ERADICATE SUICIDES

I do not understand suicides – I don’t understand how can somebody be so out of hope, how can somebody have no support system at all, how can somebody think of ending this gift of life.

I and my family have gone through this excruciating pain of losing somebody very close to this demon named Suicide and I know that pain and the feeling of guilt is unbearable. The feeling that why we couldn’t be there for him and how did we fail him so bad – kills us every single day.

It is usually said that when a person dies – s/he doesn’t die alone, s/he takes away a part of life of his/her loved ones too. This is very true. Losing a loved one kills a part of you.

All of us go through stress from time to time. That stress is sometimes just minor and at times major depression or frustration. All of us are equipped with resources to deal with this stress. When stress outgrows the resources, hope dies. And when hope dies – suicide is the only option. These resources are everything that gives person happiness – family, friends, hobbies, etc.

This entire week we spoke about this difficult topic. Our writers shared the experiences from their own lives where somebody close to them went through these traumatic suicidal tendencies. Chiradeep explained in quite a detail in the mega article what suicidal tendencies are that we need to keep a watch out for. Although this is not an exhaustive list, but it covers the most common symptoms that appear when somebody goes through this.

Spend that little time with your loved ones. Make sure you understand them. Be empathetic. No job, no amount of earned money, no meetings, no promotions or hikes are more important than a life of your loved one.  Don’t delay that call from somebody who is desperate for your help. Don’t hang up on somebody you feel needs you at that moment. That somebody could be going through that one weak moment and you could be the person who saves a life.

If you know of an acquaintance or a friend or a family member who has suicidal tendencies and you think you cannot deal with it – take professional help. There are numerous NGO’s working in this area and they can help you. There is also a helpline number available in most countries to deal with somebody who has such issues.

India helpline number is – 022 27546669. Save this number now and use it when you know somebody needs it.

Remember, it takes a lot to give birth to a life and bring that life up in this world. It is not worth wasting it.

HOW TO FIGHT AGAINST YOUR THOUGHT OF COMMITTING SUICIDE?

My friend Aastha challenged everybody to fight against our very thought of committing suicide. I have heard many people sharing their thoughts of quitting and putting and full stop to their lives. And I was troubled last night thinking about it deeply and trying to find out the ways to fight the thoughts of committing suicide. Because we all know that the person who’s struggling and having suicidal thoughts really can’t do the things which a normal person can do.

After lot of thinking and researching I thought of bringing out 3 MAJOR ways to FIGHT the very thought processes of Committing Suicide. These are the steps which a person who is having suicidal thoughts can possibly take at that state of her/his mind.

Let’s DWELL in them for sometime and understand. 

  1. DWELL with the RIGHT PEOPLE: Choosing the right kind of people as our friend who can create positive vibe within and around us is vital. It can be beneficial or fatal. We just need to remember that we need to simply avoid the creeps who can stab us from nowhere when we are at the lowest. Sometimes we are too hesitant to choose our friends correctly, with proper discretion. And that ultimately pulls us down towards a state where we start thinking about committing suicide. If you think or feel that being associated with some friends or a friend making you depress, sad, pushing you in to shame then please leave them at once.They do not have the authority of impacting our thought processes and making us think of pulling the string. Instead, dwell with the people who really care about us and us only. Dwell with the people who not only can understand us but  are also responsible by thinking about our physical, mental and emotional safety. 
  2. DWELL in the RIGHT ATMOSPHERE: Atmosphere can be your work environment, your neighbourhood, your family, even home etc. By family or home I mean those families or homes where the parents and the elders are abusive whether physically, mentally or emotionally. Anamika my friend who committed suicide used to come to my Mom and used to say that, “Auntie, I love to stay here in your home… I don’t want to go from here…” Unfortunately, she didn’t have the scope to take this step of choosing the right atmosphere. It is wise to talk to a person, a counselor, a psychologist or a person who can motivate our elders and help to change our atmosphere.  
  3. Do not DWELL ALONE: Mind it, this is the most dangerous thing to do to dwell alone when we are having suicidal thoughts. It is wise to RUN right away to the place of safety and to the people who care about us. We are vulnerable at these moments and we loose the capacity to think right at this time. 

