FAILED YET FAMOUS

Today is a day of celebration for Candles Online. This post will be the 700th post of Candles Online. It’s truly a milestone and the timing is absolutely appropriate for the occasion with a concluding day for the topic ‘Celebrating Failure‘.  

If I look back, I find myself sad and sorrowful two years back when Candles Online was not in the picture. The printed format failed to stay afloat. All my dreams had sunk in the deep sea. But now… we have been inspiring many around the globe, over 130 countries approximately. Candles Online had faced failures a lot of times yet it has become famous among many. It is still growing day after day because of some very committed people along with me and also because of God’s grace. 

I am going to let you watch an incredible video of 25 very famous world personalities who had failed in their lives or were considered failures by people initially, yet became world famous personalities afterwards. 

Be encouraged and never quit…

Stay blessed!

FREEDOM FROM ENTANGLEMENTS

Failure is something which literally jeopardizes our normal functioning. But there’s a question which popped up in my mind – “What really causes failure?”

And the answer that came to my mind was – ENTANGLEMENTS. But again a question arose in my mind – “Then what are those entanglements that become the causes of our failure?” I found them as under:

NEGATIVE MINDSET

A girl who is not fair or doesn’t have a good figure can’t be considered a failure in life though some do. A boy who studied hard but came second in the class can’t be considered a failure. But some parents do feel that way. A person who doesn’t have a gift of singing can’t be considered as a failure just because he/she could not sing well in the competition. We witness so many reality shows where the participants feel that way and go back weeping as if they lost life’s battle completely.

Ms. Usha Uthup, a very popular Bollywood singer was invited to one of the reality shows. She has a very manly voice from the very beginning. I will never forget what she said about her weakness that day.  She said, “I don’t have sweet female tonal quality because of my vocal chord. But I had never grumbled about what I can’t or don’t have. Instead, I let my weakness be my strength. And I am sure there’s nobody in Bollywood who can sing like me now.” She laughed about it and the audience gave her a standing ovation for her mindset.

When I think about myself I sometime wonder. Where was I as a kid and a teen… grumbling for being sickly and unable to do anything…??? And where I am now… who doesn’t even bother as to what I can’t do but concentrates on what I can. There was only a change of mindset… really nothing else.

Our negative mindset becomes an entanglement on our feet which never allows us to move forward in the path of success. And we end up a failure.

PROCRASTINATION & LAZINESS

Few scripture portions to elaborate this point:

  • A sluggard says, “There’s a lion in the road,
        a fierce lion roaming the streets!”
  • The craving of a sluggard will be the death of him,
        because his hands refuse to work.
  • As a door turns on its hinges,
        so a sluggard turns on his bed.
  • Diligent hands will rule,
        but laziness ends in forced labor.
  • A sluggard’s appetite is never filled,
        but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.

Do I really have to explain them? 😉 They are very loud, harsh and clear about a person who is lazy – a sluggard. 

I have always struggled with my habit of procrastination. Sometimes, I wonder why I keep things for later and rush at the last moment. I am learning. I will definitely overcome that attitude of mine. Some people fail because of this particular entanglement.

DISTRACTIONS

I have seen people who earn money and are satisfied with that. They could have enough for themselves, for their family, for their children’s education etc. and they are happy with that. They are the persons who don’t know that they have failed in achieving something very vital in life. Either they over work, counting themselves in the rat race of earning more and more or they are happy with whatever little they earn without any objective, vision or passion. 

Can’t I be happy with what I am doing, earning and just live my life instead of writing, being instrumental in floating Candles Online etc., managing it by thinking and discussing?

Somehow, I feel people are distracted from their goal and purpose as humans, supreme created beings. “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Thus, distractions also lead to failures as one of the very dangerous entanglements.

Friends! Do you want not to be a failure? Then get yourself released from these THREE major entanglements that cause failure: Negative Mindset, Laziness and Distractions.

Stay Blessed!   

