A CUT ABOVE THE REST – A NOT SO SIMPLE STORY

Have you ever seen yourself dead? …you know that very moment when your soul is slowly leaving your body.. and all that’s left on earth is well.. you, or at least the physical you – your lifeless body that people are crying over?

I did… right at the time when she said

Rest in Peace my friend… you need this”

That’s when it all came back to me. I wasn’t supposed to die, my life was snatched away from me. I didn’t deserve it, and I’m coming back to know exactly what happened.

I could be you…. you or even you crying at the corner. No one can hear me now – but all of you will, soon, very soon. Sooner than you all realize.

Back at the plush bungalow by the pristine beach, ovelooking the Butterfly Creek, stood exactly 3.5 healthy living entities – Shawn: the cook, Pascoal: the next-door-sin-affair, Aditi: the best friend and Pluto: the cute pomeranian – who probably had all the answers, only if he could talk.

The word going around was that I ended it all by myself.

Inspector Mark Gracias, the most eligible bachelor of the Goa Police Force, having surveyed the immediate surroundings, took to the nearest sofa, looked towards Shawn and asked:

“May I have a cup of tea”?

Not an ideal time to be drinking tea – I thought. But then this was Mark we’re talking about, and nobody says NO when he asks for tea. He had always said, his brain worked a little better with a hot cup of tea.

Now, how would I know something like that? Interesting that you noticed:

Incase you are confused, it is still me talking. I am talking from the beyond.

<did I hear you ask: How is that possible? Well… this is my story afterall…>

I am Stella – well, atleast I was Stella while I spent my life down on earth, NOW, I don’t quite have an identity. I am around you or might just be YOU.

The thing about situations like these are: it makes people vulnerable even when they know they aren’t responsible for what has happened. Drooping shoulders, bent heads and sombre faces are all what is seen around.

“Make that TWO”a voice spoke from the main door, bringing along with the aroma of a strong scent of perfume…

…fruity floral with notes of citrus, rounded out with jasmine, sandalwood, and vanilla”blurted out Pascoal almost immediately,

taking in the heavy scent that surrounded the woman, who had now entered the room, giving a fleeting glance on the covered-once-upon-a-time Stella (she was just a body now) making herself comfortable on the sofa.

Giving a quick scan across the room, she looked to the dashing Inspector.

Let me lay all your doubts to rest, Inspector: I know who did it” …. pointing to the covered white sheet on the floor

“…and the rest as they say, is HISTORY”, she continued

“It is interesting that you say it with so much conviction: Mrs…”

“It is Miss. Miss Surabhi”

“Ms. Surabhi, be rest assured – this isn’t an open and shut case as you make it to be. I am here and I WILL find out the TRUTH, to know exactly what happened.


The word “Rest” need not be only associated with relaxtion, slowing down or putting on pause, but it can also be used in an English phrase or an idiom. While the brain works better after giving it adequate rest, for all other other times – a cup of Tea works just as well.

While I’ve had fun brewing up a story out of nothing, trying to use a couple of idioms (of rest) along the way. It is interesting to know that – using phrases like idioms, similies or alliterations, makes the language and the speaker/writer look classy, and in the process if you can weave out a story or two around it – nothing like it.

The completion of the above story is left to the readers imagination. Or maybe simply enlargen it, if it is something you enjoy doing.

  • #Fact The Police take a good 25/30 minutes to arrive after a particular scenario arises #India
  • Women make even better detective-ghosts than they otherwise do on Earth.
  • Perfumes are vital clues in every investigation. Women always leave a trail – even after they’re dead
  • My stories should be read with a pinch of salt

THAT’S ABSURD

I am learning so many new things in these COVID times. Our life style has totally altered and the way we spend our time has changed.. we long to go back to the normal times and are scared of facing the “New Normal” .

Lockdown has given me a lot of time in my own company. Which I usually don’t like doing at all. I like to meet people and talk to them and usually thrive on these conversations and participate in lot of activities be it at my workplace or neighborhood.

So in that way this lockdown has been very difficult for me. Phone calls or video calls are not the same. But still we are managing.

In one such call with my niece where we were ranting about our lockdown woes. She said she had become an Absurdist now.. “I don’t believe that there is any meaning in life…” she said.

