THINKING NOT TO OVERTHINK

Embarking on a new journey must be an exciting one, right? How according to you is settling into a new city? Would involve a lot more responsibility, isn’t it? And what about starting a new session, joining a group of completely different people, entering into a new year, or go on a solo trip, etc.? Must be fun enough. Well for me this year it’s all at a time. I didn’t even realize how steadily my school days passed and I entered into my dream college. So obviously, with this new year comes a sense of responsibility, resolutions, planning and ideas, and a lot more than expected.

From the past few days of my life, I am recollecting hundreds of memories of mine just to figure out what went wrong somewhere. Why couldn’t I achieve what I wanted to? Could I be in a better place? Is what am I doing good enough? Shall I be at peace? Will I be happy reminiscing the time and place where I am now? And the list goes on and on. By now, many of you might have understood what my problem is. Yeah, it is ‘overthinking’ indeed.

People who know me well are of the opinion that my face says it all. However, it’s not every time they are right. I’m a very sensitive person actually. I take time to open up and don’t speak much though I am fluent when it comes to writing. I do raise my voice in public whenever in need but beyond that, you would always find me calm. A peace-loving girl I am and not much into social media, group chats, etc. Many of the people who see me upset don’t bother much thinking it’s none of their business, some of them do want to take the initiative but they don’t; thinking I should share it myself and that hardly happens. Only a very few of the people who believe in giving rather than taking dare to ask and help me out with what I’m going through.

And I want to change this habit of mine. I don’t want to seek any empathy from people. Overthinking is what makes the situation worse. Instead of finding a way out of the problem, it pushes you into the well deeper and deeper. You even begin visualizing the things that have not even happened in real. Your focus remains limited to the problem and doesn’t shift to the solution. You don’t feel like doing anything, cry out for no absolute reason and end up hurting yourself, and everyone around you. That’s the reason why you don’t have a group of friends to accompany you in whatever you do and wherever you go and you distant yourself from your family as well. I want to give up on such emotions and habits of mine. I wanna enjoy my life to the fullest, trying out new things, traveling and visiting new places, make good connections with everyone around me, and helping somebody in need.

So in this new year, I have decided to stop watering the dead relations that didn’t stand the test of time. Better to take the next step and let it go. Holding on to something that’s not yours would only hurt your self-esteem. For any problem in life put in your best efforts and never ever think about the results. Believe in yourself, learn to say no, and overcome your fears, meditate, take a deep breath, connect to God, and surrender. And yeah, one more thing to take into consideration is never caring what other people say. Their actions should not affect you.

In Closing, I would also like to share a beautiful quote by Erma Bombeck,

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”

DROPPING DOWN MY CAMOUFLAGE

It would be deceptive if I won’t pen my flaws down

All the time, each human appears in their exceptional camouflage. Isn’t it? Though this French slang “camouflage” was included in common English during World War I, as it was the well-known military visual deception combat tactic of that time yet it won’t be wrong to say, this habit is deeply rooted in human nature since its existence. Whether it is about penning or preaching, we prefer to take the reference of our good human nature. Mostly we prefer to hide our bad habits, evil thoughts, and devilish lifestyle. Of course, who wants to be off from the good book! The Bible perfectly frames it –

“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?”

But pathetic part of our camouflage lifestyle “we cannot hide the REAL ME from self.” Such one from many bad things inside of me – MY TONGUE!

The scripture puts it this way, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” And going deeper it says, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” In one-liner – whatever there is in our heart is expressed through our tongue.

In a few hours, I will be stepping into a new year with many hopes, many new professional life strategies, some new plans for personal life but as I take a flashback tour, one of the biggest struggles, I had through this year is “controlling my tongue” which of course resulted in hurting, breaking hearts, and unpleasant and unnecessary situations. Alongside I need to reason what made me fail in controlling my tongue.

THE EGO – None of we human will ever desire to fail or find the self as less important at any place. Desiring always to be at the upfront, our ego gets a hit if we find ourselves blamed or ignored. As the repercussion of such experience, the haughty spirit within us impulsively bashes upon our counterparts. Being arms down and blamed, our heart speaks out rudely and hurts others. Since every action comes has its own reaction, how can we run away without facing the terrible consequences? That’s why the Bible warns,

“A quiet mind is the life of the body, BUT ENVY IS A DISEASE IN THE BONES.”

THE ANGERMy mom and my sibling always tell me; you know you might not punch someone at his face but the words of your mouth can easily pierce the heart and bones, which is hard enough to forget in a lifetime. And my Uncle suggested to me whenever you feel anger, run away from the situation, have an alone ride, and chill your mind by eating some delicious food. It might be an instant relief from anger. But reasoning the anger, often when we feel tempered, the ME inside of me goes wild and does all that possible to punish the causer and prove justice by self-attempt. Our tempered mind weakens our ability of reasoning and quickens our haughty spirit. The tendency of which is, we spurt unethical and immoral words that victimize others.

