“Mind your vocabulary before correcting my grammar”

 – Kalpana

TRUTHS ABOUT DECEPTION

Whenever I make any new friends especially female ones my Di (elder sister) asks a bulk of questions about them. Though it’s good for me,  I often get irritated about it. Once I said, ‘Don’t try to put your nose into my issues, mind your own business. And why should you know everything about my friends!’ I can never forget her lovely reply, ‘you’re too sensitive about relationship and in this particular matter you use your heart more than your brain’.

The word ‘Deception’ always reminds me of one the incidents of my life.

Then I was a university student, barely in my early 20s. Being an extrovert, I had lots of friends. Within a very short span, my friendship with one of my friends went little more intimate. We started sharing best of our times and lives and trusted one another. After a couple of years of our friendship, my friend’s behavior always hinted me negatively but every time I avoided it correcting myself: ‘doubt always kills friendship and I should not allow it in’. In between my dear friend took a new Videocon smart phone with voice modulation feature. After some days, when I saw my friend is avoiding my phone calls, I questioned – “hey, what happened why have you stopped responding to my phone calls and the reply I got was, ‘actually, my cousin sister is using my phone and is always busy talking to her fiancé’. Many times I had phone conversations with my friend’s cousin sister. Almost after 8 months and because of some unexpected personal issues we had to break our friendship. The next day I came to know from my friend’s parents that ‘there is no one as the cousin sister in the family!!’ It was my friend who took advantage of the voice modulation technology and was misleading me! All our friends felt very bad about it as we simply believed the lies and fabricated stories of our dear friend.

“DECEPTION” is ‘an instance of actions and/or schemes fabricated to mislead someone into believing a lie or inaccuracy’.

C. Ryle says, “What would you expect? Sin will not come to you, saying, “I am sin.” It would do little harm if it did. Sin always seems “good, and pleasant, and desirable,” at the time of commission.”

Yes that’s very true, that’s what deception is all about! Deception allures us presenting itself in its most attractive form with all kinds of fabricated stories and well organized schemes to believe a lie. Wise King Solomon says in the Bible, For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.”

Pamela Christian says, “Unless we examine what we believe and why we believe it, we can easily be deceived and not know it.”

Deception needs introspection. God always prompts us in many ways when we are being deceived. He speaks to our conscience ‘something is going wrong’, so it’s better to pause and introspect the whole matter rather than being emotion-bounded.

“This life’s dim windows of the soul,
Distorts the heavens from pole to pole.
And goads you to believe a lie,
When you see with, and not through the eye.”

(William Blake)

We are meant to see through the eye, with the conscience, not devoid of conscience.

Couple months back, I and a few of my friends heard about the present condition of our same friend who once deceived us. Now we all feel sorry about our friend but each of us are helpless to help our friend. The hound of deception which our friend once embraced has deceived her back. Deception deceives back the same person who deceived once.

Deception always DECEIVES back!

TO EXPECT IS HUMAN

It was a few days after the results of the Annual Examination of the school were declared. A mother stood wiping her tears silently at a corner of the room of the Headmistress. Her son had failed to pass Grade V, the second time. As she wiped her tears, she lamented how her children could be so (her elder daughter had to leave school a few years back when she was unable to clear Grade IX). She was not so much worried for their academic performance, as she was for their behavior. To second the list of complaints that the teachers had against her son, she shared how badly her son of 11 years behaved at home. She said that they were God-fearing parents who could never think of behaving rudely or causing harm to anybody and that they had so many expectations from their children (the parents were not much educated and belonged to the Economically Weaker Section of the society). But, it all seemed in vain now!

A young woman of 28 years – having all the rights to take the decisions of her life by virtue of being a sane adult – in love for twelve years with a person from the same religion, but belonging to another caste (a great Indian social set-up that one is born into and can get out only when one dies – that is the belief among those who denounce the caste system, but are unable to do much about it) – expected her parents to forget the societal boundaries and give their consent for the marriage because of their love for her – had her dreams crushed only to realize that for her parents societal prestige is much more important than parental love. As she faces the possibility of being forcibly married off and her beloved’s family being killed, all she says repeatedly in between sobs is that, “How stupid was I to expect that my parents would love their child over and above every other thing!”

A young couple was eagerly expecting the birth of their first child. The mother-to-be was admitted to the village hospital on an emergency basis days before the date given by the gynecologist. Her husband was away at work in the town and couldn’t reach to be by his wife’s side at the time of delivery. A healthy baby boy was born. Photos were clicked and sent to the beaming new father. By evening, the baby’s health deteriorated and he breathed his last before seeing a new day (owing to medical negligence). By the time the father reached, the baby was already cremated. He could not even hold his first-born in his arms! The couple’s expectations were brutally crushed.

Well then, who is to blame – the people who expect or those who throw cold water on the expectations of others?

To expect is human. We can’t live and thrive in the world without expecting things off others. The level and intensity of expectations may be small or big – but none can deny having expectations. It’s only robotic not to have expectations! Our desires, thoughts, dreams, situations, people – the very way we are made – cause us to expect.

Can we control our expectations? Controlling expectations would mean killing them. While we cannot kill the expectations within us, we can sure do two things well. One, control our over-expectations. When we expect things, it is wise to bear in mind that others are not infallible. Each person or situation has its limitations. Hence, keeping expectations tied low to the ground would save many a heartache. Two, try our best to fulfill the expectations of others. It hurts to have an expectation overlooked and unmet. The same applies to others too when we are at the giving end. To ensure that we cater to the expectations of others to the best of our abilities is the least we can do for them.

In moments of solitude and introspection, so many times we would have shaken our heads chiding ourselves for the folly of our expectations. Some indeed would have been foolish because either they were unrealistic or mere over-expectations. But, some would sure have been sincere expectations which were left unmet – the joys of marital bliss, satisfaction at job, success in exams, the blessing of a child, healing for self or loved ones, and so on.

Reasoning, logic and explanations would simply be placebos. The truth is that we can’t really fathom why certain expectations were left unfulfilled. But, the only consolation is that even these unfulfilled expectations are not hidden from the God who has created you and me. He chooses to draw closer to us and gain glory even through these phases of dejections.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

(THE BIBLE)

EXPLORING SILENCE

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When the motion ceases, vibrations in air retreat

Then trot into the silence, introspect deep.

Plunge into memory lane, dig flakes of lores,

Catch wisps of lessons, which experiences reap.

Continue reading “EXPLORING SILENCE”