IT’S AGONY FOR ME WHICH SEEMED FUN FOR YOU

Some people are willing to betray years of friendship just to get a little bit of spot light and fun, this is what I learnt. As it’s no less than my own case where a fifteen year old was entangled and trapped miserably to live up in a situation of anxiety or apprehension. The situation was such that I had to live in the anticipation of fear and anger. And it was all triggered by jealousy and hatred for me.

Ultimately, the whole event directed me to a painful suffering caused by my own so called best friends which I realised soon. Besides, the number of depressed days, sleepless nights I had with them on a bed partially drenched with my ever rolling tears which still drives me out crazy sometimes even today.

Reminiscing all those darkest days of my life, I used to long only to be alone which seemed better that time. I was thinking being with myself only will add up a beauty in my life to drive my sufferings away and make my night time better.

I had one assurance in my heart that ‘God will never allow pain without a purpose for His children’. And He definitely taught me an unforgettable lesson. A lesson to be alone for the purpose for which I am created. Being alone to prevent me from falling into such a bad company again. In fact what I believe now is, “its better to have an enemy who slaps you at the face than a friend who stabs you at the back.”
Besides all these, the happiest and the prosperous me now feels as if God refunded me back everything with a beautiful cherishable family that I could ever have when I returned back to my home. I got back all that seemed so distant for sometime.
However, something that my mind wonders is, “blowing out someone else’s candle does not make yours shine any brighter”, and that’s what our nature preaches and our life teaches.
No matter how long does it take, when God works, it’s always worth the wait.

BFF – BEST FRIENDS FOREVER OR BITCHY FAKE FRIENDS?

“What’s your plan for valentine’s day? How are you planning to celebrate? Do we meet? What can we do?” I asked my friends.

It was almost a decade ago since we planned about the 14th of February. Even though we weren’t into some committed couple relationships, we were committed to each other as BFF’s. We tried to celebrate all important days of the year together, as a family. We were a group of 5 friends, 2 guys and 3 girls. We pretty much shared everything that could be shared. We were inseparable. Somehow, that year, this very date, I wanted to celebrate valentine’s day together. I persuaded everyone to go to some place to have lunch together. Everyone eventually agreed, except my best friend. She was and still is one of a kind. I lost all my wits and soon after my cool, just to make her come. Eventually it happened.

That reminds me of times, when I found myself in a position, where they would come to me with stuffs, and I tried to find a middle way to solve stuffs. I never liked doing that. I found myself taking all decisions, for us and somehow they all agreed, except my best friend, Anu.

Years went by, I left town for higher studies, their complains turned into small issues, small issues took the shape of big fights, causing them to tear apart. Far away, all I could do was, nothing. Still, I tried to pull them all in, maintain the group. I tried to talk to each one of them, and they could not just understand what went wrong and wanted out. Then they started blaming me for asking them to do things, as they wanted to do something different. I had to stop. Numerous things broke us and I am glad we all were strong enough to evolve and reign. This was the only picture that I had, it was my point of view. But, others had theirs. The views which I found out years later.

Good thing was, Anu was still my best friend. She tried to get us together, even when no one talked to her. I felt she did it for me and my heart was filled with love. I always lived in an imaginary love-friendship mansion with her, which was brutally demolished by the wrecking ball of truth. I always wondered, “Everything has fallen in place, we all have the old friendship going then why no one wants to reconcile with Anu?” I never asked anyone or her but this question killed me.

It was for me to figure out and eventually I did. One day, it so happened that, i met one of our friend. He explained to me, what went wrong. He told me how Anu used to manipulate things. She had always wanted to be the attraction of the group, the leader. She wanted everyone to love her and go to her asking for help. She also poisoned their ears about me with things, I would never think of. The get together she had arranged was because she wanted to get back on with her friendship with them, as they were blaming me for the everything. After I heard all these, I was shattered and devastated. How could she? She is my best friend. How? I could barely digest the new fed information. I felt it’s better to talk it out.

