MY MULTIPLE SOURCES OF CONFIDENCE

As I was out for my morning walk I saw a little girl trying to learn how to ride a bicycle. I could see that she was struggling for balance, but she didn’t give up as her dad was behind her supporting her and urging her to keep moving ahead. He was being her source of confidence.

In this life all of us have struggled with self-belief one time or the other. We envy certain people for being so self-assured and appearing to be so sure of themselves.  It seems as if it comes naturally to them, doesn’t it? At various points of my life when I have been low on confidence I have found a source of confidence. And I have been blessed enough to have more than one source of confidence.

Going back to my school days when studies was of utmost importance my dad was always there to encourage me. He could be strict but he was encouraging, and always gently urged me to perform better in my studies. I never felt pressured and it helped me to be confident in my subjects as the element of fear and pressure was never dominating my mind.  Classes never seemed like a burden, thanks to him.

I have always been in awe of these public speakers, who so magically captivate the audience with their eloquent speech. Once it so happened that the top extempore speaker was absent in the class and we needed two participants for inter-class extempore speech competition. One of my friends who were a good speaker had filled one spot. My English Ma’am suggested me to fill the second spot. She said that I should give it a try. I reluctantly heeded to her suggestion. I was a nervous wreck in front of the mike and I think I just completed a sentence or two about my given topic, stared blankly at my principal and my classmates, and then stepped down in embarrassment.  But somehow to my surprise I felt my fear of facing a public audience had decreased to a great extent. And I realized that with more preparation and practice, I could, may be captivate an audience one day. That small push from Ma’am placed me in a position which I for long felt was beyond me.

She was also the first one who pointed out to me that I could write well. In one of my essays she had remarked that it was very interesting. It assured me that I was capable of writing well and in a way it was that one remark which spurred me to write articles, poems and snippets and maintain writing as one of my primary hobbies.

Confidence is such a fragile entity that a small positive word or action can uplift and do a world of good for a person who is need of it.

I don’t claim to be a very spiritual person, but whenever I need that internal peace and tranquility, a source of love and hope, I have taken recourse to prayer. My faith has helped me to get through some tough times. It’s a never ending source of inner strength and resolve. And I know that I can always count on it.

And when I have faced heartbreaks and emotional crisis I have turned to very close friends and certain cousins whose listening ears have helped me to lighten the load of my heavy heart. Though I have never been dependent on a particular anyone I am immensely fortunate to have multiple sources of confidence in my life.    

WHERE DOES MY STRENGTH COME FROM?

Recently, I was on chat with my friend.

Me: ‘Hi…how are you?’

She: I’m good. Thank you.

         Exams will start on 29th

        I have not studied anything

(Because since a month she was on bed due to an infection and she had recovered just 5/6 days back )

Me: Don’t worry. Trust God. He will surely help you.

       Can I ask you a question?

She: Yes.

Me: If I am not wrong, you’re in tension! Right?

She: Yes, a lot. I need to finish my courses before exam and I have no time left.

         I don’t know what is going to happen.

Me: Don’t treat it as problem, take it as a challenge. The situation will be little lighter for you to navigate.

        But ultimately you need the strength of the Almighty.

She: I’ll try…

Me: Sounds too bad… 

She: Why?

Me: You’re a brave girl. You know very well how to take a problem as a challenge.

        “I’ll try” – doesn’t sound good from you.

She: Hmm… But what to do? Situation is like that!

Me: Do you know there are two best lines that always strengthens me when I go through situations like your’s?

She: What are those lines?

Me: “Call unto me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know”

        “Be still and know, I am the Lord, your God” (The Bible)

Let me pen a bit from my past. It was January 2004 when I met an accident, in which I lost my memory for 3 hours. But it was only the power of God which brought me back to life. After that the Neuro-Specialist advised my parents that, “they should drop my education and keep me in a dark room where even sunlight can’t go because of my injury which was severe. And I was to be under strict medication till I turned 25 years of age”. It was then, when my parents were completely worn out, that they struggled to keep fake smiles on their faces to see smile on my face. As a pre-teen I felt like my life has become a scum! In such a fearsome condition my friends brought my annual examination news. Despite of my physical inabilities I urged my parents to give me prayer support so that I can write my papers. My parents sincerely prayed for me and I started preparing for annual exam but my brain was not coping with me. After every couple of hours I needed to take power naps. I was throwing up frequently. Even while writing my Maths paper I was unable to bear the pressure and slept for more than 20 minutes in the examination hall. But still I continued my studies and did everything like every other normal person does. Soon after graduating from the university, at 21 years of age I started my professional career where travelling and training was the nature of my profession from the very beginning.  

But the big question that always hits me – HOW  WAS I ABLE TO DO THESE THINGS?

  • Was the Medical science/my diagnosis/doctor’s advises all wrong?
  • Was this just a coincidence?
  • Was this because of my self-confidence?
  • Was this because of my hard-work?

Bible says, “If you have faith like mustard seed, your prayer will be answered by God.” And Bible also says, “Your faith must accompany your work. Work without Faith is dead and Faith without Work is also dead”.

I and my parents could have easily quit as per medical advice or could have continued my studies without seeking the grace of God. But then my life would have been such that I wouldn’t be sharing my life with you over here .

We have to work and along with that we have to put our confidence on God. God is the only PERFECT INFINITE SOVEREIGN entity. He created us with a definite purpose and has counted our days on earth. We humans are finite; we can’t guarantee our tomorrow but HE CAN! We humans are never 100% perfect; but HE IS! We humans depend on wisdom and knowledge but HE IS THE SOURCE OF ALL WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE!

What do you say, Is it self-confidence or Work with Confidence on God”?