To my amazement, I found a site called ‘HelpGuide.Org‘ that explains the DOs & DON’Ts when the suicidal thought comes to a person’s mind beautifully in an article, ‘Suicide Help‘ published in that site. And this article explains my above 3 points in little detail. The matter is given as under:

Things to do

  • Talk with someone every day, preferably face to face. Though you feel like withdrawing, ask trusted friends and acquaintances to spend time with you. Or continue to call a crisis helpline and talk about your feelings.
  • Make a safety plan. Develop a set of steps that you can follow during a suicidal crisis. It should include contact numbers for your doctor or therapist, as well as friends and family members who will help in an emergency.
  • Make a written schedule for yourself every day and stick to it, no matter what. Keep a regular routine as much as possible, even when your feelings seem out of control.
  • Get out in the sun or into nature for at least 30 minutes a day.
  • Exercise as vigorously as is safe for you. To get the most benefit, aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day. But you can start small. Three 10-minute bursts of activity can have a positive effect on mood.
  • Make time for things that bring you joy. Even if very few things bring you pleasure at the moment, force yourself to do the things you used to enjoy.
  • Remember your personal goals. You may have always wanted to travel to a particular place, read a specific book, own a pet, move to another place, learn a new hobby, volunteer, go back to school, or start a family. Write your personal goals down.

Things to avoid:

  • Being alone. Solitude can make suicidal thoughts even worse. Visit a friend, or family member, or pick up the phone and call a crisis helpline.
  • Alcohol and drugs. Drugs and alcohol can increase depression, hamper your problem-solving ability, and can make you act impulsively.
  • Doing things that make you feel worse. Listening to sad music, looking at certain photographs, reading old letters, or visiting a loved one’s grave can all increase negative feelings.
  • Thinking about suicide and other negative thoughts. Try not to become preoccupied with suicidal thoughts as this can make them even stronger. Don’t think and rethink negative thoughts. Find a distraction. Giving yourself a break from suicidal thoughts can help, even if it’s for a short time.

Are you having suicidal thoughts? Then please follow the above points and check with some one who’s compassionate and close to you always.

Stay safe and keep reading…

God bless you!!!

UNDERSTANDING SUICIDAL TENDENCIES IN A PERSON

WORLDWIDE SUICIDE DATA

A very old statistics reveals these facts which I have given as under:

  • Over one million people die by suicide worldwide each year.
  • The global suicide rate is 16 per 100,000 population.
  • On average, one person dies by suicide every 40 seconds somewhere in the world.
  • 8% of worldwide deaths are suicides.
  • Global suicide rates have increased 60% in the past 45 years.

Can you imagine what could be the stats now in 2016??? 

Years have passed away since Anamika’s death, but I feel a shiver in my spine even now when I recall her face. Her smiling face keeps flashing in front of my eyes. When I saw her for the last time her face was looking pale as if she was much burdened and wanted to tell me so many things. But she could not do that. It was only me who could not give her enough space to make her comfortable to share her heartache with me. 

So many times the family members and friends around the person who commits suicide find it difficult to understand the tendencies of that person. Understanding the Suicidal Tendencies in a person is of utmost importance to give a break to the staggering stats that we have come to know which must have really shaken us. 

I remember when I went in my vacation. I was busy with my friends playing cricket, cards, roaming around and celebrating with them. I could not imagine how quickly those 10/12 days passed away. She was a neighbour and was part of our group. Her family and my family were in good terms. We all friends were together almost the whole day except night time. She was with us always too. But when we were alone she would remain silent all of a sudden in the middle of our talks many times. I was so naive to be aware of the pain that she was going through. I was in 12th class so was not mature enough to understand that. I was busy making fun. She even showed me a letter a guy had given her. She read few lines for me also. She was talking about that guy. I do not even remember what she was talking about. What was her problem? I was so inattentive that time. 

Sudden withdrawal from general/normal activities:

Only if I would have been little attentive to her that time I could have realized what information she was providing me regarding her extreme sadness. I could have easily felt that emotion and understood the sign, the tendency of suicide in her.

We need to know that when an active and jolly person shows withdrawal from all the activities suddenly then that could be taken as major signs or tendencies of suicide. We should be warned of danger. In those 10 / 12 days Anamika had withdrawn herself so many times which I was not aware of at all.

My vacation time came to an end. I was ready to come back to my place of study. I said good bye to her. She was looking terribly pale. She held my hands and said, “So you’re going?” Her voice was feeble. I thought this to be just an emotional expression caused by my departure. But I never thought it would be an everlasting departure. 

Terrible Emotional Loss: 

When somebody’s loved one dies or somebody fails in exams, or somebody loses his / her job or something then we should be watchful about them. These people go through terrible and traumatic conditions. We should stay around them with our eyes wide open.