This got me thinking. I dived into the Internet to find out whether this was even a legitimate word or not. To my surprise it is.

All human beings seem to crave meaning, search for it, and create it. We constantly make up stories out of our lives to give them meaning.  And we search for explanations for the universe in general. Religion may be the most popular source of meaning for people; believing in a god or gods, a spirit-world, an afterlife, or a holy book, or practicing ritual, prayer, or meditation makes life meaningful for many people. And religion is not the only possibility: people find meaning for their lives in nationalism, science, Marxism, art, and many other beliefs and practices.

Absurdists see all of these attempts as ultimately doomed, in a sense. Not that absurdists think it’s pointless to do anything, but they believe that no matter what you do, you cannot escape the absurdity of being a human being.  It’s not exactly the universe which is absurd in absurdism, but rather the fact that humans are innately driven to look for meaning in an ultimately meaningless universe. Whatever stories we tell to give meaning to our lives are just that — stories, fictions.

I know the above philosophy may not be acceptable to all. I don’t mean to offend anyone’s belief.

But sometimes in the time of despair we might have all gone through this kind of phase where life seems totally meaningless.. 2020 is that kind of a phase for me. With the pandemic, the super cyclone, the gas leak, earthquake, planes falling out of the sky, the locust attack everything coming in quick succession has really made me wonder that the things we used to strive for are actually so meaningless. We are actually surviving without many thing that we thought we could never do without.

Its basically the pandemic which has altered everything. Businesses are closed and people who were supposed to be affluent are also struggling to juggle the big EMIs, bills, fees, rent to be paid and zero or drastically reduced income. The poor are absolutely on the road. And all this in a matter of three months.

Really makes me wonder we study all our life to make a career, a living. We spend our whole life in building up a career or a business. Just to see it topple and turn into dust in a matter of days. Because of reasons which are way beyond our scope to thought. Isnt it all meaning less?

The daily positive thoughts for the day which I get through Social media and the inspirational stories all seem meaningless once I watch the news. Its seems all gloom and doom everywhere.

Hopefully, these dark clouds will lift soon from this world and my thoughts too.

THE CANCER OF OUR TIME – MEANINGLESSNESS

In the search of finding “the meaning of meaning”, the abstract subjectivity of meaning reflects the absolute need for its search for the meaning. The meaning of meaning denotes the abstractness of its purpose, its value, its significance, and its existence. But the sense of the search for meaning absolutely reflects the urgency, the importance, and the inner hunger for it. 

The meaning of meaning cannot be defined without the knowledge and alongside we need wisdom since wisdom instructs us about the timely implementation of knowledge or else knowledge becomes meaningless. Validating the need of both Wisdom & Knowledge the Bible clearly warns us, 

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; 

the more knowledge, the more grief. 

I was always blamed for not having knowledge and wisdom and not understanding someone else’s situation. I was tagged as rude – judge-mental – bossy. As I tried to gain some knowledge and learn some wisdom, my sorrows and grief were doubled. Since I was able to understand someone else’ struggle the feeling of their pain become more tangible to me, moreover now in my life it wasn’t just my sorrows & grief alone! The question that taunts me now – “What’s the meaning for gaining wisdom & knowledge?”

Since our childhood, we were constantly encouraged to study well so that we can be successful. In my attempt for success I tried to learn from the experiences of the stalwarts of success. One from that list is famous British writer Jack Higgins (original name: Henry Patterson). The book that gave breakthrough to Jack Higgins and was sold over 50 million copies was, “The Eagle Has Landed (1975)”. He wrote this book towards the later years of his life and he quotes there;

“When you get to the top, you find nothing there. 

I wish I would have known it as a small boy, he added”.  

Again, the question that taunts me now – “What’s the meaning of being successful?”

In school, we learned “FOOD – SHELTER – CLOTHE” are the basic needs for a good life but the 21st century talks “MONEY – AFFLUENCE – INFLUENCE” is all that you need for a good life. Youngsters today says, ‘The more Money you throw, the best food, shelter & clothe you will get. The more Affluence you have, the more secured you are and the more your Influence are, the more you will be in the spotlight. In the words of the NOW Generation, MONEY-AFFLUENCE-INFLUENCE brings meaning to a good life. Well, flipping the pages of history we see Alexander the Great said, “keep my both hands and both legs dangling out from my coffin so that the world may know what I brought and what I am taking away”. Not he alone, sounding the same the Great, Rich Israeli King well-known as Wise King Solomon towards his final pen, he wrote,

“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure.

