MAN CAVE

When I was asked to write on this topic, I had a bit of an idea of what it might mean. But when I resorted to google and started reading the wiki page on this, my reaction to what I was reading changed in the following way –

– Within a few sentences I felt – “C’mon, this is totally bogus. You got to be kidding me that a term like that even exists.”
– After a few paragraphs I felt – “Ok, maybe this makes a bit of sense. It is not as bogus.”
– Towards the end of the article I felt – “Oh God, I too need a man-cave.”

So, now keep reading and figure out what you feel towards this concept of man-cave
By definition, man-cave is a man’s own space. Something that he can call his own where a female presence is not appreciated. The décor of this space and cleanliness (or lack of it) is something that the man is in control of. He doesn’t like or approve of his mother, girlfriend or wife to have any say about how this place should be designed or maintained. It is typically used when a man wants to do his own stuff. It could be something creative or destructive or just time-pass. What he does in that room is also something that a female doesn’t have a say in.

This concept, as I understand, stems from the fact that the woman is the boss of the house. She is the one who decides what colour should be the walls, curtains, couches and everything else that needs to match with this. She is the one who is responsible for the cleanliness of the home; that also makes her the one who is often shouting and screaming and losing her peace of mind when the place is untidy. Yes, we see this happening in almost all the households. This concept arises from the very basic stereotypes defined for a man and a woman.

I am totally for this concept because I feel that there should a place not just for the man but also for the woman to be oneself. A place where there is no pressure of keeping it a certain way, a place where you could do whatever you want to do. I was sharing a flat with 2 girls who are also very close friends before I got married. 2 of us shared the room as well and we hardly ever had any concerns about how either of us wanted to keep the room. The room was always full of stuff toys (mostly pink). And that room had a big thermocol sheet attached to one of the walls where we used to display our earrings. Both of us were extremely fond of collecting all kinds of earrings and loved to put them on a display and every day we would pick and choose which one we wanted to wear. I loved that part of the room.

When I got married, I ended up staying with 2 boys because my brother in law also moved in with us a few weeks after our marriage. Living with 2 boys was so different than living with 2 girls. Within a month, I was missing my female friends so badly but now there was no going back (of course). Sharing the room with my hubby meant no stuff toys and no display of earrings. Living with 2 boys meant too many house parties at the end of which I would only be cleaning up. It also meant that FIFA world cup and IPL matches were the highlights of every year. It further meant that it became my responsibility to handle all the laundry, all the cooking, all the cleaning – in short, I became the woman of the house (which included shouting and screaming and losing my peace of mind over lack of cleanliness).

I wish I knew about this concept then and had a bigger home. I would love to have a room that we both share, but also 2 separate rooms for each one of us to do our own stuff individually. A room of my own which I could decorate in pink stuff toys and my earrings. And similarly, a room where he could play his guitar, play his Xbox or watch “Man vs wild” the whole day.

My family has grown with a kid and because of our son, our in-laws also live with us. So, the place that I could call my own (woman-cave, maybe) became almost non-existent. My husband moved out a year back to a different city for career reasons. It was a difficult decision and distant marriage really sucks. But one advantage of it is that I have a room that I can call my own now (I share it with my son, but he is too small to impact it in a big way) and my husband has a whole house that is only for him. One of the positive things of a long-distance marriage.

So, man-cave is a great concept according to me. I just want a woman-cave as well.

HUNT THAT TALENT MINE

Yes, every person has a hidden talent. Hidden talent does not necessarily mean an ability or natural instincts to be the best in the world. Hidden talents could be like: a natural ability to sing melodiously, dance happily or read voraciously. Everyone has some or the other thing that they can cultivate (work on) to develop their quality of life. Yes. Theoretically speaking, humans are a complex species with a storehouse of talents. The skills of a person are shown only on exposure to favourable situations. So, since not everyone gets favourable circumstances to express their talent, there are some abilities that remain “Hidden”. This is true practically too. We have seen reticent people perform well in front of an audience etc.

To make it easier for your talent to find you, you must try doing things that fascinate you. Do those things more often. If you realise that you can do a particular thing effortlessly and efficiently, understand that your talent has found you! If you enjoy doing a particular thing and people around you like you doing it too, you have figured out your talent! If you get into a state of creative flow when you do something, and you start getting public references (appreciation and praise) about you doing it, realise that you have found out your Hidden Talent!