I told her about it. She was furious. She said, “What?? I didn’t say you are the culprit, they said and I just agreed. I called them there because they said they didn’t like you and wanted to be my friend.” She went silent after that. I went blank. Was that a reason to reconcile? “I trusted, loved and adored you, but you betrayed me?” is all I thought. What changed?? Do I really deserve it? Was I losing two of my friends? Was it necessary after all these years? I apologized to them both individually, saying; “I haven’t done anything knowingly, but I have hurted you guys, in many ways that I could ever think of and I am sorry. I still want you all in my life, as it was you guys, who were my life. And I am really sorry.”

Today, when I look back, I see my mistakes and I have definitely learned a lot. I am very close with all my friends, all of them. Leaving alone my best friend, Anu. Guilt got the best of her. Even though I am not a great person, but I really try hard to be a good friend. Friendship means a lot to me and I value it. Lying, cheating, backstabbing does not only break the wonderfully built relation but also destroys the essence of it. I realised, “It is better to have enemies who slaps you than to have a friend who stabs you from behind.” It is very easy for a stranger to become your best friend just as easy for a best friend to become a stranger.

I hope this valentine’s day everyone could/should cherish, celebrate and keep the love and friendship of their lives. Keep them all close to your hearts, for eternity. HAPPY VALENTINE’s DAY.

CHEATING – AN URGE OR AN OPTION

A Case Study

I have been in an unhappy marriage for five years now. My husband has been cheating on me since one year. Initially he did try to hide his transgressions by lying about his whereabouts. Our altercations hit high charts and eventually he admitted to cheating on me.

Why and how did this happen? Where did I go wrong? Will our marriage ever work?

I have been contemplating over these questions ever since, trying to rationalize my husband’s indiscretions. Being a student of science my first approach to any problem that knocks, is to go for a root cause analysis. And look what it reveals!

My husband might have been dishonest for a year, but I have been disingenuous since the commencement of our marriage. I have always pretended to relinquish his behavior and prevaricate through the situations. Our arguments have been the result of frustrations due to lack of communication.

So what are the primary reasons for lying and cheating in a relationship? If lying is fabricating the truth, cheating is deceiving the essence of the relationship and straying away. We all try to escape from boredom and lingering circumstances. Are fibbing and infidelity the actual solutions to this issue?

Most people fail to understand that being dishonest and committing adultery are just one of the options to escape situations. How about engaging in fruitful activities or actually addressing the matter with your significant other.

Digging deeper does unveil factors like lack of experience in a committed relationship could be one of the reasons for being mendacious. Sometimes the partner doesn’t understand the consequences of being deceptive. A feeling of insecurity owing to age, money, smartness or physical attributes is also linked to cheating. In such cases seeking external validation becomes more important than confronting the matter at hand. Another reason could be unrealistic whims and fancies of a partner that might lead to dissatisfaction, resulting in unfaithful behavior. Also succumbing to limerence and impulsive attractions leads to oversight of a meaningful connection.

As we skim through the reasons of indiscretions, we can find zillions of them. Regardless of the actual causes of cheating, there are always options available on grabs, like couple counselling, taking up hobbies and an honest discussion with your partner. 

I hope the articles which are going to be published subsequently throughout the week might throw some more light on the various reasons of lying and cheating in relationships. But to conclude, always remember that you always have a choice to not lie and cheat, than to compromise your integrity and give up on a meant to be relationship.

WHAT CAUSES ‘MISUNDERSTANDING’?

Misunderstandings

One cannot communicate

If the words are incoherent

There’s so much distance

Between the mind and heart

Impossible to traverse

Communication a distant dream

Words create a haze

Unaware of the growing chasm

Only heard are echoes of agony

I stumbled upon this particular poem by Jyoti Soni on WordPress which justifies what I wanted to present in this article.

