There is no other thing than Rejection which literally depredates a heart. It stings like a honey bee in the flesh. It tears you apart to pieces. It literally makes you wounded gravely.
I know it very well because I myself have experienced that feeling of rejection so many times. Being a cardiac patient from birth I felt that often when I was denied to do certain things, or to lead somewhere, or to take part in some event etc.
Rejection makes you feel worthless, insignificant and nothing. Rejection breeds rejection!
I thought of addressing it in my life only in the later stage and now I think we all should address the issue of rejection as soon as possible.
There are THREE invaluable inner needs of every individual on this earth. They are:
- Being Identified
- Being Loved
- Feel Secured
If any one of the above is severed we feel rejected. All the above three are interlinked with each other too. When we feel loved, we feel identified and we feel secure too. When we are recognized or chosen for some task, we feel noticed, important, attended to, loved and we don’t feel insecure.
We live in a community and each of us are co-depended on each other to either derive or put forward that feeling by accepting or acknowledging each other. It works within a community system or format. We need to understand that system too to feel and let others feel accepted.
I had mentioned earlier about author June Hunt who is also the Founder and CSO of Hope For The Heart, the non-profit ministry she founded in 1986. I have been really helped and inspired greatly by her counselling handbook. She talks about rejection quite elaborately and also talks about how fatal it is.
One section of that chapter caught my attention, “How Does Rejection Breed Rejection?”
She says, “When rejected, a chain reaction can occur that leads to more rejection. Through conscious choices, a cycle becomes a pattern that eventually becomes a way of life. Unless truth is embraced, the cycle broken, and the pattern replaced, rejection will continue to breed rejection.”
Isn’t that deadly?
She also presents a chart to explain this truth more clearly. I have taken a snap of it and have displayed it as under:
Let me simplify what she says. According to her, the feeling of Rejection brings the feeling of worthlessness. We feel low of ourselves when we are rejected.
Then the feeling of worthlessness brings self-pity, low self esteem and self hatred. We blame our own self for not being considered or accepted by others or in a job or for an assignment and so on.
Then self hatred inflames a highly negative attitude and disruptive behaviour within us. It doesn’t happen in a moment. It is processed very systematically within a time frame though the time varies from person to person and is situation based.
And finally that negative behaviour reproduces rejection.
I have seen people assuming things and reacting to what they assume.
Let me explain…
When the host of the house doesn’t offer the food laid on the table, some people assume that the host doesn’t want them to eat more or she is not hospitable. But the reality may be that she intended to let her guests be at liberty and use their discretion to serve their choice of food themselves.
Interesting! Isn’t it?
Rejection affects our mind so much that we become negative thus assuming what our heart says about the responses we get from outside. And we feel rejected further.
Before I conclude, I would like to share few TIPS which I have been taught in my life’s school over the years whenever I felt rejected or felt negative about myself.
Those TIPS are as follows:
- Remember we are created in the IMAGE OF GOD. So we all have great values and self-worth.
- Always believe always in facts not on feelings or assumptions.
- The opinion of people doesn’t define you as who you are in reality.
- One or several rejections don’t mean the end of the life. You just need a little guidance which is natural.
- Learn from each rejection. Use it as your armour for the next venture.
- June Hunt says, “nurture several friendships, focusing on God’s description of how true friends treat one another. A true friend will never reject you.”
- Always pray this prayer in your heart: “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Yeah! God gives you the strength which you require.
Remember, Rejection is natural but feeling yourself as a Reject is not.
Friends! Don’t dwell in negativity if rejected, because “Rejection Breeds Rejection…”
Author’s Bio: Chiradeep Patra is a finance man who works in a NGO at Kolkata. He is a writer, motivator & counselor.