Quote of the day
Holding on to anger and burning yourself up to the core is what the ego yields.
Holding on to anger and burning yourself up to the core is what the ego yields.
One cannot communicate
If the words are incoherent
There’s so much distance
Between the mind and heart
Impossible to traverse
Communication a distant dream
Words create a haze
Unaware of the growing chasm
Only heard are echoes of agony
I stumbled upon this particular poem by Jyoti Soni on WordPress which justifies what I wanted to present in this article.
The world and the societies in it were created and built upon relationships. And communication is absolutely important in each and every relationship. The moment there’s problem in the communication or there’s communication gap in a relationship it starts to rift apart. A perfect example of which was given on Sunday by Rajnandini in her article. The teacher in that article misunderstood Rajnandini and was devastated blaming her to be at fault. The relationship was breached though later it was restored.
But my question here is what caused misunderstanding in the above example? It was a mixture of her situation and pride which breed ego then it gave birth to misunderstanding. As a result of which she was angry and hurt. If she would have been little humble and asked the students about her share of badge or asked Rajnandini directly about it then things would have been different.
Now, don’t misunderstand me here. I am not blaming her to be at fault or judging her. I just want to state how misunderstanding surfaced in that whole event.
This is an incident which took place between two colleagues. Let’s talk about marriage where the level of relationship is bit higher.
Marriage is such an institution where husband and wife are expected to be transparent to each other. There are so many examples of misunderstandings being evolved between spouses when a husband tries to do something secretly to surprise his wife and the wife suspects her husbands of doing something fishy behind her back. It can be other way around as well where a husband distrusts his wife.
Here, distrust gave birth to misunderstanding. If he or she would have just trusted their spouses in whatever they do then things would have been very easy and less complicated.
The third causes of misunderstanding is preconceived ideas about certain person or in single word we can wrapped it up as Prejudice. Aastha‘s article displayed an incident where preconceived idea and prejudice gave birth to misunderstanding between two persons spoiling a relationship.
In my marriage we both husband and wife know each other’s background, each other’s habits and behavioural patterns quite a lot if not absolutely everything. So we usually keep thinking about each other or misunderstanding each other basing on the knowledge we have about each other. My wife always tells me one thing… “Never weigh my works or activities based on my weaknesses. Never take advantage of my weaknesses“. That was her insecurity for which she says that but it was a valid warning for all. We actually should not react or respond negatively by misunderstanding someone’s ability just because we have little knowledge about that person.
So friends, let’s not ego, distrust and preconception breed misunderstanding among us or else a scenario as described by Jyoti Soni will be created within all our relationships.
Keep reading… Keep learning!
I ignored …. neglected and behaved like a stone.
The act was terrible. but what is done is done. The damage cannot be worked on. Those little eyes looked upon me with broken expectations, enough to drown me in those tears. The pain that propelled in my heart was inseparable. The pain I caused with my deed, my negligence was never an excuse to escape.
The wrongdoing I could have avoided, brought out the agony which she could not bear. It was so inhuman for me to even tell her that. All she did was look at me and weep in silence. Her eyes were haunting my thoughts all along. Even I couldn’t celebrate the victory of my winning argument. The thoughts baffled my head and mind. Finally, I realized how foolish I was to think of winning over a child with a statement. She was just a small girl, how could she ever even reciprocate to her mother.
The next moments were full of disgrace and shame that I could feel all over. The feeling of shame crept into my mind and all I did was weep. It was like I was captured by the devil for a moment and then as the disgrace came over and conquered my mind, the devil left my side. Emotional turmoils were boiling in my heart, all I just wanted was to run back hug her and apologize. But, yes the ego never lets you do it.
Finally, Motherhood angel swept into my heart, I felt like there was the light beyond. I took up all my courage and went down to her apologizing for “behaving childishly”. The little hands wiped my tears and kissed me. I do not know what exactly I caused to her tiny heart, but indeed her heart was big enough to forgive her foolish mommy.