The world and the societies in it were created and built upon relationships. And communication is absolutely important in each and every relationship. The moment there’s problem in the communication or there’s communication gap in a relationship it starts to rift apart. A perfect example of which was given on Sunday by Rajnandini in her article. The teacher in that article misunderstood Rajnandini and was devastated blaming her to be at fault. The relationship was breached though later it was restored.

But my question here is what caused misunderstanding in the above example? It was a mixture of her situation and pride which breed ego then it gave birth to misunderstanding. As a result of which she was angry and hurt. If she would have been little humble and asked the students about her share of badge or asked Rajnandini  directly about it then things would have been different.

Now, don’t misunderstand me here. I am not blaming her to be at fault or judging her. I just want to state how misunderstanding surfaced in that whole event.

This is an incident which took place between two colleagues. Let’s talk about marriage where the level of relationship is bit higher.

Marriage is such an institution where husband and wife are expected to be transparent to each other. There are so many examples of misunderstandings being evolved between spouses when a husband tries to do something secretly to surprise his wife and the wife suspects her husbands of doing something fishy behind her back. It can be other way around as well where a husband distrusts his wife.

Here, distrust gave birth to misunderstanding. If he or she would have just trusted their spouses in whatever they do then things would have been very easy and less complicated.

The third causes of misunderstanding is preconceived ideas about certain person or in single word we can wrapped it up as Prejudice. Aastha‘s article displayed an incident where preconceived idea and prejudice gave birth to misunderstanding between two persons spoiling a relationship.

In my marriage we both husband and wife know each other’s background, each other’s habits and behavioural patterns quite a lot if not absolutely everything. So we usually keep thinking about each other or misunderstanding each other basing on the knowledge we have about each other. My wife always tells me one thing… “Never weigh my works or activities based on my weaknesses. Never take advantage of my weaknesses“. That was her insecurity for which she says that but it was a valid warning for all. We actually should not react or respond negatively by misunderstanding someone’s ability just because we have little knowledge about that person.

So friends, let’s not ego, distrust and preconception breed misunderstanding among us or else a scenario as described by Jyoti Soni will be created within all our relationships.

Keep reading… Keep learning!

Stay Blessed!

NO ENDURING SECRETS

Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, observed, “Mortals can keep no secret. If their lips are silent, they gossip with their fingers; betrayal forces its way through every pore.”

Tip toe… tip toe…

She silently walked across the snow,

Jumping down to the street below,

All in the moonlight’s faint streaking glow.

Clutching the prized treasure,

Which she knew, was beyond measure,

She retained her composure,

Till she felt at leisure – much to her satisfaction and pleasure!

Ah! Straight she fell into the cops’ snare,

How she wished that it was just a nightmare!

Only if she would have been aware,

Never to her friend the secret share!

From ear to mouth and from mouth to ear,

Words pass on with great zest and cheer,

Showing many a lustrous veneer,

Or with a coat of murky mire smeared.

Betrayal looms large when secrets are out,

After which it makes no sense to crib and pout.

It sows the seeds of mistrust and doubt,

And breaks all relations howsoever devout.

The Whoosh whoosh whispers,

That among many friends transpires,

Oft breaks hearts and leads others to quagmires,

It sure is not cosy to nestle in the briars!

Neither a gossipmonger nor a secret-leaker be…

It takes a whisker to be a bleaker,

In someone’s world of rainbows,

Temptations to spill others’ beans always do disallow.

Keep the secrets shared with you,

Close to your heart.

Do not let anyone,

Throw a fiery dart.

Twice should you think,

Before leaving behind a slimy link,

Or venturing too far into the brink,

Bear in mind – even the whistle of the air can carry the slightest clink.

For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed,

Nothing concealed that will remain unknown,

The Omniscient Almighty holds the keys to them all,

Doesn’t matter whether big or small.

There’s wisdom in keeping your slate clean,

So that you can bountiful rewards glean,

When all would be unveiled,

You would surely proudly beam and gleam.

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