back to track.  

A SWEET AND SALTY RELATIONSHIP

It was 21st December 2008 when my husband came to see me for the first time with his parents. Yes, we chose the traditional route of arranged marriage 😁. We were nervous as hell, hardly speaking anything, just occasional glances at each other in a room full of people. “Why don’t you guys take some alone time and talk?” Proposed my Uncle. The would-be groom sprang out of his chair exhibiting both his nervousness, anxiety and eagerness to strike a conversation. We decided to go to the nearby temple. We commenced our stroll and conversation. Our dialogues were borderline whispers 😁. As we were about to enter the temple an old lady begged for some alms. And I am not sure what was going on in his mind or that was a completely unmindful action, he handed a currency note Re.500. To this date, we have a hearty laugh about it. My brother and cousin joked about that incident “how we wish we disguised ourselves and were at the place of old lady, we could have received a hefty note”.

That was the first meeting, first conversation, first weirdly sweet incident. Then both the families (of course with our consent) agreed to carry forward this alliance and culminate into the sacred institution of marriage. We got engaged on May, 16th, 2009. We had a distant courtship period before we tied knot in the month of August same year.

Be it the courtship period or time frame after marriage till there’s an addition in the family (2nd August 2011), life if photo framed would be nothing less than picture-perfect. Stealing glances when surrounded by people attending different functions organised by the families not the newlyweds, holding hands beneath the tables 🤗🤫), discovering the person you are hitched with, late-night movies, lazy weekends, long strolls in the neighbourhood, outings…….. Yes, it was all candyfloss and rose-tinted!!!

When did things change? As the life of every married couple, ours too took a turn when we had our son, our first child. The idea of romance isn’t anymore the same. In fact, romance either takes a back seat or cease to exist completely. Its Love – for family, for kids, for the spouse that comes to the fore in ways that need the heart to understand the underlying emotion. To begin with, we were not together for the first eight months due to visa issues. Restlessness and eagerness to see each other was riding a high tide. And when we finally met we realized we are set to play a different ball game altogether – Parenting. The levels of frustration of sleepless nights could unleash havoc in relationships. With more planning going into every aspect of life – from grocery list to life insurance plans tensions do knock the doors. Postpartum depression definitely needs a mention here. I had severe mood swings, I would cry for trivial things, but my husband had my back. The best thing or say one of the best things about him is that he is quite easy going when it comes to how our home is kept. Even to this day when we are running into our 12 years of marriage and having two beautiful kids, he would say “take care, relax, sleep. Chores can be winded up later, health comes first”. That takes off a lot of pressure of running around and racing against the clock tidying up things. As much as he doesn’t give undue importance to the chores being done he doesn’t even pin-up his expectations or demands to the way I look. I was once almost like a big bag stacked with potatoes, but never did once his attentions deviated from me. If loyalty has a face, it’s him (I know the password to his phone and he leaves the phone without worrying 😂😉). He never ceased to take a stand, support and talk for what is right without any bias. And what else a woman can ask for.

Then what is Salty ( sour or bitter for that matter)? Yes, I’m coming to that part of our relationship. I would be a liar of higher-order if I say there’s nothing wrong in our relationship or us as human beings. My flaw is that I am extremely emotional and me getting swayed by emotions is no it new. And I see things through the tinted glass of emotions that can paint things differently than what they are. And making the situation worse is sudden flared up tempers of my husband. In the spur of the moment, he could say some really mean things which otherwise he never meant or never had any place in his psyche. When such extremes collide the air could be lot volatile at home. There have been situations when we would go simply silent for a couple of days just because he uttered something uncalled for and my emotional quotient being high decline to take it the other way than what I perceive. A constant feeling of breaking free brews inside (I am talking about myself) during those moments. I surely can’t give complete detailing of our conflicts as washing dirty linen in public isn’t a done thing 😁 and obviously dirty linen is an every household thing, isn’t it?😜

Then Still Continuing? Yes of course and going strong. These 12 years have taught me a few important lessons on life, love, commitment, respect and completing each other. My husband at the end of each of our clash says just one thing “you tend to remember the words that I never meant but blurted out in the fit of rage but forget my actions that I wholeheartedly mean”. Be it taking a stand for me even if I mean going against his family, be it encouraging me to learn something new at every step, giving my health importance over any other thing, most importantly being loyal to me – my husband surely got qualities that can negate or at least overshadow his shortcomings. After the first year of marriage I never saw him in an eternal romantic mood that I crave but also never saw him take his responsibilities lightly, doesn’t that qualify as love? And when love, loyalty, respect cohabitates there’s enough reason despite minuscule faults that we continue this journey together till death parts us away.