At times we are so childish that, we think we can fool around and mess with our kids. Ignoring them, their simple needs, their fulfill-able demands, and requests. As they fight with us, we just ignore the fact they are little kids, they won’t understand the depth. Still, we fight with them like adults do, as we cannot surrender to our ego.
Ego, temptations, greed etc. land us in bigger sins which we might think is minute but, are bigger mistakes. The sins are committed to hurt others in an immoral way. A sin is a stimulation that leads us to commit wrongdoing to hurt someone just to win over a situation or even the outcome of a chaotic mind. No one can live with a sinful mind, there will be a moment when even the true heart inside you cannot celebrate the joy of victory that you gained with all the sinful act.
As a mom, I commit a lot of mistakes, but it doesn’t mean that I have to live a downtrodden life. The moment we overcome from the shallow minds and understand the needs of our mind, living would be peaceful. Hurting someone to gain something in life is not a righteous act. Many people commit sins knowingly and unknowingly just for the pleasure of seconds. The greatest fears in us lead to the commit crimes that can be avoided with a simple smile or a word of apology, even a hug.
Let us wear the smile on of our face and smile from our heart. No one lives a life to win over. We all live for a purpose. A purpose to keep ourselves and our near and dear ones happy.
“The center of Sin and Pride is ‘I’.”
Finally, we came to the end of another fruitful week discussing about pride and arrogance. Though the size of readers is less this week but we did have some good write-ups posted throughout.
All the previous articles can be found HERE together starting from the Mega Article to Final Words.
Tonight, I am bit arrogant to write anything on arrogance… Lol 😉
But actually I don’t want to talk about it when the great people and the people around the world have spoken so much about arrogance. I have mentioned them as follows:
“You never really learn much from hearing yourself speak.” ― George Clooney
“Arrogance is a creature. It does not have senses.
It has only a sharp tongue and the pointing finger.” ― Toba Beta
“There are two kinds of pride, both good and bad. ‘Good pride’ represents our dignity and self-respect. ‘Bad pride’ is the deadly sin of superiority that reeks of conceit and arrogance.” ― John C. Maxwell
“Arrogance, ignorance, and incompetence. Not a pretty cocktail of personality traits in the best of situations. No sirree. Not a pretty cocktail in an office-mate and not a pretty cocktail in a head of state. In fact, in a leader, it’s a lethal cocktail.” ― Graydon Carter
The last quote by George Eliot was my favourite from the lot above. What arrogance can do to the people, we really can’t imagine. Is there any comparison between a cock and the sun? Yet, arrogance made the cock to think that the sun rises to hear it crow. Funny, isn’t it?
Friends, keep reading, keep pondering on these articles, snippets and quotes…
(Quotes are collected from - http://www.wisdomquotes.com, http://www.goodreads.com & http://www.brainyquote.com)
“No matter what you have achieved in life; no matter who you are, if you are arrogant – it all goes down the drain.”
I read this somewhere as a child and it stuck a cord inside me. I understood to the core that there is no reason or excuse to be arrogant – and I never took that path. Rather I went to the other extreme. I was too humble, so much that I allowed people to step over me and use me like a doormat. I was a low confident child who also suffered from being bullied. With time and age I understood the real meaning of ego, arrogance and how it is different from respecting yourself – and this is what I want to write about.
“I can do this job very well” is self-respect and confidence. “Only I can do this job and nobody else is as smart to do it” is arrogance and over-confidence. Self respect says that I should be valued exactly the way I value others and myself. Humility says I will always value others for what they deserve. Humility says that every human being is special and has certain qualities that I can get inspired from. Ego says that I am supreme and nobody else is better than me.
What happens when you don’t respect yourself enough? The world doesn’t respect you either and you get treated like a doormat. What happens when you are arrogant and egotistic? The world doesn’t respect you yet again because you don’t respect the world. The only way to be in harmony with the world is to respect yourself and others. One should be humble enough to say that I love myself and my world; I respect myself and my people; I will take care of myself and people around me; I will continue to find inspirations to be a better person and will inspire others to be better as well; I believe that I am special and so is every other human being.
So, understand the thin line between self respect and ego that we all have to watch out for – where one is vital and other is dangerous.
