WHEN THE CHAOS IN ME FOUND BALANCE

When we say that words have the power to heal, it is not merely another cliched statement. I am thoroughly convinced of this realization. I have always enjoyed reading more than writing until lately when writing has turned my source of catharsis. During my childhood, writing even an essay caused a frown on my face for I always lacked expression and my words failed to gather any attention. I did write at times but they were meant for a diary. It was used to vent out my frustration whenever I secured low marks or the homely anguish troubled me. Other than that, writing didn’t come naturally to me. However, it is an irony that today I find both pleasure and solace in writing.

Just like many others, I resorted to writing when depression struck me and I felt no one could understand me better. It was like there was an earnest need to get things out of me as I felt that I was growing hollow day by day. Blogging has actually been the best decision of my life since the support I got from the writing world has been amazing. I don’t mean assistance in literal terms of flowering comments and appreciation but their consistent presence that asserted I am not alone helped me to recover soon.

Pouring my heart out clears the toxins out of my chaotic mind and lightens my soul. The best part is that writing gives full liberty to create an illusionary world where I can not only dream anything fancy but can also fly. Earlier it was difficult for me to think positive and maybe even today my poems end on a sad note most of the times. However, I can say my sufferings have reduced substantially for writing actually works as a therapy. It has even enabled me to see the beauty in things which made no sense a few years back. When the ink bleeds, it actually breaks the walls that we build around us to avoid further hurt from penetrating. For writing brings along the gift of acceptance melting the heart to even perceive others’ sorrows.

Initially, I wrote about my pain, my miseries, and my preferences. However, when nature around started affecting me positively, my words gradually drifted towards the colours beyond white and black, reflecting joy. My writings are evolving day by day as now I have developed linking the observations beyond my personal experiences thereby empathising with others’ circumstances. Every element of nature be it living or non-living has now meaning for me as if it all symbolizes something ethereal. It is certainly a fact that our words can create an impact only when they are poignant enough to affect us deeply and we are fully convinced.

Whether we write about the demons scaring us or the fairies in heaven, it reflects the exquisite mental state and our position of the heart. Whenever we articulate the stories or poems depicting verity wrapped in ornamental words, it becomes more appealing. Just like the words have the power to rescue us from the chaotic world, they also have the potential to strike the reality hard on the face. Writing has always driven me forward while helping me to reminisce the bad times like a good memory. No sooner than our words start leaving footprints than we realize that this talent needs to be utilized for healing than reminding people of their scars. With this, I conclude by saying that writing actually helps our own selves before acting as a support system for others. Thus, we need not be mindful of what we write for it is actually necessary to vent it out before we fill rivers with our tears!

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SEEING THE WORLD DIFFERENTLY

I was never a writer… I never thought I could write something that would interest others. It is thanks to two very important people in my life that I got into writing. 

Let’s begin from the starting…

As a kid I loved stories. My Dad used to buy so many books for me from book exhibitions. I had a great collection and I used to love reading and rereading them. My storybooks were my prized possessions. There were a lot of  Russian book exhibitions in our area so my collection had a great many stories of Czars and Czarinas. Whenever I read a story I always visualised it – the room, the ambiance, the characters, etc, I always formed a mental picture of the whole thing. This craze for books spilled over to my adolescence also. From Famous Five, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys to Mills and Boons to Sydney Sheldon, Danielle Steele I guess my affair with books was lifelong. 

Coming back to the point, throughout this journey I never felt the urge to write. I was quite happy reading what others were churning out. My sister Prabhjot was actively writing for Candles Online. I don’t know what spark she saw in me and proposed my name to Chiradeep. But it was only due to the coaxing and guidance and patience and perseverance of Chiradeep and Prabhjot that I became a blogger. They both saw something in me that I myself didn’t.

Writing changed my life in many many ways. I was very bogged down by the daily mundane chores of my life. Life was just routine and not exciting. Writing for Candles changed that. Just the fact that the people were reading what I wrote and commenting on it was exhilarating. The small little limelight that was shown on me boosted my confidence a great deal. 

Writing an article is never easy for me. I usually plan everything out in my mind and then start typing. Some days it easily flows and some days I get stuck at every word. But it’s a journey which is very fulfilling. It’s an outlet for my emotions. Because of my love for stories I use a lot of anecdotes for my articles. And the inspiration for these articles comes from people around me and my interactions with them. I have started looking at the world from a different perspective. After all, anything or anybody or any incident could be an inspiration for my next article. There is a story in every person I meet I just try to weave them into my articles and my thought process.