How I wish that I had stayed around her that particular time. When I recall her face now, I can easily imagine that extreme emotional agony and pain which she was going through that time.  

I came back to my place -to my maternal grandparent’s place where I was living. After 4 or 5 months of returning I started preparing for my 12th board exams. That time I received a letter from my mom where she had written that an accident that she witnessed had traumatized her. I thought my mom is scared of something as she is always. 

My exam finished. Summer vacation started. My parents also came to spend few days with us that time. That day after the breakfast my mom started crying and told me about the accident she wrote in the letter. She said, “Anamika is no more, she committed suicide, and nobody knows why she did that.”

I was stunned for few minutes. I could not accept what I heard. Her face started dancing in front of me. I stood there for sometime looking at my mom sobbing and telling me about her. Then I went to the bathroom and started weeping silently. All the memories of my last visit flashed back. The only thought that was torturing me was that I could not help her; I could not save her life. She was opening up before me, but I could not understand her heartache. I literally started blaming myself for her life. Even today I have that guilt in some corner of my heart. 

Sudden changes in behaviour/personality: 

When we find a sudden change in a person’s behaviour then we should be alert of the danger. Somebody who used to be very strong mentally sobs or weeps without any valid reasons and it happens constantly then we should watch out and stay alert. It’s not easy actually because people who are shy and introvert struggle to handle the emotional pain comparatively than the outgoing and extrovert ones. And it is really very difficult to understand the trouble shining in their faces who are generally quiet at normal times. How would somebody understand the changes in behaviour? May be it is possible when we watch that person very closely.

I remember my mother telling about her behaviors few days before she committed suicide. She shared how Anamika used to come to our parent’s quarter often and spend time with my mom for 1 or 2 hours at a stretch. She didn’t have the desire to go back to her own home. She used to love the prayer time at my parents’ place.

This behaviour of hers was also not considered at that time. 

Extreme Guilt Conscious: 

The person committing suicide usually displays feelings like self-hatred, extreme guilt consciousness, unforgiving attitude for self. These are really very scary and cannot be ignored. They need immediate attention and care.

Anamika’s family was a very educated family. All her elder siblings were very good in studies. She was doing in studies very well too. But she failed that year in her college exam and was going through depressive situations. I realized it later after everything was done… Huh!!! 😦 

There might be something more to the story which I was not aware of but still there were few clear signs of suicide that could have been handled in a very sensitive and mature way.

Talks only about death/suicide: 

If certain person only talks about death and suicide and shows unnecessary interest on those topics or asks about the pain or how the feeling can be when somebody commits suicide or keeps a record of these facts then we should be aware ad alert of the danger around that person.

We didn’t remember whether Anamika had ever asked questions about death or even expressed anything concerning suicide. 

That night I prayed to God and asked forgiveness for not availing the opportunity given to me. I asked Him the strength and the power to observe people closely, to be a good listener, to be attentive to people’s needs and to understand their heartaches. This memory made me sensitive to the slightest pain of any person I interact with. It alerts me every time I talk to a young boy or girl about their problems. Despite the guilt and pain, I am really grateful to God for teaching me this hard learnt lesson. 

All the above signs are inter-linked. All or most of the signs may be seen in one person. We should be careful immediately after seeing at least one of the signs. Then only we can save a life.

Let’s give a serious thought to it…

But before ending I would like to encourage with much concern to all the readers and those who are going through deep emotional agony about what Dr. Ravi Zacharias says in his article, Antidote to Poison“God is the Grand Weaver, capable of creating an unexpected and beautiful pattern out of a broken life.” 

So surrender your life to Him and He will lift you up at the right time.

Stay Blessed!!!

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME AFTER MY DEATH? WHERE WILL I GO?

woman-441415_1280“What?” “I have only one week in my hand?” “Are you sure doctor?” I was shocked and confused as to what words to choose to express my emotions. The doctor calmly replied patting his hand on my shoulder, “Yes…maximum 7 days.”

I couldn’t sleep that night. But after struggling for a few hours I didn’t remember when I fell asleep and started to dream.

I saw… I am standing in a solitary place and there’s light around me. Suddenly I see a medical scientist walking towards me. The thought of death was in my subconscious so I asked him quickly, “Sir, I am dying… Do you know what will happen to me after death?” He looked at me, smiled and said politely, “Sir, I don’t know… according to medical science there are no such proofs of life after death. Death is the dead end for an individual.” And he walked away leaving me in tears.     

