CAREFUL! REJECTION BREEDS REJECTION!

There is no other thing than Rejection which literally depredates a heart. It stings like a honey bee in the flesh. It tears you apart to pieces. It literally makes you wounded gravely.

I know it very well because I myself have experienced that feeling of rejection so many times. Being a cardiac patient from birth I felt that often when I was denied to do certain things, or to lead somewhere, or to take part in some event etc.

Rejection makes you feel worthless, insignificant and nothing.  Rejection breeds rejection!

I thought of addressing it in my life only in the later stage and now I think we all should address the issue of rejection as soon as possible.

There are THREE invaluable inner needs of every individual on this earth. They are:

  • Being Identified
  • Being Loved
  • Feel Secured

If any one of the above is severed we feel rejected. All the above three are interlinked with each other too. When we feel loved, we feel identified and we feel secure too. When we are recognized or chosen for some task, we feel noticed, important, attended to, loved and we don’t feel insecure.   

We live in a community and each of us are co-depended on each other to either derive or put forward that feeling by accepting or acknowledging each other. It works within a community system or format. We need to understand that system too to feel and let others feel accepted.

I had mentioned earlier about author June Hunt who is also the Founder and CSO of Hope For The Heart, the non-profit ministry she founded in 1986. I have been really helped and inspired greatly by her counselling handbook. She talks about rejection quite elaborately and also talks about how fatal it is.

One section of that chapter caught my attention, “How Does Rejection Breed Rejection?”

She says, “When rejected, a chain reaction can occur that leads to more rejection. Through conscious choices, a cycle becomes a pattern that eventually becomes a way of life. Unless truth is embraced, the cycle broken, and the pattern replaced, rejection will continue to breed rejection.”

Isn’t that deadly?

She also presents a chart to explain this truth more clearly. I have taken a snap of it and have displayed it as under:

Rejection Breeds

 Amazing!

Let me simplify what she says. According to her, the feeling of Rejection brings the feeling of worthlessness. We feel low of ourselves when we are rejected.

Then the feeling of worthlessness brings self-pity, low self esteem and self hatred. We blame our own self for not being considered or accepted by others or in a job or for an assignment and so on.

Then self hatred inflames a highly negative attitude and disruptive behaviour within us. It doesn’t happen in a moment. It is processed very systematically within a time frame though the time varies from person to person and is situation based.

And finally that negative behaviour reproduces rejection.

I have seen people assuming things and reacting to what they assume. 

Let me explain…

When the host of the house doesn’t offer the food laid on the table, some people assume that the host doesn’t want them to eat more or she is not hospitable. But the reality may be that she intended to let her guests be at liberty and use their discretion to serve their choice of food themselves.

Interesting! Isn’t it?

Rejection affects our mind so much that we become negative thus assuming what our heart says about the responses we get from outside. And we feel rejected further.

Before I conclude, I would like to share few TIPS which I have been taught in my life’s school over the years whenever I felt rejected or felt negative about myself.  

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Those TIPS are as follows:

  1. Remember we are created in the IMAGE OF GOD. So we all have great values and self-worth.
  2. Always believe always in facts not on feelings or assumptions.
  3. The opinion of people doesn’t define you as who you are in reality.
  4. One or several rejections don’t mean the end of the life. You just need a little guidance which is natural.
  5. Learn from each rejection. Use it as your armour for the next venture.
  6. June Hunt says, “nurture several friendships, focusing on God’s description of how true friends treat one another. A true friend will never reject you.”
  7. Always pray this prayer in your heart: “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Yeah! God gives you the strength which you require.

Remember, Rejection is natural but feeling yourself as a Reject is not.

Friends! Don’t dwell in negativity if rejected, because “Rejection Breeds Rejection…”

Stay Blessed!

Author’s Bio: Chiradeep Patra is a finance man who works in a NGO at Kolkata. He is a writer, motivator & counselor. 

IT TAKES TWO TO COMPLETE THE ACT OF RECONCILIATION

This was the most interesting week with a very interesting topic called, “Reconcile & Restore.” I thoroughly enjoyed every snippets & comments and learned so much from them.

In the mega article, 7 FACTORS TO RECONCILE WITH YOUR LOVED ONES & RESTORE A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP,” we learnt that reconciliation is a Personal Need, an Initiative, a Humbling Experience, needs Patience, Forgiving Attitude and above all Love which never fails.   

During the weekdays, 5 snippets talk about 5 interesting stuffs:

  1. Reconciliation demands Giving-up Pride & Ego.
  2. Reconciliation demands Emptiness of Heart.
  3. Reconciliation is Re-beautification of Relationships.
  4. Reconciliation involves True Forgiveness & Genuine Repentance.
  5. Reconciliation is a Supreme Action over the Normal Human Emotion followed by the action.

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June Hunt, the host of the Nationally Syndicated Call-in Counselling Broadcast ‘Hope in the Night’ says, Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. It takes two for reconciliation, only one for forgiveness.” That struck me hard.

I remembered what Avishikta Dey pointed out in her snippet yesterday, “Sometimes the person in pair-707508_1280question might have irrevocably changed the dynamics of the relation;” which means, if the other party is determined that he/she is not going to continue the relationship with the first person then reconciliation is simply impossible. Though we should not judge the person by saying he/she is unworthy, undeserving but it is true that if he/she doesn’t want to reconcile then we can’t reconcile with such persons at all.

Indira Patra, in her snippet talked about the involvement of forgiveness and repentance in the act of reconciliation. She pointed out reconciliation takes place when the offender repents and the other person who was hurt forgives the offender.

man-875702_1280If the offender genuinely repents but the other person doesn’t forgive or doesn’t want to keep the relationship then reconciliation won’t take place. In the same way, if the person who is hurt truly forgives the offender but the offender doesn’t repent, reconciliation can’t take place.

Reconciliation is a paperless agreement between two to restore the breached relationship between them and enter into a contract or relationship afresh. One needs to take initiative and the other needs to accept that initiation wholeheartedly to enter in to the loving relationship of reconciliation & restoration.

Keep reading, keep learning & keep implementing daily…

Stay Blessed!

Author’s Bio: Chiradeep Patra is a finance man who works in a NGO at Kolkata. He is a writer, motivator & counselor.