There are many times in life when we do something that we don’t intend to. Why do we do something without an intention? Because all the negative feelings like hatred, anger, frustration, guilt etc. do not work with Intention. These feelings only know destruction and even though these can motivate you for a short while, eventually they will make you do things that you do not intend to do.
Like for my 6-year-old son, there is a “Bad Devil” and “Good Angel” inside him. The bad devil often gets very powerful and makes him a bad boy. Good Angel on the other hand does the exact opposite. When he throws tantrums and misbehaves, it is his bad devil that makes him to do so.
Isn’t it true for all of us? Bad Devil making us do things that we definitely never wanted to do.
The way I hit my pup
When my dog was a little puppy only a month old, she was teething and obviously would chew on every item in the household that she could reach. It was newspapers, footwears, furniture, wires etc. One day when I came back from the office, as usual, she started climbing over me licking me all over. I have always loved being welcomed back home this way. But as I enter the house playing with her, I notice in the corner of the hall – my brand new (really expensive) footwears in tatters. My anger grows so badly within seconds, that I hit her with all my might. Poor thing, she fell down and had no clue why this unannounced attack came on her.
Pups are much like human babies. They cannot connect why grownups are feeling in a certain way if we don’t make it obvious for them. I didn’t do that. I scared the hell out of her, she hid beneath the bed and stayed there for a while. I looked at my broken footwear which was now beyond repair. After about 5 mins, I felt terribly guilty. I called her out, but she took her time to trust me again. And I am pretty sure that I saw tears in her eyes and she was even trembling. That day I swore to myself, that I will never ever hit her this way. She is such a precious little being for me and she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way.
How many of us intend to be the best parents in the world but end up abusing our kids or pets because of the frustrations of our lives?
The way I said mean things to my husband
Soon after marriage, I realized that handling a married relationship is in no way easy. It was great to be my husband’s girlfriend, but being his wife was a totally different ball game. Till this realization came, our worlds kept clashing and the difference in expectations made me do and say a lot of mean things to my husband. It didn’t mean that I didn’t love him, it just meant that my “Bad Devil” came in more than desired and made life very difficult for me. It made me do and say things that I never intended to.
And after every argument, I would text him – “I am really sorry. I didn’t mean to say that…”
One day he asked me, why you say things that you don’t mean. How do I know that you really don’t mean them? I didn’t have an answer but I apologized. But his asking me a question so direct, made me realize what I was doing.
Always to remember – “The spoken words can never be taken back”
I just gave two examples here. But there are innumerable incidents in different relationships where I have done things that are against my actual intention and regretted them.
How do I control my “Bad Devil” so that I don’t do things that I don’t intend?
A lot of things. Some common examples are –
- I try to keep an attitude of gratitude.
- I meditate.
- I say prayers either as affirmations, mantras or other things
- I ensure that I don’t take any action when I am in a negative state of mind.
- I ensure that I keep my mouth shut when I am angry.
- I take time-outs when I see my “Bad Devil” rising.
- I try to keep my intentions for each day very clear.
We human beings are blessed because we can use our intentions to move in the direction that we want to. Sometimes our negative emotions serve as a deterrent to our intentions, we need to keep them at bay if we intend to grow and evolve to better versions of ourselves.