UNDERSTANDING EQ IN DEPTH

We had a very nice week discussing about one of the very vital subjects of life, “Emotional Quotient.” My co-writers have written about it and to certain extent we are clear about the subject.

Things have changed over the years. EQ is now valued more than IQ in every field.

You may ask, “Why and how?” 

It is actually because our emotions play a big role in our productivity, efficiency and maintaining relationships. In recent times, team work has been of utmost importance. Those times are gone when you just used to do your work, earn something and enjoy it at home with your family. In every sector, we are observed how good we are in socializing and team building. 

If I have to define EQ then I would like to define it as – “EQ is understanding my own emotions, managing it well to motivate myself for the task and responsibility bestowed upon me and sensibly understanding other’s mind using my communication skills effectively.”

I found some interesting video presentations on YouTube which I think are very important for all of us to watch and understand EQ in depth.  

1. Emotional Intelligence by Brendon Gouveia:

 

2. Leading with Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace – Carolyn Stern:

 

3. Emotional Intelligence in Leadership – BreakthruInMarketing:

 

These videos are so interesting to watch that I kept watching videos after videos trying to understand this subject in depth though I am unable to mention all of them right here. But you can go ahead and surf through all that yourself.

Keep reading and watching… And yes, don’t forget to manage your EQ well 😉 .

Stay blessed!!!

EMOTIONS IN THE WORLD OF MIND GAMES

Isn’t it so startling!

We are the people of smart-age. Our generation is almost in the pinnacle of success. Often we tag “There’s nothing impossible for me” on social media. But still we struggle with our ‘emotions’ and maintaining even an average level of EQ in different stages of our life.

Every next person to us is struggling with some kind of emotion. Sometimes it’s quite similar to us and sometimes it’s different. 

Last Friday, I was travelling to office. Suddenly I saw a middle-aged, educated lady sitting in front of me facing towards the window crying bitterly. I thought that somebody told her something but I found everyone were busy with their own business. Some were busy their mobile phones, some were having great political talks, some were just waiting for the bus to reach their destination so that they can hop inside their offices. No one told her anything, but still she was crying though she was trying to control her emotions in public. I was truly feeling bad for her. My heart was insisting me to go and ask her but questioned popped up in my mind, “Do I know her? How will she react to me? If something else happens, will I be able to handle that situation?” Bugged down  with all these thoughts when I came out to my senses, I found the lady getting down at her destination.

Human emotions are always controlled or played by the minds, of our own’s or of other’s.

Sometimes our Emotions stays UNEXPRESSED. Even though our smart gadgets provides us with ‘emoticons/emojis’ to express our emotions yet  we fail to express ourselves properly sometimes.

Sometimes our Emotions are MANIPULATED.” In most of the relationships we usually find someone’s emotion is being manipulated by somebody else.  True love in a relationship usually helps us to grow in our relationships without manipulation of each others emotions.  But now days things have changed a lot. Emotions are usually manipulated when we have selfish motives in our relationships. We have many TV series depicting manipulation of emotions, i.e., “Emotional Attyachar.” 

Many times Emotions are IGNORED”. When any of our friends struggles with heart breaks etc. do we pay attention to him/her or make fun of him/her? This way we ignore their emotions. Our ignorance doesn’t heal our friend’s emotional wounds rather we scratch it more and make it worse. Let’s try to ‘Love Band-Aid’ the emotional wounds of our friends rather than playing the mind games by ignoring their emotions.

Low EQ in a person usually make him/her inexpressive or over-expressive. Low EQ makes a person play or manipulate with others emotions. Low EQ makes a person insensitive and makes him ignore somebody else’s state of mind.  

Don’t be the Player of Mind games, especially when it comes to EMOTIONS!

God bless! Stay tuned!

Avinash

KNOW WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE

I am a huge fan of stand up comedy. I mean a stage show with the perfect mix of humour and sarcasm is a “paisa-wasool” performance for me. And I’m one of those people who likes to work those witty remarks, subtle insults and funny intonations into a conversation because you know everybody needs to add a flavour into a conversation and I love being the funny one.

I have been brought up in a family where me and my siblings love taking the mickey out of each other and it’s all in good fun. So, naturally as I was growing up, I inculcated this into all aspects of my life: with my friends, relatives, acquaintances and now with my colleagues. And I love being the one who can make somebody laugh.

But in all these years I also learnt it the hard way that not everybody is as accepting of being the object of my humour. Amidst all the applause and laughter I never paid much attention to fact that I might have inadvertently hurt somebody’s feelings even though I had not meant to. That’s when I learnt that there is a very thin line between funny and rude. And that taking back your word even if it was in good humour is never possible.

Also, being a funny person your EQ needs to be higher so that you are aware of the situation you are in, know the kind of people you are with and then carry out a conversation which puts them at ease.