Your hidden talents can surface at any time. All you need to do it catch it at the right place, at the right time or you will live to regret it. Try different things that interest you. Maybe you will be drawn to something that you will know is your true calling. Real life example is yours truly, I initially as a kid loved to draw and do craft work and as per me, I created some masterpieces back then and hung them on my bedroom walls with pride. Would you believe that I know learned embroidery and knitting at that small an age of 9-10? Yes, I did, I made my mother a set of handkerchiefs that were embroidered by me, I made a set of dining table placemats in Shadow work, I knitted a small Baba Suit (a woollen lower, pullover and jacket) for a new born cousin and a Muffler for my father. Then I tried to be the Mozart of my time and tried my luck at Piano, don’t ask me how the poor Piano cried after three classes and I took pity on it by the fourth class and let it go free. It ran away, screaming. Then one bright morning, during Art classes, my then school teacher told me “You have a great voice, you can be a classical singer”, and his comment made me resilient that I would be the Lata Mangeshkar one day until Bronchitis claimed me and I lost that lyrical, melodious voice. But I didn’t give up, I tried my hand at Drama, learning the Nav Ras, performed at few school plays and stage performances. I was booed and told that I sucked at it.

As a teenager, I developed a love for poetry, though however amateur and juvenile they might have been, I was proud of myself, I felt I am Rabindranath Tagore of my very own genre. Years rolled on, and my love for dance bloomed into a passion that made me wanna be the best dancer in India, time for me to be Michael Jackson. Few more yrs passed and I was the Pablo Picasso and Monet of my time as I developed a love for paintings, and trust me, I left no stone unturned. From Glass Paintings to Tanjore’s, from Marble Paintings to Relief’s and from Oil on Canvas to Embossed, I learned and mastered them all. They adorn the walls of my house even today. My mother shows them to every new visitor with pride in her eyes.

Then came the era of the love for flowers, I learned to make flowers from Origami to Quilling and from Stocking to Bread Dough, each one was close to my heart. Today, I do all my fancy packing myself, and decorate everything with my handmade flowers, not just that, my brother got married, and I did the quilling flower work decoration on each invitation card. Would you believe that I learned to Quilling, Packing and Rangoli from YouTube !!! Yes, and this I am telling you because I want you all to know that if we want to learn something, money and resources are no hindrances. Then came book reading, OMG !!! I became such a bookworm, an avid reader who could finish volumes in a couple of days. I realised books are truly a man’s best friend. Portals to another world, another time, another life. 

Next in the line came Blogging and Poetry. Yes, I see what you are thinking, I came a full circle to where I started from. But that is life; it comes a full circle. And while I am all modest about my hidden talents, let me take the privilege to buy you into a secret, not all hidden talents ate useful and noble. Some of them are notorious. Like I developed one for gaming, and Oh Boy! What gaming it was, I smashed all the scoreboards and was on top of each one, from Simulation games to RPG and from Tycoon games to Civilisation, I rocked them all. I had EA and Steam begging me to let go them. My only flaw is, Once I master a game or a talent, I start to lose interest in it. I have sacrificed many passions to my mood swings, but as I told, it wins some lose some. Today I am trying to be a writer, Yes, that is my new found passion or my Hidden Talent you can call it. And I hope that it will turn to something solid, and someday I would see my book sitting on your bookshelves. 

That is one regret I don’t have, that I never tried something that appealed to me. My next target is cooking, I know I suck at it, like big time, but I hope I will be able to manage a day’s meals on my own if I have to. As I said, try different things, and if Plan A doesn’t work you have 25 alphabets left, and if that still doesn’t work use number (in short, stay active), you will find something that triggers your hidden talent. I would be surprised if you are aware of your hidden talent, most people are not even aware whether they have one, much less as to what it is.

I believe most of us have a lot more potential within us than we ever dream we do. The more we play, experiment, and allow our curiosity and playfulness sweep us off our feet often – the more we will reveal to ourselves about our abilities.

How do we know if we don’t apply ourselves? Even if all that happens is you have a perfect time, it is time well spent – you will be releasing all kinds of useful chemicals just from enjoying yourself. You will not know unless you give it a fair shot. I would suggest taking baby steps – wade in a bit at a time and allow yourself to get comfortable there before trying a bigger challenge. If you felt energised and pulled forward, you have likely hit upon a natural ability. If you have to push yourself, stop and play in another way – that instrument, that style, that group might not be the best fit, but another one could be.

If we assume, we can develop the skills to support anything we love to do; we give ourselves permission to try.

“You are unique. You have different talents and abilities. You don’t have to always follow in the footsteps of others. And most important, you should always remind yourself that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing and have a responsibility to develop the talents you have been given.” 
― Roy. T. Bennette, The light in the Heart

Stay Driven !!!

FINDING A PERFECT SUNSET

It had been an uncertain time for Ryan. Life was in a state of flux. As he was in a new job, a new place, and a new set of people he was anxious. The tension of the situation got to him and he had a tiff with his dad.

He stormed out of his room and just followed the path not bothering about the directions. The sultry day had started to grow mild.  A light breeze greeted him, blowing through his unkempt hair. It was late evening and sunset approached. His thoughts kept oscillating between the past and present. May be he was over thinking, after all change was natural.

He passed by a few ducks and swans enjoying their swim in a pond as the light faded away carrying away the heat.  He saw another pond as he walked further.  His breathing grew slower and he felt calmer as he saw the reddish- orange hues of the sky. The floating leaves and the chirping birds talked to him.