PRESS THAT RESET BUTTON

The board exam results have come out. The parents whose kids have scored 85, 90, 95 % are celebrating. But have you seen the parents of a child who failed in a subject celebrating? Right now either the child is being berated for being good for nothing or else they are in depth of sorrow and worry about the future of their child.

Or take the case of the executive who worked very hard for a promotion. But when the actual letters came he was bypassed for someone less deserving. The executive along with his entire family went through​ a very bitter phase.

These are big  moments of life, it’s understandable to feel sad dejected and bitter. But for a person like me it’s very difficult to accept even small failures. I spent the whole afternoon arranging for ingredients of a cake and I sieved and measured and mixed and blended and baked. But the end result was an inedible lump rather than a beautiful cake. I was heart broken and spent the entire evening doubting all my capabilities as a homemaker or mother or wife etc etc. (Yes I do tend to overreact sometimes).

So when I first heard about the topic of the week “celebrating failures” I thought I really don’t know how to celebrate failures. I mean how can someone celebrate a failure when we have spent so much time and energy to actually achieve the opposite?

Here is what I understand about this concept. After a reasonable phase of dejection on failing we should first learn to accept our failure and try to look for causes. There are times when there is no visible reasons. Still accept the failure. Learn from it and step over it and move ahead. That I guess is the meaning of celebrating failures. Each failure also does a value add to our character​. It shapes our life and who we are. Failure is also a phase it will pass. It has given you an experience in life. It has made you stronger. So let’s take it in our stride and strive towards our goals again .

If the sun has set today, it will surely rise tomorrow. Till then let’s enjoy the beauty of the moon.

Celebrating could be as big as throwing a party and including the whole world around you. Or just treating yourself alone and resolving to do better the next time. Have you ever played a video game like car racing etc. No matter at what position you finish in the race there is always a reset button on the console. As soon as you press that button your car is back on the starting line ready to race again. Celebrating failure is that reset button in your life.

As for me I celebrated my cake debacle by ordering dinner from outside that day.

REJOICE – FAILURE IS NOT THE END!

If you ever fail . . .

No wait, that’s not the correct statement to begin with!

In life it’s not about ‘if you fail’, but about ‘when you fail’. Failure is an inevitable part of life. We all encounter failure at different stages of our lives – be it a failure in academics at school or college level, failure in securing a job of one’s choice, failure in marrying a beloved, failure in sustaining a marriage, failure in begetting children, failure in giving happiness to others, failure in exercising self-control over our passions and temptations, and on go the variations.

Be prepared

Don’t be surprised when failure greets you unawares. The best of your preparation may end up in a failure. Hence, being prepared for outcomes of all sorts minimizes the jerks given by failures.

Avoid negative people

Avoid the company of people who point out to your failure time and again and make you feel that you are worth nothing. Negative people breed negativity. Hence, quit their company.

Don’t closet yourself

Don’t allow yourself to wallow in self-pity. Don’t shut yourself in a room for long, shedding endless tears. After a brief mourning period, gather yourself and mingle with like-minded understanding people. Sometime back I met up with a friend to cheer her up as she was going through a gloomy phase having not cleared an exam (which I myself had not cleared too) after a lot of hard work. Sensing that she needed to venture out from her room, I suggested that we go out to have dinner. We went to an eatery not far from where we were staying. As we placed the order for food, I noticed that there was a big group, around 10-12, sitting in front of us. From there conversation, I gathered that all of them had not cleared the same exam and wanted to wind up the episode in an upbeat manner before gearing up for the next phase!

Forge positive relationships

Be in the presence of people who would lift you up and show you the silver lining beneath the dark thundering clouds. Encouragement and motivation work wonders in boosting up the morale when you feel like giving up.

Gear up for what is to come next

It is natural to feel dejected and sink into sadness (or depression in extreme cases) when you fail. But, that robs away the time to prepare for what is to come next. So, do not allow yourself to brood over your failures for long. Gird yourself for what is to come next.