WRITING MY HEART OUT

Writing has put me to ease, always! Be it expressing my feelings in a better way or just venting out my feelings writing comes to my rescue. I started expressing via writing at a very early age. I was 13 yrs when 3 children from our school died in an accident while on their way to school. That was the first time I felt the need to let out my emotions through a poem. That poem was a tribute to those kids and it was so well received that the principal of our school had put it up on the notice board for days together for all to read. Those were the days when there were no school magazines or anything alike, hence the any of your contribution getting displayed on the notice board was a huge achievement.

Writing is therapeutic for me. I write when I am sad, I write when I am happy and I write when I am overwhelmed with my own life. I prefer to write mostly because you are always able to edit what you have written, unlike the words that you say. So writing my emotions out is the safest bet for me because I am dead sure that it is not going to hurt anyone.
Writing heals me you know. When my life had hit the rock bottom, it was writing that I resorted to. From poems I moved on to write about social issues, then short stories and then microblogging at Instagram. I let my distress make a way out of my mind through each blog that I posted. Every blog of me, every story that I wrote has a true part of me. This was a major catalyst in my life. It helped me tremendously when I was fighting infertility for years together followed by undergoing very difficult fertility treatments. I wrote about my loss – a loss that no mother is able to take. But writing it out gave me the strength to move forward.
I took to Instagram recently. Over there, I write about my IVF journey and I feel so good when some women reach out to me just to tell that they look up to me as a role model and hope that they will be able to overcome infertility like me. Some ping me to ask about infertility doctors and some others ping only to pour their heart out. I am so blessed that God has given me this art which helps me touch a distressed life and provide comfort or motivation to them. I am also working on creating my own website and I am hoping to put up such content there which will make a positive change to women like me who crave and pray for having a baby. Wish me luck with that!
I wanted to do a career in writing but the accounting bug bit me and I turned in to an accountant now punching numbers to balance sheet and P&L day and night and words only playing on my mind all the time.
I can not end this emotional outpour without mentioning about two people. I met two wonderful people who took my writing interest to the next level in the form of blogging. Those two people are none other than Savio (he joined Candles Online recently) and our very own Charlie. The encouragement that I have for from these two is incredible. So a big big thank you to Savio and Charlie for being a constant support and a critic. You have always helped me improve. And all of you – my extended blogging family who take time out to read my articles and blogs, I can’t thank you enough! Your likes and comments on my post cheer me up to no extent.
I would like to take your leave with a very inspiring quote from Maya Angelou in her book, I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings –
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
Happy writing guys! 🙂

WRITING CURED MY SANITY

Ever since I became a mother, I was completely lost. It was like a new era of my life, that confused me to the core. For one moment I wanted to be a perfect mom, the next moment I lost it with my impatience. It took me so long to understand that there is nothing like a “perfect mom”. We all do some or the other way to be a good mom or maybe an average – but motherhood is not measured using a scorecard. Exactly this is what I learned as my first lesson from the time I began to write. It helped me burst the sanity of perfection and much more.

And all I began to do is love my kids with all my heart. People might point fingers at me for being so insane. But I was enjoying it to the core. The moment I shed a cloak of sanity and trying to fit in, I was happier and merrier.

It was all the moment I began to share my experiences. It showed me that I was not just alone in the world dealing with the same issues. And I could literally enjoy the moments of my life.

woman reading book
Photo by Joy Deb on Pexels.com

I am not an avid reader, but I love reading.  If I could recollect the first book I read -it was Matilda – the story of a little girl with unlimited dreams. I was more like her, but with much more limitations to succeed. Earlier the thoughts were cluttered in my head. And all I did was just think – rethink-think and again re-think polishing it a little bit. At times it confuses my present and the past. The moment I began to write the thoughts cloud reduced to minute ones, as my thoughts began to float in my words. It was a turning point in my life.

Writing has befriended me like no one ever can. I could weave my dreams, realisation, achievements and even my limitations in a better way. I could write even when I was judged many times. It helped to boost my confidence, making me realise a hidden potential in me.

The more I write, the more I feel relieved.

greyscale photography of woman wearing long sleeved top
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

Finally, during my times of depression, especially the one’s most ladies can’t wade off – the postpartum depressions- writing helped to build a career in my life. Even when the pay off was not so grand, I enjoyed every bit of appreciation that occurred to me.

In a way, writing helped me discover a hidden me, who was in great slumber.

My key advice to newbies would be, keep writing, never stop your pen from bleeding. Do not be discouraged by unwanted comments. Just ignore it and move on. You have better things to listen to.

Writing is discovering your insanity and then embracing it. This is how my SoulRecitals was born.

Happy Reading And Writing!!!