Ryan was much more relaxed now and the moment he had stormed out of his room felt like a distant memory. His mind out from the worries was completely in the present now.  He saw groups of people walking south and followed them.  The mighty Brahmaputra welcomed him to a soul-uplifting sunset. The breeze felt stronger here. He stretched to see the sun as it disappeared behind the hillocks.

The frustration within him had subsided and a smile broke on his face. He sat by the river, letting the breeze soothe him, letting the scenery sink in and do its magic.  Perhaps he had found his perfect sunset. He was ready and rejuvenated to face a new day.

HOBBIES: NEED AN INTEREST, NOT CREATIVITY ALWAYS

“It’s a creative topic. I’m sure others will write. Not sure, how good I’ll be with this…”

“I will most definitely write for this topic…. Tomorrow night I will send… Love this topic…. BTW”

These were the two messages I received from two of my co-writers in the beginning of this week when we just started to discuss on the topic “Hobbies”.  Both of them didn’t write this week. 😉

“Why are you capturing these pictures… what’s the use of it?” Somebody commented while I was eagerly trying to take some pictures.

One of my sisters said the other day, “Yes Dada, I carry my camera wherever I go… .” And I told her that I do the same as well because that’s my passion, my hobby. 

Do you see the contrast in the statements above? Some people like photography and some don’t, for those who aren’t interested, it may look like madness ….

We are very much bored, much stressed during the weekdays and the very moment we find some time, our hearts point us to something we would love doing. Painting, singing, reading, sports, talking or just sitting alone in solitude.

Whatever it is, a hobby is something we feel good doing , that gives us pleasure, keeps us happy and engrossed.

Hobbies actually don’t require so much of our creativity, but our interest to flourish them and to satisfy us only. You don’t need motivation or someone else directing you to get into a hobby.

The web definition of hobby is – 

“A hobby is a regular activity that is done for enjoyment, typically during one’s leisure time.”

Currently, being a smart phone holder I love to capture really anything that catches my eyes. I love photography and capture amateurishly.

So today on the last day of this week I would like to share some of my amateurish photographs with little insights to each of them instead of an official “FINAL NOTE.”

1. PEACEFUL: Look at the goats… WOW! I know we can’t sleep like this but at least stay peacefully with each other…right???

Peace

2. NO WORRIES: We were on our way to a village in West Bengal and I captured these two girls, going hand in hand to their schools… They walk long everyday, alone yet without even worrying a bit. 

 No Worries

3. PATHETIC: This picture makes me feel so pathetic and ashamed. Look at her age. She should be playing with her grand children but no she didn’t have that opportunity. She is earning her bread even at this age.

Pathetic

4. DELIGHT: That word is really absent in today’s world… Just look at the kid and the way she smiles… She was so happy to be part of the drama. 

Joy

5. CALM: This is one of my favorite capture. When I captured this sun I didn’t close my eyes or felt difficult to look at it. If a blazing sun can be this calm at sometimes then why can’t we? Not sometimes but always calms in every situations… Difficult doing than saying though.

Calmness

6. ROMANTIC: This one is my personal favorite. If I look at both the Moon and the tree I feel there are two lovers talking with each other hiding from all. 

Romantic

 

All these unusual pictures that I have captured are very precious to me and amuse me whenever I see them. A beautiful hobby to adopt.

Keep searching what interests you and work on it. You will never be bored again.

Stay blessed!!! 

UNIQUE HOBBIES OF WORLD’S FEW FAMOUS PERSONALITIES

We might think hobbies are just for pastime. But sometimes these small pastimes are so helpful to keep us free from depression and loneliness. There are some world famous personalities who are very busy people yet have some unique hobbies to entertain themselves. Some of them are not even with us on this earth anymore but we can still get inspired by seeing their interests when they were on this earth.

Let’s watch this wonderful video and get inspired:

 

Keep visiting Candles Online… 

Stay blessed!!!

PURSUIT OF PRODUCTIVITY

beachy-flower-header

In the hours of repose 

pick a paintbrush and lay some strokes,

or delve into culinary affairs with your folks.

Practice music hardcore or do some room décor

or refuge to purple proses to soothe your heart sore.

Continue reading “PURSUIT OF PRODUCTIVITY”

THE POSTER’S PLAY – AN ENCHANTING HOBBY

This is a new section introduced on Candles Online. A thematic picture every week based on the week’s topic. We will invited different artists for this column of this webzine every week.  

Tonight’s artist is Debashis Murmu from Kolkata.

This is the artist’s first poster color art and which he wanted to share it …

Poster Color

This is a sketch on the topic of this week, Hobbies…

WhatsApp Image 2016-08-03 at 5.39.02 PM

Arts By: Debashis Murmu, an artist, a singer, a composer and guitarist. He has immense enthusiasm to help the down trodden in the society. He is a lover of nature and practice to keep our environment clean and safe. He is a social activist.