Then as I was weeping I saw a Pandit coming towards me. I asked the same question to him in tears and he took out his book and started explaining what Hindu Shastra (Scripture) talks about life after death…

BrahmasoulsHe said… “Most of the Hindus believe in the cycle of birth, death and rebirth, which is called ‘Samsara’.

‘Samsara’ or the doctrine of rebirth is also known as the theory of reincarnation or of transmigration of the soul. This doctrine is considered to be a basic tenet of Hinduism. According to doctrine of rebirth, differences between individuals, even at the time of their birth are due to their past karma i.e. actions done in the past birth. For example if one child is born healthy while another is handicapped or blind, the differences are attributed to their deeds in their previous lives. Those who believe in this theory reason that since all actions may not bear fruit in this life, there has to be another life for facing or reaping the consequences of one’s actions.

It is mentioned in the Bhagvad Gita –

“As a person puts on new garments, giving up old ones, the soul similarly accepts new material bodies, giving up the old and useless.”
(Bhagvad Gita 2:22)

The Doctrine of Re-birth is also described in Brihadaranyaka Upanishad:

“As a Caterpillar which has wriggled to the top of a blade of grass draws itself over to a new blade, so does the soul, after it has put aside its body draws itself over to a new existence. 
(Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 4:4:3)

After he finished reading and explaining he went away.

Then after sometime I saw a Maulvi coming towards me. I greeted him and trapped him too with my question.

He too smiled and started describing calmly. He said…

Jahannam“It is mentioned in the Qur’an

How can ye reject the faith in Allah?
Seeing that ye were without life,
And He gave you life; Then will He cause you to die,
and will He again bring you to life; And again to Him will ye return.
(Al Qur’an 2:28)

Islam states that a human being comes into this world only once, and after he dies, he is again resurrected on the day of judgement. Depending on his deeds he will either dwell in heaven i.e. Paradise or he will dwell in hell.”

(Source: http://www.islamandhinduism.com/ih/life%20after%20death.html#link2)

He too went away his ways.

Two different explanation made me think for little more. I waited and waited for somebody else to come and explain it to me little more. Suddenly I saw a Pastor coming towards me. I ran towards him to meet him and asked him the same question.

We both sat down on a rock and he started explaining what he knows about after life.

RaptureHe said, “What exactly does the Bible say happens after death? …the Bible tells us that after death believers’ souls/spirits are taken to heaven, because their sins are forgiven by having received Christ as Savior (John 3:161836). For believers, death is to be “away from the body and at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:6-8Philippians 1:23). However, passages such as 1 Corinthians 15:50-54 and 1 Thessalonians 4:13-17 describe believers being resurrected and given glorified bodies. If believers go to be with Christ immediately after death, what is the purpose of this resurrection? It seems that while the souls/spirits of believers go to be with Christ immediately after death, the physical body remains in the grave “sleeping.” At the resurrection of believers, the physical body is resurrected, glorified, and then reunited with the soul/spirit. This reunited and glorified body-soul-spirit will be the possession of believers for eternity in the new heavens and new earth (Revelation21-22)

(Source: http://www.gotquestions.org/what-happens-death.html)

After explaining the Pastor got up, said good bye and went away leaving me alone there confused.

My dream ended when the nurse woke me up for the medicine. I opened my eyes and saw sun rays streaming inside my room. It was morning already and I didn’t realize it.

The dream was in my mind. There were questions popping up and troubling me. I have to decide and believe in somebody as everybody said differently.

I keep thinking and praying: “Oh True God, the Creator of heaven & earth and the whole universe, reveal yourself to me. Let me see and know who you are so that I can believe you and you only. Oh Almighty, reveal the mystery of life after death and let me know what will happen to me after my death? Where will I go eternally?”

 Author’s Bio: Chiradeep Patra is a finance man who works in a NGO at Kolkata. He is a writer, motivator & counselor. 

DEATH OPENS THE DOOR TO PROMISED RETURNS

Birth and death are the truths of life. When we are born on this earth, we also have to face death one day.

Yes, death can seem messy, unplanned, tragic and extremely sad. I think about all the amazing people who have passed on to the other side. How many had time to process the fact that they are about to die and how many transitioned to the other side not having had the chance to say goodbye to their loved ones.

Death is a natural part of our time here on earth…and it is not the end. It is only a transition from one realm to another. So when our loved ones die here on earth, it is only their physical body that dies. The soul floats away and continues to live.