Being our Creator and Sustainer, God understands our physical inability to control anger. That’s why God of the Bible suggests us,

“If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day. Moreover, don’t give in to worry or anger; it only leads to trouble. He who is slow to anger is better than a warrior, and he who controls his temper is greater than one who captures a city. “

BEING TALKATIVERecently, one of my good friends lovingly said, “you always love to explain things. I can understand your fear of the misinterpretation of your words and thoughts. Yet it would be much better if you would prepare your mind with a concise script what exactly you need to share.” As evidence to his counsel, recently in one of my meetings, in the flow of my talk, I just posed the right word at the wrong time which literally made my presentation faulty. As a result, the meeting didn’t fulfill the agenda. I realize the Bible says, “The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.”

Concluding, I would say to myself, “CONTROL YOUR TONGUE” because the Bible says, “THE PRUDENT HOLD THEIR TONGUES.”

Be Prudent!

LOCK ‘EM DOWN AND KNOCK ‘EM AWAY

Lock ’em down and knock ’em away

Your disdainful ego and pompous arrogance

 

Lock ’em down and knock ’em away

Those vile vices that you so hold dear

 

Lock ’em down and knock ’em away

Your raging fury and mindless vandalism

 

Lock ’em down and knock ’em away

Those clingy weights that pull you low

 

Lock ’em down and knock ’em away

Your venomous desire to settle scores and avenge

 

Lock ’em down and knock ’em away

Those discriminatory attitudes of racism, sexism and communalism

 

Lock ’em down and knock ’em away

Your unbelief and self-aggrandizement

 

Lock ’em down and knock ’em away

Those blind superstitions and irrational dogmas

 

Lock ’em down and knock ’em away

Your gossip mongering and jealousy

 

Lock ’em down and knock ’em away

The bitching and backbiting

 

Lock ’em down and knock ’em way

The sins you are enslaved to

 

While you are locked down against a life-threatening virus

Take time to introspect in a moment being serious

 

Count not the ephemeral losses that you may incur

‘coz those you anyway would lose one day

 

Unlock the treasures of the soul

That will make you contented and whole!

 

ADVICE THAT I RETAIN – NOT EGO, BUT PATIENCE AND LOVE

Proud millennials that we are, we have witnessed many changes in life. We have seen the world change – things going from bad to worse. We have seen the changing meaning of life and the relationships that come along with it – the way individual family life has become. When we compare our childhood to that of our children, we see a striking change which feels dark. During our childhood, we shared beautiful meaningful relationships with our grandparents and relatives. Children today, hardly get to see their grandparents. Relatives aren’t even in their range of social togetherness.
With slow, frequent and ultimate changes in one’s relationship, we have become more adaptive, strong and emotionless. In all these processes our brain has lost its efficiency as well. It doesn’t think about others and loses synapses when others talk either making us irritated or very less responsive or totally blank. By losing our control over our senses, one most obvious things comes into play. That is our ego!
Almost all the time we use our ego to save us from unpleasant situations and discussions. It makes us look cool, that is what we think. Our pride feeds on our ego. It gives us a sense of satisfaction when we win the argument. When we win a losing situation by putting our ego in effect, we lose the person whom we are fighting with. My parents once advised me saying, “Never bring your ego to any relationship you build, because in the game of ego, the winner is always the loser.”
Our ego kills the love of our loved ones. It breaks bonds, relations and even families. It’s definitely takes more than a person to build a family but it takes only a person’s ego to break that family. My parents also said, “never lose patience and be more adaptive to any changes that happen to you and your surrounding because good things take time.”
I have made use of both pieces of advice every now and then and have experienced a lot of things which has in turn, made me a more responsible, strong and patient woman of family. It helps me get adapted to the changes, makes me more patient towards different situations and helps me see through different perspectives of life.

Quote of the day

Holding on to anger and burning yourself up to the core is what the ego yields.

WHAT CAUSES ‘MISUNDERSTANDING’?

Misunderstandings

One cannot communicate

If the words are incoherent

There’s so much distance

Between the mind and heart

Impossible to traverse

Communication a distant dream

Words create a haze

Unaware of the growing chasm

Only heard are echoes of agony

I stumbled upon this particular poem by Jyoti Soni on WordPress which justifies what I wanted to present in this article.