My heart took delight in all my labor, and this was the reward for all my toil.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.” 

The question prompts me, What’s the meaning of treasuring Money, Affluence and being in the spotlight?”

The pain of meaninglessness does not instruct us to refrain from acquiring wisdom, knowledge, success and money rather it insists on us to introspect our urge for it. It reminds me of the great quote of the English writer and Philosopher G. K Chesterton said, 

“Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain.

Meaninglessness comes from being weary of pleasure.

Quoting from the speech of Ravi Zacharias at the Veritas Forum, as final words to this article I would like to pen, “The cancer of our time is realizing the meaninglessness in our life and it can only be treated by God alone!” Man, with his finite amount of knowledge and strengths of life hasn’t left any stone unturned to understand & realize the meaning of being meaninglessness in life. But alas, he has bitterly failed and sadly, there is no one else among the living ones to treat the cancer of our time – MEANINGLESSNESS.

God, being infinite and eternal in His existence understands the malady of our human heart and has warned us in the Bible,

“Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; 

life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.” 

THIS PARTICULAR FANATICISM IS QUITE MEANINGLESS

Can the knowledge of a particular language be the sign of intelligence of a person? Can the fluency in a particular language be an indication of one’s educational background and character certificate? Sounds gibberish, right?

Well not completely. This is just a reflection of how the attitude of people in Indian subcontinent has shaped up over decades now. Undying love for “English” is an IT thing (rather a HIT thing).

People getting mocked for not being able to converse in English at native level¹. People finding themselves to be in a fix, out of place, losing confidence, nurturing low self esteem and inferiority complex are direct of shoot offs of our fetish for one particular “International Language” English. We (A majority) somehow have come up with the terms that mastering this particular language is a ticket to a better treatment in masses ; a person who can speak English impeccably is a genius and if some accent is sprinkled he/she is already a star – knowledge, character, education, skill doesn’t really matter. Look at the wannabe insta stars, you will know what I mean 😁.

Let me share few examples/ incidents that I came across or heard:

*I heard people praising someone who got expert skills in English “Kya angrezi bolta hai, wah!” (He speaks so good in English) never mind the grasp on subject matter is ZERO.

*My friend once shared with me his experience at his daughter’s school. The poor child faced the ire of the teachers because she wasn’t able to converse in a free flow manner in English and was comfortable in her mother tongue. Such a shame!

*If a person belonging to a foreign land (read West) speaks in any of our regional language though broken we go gaga over the attempt. “So Cute” is the expression that follows our excitement (not referring to Donald Trump saying Swamy Vivekanand 😁). But when the tables turn and someone among us try to speak the broken English we brand him “Illiterate” literally. What double standards!

*Parents insisting kids to speak in English, it’s a matter of fame while on the other hand more and more parents are coming out saying “our kids can’t speak/ read/ write our mother tongue” almost without any sense of attachment. I am at loss of words!

*People refraining from talking in the language they are comfortable with just not to be jeered by peers. How sad!

Well I can go on and on with such illustrations not so great to put forward for any country / society. In short we are focussing on the mode/ language of instruction and completely ignoring the importance of effective communication or the content intended to be delivered.

Talking about our overtly attachment with this particular language, light must be thrown at helm of affairs in other parts of the world, countries which we see as synonyms for “Development, technology, power, economy” and every possible positive superlative. I live in Belgium, have been to France, Germany, Netherlands; Have heard the social addresses of public figures from Japan, China and the counties aforementioned. No one carries a chip of shame up their sleeve while talking in their respective mother tongue. On contrary they are proud. Mother tongue is given the utmost importance right from the beginning. Schools that lay foundation and aid development of a child from the grassroots level emphasize specifically on the country’s mother tongue. If you are a foreigner in these lands you got only two choices either integrate with them via their language or be ready to pay exorbitant charges for translation be it education in schools or otherwise. I myself have paid extra charges for translator service for driving test because of my incapacity to understand French fast 😁. In a way they are promoting their language by using simple economics, period! Priority to the mother tongue is something we must learn from these countries.