So if you are one of those people who likes being the funny one, know where that line between funny and rude lies, try your best to never ever cross that line and lastly, if you do end up cross that line be sure to apologise profusely and sincerely. There is nothing wrong in being funny, just make sure you are not insensitive.

funny-babies-pet-animals-Favim.com-4137560

OUR EMOTION IS THEIR BUSINESS

Years back while travelling on Delhi roads in auto rickshaw I saw a pair of hands begging for alms in scorching heat.  To add to the misery of sight there was a baby in lap.  And she said “please give something, baby haven’t had anything since two days”, I was moved and handed over a note of Re.10, she blessed and went to other vehicle at the traffic signal.  To this the auto driver said “madam, you shouldn’t have done this, this is their business, they carry babies only to attract attention and get money.  They know the nerve of donors well”.  It made me think and think more seriously till I reached my destination.

This is just one incidence.  Daily we see numerous faces on roadside who are into this business.  Yes, you heard it right.  It’s a business.  And what is capital invested?  Innocence.  Yes, more innocent a face is greater the chance of  earning more per day and who better than  kids can be the owner of innocence.  Its proven that every day small children (babies as well) are being abducted and put into this lowly act of begging just to quench the thirst of greed of some greedy souls (read people).  This is not just one case where our emotions are traded for meeting selfish motives and making moolah.  In  almost every field,  every occupation human emotions are bankable assets.  Let me elaborate with few more examples.

  • Nowadays we see a substantial rise in the number of C-section deliveries.  Some are genuine but majority of them recommended merely because they come with a huge medical bills that are paid in favour of hospitals.  They are cashing our fear here.
  • Fairness cream brands portray fairness as the only parameter of acceptance in the society.  Dusky complexion is taken for granted and fairness is always wanted.  Here our insecurities are banked upon.
  • Banks promote compulsive buying when they vouch for credit cards.  They try to tap our temptations and our weakness to control them.

So basically it is lack of our control on our emotions that makes us weak.  Be it fear, anger, greed, insecurity, anxiety, overly sympathy etc.  Lower the control means lower Emotional quotient.  And this gives an opportunity for opportunists (read people with business acumen) to mint money.  And once action taken people with low emotional quotient try to list reasons for their miseries in life, trying to put blame on others, eventually develop more negative emotions.  I am sure all of you must have heard about words “emotional fools”.  That’s nothing but a slang to define people with low emotional quotient.

Then how not to get branded as such.  Does it mean we stop being emotional and completely robotic.  No, I definitely don’t mean so because then we will no more be considered “human”.  Emotions are an integral part of being human.  We should rather develop our innate level of emotional intelligence.  Before taking any action at the drop of hat just “pause and think” and answer few questions depending upon the situation:

  • Is it necessary?
  • What could be the consequence of my action?

I know its not an easy task to begin with but this old saying never fails if put into practice

slow and steady wins the race 

And definitely we will reach our goal of being at a position to be able to take decisions without being carried away by our emotions and no one else could take undue benefit from us.

 

EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT FOR THE “PEOPLECAPPED”

Have you seen that ancient Arjun Rampal movie Aankhen, in which three blind men rob a bank?

Watch it in your free time if you haven’t, but here’s the gist – Amitabh Bachchan’s character uses these three blind guys to rob a bank. His point? No one would believe that three blind people could pull that off all on their own. He trains these guys meticulously to memorize directions, maps of buildings, location of objects and people etc. so that no one realizes they’re blind, even when they’re robbing the bank! Long story short, this is Bollywood, so they succeed, even though – plot twists – not without glitches.

Why am I talking about a Bollywood action thriller from 2002 when I’m supposed to talk about serious stuff like emotional quotient (EQ)? What’s common between Arjun Rampal and things like, say, salary negotiations or networking? Any guesses? Do I see any hands?

Well, well…not hundreds, but quite a few!

Exactly people. Surprise! Surprise! I know it too.

For those of you who’re fortunate enough to be still wondering where this is going – we are those three blind guys. We. The “peoplecapped”. People like me who’re born introverts and/or with low people skills. We’re like those three blind guys, pretending to be able to see things like everyone else. Except we can’t. We just watch others and learn.

“What’s appropriate behaviour in XYZ circumstances?”

“Why would someone think I’m rude because sometimes I read books during lunch instead of chitchatting? Only sometimes!”

“Would it be considered intrusive if I ask her where she works? Or would I be considered unfriendly if I don’t?”

These are the kind of questions we have to worry about day in and day out. At every human interaction.

We are the ones with the lowest of EQs. Our scores on life’s people skills test are like Miley Cyrus’ on the IITJEE. If she took it.

We’re the Differently People Skilled.

People + handicapped = peoplecapped.

