IT’S NOT HEART BREAK, IT’S MEMORY!!!

Bollywood movie “Mann” is my all time favorite movie. In this movie Actress Manisha Koirala just after making friendship with her Hero, recites a very powerful dialogue to the Actor Aamir Khan (Mr. Perfection) which I am quoting as under:

“Vishwas jitna aasaan hai,

usse todna usse bhi aasaan hai,

magar mushkil hai uss vishwas ko nibhana.

Aur Sacha Insaan wo hai jo uss vishwas ko tode nehi, balki nibhaye”.

We usually test the love stories on the basis of past experiences and learning. Most of  the love stories fall apart. Most from today’s generation have reversed from the true meaning of love. For us LOVE has become “Catch & Hatch” policy. The result of which is ‘HEART BREAKS’.

Our story had a fantastic beginning when I fell in love years back. For me it was like flying in the sky and having the ultimate joy in my life. I was addicted to be with her 24 x 7, which is never ever possible even for married couples. I counted my family, career, education, society and everything including my own self secondary because of her. But today when I look back I can say, “That was all an INFATUATION.”

Like the above phrase from the movie, in the beginning we both earned each other’s ‘vishwas’ (faith) so easily in less than couple of weeks and that ‘vishwas’ was also broken within a few months. Really it’s so true, our ‘vishwas’ was created and was broken within a span of weeks, but to maintain that ‘vishwas’ I struggled for 3 complete years.

In love relationship, once faith is broken nothing more remains except one thing – ‘Heart Break’. A broken heart never makes noise but gives a lot of pain. Heartbreaks leave back only one question – ‘WHY’ and this ‘why’ makes life miserable. Our dreams become grisly nightmares. It becomes too difficult for us to trust anyone, mostly to our own self. Every time, every single step we take we face fear or doubt – “Will my past be repeated again?????”

This fear and pain took me even to the dark lanes of suicide. But on 14th Mar 2011, in a local train,  around 7 PM, when I was just about to give-up my life for the sake of ‘Infatuation’, I heard a sweet tender voice telling me, “My son, don’t give-up your life, just give-it back to ME and see what I’m going to do with it!” And I knew Whose voice was that? That was the voice of MY GOD, MY CREATOR WHO LOVES ME.

Today, I can say my heart was broken because of my fault. I didn’t wait for the right time. When God creates us in our mother’s womb, He plans everything for us and allows all that to happen at His appointed time. Our life is well-tuned by God. But if we try to do something with our own ideas we will be left behind with just “Heartbreaks” and “Pain”.

It’s not the heart break which causes pain but it’s the person & the memory which we leave behind us. As Mrs. Khristina Jacob said in her last article, “There is always a light at the end of the tunnel”, today we may be travelling through the darkest tunnel of life but believe there is light at the end. So, HOPE for the BEST, rest everything else in HIS hand for HIS time. Just WAIT!!!!!

Sometimes we must Hurt in order to Grow, 

Sometimes we must Lose in order to Gain,

Sometimes we must Fail in order to Pass.”

LET GO OF HIM!

(Picture Source: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com)

Last week I shared my story of what Valentine’s Day reminds of me. It reminds me of a particular Valentine’s Day when I proposed a guy I had a huge crush on since 3-4 years. It also reminds me of all the crazy things I did to get his attention. It reminds of those silly teenaged days when everything lovey dovey in Bollywood looks like a reality.

Yes, I placed my heart in his hands telling him very genuinely what I felt for him. I told him that I really liked him. I knew we were going to be away from then on. He was going away to another country for his engineering and I was going to another city. But still I felt the need to at least tell him what I felt for him. As soon as I did that, I realized that he started to avoid me. He was the son of our close family friends, so there were multiple occasions where we had to encounter each other. And it broke me to see how easily he managed to ignore me. 20 days later, I decided that I needed an answer. If he has to say a NO, he has to say it. So, I asked him and he said a NO. Surprisingly, it gave me a bit of satisfaction because I felt that now I can really move on. For the past 3 years, I had spent my nights wondering whether he liked me or not and now I had an answer. I felt rejected but I also felt relieved.

I got into an engineering college and a hostel life. And it was a whole new world after the protective environment of the school. But the rejection that I had just gone through affected my confidence a great deal. As I started to get used to college and hostel life, things started to get better. As I saw that there were other guys who expressed interest in me, it gave a boost to my confidence.

He had gone to another country for higher education and this affected me too. While in college I started to hate him with a determination to get even better education than him. I made up my mind to be MIT post graduate after my engineering. I did not realize it then that he was the motivation behind my craze to go study in the US. I started to prepare for GRE. In my final year, I started to like another guy – Kapil. He was sweet and funny and he really loved me.

We came out of college; my relationship with Kapil grew strong. I got a job in Bangalore and he was working in Mumbai. Everything was going well, but I was still hell bent on doing my masters in US. Kapil did not want to leave India. And that was the only reason of multiple fights between me and him. I knew if I had to take GRE and leave India – it would mean leaving Kapil too. While going through this, I got a chance to go to US for 3 months. And in those 3 months, I felt so terribly lonely and horrible that I hated that place.

So, now the situation was – I wanted to study in US because I wanted to prove something to the guy who rejected me. I hated US. I wanted to be with Kapil but I knew he did not want to leave India. And to add to all this – my parents were eagerly looking for a match for me. My life was messed up totally. It was one of those times in my life when I felt nobody really understood me.

Life has different ways of coming for a rescue. I got introduced to “Landmark Education” which has a series of courses that help your give up your past and create a brand new future. I did these series of courses and it transformed my thinking and my life.

I could so clearly see now why I want to go study abroad and with this stubborn attitude if I really do go abroad, I would end up too messed up and too frustrated. I realized that I had to let that guy go. I had to let go of my hatred towards him. If you love someone and you get rejected, the solution is not to hate him but to be indifferent to him. I eventually did everything I could to let him go from my life so that I could embrace a brand new life with Kapil. What followed this was an amazing journey of marriage with Kapil!

PICKING UP THE FALLEN REINS AND MOVING FORWARD

She kept checking her mobile for a missed call or a message every five minutes, even though the ringing volume was adjusted to the maximum. How can seven years of love wither away so easily? It has been a year to the day they “broke up” and she had spent each day of this year hoping for a call or message from him… hoping that he would miss her… that he would come back to her… that happy days would be back again.

In her heart of hearts she knows it’s best if he doesn’t come back. She is the topper in her Engineering College, while he had just managed to scrap pass. She is fairly good looking, while he stood no match before her. She has a lustrous career before her, while he spends his days in idleness. Oh! How violently had he reacted when she had gently reminded him of the beauty of their relationship and urged him to build up his career! She had even gone to the extent of saving all her pocket money to get him enrolled in a reputed University only to realize later that she had been fooled.

As she looks back at the lies spoken, the physical and verbal abuses hurled at her time and again, the false assurances and the vagaries of his behavior, she feels utterly cheated. Tears roll down at any unannounced moment. Her career has taken a toll. Her health has broken down. Grappling with depression and suicidal thoughts, she feels there is no hope left…no reason why she should live. “Why did God allow this to happen in my life?”, she asks.

But, she has decided that she won’t let the rest of her life be ruined. She would pick up the strings and head for a new start amidst the flowing tears and burning heartache.

The accounts of a broken relationship may be different. But, the emotional trauma holds true for all. When the illusion fades away, the pain becomes even more evident. The wounds appear fresh every day till an effective balm is someday applied. Forgiveness erases the bitterness and what remains is just a memory.