LOVE FOR THE NATION

As a student of Sociology in Grade 11, I came across a new term – altruism. To explain this term better, the book had the example – the service of soldiers for the country. Though I later studied about altruism in detail in Psychology, the example that stays in my mind till date is that of soldiers serving the country at the cost of self.

Not at all times in history have soldiers served their country because of their love for the country that they belonged to. There have been times in countries across the world when able-bodied young men were forcibly taken away from the comforts of their homes and enlisted in national service. Colonialism saw colonies feed soldiers into the armies of their colonial masters.

In the times that we live in now, most countries have done away with conscription (mandatory/ forcible enlistment) and colonialism is a thing of the past. We live in times in which sovereign monarchies are less violent and work strategically to earn the love of their subjects, absolute monarchies force allegiance from their subjects, autocracies force feed nationalism into the minds of their citizens, liberal democracies give open freedom for their citizens to act out of responsible love for the nation while illiberal democracies use soft power tactics to arouse love for the nation in their citizens. There are exceptions to each of the above. At times, systems of governments make transitions from one to another depending upon the regimes in power.

A touch-up on the above helps understand what love for the nation implies.

Love is a free bird that soars high in the sky with strong wings, but strolls on the ground without flight wings. This applies to all types of human love and includes an individual’s love for the nation. Just as love for a person cannot be forced upon another, love for one’s country cannot be imposed. Love that is coerced is not love in the first place. Forced allegiances regale the political masters in a false sense of victory, whereas stories of true dalliance with the nation lie few and far between.

Should we love our countries?

Yes.  The country that we are born into and the countries that we choose to migrate to (if at all) deserve our love.

With love comes responsibility and accountability. Hence, we are responsible for our countries and accountable to them. Whereas, each of us is free to like any, every or all other countries of the world as well, none is expected to be responsible for those countries.

Can a country love back?

Though sentimental thoughts and rich literary articulations ascribe the good gifts or the bad ones that one receives, to the land, air and water of a country, in reality, what we get or don’t get, how we feel or don’t feel depends upon the government and the people of the country. When we love a country, we feel loved when its people and the government love us back.

The justiciable Fundamental Rights incorporated in the Indian Constitution by its architects are India’s ways of loving its citizens, whereas the various non-justiciable Fundamental Duties incorporated in the Constitution prescribe the obligatory duties of Indians towards India. Reciprocal love!

Why is it necessary to love the nation?

It is fair. It is legitimate. It is required.

The one other decision that no one gets to make, apart from not getting to choose one’s parents, is the country that one is born into. None of us gets to choose the country that we are born in. We can choose to migrate to another country later, but can never refute the country of our birth.

Just as it is difficult to love a person who doesn’t love you back, it is hard to love a country that isn’t warm enough. However, “to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient” is a God-given Biblical command that applies to all. Though there ought always to be space for constructive criticism of and dissent against those in power, to bring out the best in them, there is definitely no room for bad-mouthing – just as parents at times admonish children to help them live upto their potential, but should never abuse them or put them down before others.

Love for our nation is evident in our actions

1. Have you witnessed parents of two children conversing about them? Each loses no word to praise one’s own child lavishly. Parents love their children and hence lose no opportunity to brag about them and their feats. Speaking lowly about one’s nation does disservice to it. Ascribing due praises to one’s country shows our love for it.
2. Striving to lift up the nation’s face in various competitive parameters like sports, inventions, art forms, while stepping up to rid the nation of its ills and irrational dogmas like poverty, neonatal and maternal mortality, female foeticide, child marriage, racism, casteism etc. portrays one’s love for the nation.
3. Citizens may not always have direct says in nation-building. However, citizens can always pray for those directly responsible for the same.

“ . . . entreaties and prayers, petitions and thanksgivings, be made on behalf of all men, for kings and all who are in authority, in order that we may lead a tranquil and quite life in all godliness and dignity”, says the Bible.

Is love for the nation, the highest form of love?

There is no comparison in love.

Soldiers who lay down their lives for the country when duty calls thus, are no less concerned about their families or friends. However, they are altruistic not because they love others less, but because they have dedicated their service to the nation over self and others.