So if I’m blind why am I talking about how to see things? ’Cause those of you who can already see can … well, already see. It’s the EQcapped/peoplecapped like myself, who have had to literally start learning how to navigate a sea of people they practically don’t understand. I’m by no means an expert. I’m an apprentice. A novice, more like. But I can tell you something – if I can learn it, you can learn it. No seriously. I’m not being humble. Those are the plain facts.

’Nuff about me. Let’s get down to business. So here are some of the very rudimentary, very basic rules of thumb I’ve learnt in my journey of life so far. If you struggle with this aspect of life like me, maybe they could help you too.

  1. Be aware, be prepared: A “why me” approach is about the worst way you can deal with a people handicap. Or with any limitation/disadvantage you face in life which is outside your control.

Plenty of people are born with partial deafness, partial blindness, diabetes, migraine, hypertension, asthma etc.

Do these conditions pose a challenge to their lives? Yes.

Can they make it go away? No.

Can they manage it? Absolutely yes. 

Likewise, the key to overcoming a people skill gap is to not deny it, not try to wish it away, but to manage it.

Be aware of the fact that if you’re an asthmatic, you probably wouldn’t become a Michael Phelps. And that doesn’t have to be – and IMHO shouldn’t be – your goal.

But can you function normally and lead a happy, fulfilling and successful life without accidentally asphyxiating yourself? Absolutely yes.

Similarly, if you’re one of those people, like me, who’re born with low people skills – sure – choosing marketing, media or corporate communications as your professional field probably isn’t the smartest move. But that’s all the limitation you face. Nothing more.

The key is to be aware and alert at every new interaction.

Some people can naturally sing and their voice wouldn’t sound out of tune even if they’re absent-mindedly humming to themselves. Others have less natural talent, and need to concentrate very hard if they have to carry a tune.

It’s exactly the same with human interactions and a low people-skilled person. You have to be extra careful every time. 

I know. “That’s all very nice but how?” You must be thinking.

  1. The rule of the pause: If I could meet my 17 year old self right now and had to give her just one rule of thumb on how to navigate the adult world, it would be this – pause.

Whenever you’re in a conversation with anyone outside your most trusted and closest people, and they say something which gives rise to some sort of emotions in you, just pause. Just take a break for a few seconds before you say anything. It could be any emotion – fear, outrage, annoyance, resentment … even happiness (this would be rare but even double rainbows happen sometimes, so…).

What keeps us safe and functional in the world – is our rationality, and emotions make us lose that for a brief moment. That moment, hence, is NEVER the right time to interact with anyone.

Let that moment pass. Give yourself time to respond. Don’t react.

I know it’s easier said than done.

If you’re like me, the first thing you’re thinking right now is, “But if I say nothing doesn’t that mean I’m accepting whatever the other person is saying? Doesn’t it mean I’m letting people walk all over me?” OK, so you don’t want people to walk all over you? You want to give it back to them in their own coin? You want to express your annoyance/disappointment/sense of stress or urgency? Sure. Do it.

Just three seconds later.

But what difference do a few seconds make? It gives time for that momentary emotion to pass. It gives you a chance at getting your rationality back. Most of the “reactions” which land us in “people issues” in professional or personal lives, are reactions which we wouldn’t have shown if had to respond to exactly the same situation an hour later.

  1. Strategic sensitivity, not aloofness: Contrary to popular belief, calibrating your response does not mean turning into a cold stone. It does not mean acting like a machine devoid of emotions. The world is populated by humans, and humans have emotions. Your coworkers/friends/family/random-guys-on-the-street know that. In fact acting stoic and aloof regardless of the situation will paint you as way “weird”er than you really are. So, no. That’s not the solution.

The answer lies using your emotions strategically.

You’re facing a tight deadline? Please, by all means feel free to show to your team members some of that stress. Create a sense of urgency. This is not only OK, but also an effective leadership trait.

But don’t make others feel so stressed that their morale and productivity suffers. Don’t make them afraid of you.

Someone’s trying to shirk responsibilities/take credit for your work/push you over at work? For God’s sake don’t act cool. Speak up. Let your bosses/team-members/whoever matters know that you’re outraged and disappointed and that you won’t take this lying down.

ppun0102But again, don’t make anyone feel your emotions are in control of you. Be the boss of your emotions. Use them to your advantage, don’t let them dictate what you do.

In other words, measure. Calibrate. Pause. Always pause.

So those were my three cents on how I’m trying to work on my non-existent EQ. What’s your recipe for me? Bring it on in the comments.

Author’s Bio: Sulagna Dasgupta has been writing about self-improvement and relationships for more than 5 years. Her websitewww.loveinindia.co.inis India’s first dedicated relationships & marriage blog, also offering FREE unlimited anonymous relationship counselling. Her mission is to facilitate more open thinking about love & relationships in India in the long run.