THE TASTE OF BETRAYAL

This is for those who know what it feels like to be betrayed, to be treated like you are invisible; Who know how it feels when you have a gut-wrenching pain and feel your innards burning to ashes; Who know what it feels like to give someone your heart, mind, body, love, and soul and in turn feel empty, powerless and unloved; Who know how to live every single second with the one for whom you are just a feeling of nihility; Who know what it takes to put on a smile despite everything wrong in your life, every day; Who know how it feels to cry in the darkness just so that no one sees your pain as they wouldn’t understand, they would judge you and hold you wrong; Who know how to pretend and say “oh nothing at all, I’m OK!” And smile again.

You are not alone!

This goes out to all who are awake in the middle of the night and probably wondering the same thing and who knows how this feels.

Zenith to nadir I fall
yet pretend to smile,
paint my face with glittering
glee, hiding the pain inside.
Rock bottom I hit
yet pretend to stand,
conceal my scars with a mask
of phony pride, as if
everything was planned.
I pant, I heave, I cry, I scream,
yet for the world I smile,
never show the ugly side
of my soul, so senile.
But, it’s okay not to be fine,
you can run, shout, be yourself as
you own no one a single petty dime.

SPEAK ONLY WHEN YOUR WORDS ARE BETTER THAN SILENCE

I do not know how many of you follow politics, most of the conversations in and out of the House of Parliament now a days have foul language. Using Fu,  Bas, Bit* etc., has become normal.  Heard of Gordan Ramsay or watched his cookery shows? They are full of beeps, in fact more beeps than words. He is considered one of the best chef’s but his language isn’t any close to even good. He runs into foul-mouthed arguments with contestants over petty things. It is a family show which kids can watch too (I thought that was the intent when the production started) but even adults take some time to get adjusted to it.

The very first encounter with foul words I could remember brought a laughter.

Few years ago, I created my Facebook account. Yes, the well loved social network where people share most about them and spend most of their time with. As you can guess I was one of the late adopters of Facebook. When I signed up, I gave my first name and in the second name column I gave a series of asterisks. Naturally I forgot about that account for few days. Couple of weeks later, one of my cousins called me to check if the account he came across was mine. I told him that I created one a week ago, he screamed at me and said, remove the asterisks from your name, that can give a very dirty impression of you. What’s dirty in that? The tool wasn’t allowing me to use an exclamation mark, I said in a casual tone. I had no idea he was serious, was under the impression that he was pulling my legs… Later on he told me to find out the meaning myself, who else would help but Google 😁

After spending some time on the internet, got a gist of what that means… Symbols can be used for such bad meanings, really wasn’t aware of this.

There is a proverb in my native language, an English translation of it would be, “If your husband calls you bitch, even the beggar would call you so

I have listened people using this proverb many times, but bad words for me are only restricted up to proverbs. They are used to convey stronger meanings to have an impact. I have never heard abusive conversations or usage of foul language either in my family or in my locality. It is true that I have not known such language until few years ago..

As I stepped into the real world, I realized it is quite common for people to use such language and a lot of them consider it to be cool… Anger, frustration are mainly the causes, strangely the other times it’s the closeness and love. Really? One must be sorry to be calling their friend bitch.

What does it take to be called a bitch in real sense? For a woman it’s an extreme insult, no matter whatever the reason is, nobody has any right to say so. Having faced such name-calling, I cried my heart out, months of sleeplessness, as such I couldn’t forget it till date. When I was branded a bitch there wasn’t a reaction in me, I stood still like a rock, unable to move. 

The other person isn’t any stranger, I have known him for over a decade, cared for him the most. I have never even had the slightest of guess that he would insult me before so many people. Few days later he said it was his love that made him say so. Well, if that is what is love, I am sure nobody would want it. Can the use offensive names to win an argument be justified in the name of love? I never responded to him, or would want to anytime in future. I can never degrade myself to use such language even if I was deceived or hurt brutally.

Many think usage of these “cool” words makes their version of argument heard, attracts attention of the audiences. I would shut myself off from such conversations, let it make me look arrogant. Let alone uttering those words, I find it very inconvenient even to listen.

I won’t say people who use that language are bad, they may be very good, but to be able to make meaningful, rich and loving relationships it is important to use respectful language. When we are good at heart, why don’t we try to use the best words our language has to offer to address beautiful people who make us happy and make our life a boon? 

 

 

DEAR DAD . . .

I can see the mountains in the north,
I don’t want you to be rigid like them.
I want you to be like the gentle breeze,
Which in the summer heat brings some chill.

I want you to make me feel at home,
Not imprisoned by a wall of rules.
I know you want me to be good,
But all you have to do is trust in me.

I’m your son, oh Dad,
Hey Dad, I love you,
And I’m saying all this,
Hoping you will understand me,
I’m your son, Dad 
And I will always be yours.

I know that you care for me,
And in all that you do,
You want to show it too.
But Dad you can be more than that,
You can be more than just a Dad.

I’m not just a kid any more,
I have grown up and I have my feelings too.
To be honest, you have hurt me at times,
But I’m ready to let all that go.

All that I’m asking is,
Hey Dad, can we be friends?
I need you to listen to me,
You matter a lot to me,
That’s why I’m making this effort of mine.

I am grateful for all that you have done,
But I need your friendship more than anything else.

When I was growing up,
I thought we will become friends with time,
But I guess it never worked out.
I’m giving it a second try,
Will you join me too and answer my cry?

I’m your son, oh Dad
And I love you.