Speaking from personal experience (and many of you would agree to it too), the day after experiencing the failure generally hits the hardest. When you open your eyes the next morning after an almost sleepless night and come face to face with reality, everything seems blank and there arises a sinking feeling within. This is exactly when you need to pick up the reins and brace yourself for the next phase.

Failure may be a one day occurrence that hits hard (a relationship break up/an academic failure/losing in a game) or a phase that lingers on for quite some time (financial debt/deteriorating marriage). And, not many have the ability to bounce back and be in high spirits immediately. We have grown up with the famous saying – ‘Failure is the stepping stone to success.’ But, rarely does this saying give an instant kick when the sky is falling apart over us.

I really like the concept of ‘Failing forward’ given by America’s leadership expert John C. Maxwell who has penned a book by the same title too. Failing Forward is the belief that dealing with failure intelligently will be the driver to improve further on in life. So, don’t let failure squeeze the life out of you. Give yourself a pat on the back, assess the loopholes and look ahead to mend them. There is always light at the end of a tunnel!

When you fail, remember you are not alone.

When you fail, remember you tried.

When you fail, remember this is not the end of the road.

When you fail, remember God is still in control.

Knowing that God is in control has helped me to bounce back in the face of failures and rejoice with the understanding that the failure was for a purpose and is not meant to be the end of the road.

FAILURES IN THE FACE OF REALITY

“Dare to Dream”

“Failures are stepping stones to success”

We are taught these day and night since our school days. We are made to memorize the famous quotes of some learned humans. But what happens when it is the time to actually draw inspiration from these quotes and make them breathing oxygen for you? What happens when you really want to be one of those learned human? What really happens when you consider Failures a stepping stone to Success?

The reality of life hits you right on your face. Failures are so bad that it seems impossible to rise again. Failures make you lose your confidence to an extent that there is nothing left inside you to start all over again. But still you believe that “Failures are stepping stones to success” and you wonder, how many more “stepping stones”. It becomes difficult to carry on, yet deep inside your heart you believe these quotes that you mugged up at school.

And then the worst happens, people who love you and care for you worry about you a little too much. They fear the failure more than you do. And so just when you begin to take a step ahead after recovering from the failure, they pull you down with a force that is impossible to conquer. No, not because they don’t want you to succeed but because they know it will break them to see you go through another stepping stone and they aren’t ready for it.

How do you deal with this? What do you do to make them believe in your passion? They will not believe because they blinded by their worry for you. The same people, who once told you to be courageous when you were young, now want you to give up. Do you give up your passion or do you give up the relationship of your loved ones?

I have been through such dilemmas and I am going through one now. I would like to believe that beyond a point more you are pulled back into negativity, higher you bounce back in positivity. More you are pulled back in your failure, higher you will raise in your success. I wish this is true.

I believe in the prayers. I believe that it all works out for good and I want to tell my readers that there is always a light beyond those dark days of failure. Believe in Him and yourself, the reason you are being pulled into a failure is to make sure that you are really passionate about what you say you are.

All the best! Keep dreaming and keep failing – beyond those dark failures lies the real taste of success and that is something I would love to believe.

IT’S NOT HEART BREAK, IT’S MEMORY!!!

Bollywood movie “Mann” is my all time favorite movie. In this movie Actress Manisha Koirala just after making friendship with her Hero, recites a very powerful dialogue to the Actor Aamir Khan (Mr. Perfection) which I am quoting as under:

“Vishwas jitna aasaan hai,

usse todna usse bhi aasaan hai,

magar mushkil hai uss vishwas ko nibhana.

Aur Sacha Insaan wo hai jo uss vishwas ko tode nehi, balki nibhaye”.

We usually test the love stories on the basis of past experiences and learning. Most of  the love stories fall apart. Most from today’s generation have reversed from the true meaning of love. For us LOVE has become “Catch & Hatch” policy. The result of which is ‘HEART BREAKS’.