OUR EYES SPEAK
It is said that – ‘Eyes are the windows to the soul.’ So very true! Our eyes are one of the means via which we communicate non-verbally. They convey even more than our spoken words. Even when a person doesn’t utter a word, the expressions of his / her eyes speak volumes. Through the gestures of our eyes we communicate and also perceive the intents of the communication we receive from others. Eyes not only collect information from the outer world but also convey feelings and emotions. A gaze or a stare, the amount of eye movement, the dilation or expansion of the pupils are effective ways of conveying and perceiving conveyed information. And so, we have the innocent look, the naughty look, the sad look, the mischievous look, the angry look, the seductive look, the dangerous look and so on.
UNDERSTANDING THE HAUGHTY LOOK
This article deals with the ‘haughty look’. To explain simply, ‘haughty’ means ‘arrogant’ – bragging too much about oneself or showing oneself bigger and better than others. Haughtiness is a negative attribute of the heart. A person who is too proud of his / her intellect, wealth, accomplishments, looks, power, etc. is said to be haughty. A haughty person thinks and acts superior and looks down on others. To give examples – making fun of others and speaking in a cocky way when they are not aware of the new brand of mobiles that have been launched makes me haughty. To show off my accomplishments and boast of my degrees to prove that I’m more learned than others makes me haughty. To constantly boast of my looks and beauty in a way that pushes others to be ashamed of theirs makes me haughty. And yes, to show myself as too righteous and spiritual over and above others also makes me haughty!
When we refer to ‘haughty eyes’, we basically refer to pride in the heart which is conveyed through the gestures of our eyes. And so what we are looking at here is essentially an attitude of arrogance. Arrogance does not indicate confidence, as many may want to believe. Rather it is a reflection of insecurity and a fragile self-esteem deep within the individual.
HOW DOES HAUGHTINESS MANIFEST ITSELF?
When a baby is born, he / she perceives the world to be revolving around himself / herself. This is true to a great extent as everyone is fussy about the infant’s arrival. Infants generally outgrow this trait of egocentrism as they increase in age. However, the continual presence of egocentrism even in the adult years is perceived as haughtiness. Haughtiness is a negative character trait.
A haughty spirit emerges from a deep-rooted desire to cover up our shortcomings, to hide our fears, to protect our weaknesses from coming to the limelight by exalting certain other traits in a greater-than-life manner. A haughty spirit finds manifestation in the way we look at others. Have you ever been in a position where someone looked at you from top to bottom and either turned away their faces or gave a nasty expression? This is the work of haughty eyes. You couldn’t really understand the reason behind it, you thought there was nothing wrong about you and you deserved nothing of the sort. Perhaps you were hurt or you ignored the whole episode or decided to pay back to the person at an appropriate time!
REPLACE YOUR HAUGHTY EYES WITH HUMBLE EYES
Just as we would feel belittled by the haughty looks of others, our haughty eyes also have the potential to rob others of their self-esteem. The Bible tells thus – “Let someone else praise you and not your own mouth; an outsider and not your own lips.” When I praise myself and speak too highly of myself, I prepare the ground for a haughty spirit which is further manifested in my haughty looks. Haughty eyes are detestable in the sight of God. Our eyes are meant to express love and compassion for others – to build others and not break them.
Humility in spirit leaves no space for haughty eyes. When we accept our weaknesses with humility, we will rejoice over our strengths with the same humility. We all are designed uniquely and blessed differently. And so, it is for us to appreciate the goodness in others and lift them up.
We need not be like the egocentric infant, wanting to gloss over our own selves all the time. Let our eyes speak the language of a heart that overflows with humility. Eyes loaded with humility have a strange magnetic power in them which attract others, whereas haughty eyes repel. Those who humble themselves will find themselves exalted in due time. That’s the secret of success!
Author’s Bio: Rajnandini Sahu has done her Post Graduation in Clinical and Counselling Psychology and is presently working as a Counsellor in a school, apart from pursuing higher studies. She can be contacted at ‘firstname.lastname@example.org‘.