The world and the societies in it were created and built upon relationships. And communication is absolutely important in each and every relationship. The moment there’s problem in the communication or there’s communication gap in a relationship it starts to rift apart. A perfect example of which was given on Sunday by Rajnandini in her article. The teacher in that article misunderstood Rajnandini and was devastated blaming her to be at fault. The relationship was breached though later it was restored.

But my question here is what caused misunderstanding in the above example? It was a mixture of her situation and pride which breed ego then it gave birth to misunderstanding. As a result of which she was angry and hurt. If she would have been little humble and asked the students about her share of badge or asked Rajnandini  directly about it then things would have been different.

Now, don’t misunderstand me here. I am not blaming her to be at fault or judging her. I just want to state how misunderstanding surfaced in that whole event.

This is an incident which took place between two colleagues. Let’s talk about marriage where the level of relationship is bit higher.

Marriage is such an institution where husband and wife are expected to be transparent to each other. There are so many examples of misunderstandings being evolved between spouses when a husband tries to do something secretly to surprise his wife and the wife suspects her husbands of doing something fishy behind her back. It can be other way around as well where a husband distrusts his wife.

Here, distrust gave birth to misunderstanding. If he or she would have just trusted their spouses in whatever they do then things would have been very easy and less complicated.

The third causes of misunderstanding is preconceived ideas about certain person or in single word we can wrapped it up as Prejudice. Aastha‘s article displayed an incident where preconceived idea and prejudice gave birth to misunderstanding between two persons spoiling a relationship.

In my marriage we both husband and wife know each other’s background, each other’s habits and behavioural patterns quite a lot if not absolutely everything. So we usually keep thinking about each other or misunderstanding each other basing on the knowledge we have about each other. My wife always tells me one thing… “Never weigh my works or activities based on my weaknesses. Never take advantage of my weaknesses“. That was her insecurity for which she says that but it was a valid warning for all. We actually should not react or respond negatively by misunderstanding someone’s ability just because we have little knowledge about that person.

So friends, let’s not ego, distrust and preconception breed misunderstanding among us or else a scenario as described by Jyoti Soni will be created within all our relationships.

Keep reading… Keep learning!

Stay Blessed!

“I”- LEADS YOU TO SIN

I ignored …. neglected and behaved like a stone.

The act was terrible. but what is done is done. The damage cannot be worked on. Those little eyes looked upon me with broken expectations, enough to drown me in those tears. The pain that propelled in my heart was inseparable. The pain I caused with my deed, my negligence was never an excuse to escape.

The wrongdoing I could have avoided, brought out the agony which she could not bear. It was so inhuman for me to even tell her that. All she did was look at me and weep in silence. Her eyes were haunting my thoughts all along. Even I couldn’t celebrate the victory of my winning argument. The thoughts baffled my head and mind. Finally,  I realized how foolish I was to think of winning over a child with a statement. She was just a small girl, how could she ever even reciprocate to her mother.

The next moments were full of disgrace and shame that I could feel all over. The feeling of shame crept into my mind and all I did was weep. It was like I was captured by the devil for a moment and then as the disgrace came over and conquered my mind, the devil left my side. Emotional turmoils were boiling in my heart, all I just wanted was to run back hug her and apologize. But, yes the ego never lets you do it.

Finally, Motherhood angel swept into my heart, I felt like there was the light beyond. I took up all my courage and went down to her apologizing for “behaving childishly”. The little hands wiped my tears and kissed me. I do not know what exactly I caused to her tiny heart, but indeed her heart was big enough to forgive her foolish mommy.

At times we are so childish that, we think we can fool around and mess with our kids. Ignoring them, their simple needs, their fulfill-able demands, and requests. As they fight with us, we just ignore the fact they are little kids, they won’t understand the depth. Still, we fight with them like adults do, as we cannot surrender to our ego.

Ego, temptations, greed etc. land us in bigger sins which we might think is minute but, are bigger mistakes. The sins are committed to hurt others in an immoral way. A sin is a stimulation that leads us to commit wrongdoing to hurt someone just to win over a situation or even the outcome of a chaotic mind. No one can live with a sinful mind, there will be a moment when even the true heart inside you cannot celebrate the joy of victory that you gained with all the sinful act.

As a mom, I commit a lot of mistakes, but it doesn’t mean that I have to live a downtrodden life. The moment we overcome from the shallow minds and understand the needs of our mind, living would be peaceful. Hurting someone to gain something in life is not a righteous act.  Many people commit sins knowingly and unknowingly just for the pleasure of seconds. The greatest fears in us lead to the commit crimes that can be avoided with a simple smile or a word of apology, even a hug.

Let us wear the smile on of our face and smile from our heart. No one lives a life to win over. We all live for a purpose. A purpose to keep ourselves and our near and dear ones happy.

“The center of Sin and Pride is ‘I’.”