While the eight-fold Greek classification of love towards people does not incorporate love for one’s country (since country is a non-human entity), be it as civilians or as armed personnel, loving the nation is  important too.

Having said thus, it is pertinent to remark that though countries are formed by human efforts and their boundaries demarcated by think tanks, a country is a temporary habitation for humans. Our citizenship of a country ceases the moment our physical bodies cease to live and breathe. Our souls have heavenly citizenships in the eternal kingdom of God if we choose to accept His citizenship offer while on earth. Maligning the soul in the process of preserving earthly territories is fruitless.

Let us love our countries while on earth, but prepare to be heavenly citizens for eternity.

THE WARMTH OF XENIA

Xenia (Greek: ξενία) is the ancient Greek sacred rule of hospitality (corresponding to the Latin concept of Hospitium), the generosity and courtesy shown to those who are far from home or associates of the host. The rituals of hospitality created and expressed a reciprocal relationship between guest and host expressed in both material benefits (e.g. gifts, protection, shelter) as well as non-material ones (e.g. favors, certain normative rights). The term is often translated as “Guest-Friendship” or (“Ritualized Friendship”) because the rituals of hospitality created and expressed a reciprocal relationship between guest and host. Hence, it is also known as “Guest-Friend”.

One of the prime motivations of living an itinerant lifestyle is the warmth of xenia. The veracity of xenia is, it never appears in the same way. It has its unique appearance in every home. It’s been more than a year yet the warmth of Xenia in my first visit to Shillong is so tangible! Whether it is about the caring nature of my cab driver Mr. Naresh after my arrival at Guwahati Airport and at midnight waiting almost an hour for someone to receive me at Shillong or at my departure from Shillong, the warmth of Xenia wrapped in that tiffin box given by Dr. Aunty Veera & Uncle Lumlang, each of those tiny days, small incidents, casual friendly talks, and good-bye hugs have enabled me to bag what is the love of hospitality.

“Love cannot remain by itself – it has no meaning.

Love has to be put into action and that action is service”. (Mother Teresa)

Action is the tangible output that is primarily sourced by Love. LOVE PRECEDES ACTION. It is the sacred love for others in our heart that convinces our mind to go an extra-mile, which reflects in Xenia. Often, we consider love as an emotion whereas love is chiefly an action word. And the Bible puts it like this,

“Love is Patient and Kind. Love is Admiring. Love is Cordial, Love is Forgiving.

Love rejoices in justice. Love is consistent, Love has faith, Love is Hopeful,

and Love endures through every circumstance.

Three things last forever – Faith, Hope, and Love –

and the greatest of these is Love”

A few years back, for an official purpose, I had my first visit to Kandhamal, one of the remote places in the state of Odisha. By the time, I reached there it was midnight, there was no mobile network, and unknown to me a couple of hours prior to my arrival the local govt. authorities declared that area as “no activity zone during the night” due to Mao’s activity. As I left the bus and was making mind to wait till the sunlight suddenly, I saw a man on a bike from the dark forest road asking, “Are you Avinash?” Thank God, it was none other than that good godly man whom I was looking for. Later I realized he had to sacrifice his whole night rest and risk his life just to receive me.

Someone penned rightly,

“People will forget what you said, forget what you did,

but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

A guest is mostly at a strange place and is aloof to our culture. Making mistakes and putting the host in a problem is not their intent rather it is the output of their mere ignorance. Excusing their flaws and giving them comfort is only possible when we shift our perspective and pose ourselves WEARING THEIR SHOES.

A tale goes like this;

In a small-town, a poor man always begged at a rich man’s palace gate and the rich man always treated him just like dogs. He threw morsel at him and mocked him. Unfortunately, both the rich man and the poor man died on the same day. The rich man went to hell and the poor man went to heaven. From hell, the rich man cried out to God,

Richman: God, it’s too painful here, it’s unbearable. Could you please take me to heaven? Why did you put me in hell, what I have done?

God said, I visited you but you treated me like your dogs and threw morsels at me. You mocked my condition.

Richman: God, when did I do that to you?

God: I visited you through the poor man. And you did that to me all that you have done to the poor man.

The Bible says,

“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some WHO HAVE DONE THIS HAVE ENTERTAINED ANGELS without realizing it!”  