Why? Language is a part of what and who we are. It’s an integral part of our history, heritage and culture. Precisely ROOTS! Can a tree stand still and upfront if it is alienated from the ground, if roots are uprooted? How meaningful it would be to have mastered a foreign language and yet not knowing the homeland? If we distance ourselves from our history there’s no way our future generations will know the past and future is definitely not bright.

I may sound as a fanatic talking over the clouds but a study is available that proves that for kids who start learning their and in their native language cognitive developments are better. Expression and communication comes easy to them. Better understanding of curriculum and positive attitude towards school are few more points to count. They feel more at home. This is just a bird’s eye view.

I want to reiterate that my argument is not against any language but the meaningless romanticism we have inbred within ourselves about a particular language belittling our own identity. I myself went to a school that had English as its medium of instruction but my teachers never made their students feel bad about their shortcomings in a language and most importantly my school had my mother tongue (Telugu) as one of the subjects and my parents wanted me to learn it. At home too we had an environment where we spoke to each other in our native language. English was just another language, a language for international exposure ( we were not aware or exposed to other world languages at that time), case closed. Rather the entire emphasis was on developing thoughts, transformation of a person to personality, ethical behaviour, earning dignity and respect. In short the purpose of imparting education was fulfilled to the core. It was not washed down by a meaningless glorification of a foreign language because it is spoken by “Fair Skinned” (another obsession of my land sadly).

A petty request: I am not out of “Parenting Mode” of last week’s topic, excuse me for that and kindly bear with me. Parents please make sure that you encourage kids talking (the least) in native language. If you could impart the knowledge if native language nothing beats that. Remember their thoughts have to be eloquent and it’s never about which language they chose to.

* Teachers: Please considering your own status don’t shame any kid for inability to converse in English. It’s just a language and can be worked upon. If the confidence gets shattered that might be something beyond repair.

* Schools / Authorities: Please focus on giving a buoyant support to the local language. Its a way to save our heritage and culture.

* Everyone: Learn as many languages as you can but remember your mother tongue is your inner feelings you share with your mother (loved/ closed ones), that comfort is the ultimate. And if Englishmen are speaking in English, it’s their own so nothing so great about that!

And here I rest my case.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET GOING

Challenges are a part and parcel of our life which also bring fear with it. Also,I would say that these are very subjective and temporary. Something that is very challenging for me may not be as challenging for you and same goes with the fear.

So, in this small life of 35 years, I have come across many small and big challenges but the one that consumed me the most is being a mother. You may ask, why so?

We all think that’s its very natural to conceive and there is no rocket science in it. But it was only a few years back that I realised that conceiving was a BIG science.

10 years ago:

I was newly married and had some discomfort with my menstrual cycle. Hence doctor had asked me to do some tests. He said they were routine and normal. Once the reports were out, the first thing he said was, “You can never become a mother“. These words sound straight from a movie.. like ..  “Tum kabhi maa nahi ban sakti” but at the time it deafened me. I still remember the outburst I had after reaching home and poor Mr Husband didn’t know how to handle my emotional turmoil. Since starting a family was not an immediate thought because we were just married, finally I settled down after a lot of convincing that it won’t happen like the doctor said.

8 years ago:

By then, we were trying very hard to start the family. But failed every time. Doctors were consulted, horrifying tests were performed and we were asked to time the intercourse as the body was mapped to record the ovulation. Every effort failed! We could not conceive. We were then sent for an IUI. I am not going to go in depth with explanation of this process but do google it. Just understand that I would need to do a sonography every morning and then at the time of ovulation, I would need to visit the gynecologist to perform a medical procedure which will help me conceive. All this, with an extremely demanding corporate job was tearing me apart.

Finally a year later, we conceived! I was on cloud 9. I thought all the hardships are over. But I was wrong. It was a chemical pregnancy and it didn’t sustain.

Similar chemical pregnancy happened again in another cycle. By this time I was shattered. I could see all my perseverance go in vain. My body had gone for a toss because of innumerable injections and hormonal medicines and all that it got me in return was pain.