Death opens the door to receive the promised rich returns. This body holds us prisoner to various temptations and weaknesses but death sets us free. Our soul sets sail from this world and safely arrives at heaven’s shore where there is no mourning, no crying and no pain.

That does not mean we should desire death and hate life. No, instead God wants us to live life to the fullest and to serve Him joyfully as long as we have life.

I have lost loved ones throughout my journey here on earth and how I long to bring them back again.I long for moments together, to hear them and see them smile again. Its normal to wish that our loved ones would never leave us.

Knowing that death is not the end brings me much comfort and our time here on earth is a beautiful journey, one to be embraced and celebrated. We all are made of pure love and we all will return to pure love when we leave this world

This earth is not our destination…we are destined for something much more beautiful and glorious as we wait to hear, “Well done good and faithful servant, enter the joy of your master.”

— Indira Patra

 

THE BEST WAY TO FACE DEATH IS TO BE PREPARED FOR IT

To emphasise on ‘preparation for death’ would be an unexpected topic to speak about. But yet, today I would like to share about my personal view regarding death.

I’m brought up in a family where I have been hearing from my childhood about life and death not only physically but spiritually too. I was a girl at my teens who always tried to enjoy every single moment of life happily and uncared of the further consequences, follow my daily schedule of life, enjoy performing my hobbies, going ahead with my passion and so on……But yet the matter of ‘Death’ was of much significance to me, it was a silly thing always neglected by me. Until the day came i.e 9th April 2006, when my Grandmom passed away leaving us in grief. On seeing her lying dead on the bed, my heart was shattered and was over-grieved with so much pain and sorrow. At that very moment I felt as if I have lost something very much precious and dearer of my life.

This incident led me to a traumatic situation and I quietly sat in the corner of my room and wondered why she left us. It took me some time to be out of this unstable situation. I was praying for some miracle to take place so that I can get my Grandmom back but then, I suddenly realized the fact that every individual has to die someday or the other. Sickness, accidents….etc. are just matters of reason but the fact is that we need to bid adieu when our time approaches. My Grandmom’s death was a turning point in my life and I started focussing on this very matter. Now I’m aware that I too have to face death one day, so I feel the best way to face it is to be prepared for it beforehand.

Death is of course an inevitable thing which every individual has to face one day. But the matter is how prepared are we to face it? In our enjoyment of life we forget the fact that we enter a new world after death where we can make a choice i.e heaven or hell.  It is something untold and unseen which we are unaware when to face it, so we should always be prepared for it.

I still remember before my Grandmom passed away she was so excited and ready to face death. Her last words to my family was an encouragement not to mourn over her death, but instead rejoice for she will now abide with the Almighty God.  I felt more encouraged when I recently read a poem  titled “May Be” by ‘Monalisa Changkija’, where she too reflects on the fact that death is to come in our life all of a sudden with no notification. But the best way to face death is to be prepared for it. According to the poetess ‘to be prepared’ is the only way to accept death readily with no grief and sorrow in our hearts to bid adieu to this world.

— Arpita Dutta

IS DYING A CHOICE?

Every beginning carries with it the inherent message of an end. Verily so with our lives! No matter how much exalted or how much wretched a person’s life may be, it is bound to reach an end. Scientific advancements have not yet discovered the elixir to immortality.

But, is death a choice that you and I get to make?

People in mere vegetative states lying on hospital beds for years together are pitiable sights before loved ones – brain dead, yet clinically alive. With the prospects of survival very bleak, what should the wisest course of action be? Would it be best to relieve them from their suffering and their loved ones from the daily hassles? Yes, one of the most controversial solutions offered is Euthanasia, otherwise known as mercy killing.

hanging-151491_1280The pressures of their day-to-day lives take a toll on many people. Unable to come to terms with financial losses, performance pressure, broken relationships or merely the monotony and purposelessness of life, several people contemplate suicide.

Complete-and-Incomplete-AbortionAbortion is considered to be the safe way out of an unwanted pregnancy, the possible fear of giving birth to a baby with mental or physical defects, the familial and social stigma of giving birth to a baby girl or the financial burden of feeding yet another mouth.

people-315910_1280Marrying outside the community or religion incurs the wrath of elders who contemplate snuffing out the lives of the erring individuals. Yes, that’s honour killing which is practiced even by many educated and affluent families in India.

All of the above are instances where man decides to play God.

Yes, death is inevitable. Once born, we all are bound to die. But, death is not a choice you and I get to make. Our times are in the hands of the One who has created us and has breathed life into us. Each life and breath is precious in the eyes of God. Preserve it!