Our story had a fantastic beginning when I fell in love years back. For me it was like flying in the sky and having the ultimate joy in my life. I was addicted to be with her 24 x 7, which is never ever possible even for married couples. I counted my family, career, education, society and everything including my own self secondary because of her. But today when I look back I can say, “That was all an INFATUATION.”

Like the above phrase from the movie, in the beginning we both earned each other’s ‘vishwas’ (faith) so easily in less than couple of weeks and that ‘vishwas’ was also broken within a few months. Really it’s so true, our ‘vishwas’ was created and was broken within a span of weeks, but to maintain that ‘vishwas’ I struggled for 3 complete years.

In love relationship, once faith is broken nothing more remains except one thing – ‘Heart Break’. A broken heart never makes noise but gives a lot of pain. Heartbreaks leave back only one question – ‘WHY’ and this ‘why’ makes life miserable. Our dreams become grisly nightmares. It becomes too difficult for us to trust anyone, mostly to our own self. Every time, every single step we take we face fear or doubt – “Will my past be repeated again?????”

This fear and pain took me even to the dark lanes of suicide. But on 14th Mar 2011, in a local train,  around 7 PM, when I was just about to give-up my life for the sake of ‘Infatuation’, I heard a sweet tender voice telling me, “My son, don’t give-up your life, just give-it back to ME and see what I’m going to do with it!” And I knew Whose voice was that? That was the voice of MY GOD, MY CREATOR WHO LOVES ME.

Today, I can say my heart was broken because of my fault. I didn’t wait for the right time. When God creates us in our mother’s womb, He plans everything for us and allows all that to happen at His appointed time. Our life is well-tuned by God. But if we try to do something with our own ideas we will be left behind with just “Heartbreaks” and “Pain”.

It’s not the heart break which causes pain but it’s the person & the memory which we leave behind us. As Mrs. Khristina Jacob said in her last article, “There is always a light at the end of the tunnel”, today we may be travelling through the darkest tunnel of life but believe there is light at the end. So, HOPE for the BEST, rest everything else in HIS hand for HIS time. Just WAIT!!!!!

Sometimes we must Hurt in order to Grow, 

Sometimes we must Lose in order to Gain,

Sometimes we must Fail in order to Pass.”

GO ON ACHIEVING LIFE’S BEST

Learning to set smart realistic goals and working hard to accomplish them marks the character of people who aspire to taste success in everything that they do.

A life without goals, is the life of a wanderer who keeps on moving in all possible ways having no particular destination in mind. It is just like an octopus on roller skates – moving for sure, but having no sense of direction. Without set targets, life loses objectivity and meaning and becomes dull and drab.

A life replete with lofty unrealistic goals creates a ripe field for stress, anxiety and depression. Dreaming big is not wrong. But, those dreams have to be backed by setting realistic targets and striving to meet those targets. Setting unrealistic goals, renders them unattainable.

After the wonderful lessons on goal setting throughout the week, there is indeed nothing new and novel to be served on the platter. Some quick points to remember –

G – Genuine goals ensure success. If you have been consistently scoring around 65% in your exams, set a target of 75% at an initial stage and work out a plan to reach there. Don’t aim for 95% and sit with your head in your hands wondering how to score that high.

O – Optimistic approach propels the mind. Believe in your potential and hone up your skills. Push aside all thoughts that threaten to divert you from working towards your goal. Brush aside negative company and destructive criticism.

A – Analyzing the pros and cons keeps surprises away. When you set your goals, be sure to analyze the possible roadblocks and the imminent consequences. That way, you would have a fair idea of what to expect and what to not.

L – Living your goals every moment ensures that you are on track. Putting up visible reminders and having people around who would wake you up to your set targets will keep you moving ahead.

S – Start small, aim big. Accomplishing a series of small goals leads to attaining the ultimate bigger goal. A hungry stomach doesn’t become full by putting the entire plate of food into the mouth. Small bite-size pieces, chewed and swallowed overtime make the stomach full. So, start by setting short-term goals.

Life’s best is at your doorstep. The way you set your goals and focus on attaining them would define and refine the purpose of your life!