We took a break from medical treatments. It was much needed. It meant, we can experience the pleasure when we really feel like it and not when doctors asked us to! It meant we could go on a holiday and not worry about our sonography dates. It meant I needed not make my arms and thighs black and blue from the injections.

After a year, we returned to the treatments. In this time, I cannot forget to mention the continuous probing from the relatives and family about how can we have kids, how we need to visit an astrologer, how we need to do this and how we need to do that. Anyway, the IUI saga continued without any results. We made about 13 attempts with this procedure. After that we lost it completely.

Then came the time of a battle between mind and body. Mind wanted a baby and the body was tired. All through this journey, I had cried equal to make a sea of my tears, even thought of ending my life (only thought, i am glad i didn’t do it) and had slipped deep into the depression.

Then came a hope in 2017. It was 8 years to our marriage. We had our first consultation with an IVF specialist and she showed us some hopes. IVF meant draining a lot of money and preparing my body for even tougher medical procedures. We were game for it. I wanted to conceive and give birth to a live child any how! Please do google and read about what IVF procedure is. That doctor held my hand took me along the path of motherhood step by step.

Finally with a lot of hardship, in March 2018 I gave birth to Aarnav. I felt like I am the King of the world! I am ready to die now, I have got all that I ever wanted. I am a mother now!

I cannot miss to mention that my immediate family stood by me like a rock during all these years. They pulled me out of depression each time I slipped. They cheered me each time I have cried and they have assured me each time I had doubted about this whole pregnancy and birthing thing. I am forever grateful to them.

Also, I thank God everyday for giving us our baby. It wouldn’t have been possible without his blessings.

I could overcome this challenge because of God, my family and my will power. I am glad I came out of it alive. I now truly understand the meaning of the phrase

When going gets tough, the tough get going” I am glad that I was tough enough to face all this and come out being what I always wanted to be – A mother!

 

 

OVERCOMING THE UNWANTED PREGNANCY

Isn’t it true, we all carry the tendency of “UNWANTED PREGNANCY”! Metaphorically, we all feed some or a big amount of bad habits (imperfections) in our life since they are fun-filled and primarily we are enticed by their heroic personalities, whereas each of the bad habits we embrace finally results in kissing guilt and shame. Identically every human being, I was and is holding some amount of the tendency of Unwanted Pregnancy.

While in primary school, I observed some of my friends are using some foul languages and signs, which resulted to shut their counterparts up while fighting. I started learning and using those languages and by the time I passed my Board exams, I was well-versed with those bad languages and their meaning. Though often I behaved using it unintentionally, the truth was it was actually not so, since I knew what I’m quoting to the other person. I was so cunning that I was never scolded by any of my family members since they thought I didn’t know what is a foul language even. Gradually, towards my University days, I was already entangled with another awful habit that was “eve-teasing”. Chasing and passing on bad comments had become fun stuff for me. Somewhere I lost the sense of how hurting it must to them.

“If you give sin a foot hole it will one-day become your graveyard. But blessed are those who listen to good counsels and draw the line within the due time.”  

While being entangled with these bad habits, there will always be a voice either from inside of us or from outside of us that convicts us for our deeds. Exactly, in those days time and again I was reminded both in the Church sermons and by the godly people around me – foul language destroys your own character and it is an illicit pleasure. It was towards the end of 2008, my elder sister had to move to Delhi for her professional demands. Alongside missing her, every time as I pass-on bad comments to a girl my conscience convicted me – “how would you feel if someone does the same to your sister?” This daunting question put me into the cubicle of self-introspection.

American-Canadian-Indian author Dr. Ravi Zacharias rightly says,

“Any pleasure that jeopardizes the sacred right of another is an illicit pleasure.”

We may carry differences of status, religious views, influence, and political opinions yet one truth is absolute and holds each of us – Each of us has a sacred right to live life with due honor and it shouldn’t be hampered to treat our selfish and unmitigated pleasures. We are designed to exist within human society. As we put self in the first place the hurt of the victim of our Unwanted Pregnancy can be better felt.