STORGE – THE UNADULTERATED LOVE

As a child, you must have always seen your parents as the ones who are there only to point out your mistakes and to deter you from doing things that you like. Indeed, most of us feel that way, until we become parents.

As soon as we become parents, we get natural or instinctual affection for our children and we just want them to be perfect in everything they do. Even the children feel safe and secure with their parents, for they never leave them alone till they are grown-ups, ready to take charge of their own lives. Yet, irrespective of the age, a child always remains a child. 

Children always believe that their parents are the strongest and so can’t imagine them to be weaker. So, when our parents grow old in front of us, it gets difficult for us to digest this fact. My father, who is going to turn 75 soon, walks much slower now. He has accepted his old age, but I want all his tests to be done again. I want him to be energetic like he used to be. My mom, my first teacher, often calls me up when she’s stuck in an online task. I get overwhelmed when I help her out. 

Parental love is truly divine, selfless, unadulterated, and truly eternal. We, as parents of young children, are busy disciplining them. We sometimes (mostly for me) yell at them and chide them, but our hearts melt to them in pain. I often scold and sometimes even hit my sons. I feel bad also, but then a slap works when nothing else does! And whenever they cry, they come to me to seek my comfort. It’s strange when a mom slaps and the child comes into her arms to cry. 

Teaching new things to children every day, celebrating their little milestones and laughing over their silly mischiefs brings sheer joys in life. I remember when I used to come back from work, all weary and tired, my little one would jump into my arms and all my stress would vanish.

Each day we make memories with our children and when they grow up, we laugh together recalling those precious moments. My children often cling to me and I fear once they grow up, they will stop doing that. Perhaps I am wrong, for their love is unadulterated, just like mine.

SELF-LOVE IS NOT SELFISH

“Self-love is a constant choice. It’s not a magical feeling that appears on one day. It’s a commitment to have your boundaries, your well-being, your mental and emotional health, and your body.”

Let us first establish that self-love is very different from being selfish. I have struggled with this concept for ages. The way I grew up, I believed that I will be the nicest and most loved person on the universe if I put my own needs at the very end. The result was that at one of point of time in my life I felt like I was being used as a doormat by every other person in my life. I would hear my near and dear ones tell me – “Why are you doing it to yourself?” And I would just put up a smile and say that – “This is how I am”. 

Even though I believed that I was being the nicest person by putting my needs at the end of my priorities, it is not humanly possible to ignore your needs. My needs and desires manifested in other ways and I ended up committing some of the huge blunders which caused further complications in my life. I learnt it the hard way that if I would have taken care of myself in a healthy way at the first place, maybe everything would have fallen in place. 

Being selfish means being nice to only yourself at the cost of other’s wellbeing. Self-love means loving yourself and others keeping in mind your own and other’s wellbeing. A selfish person says – “I am the most important person and nobody else matters”. A person with self-love says – “I am as important as everybody else. My needs are as important as everybody else’s. I need to ensure that I am healthy so that I can take care of others.” 

There was a time when I would feel immensely guilty for spending money on myself. Any additional shopping or spending few extra thousand bucks in beauty parlor and I would end up feeling guilty overnights together. However, I would feel happy if that money is spent on my family members’ needs. 

It took me years to realize that I was indeed in a very unhealthy situation. It further took years of constant monitoring of my thoughts and actions to get myself on the right path. I had to come to a position where I could demand what I thought was right for me. I had to change my mindset to believe that my needs are as important as everybody else’s. 

3 years back when I started going to gym for the first time after my son’s birth – I realized how much I had ignored my body since last few years. 

Now, let me tell you a few things that I do for myself and myself alone:

1. I take time out to meditate and do affirmations every day. It helps me reset my brain.
2. I take time to work out every day.
3. I ensure to budget some money for spending on myself every month.
4. I keep a packet of dark chocolate that nobody else (even my son) supposed to eat. ☺
5. I define boundaries in every relationship. I observe and monitor my decisions to ensure that I didn’t step on any of the boundaries. 
6. I invest in my hobbies regularly now. 

This is just the beginning of the list, with everyday this list keeps growing.

My journey of self-love started a little late after I had already made a lot of mistakes over and over again. I was so busy blaming everybody in my life for not taking care of me and I didn’t even realize that I myself wasn’t giving any importance to my own needs. Once this realization came, a lot of things fell in place.

“Love yourself instead of loving the idea of other’s loving you”