“He should know me by now. Doesn’t he know what I want?”

“If he has one ounce of common sense he would know what I am feeling”

These are the thoughts going on in the wife’s mind while hubby darling is watching television blissfully unaware of the turmoil going on is his wife’s mind. Isn’t this a common scenario in many households?

Boils down to only one thing – lack of communication.


To start with I accept that I am not an expert in communications. At times my communication with my hubby leaves a lot to be desired. But after 16 years of marriage and observing many couples around me I can say one thing for sure.

That communication is the oxygen of relationship. It’s a relationship after all, with two separate individuals in it. Do you expect your spouse to be able to read your mind and understand what exactly you are feeling at the moment? Well, it’s really not possible. You need to share your feelings, your needs with your partner. Don’t just assume that he or she will know or rather should know. Sometimes we suffer the most when we don’t communicate but still expect others to understand us.

At times I have seen wives sitting calmly and showing no outward signs but inside their mind there is a huge conversation going on. The fight has already begun in their mind and they are ready to explode but outwardly they will appear very calm. So now God help the poor helpless husband who doesn’t suspect anything amiss and the explosion occurs.

There is of course the other side to the coin. Which I will call Over-Communication or nagging. Here again generally the wives are famous for nagging. They repeat the same thing over and over and communicate so much that it has the entirely opposite effect than what is desired. But look at it this was she cares for you so she nags you.


One important aspect of communication is listening. Knowing that you are being heard is one of the experiences most likely to cement a feeling of connection to another. Remember communicating also means to listen and understand the other person’s point of view. Don’t just say your part, understand your partner’s perspective also. Only then we would be able to find a middle path which is acceptable to both.


Let me sum it up in a few points:

  • The best way to communicate is to avoid extreme criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.
  • Understand your partner’s way of communication. Some of them show with their actions that they care rather than words. Value their efforts instead of expecting things your way.
  • Your significant other is not a mind reader. Remember that!
  • Don’t keep your emotions bottled up. But at the same time don’t overdo the communication bit.
  • Be a good listener too. Try to understand the other person’s perspective.

And remember the three golden words we learnt in the nursery rhyme “Please, Sorry and Thank you”. Yes they work wonders in the adult life too. Try it!


For as long as I can remember, I have always had the gift of feeling what others do. Whether it is an emotion or something physical, I can sense it. At least that is how it use to be. Now, even through the medium of social networking, chats and such, my “talent” or gift seems to have gotten even stronger.

Where this comes from or why this was given to me, I have no idea but it has helped me and a few others over the years, get through some very difficult times. I could meet someone for the very first time and just by looking into their eyes, I can tell how their life has been.

With Social Media it is a bit more difficult since most of the time we cannot see the person on the other side of the monitor, unless you do video chats. But I rarely use that form of communication.

When I first met one person in particular, I immediately got the feeling that here was a good man but who’s life had not been easy in the least. It was just the “vibe” I got. It wasn’t until some months later that I learned of some of the things he had gone through and was still going through in his life. I think I scared him a bit when I just blurted out one day, “I know that something is wrong in your life, in spite of the cheerfulness you are showing in our chats.” He got very quiet and then asked me to explain what I meant. All I could say is that it was a “feeling” I was getting that all was not well in his life. It took a few more chats before he finally opened up to me and admitted a few things that I had guessed at. In that moment the connection between he and I grew even stronger and is still very strong to this day. I have established this connection with many on Facebook in the last few years.

I also have used this talent with people at work and a few get a bit uncomfortable when I walk up and ask if all is ok. I get the “fine” answer and the “why do you ask”. I look into their eyes and tell them gently that I know everything is not fine. If we have time, I will take them off to the side and encourage them to talk. I listen quietly until they are done. The whole time they are talking, I will place my hand on their arm or shoulder and just listen. Many times that is all that is needed to help them get their thoughts in order and they always feel “lighter” after talking with me. Sometimes they will ask my opinion. With a short prayer to the Creator, asking for the right words, I will tell them what they NEED to hear not what they want to hear.

Not too many people know just how strong this “talent” of mine really is. Many get uncomfortable with the subject as they do not understand it. Not understanding leads to fear and suspicion so I usually keep it to myself.