Bad habits are easily learned but it takes a protracted period to break its chain. Though the protracted period consistently convicts us with the guilt of our failed commitments yet it has a lot of possibilities of overcoming it. Imagine the hurt of the victim of my foul words and eve-teasing, every time I made the commitment “NOT TO DO IT AGAIN”, yet often I failed. The tendency of failing happened not just once or twice but was almost for a year. With the years of inclination to sin and carrying the weakness of self-pleasure within, failing again is obvious but God searches our INTENTION. Perfection never comes one-day at a time. In the Bible LORD God says,

I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind.

Emblematically, the Unwanted Pregnancy (imperfections) has many faces – as we try to clean one the other one sprouts up. The closer the mirror is the more visible the pimple marks and blackheads are! As a kid, I had the bad habit of biting nails and as I tried to overcome it, I was stealing pencils and chalks from the classroom. When I started overcoming it I was subjected to malpractice in the exam, done and dusted overcoming it I was using foul languages… then eve-teasing… then illicit relationship… then addicted to cigars… then corruption… then addicted to porn… then extramarital affair… then lie… then cheating spouse… the list never ends. The inclination towards Unwanted Pregnancies refers to the existence of the tendency of sin within us. Sure enough, that has deserted us from the Perfect Being – GOD. As we realize and confess the tendency of Unwanted Pregnancies (imperfections/sins), our relationship with God restores. The closer this relationship, the more unwanted Pregnancies we operate. Overcoming brings perfection and perfection is the process to be PERFECT resonating the God-image within us.

 

MY THEN BIGGEST CHALLENGE, MY TODAY’S STRENGTH

It’s What” and not “Waaatt”. When will you ever learn to pronounce it correctly? It’s high time you learn English”, my friend mocked at me. Morning conversations with her, while waiting for the bus, every single day was torturous. Allowing her, to let myself down had become a part of my daily life. A person who studied in English medium school yet unable to speak in the language fluently, was instantly shamed. An introvert by nature, all I wanted was to run somewhere and hide myself.  

She was excellent in her communication skills. I thought, my language would improve, if I would talk to her on a daily basis. Nevertheless, I was proved wrong. She seemed to be more interested in pulling my leg than actually helping me get out of this situation. 

What if my grammar is incorrect? What if she makes fun of me again? I could be clowned. These were my inside thoughts, before starting a conversation with her. I was scared. I feared, I was not good enough for her or anybody for that matter.

Until, one day, I decided to break my shell, by challenging myself.  I didn’t want my story to end like this. Heading towards the College library, for getting a membership, remains one of the best decisions of my life till date. Reading turned out to be my favorite hobby and Alfred Hitchcock, my favorite author. I still remember how my mother would scold me for reading till late night, but all I wanted was to continue reading and finish the books as soon as possible. Gradually, reading became my favorite addiction and English my favorite language. 

At home, I requested my parents to communicate with me and my sister in English, as often as possible. Watching English movies with subtitles, listening to Ricky Martin and Enrique Iglesias’s songs, had become a part and parcel of my life.  After school, my younger sister, would come running to me to help her in her essays. No wonder, her teacher was amazed by her writing skills. My confidence was boosted, and I no longer shied away from speaking. 

English was my disability and today I have conquered it.  Yes, I am still in the learning process and not an expert, but the fact remains that, it is one of the biggest challenge I have overcome.  Today, when I look back, I have a smile on my face. My challenge to myself has made me reach so far, that today I am also known as a writer, who writes poems and quotes in English.   

Allow me share with you the lessons I learned in the process, that helped me overcome my challenges.

1. Now, that you have challenged yourself, remain committed to the same. No matter how difficult the challenge looks, if you are tired, pause but do not give up.

2. Even if no one motivates you or pushes you, BELIEVE in yourself. As the saying goes, “If there is a will, there is a way”, so find it yourself. Become a self-motivator.

3. Stay away from people who give you negative vibes and remain focused on what you want to achieve. Do not let their perceptions break you.

4. Now that you have achieved what you needed, remain grounded. Help those, who are in the same shoes you were in before. Become a candle in their darkness and let the light spread. 

5. Thank each one of them, who provoked you to take this up. If it were not for them, you wouldn’t have built your own ladder.

So, let me conclude by a quote written by me,

WA6z3465
(A product of Archana Dipu @YQ)

Keep reading and Take Care!

(Visit Ms. Archana Dipu’s personal blog at INKEDTREATS )