THE DREAMS OF A VORACIOUS READER

I was in my 9th grade when I read my first novel. Of course, there were short stories, fairy tales, comics, etc that I read before. But that book, Sidney Sheldon’s “Tell me your Dreams”, Gosh! I could not put it down. Started at 9pm on a school night and sat throughout the entire night and finished it!. The complex characters, the story just captured my attention like never before. From that day to this day, I could never put a good book down, rather a good story! I think that holds true for a lot of people…. I love how writers describe things, it could be a character, a strong, a situation… even small things such as describing the weather or an object. The minute details make all the difference! Transporting people into a time and place they want to, what a wonderful talent to have. I believe that was my first inspiration behind the writing. I started working with candles online a few years ago when my brother asked me if I wanted to… and writing for this also helped me realize I want to pursue a professional career in the writing field. I have been working as a content writer for the past four years.

However, all I have ever wanted to do was tell a story…. It could be an ordinary story, of an everyday event of an ordinary person…. But the words were written could just touch even one person… a little girl lying awake on a school night and not being able to put the book down. That’s the dream! I continue to write with that vision in my mind…

FOLLOWING MY GRANDPA’S FOOTSTEPS👣

During my childhood, I used to enjoy reading my grandfather’s articles. Although I didn’t understand much at that time, I just felt great about the fact that he could write so much. He used to write a lot of articles for newspapers and magazines, poems, and even diary notes for himself. From complex writings on social causes to simple diary notes, he used to write almost daily. After he passed away,  I went through his diaries in which he maintained his daily entries. On some day there were 3-4 lines, while some days just a line would suffice like “Unwell”, or “It rained today”.

Following his footsteps,  I also started to write diary entries,  though not every day like him. In school,  my interest in creative writing developed.  I also used to write long letters to my sisters Kuljeet and Prabhjot regularly and even tried my hands in composing poems. I loved writing my heart out. It was fun and I loved it. As I grew older, I got busy into the nitty-gritty of life and forgot about my hobby. 

After so many years,  I joined Candles Online and I love being a part of it. I like sharing my own experiences and stories. Despite the fact that I don’t use the traditional way of writing anymore,  I enjoy pursuing it as an avocation with the help of my smartphone. 

When you fail to express yourself vocally,  try to put your thoughts into words. Trust me,  you will be thrilled to see the outcome. 

WRITING IT DOWN SEEMS EASIER…

“I need to say something.. but I don’t know where to begin”

“Why don’t you just write it down then?”

“Yes, I think I’ll do JUST that”

Sometimes, it just easier to write your feelings down than express it verbally in front of another person. Besides 8/10 times the other person isn’t even paying attention to you. Writing and subsequently reading gives us the time to ponder over the words written, the emotions attached to it and brings out one’s most vulnerable side to the people who matter the most (something that a person does not feel comfortable doing in public)

So, the other day when I was asked to give my opinion on a particular question:

What is that one thing that makes you feel that you should let others know about it by writing it down?

I didn’t have to think much – it was always going to be ‘feelings’. I’m sure for most of you, it would be the same. It need not be in the exact words of how your mind is playing it out for you, but in the form of poetry, a drawing, a rant or a simple 2 liner which when you read – it isn’t just the words that you read, but the meaning behind it that a writer/blogger/friend/lover is trying to portray through it.

In the world we live in today, people do not like to leave written proofs of anything – let alone a heartfelt confession, a genuine love letter or a greeting card. It is really hard for the youngsters of today to actually experience what feelings the written word could evoke (which in comparison to the spoken word ..a lot lot more), rather than just speaking and letting it out of your system- more a moment of shock than anticipation to the other person.

It was way back in college that I had written an article on the local newspaper, in appreciation of my teacher, who I thought was the nicest person back then. (if you know me personally, there isn’t a long list of people who fall in the ‘nice’ category) I could have gone up to her and told her that, but I decided to write it down, have it published on the daily newspaper and present it to her in person. She was my psychology teacher.

While you might say, speaking it out is faster and more convenient, Yes! I agree. But there’s a reason why some people resort to simply writing it down. (Blogger v/s Vlogger – a debate in itself maybe?

If you don’t believe me – reach out to your phone, click on the whatsapp icon and read through some of the message you’ve received (even some of the forwarded ones) would that person ever say something like that to you in person? Highly unlikely! People just do not understand (lack of understanding skills or time – no idea!) but are quick to react, and of course the most important factor that I think most of us fail to recognize is knowing that we are afraid of being judged, when comments like these are ready to be thrown at you.. you’re too emotional – – – get a grip on yourself woman – – – aren’t you a softie – – – man up!

Writing rather than speaking in person, provides a sense of security. and a more well balanced, well thought out, outcome!