MY DRIVING DREAM

One of the most cherished childhood memory is when one learns to ride a bicycle. I still remember when my father taught me how to ride my bicycle without supporters. He instructed that I have to take one round of the park and he will be holding the bicycle from the rear end. With hesitant and scared pedaling,  I started my way and was continuously telling my Papa not to leave his grip. When I was about to complete one round, I saw Papa standing at the start point and smiling at me. He said- “Look, you have learned to ride your bicycle yourself! “

Years later,  when I was officially an adult and riding my scooterette,  he coaxed me to learn his bike. Though I was hesitant initially,  he was sure that I will learn. And yes, I was riding his bike with gears all by myself! From 2 wheeler,  we progressed to 4 wheeler and he helped me to drive as well. Though he was always there to guide me, I couldn’t muster the courage to drive alone.

In after years,  when I moved to Dehradun,  my uncle helped me to gain confidence while reversing. He also let me drove his car in the enclosed township of his office. I was gleaming with joy and beaming with confidence. But,  only one thing was missing- the traffic! I knew how to drive, but not on the roads full of traffic.

After marriage and babies,  I wanted to be independent and so started taking lessons from driving school. The classes were over and the instructor told me that I only need to practice daily. Whoa!  Now that was tough. As they say – you cannot learn driving with your husband, I had no one else to look up to, who could go with me for my practice sessions. My husband tried to teach me though,  but with so many instructions simultaneously, I went berserk. With honking horns at traffic signals and following my husband’s diktat, my driving lessons became chaotic and stressful. Gradually, I lost confidence and hope. I don’t know whether I will be able to drive a car myself someday or not,  I feel it’s my unfulfilled dream. But “it’s only unfulfilled dreams that keep you alive”! So, probably, someday, somewhere, I will be driving my way through, all by myself.

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INDEPENDENCE IS MY DREAM

NOTE: Excuse me if you find this write-up similar to “My Bucket List” but nevertheless it’s a part of that list.  And most importantly don’t draw any serious inference from the title for I am leading a blissful life.  And before you get sneak peek into my dreams here’s a small story that I want to share with you all:

In the year 2017, I met a stranger on my way back home after picking up my daughter from crèche. He approached me and asked me if I could just walk down the street with my baby and cross the VILLAN. Yes, you read and heard it right, I said Villan as I was accidentally offered a role of extra in a Flemish serial to be aired this year,  Undercover (name of the serial).  Yet no clue when I mean which month and if I will be seen or not, that was special to me as I earned for the first time after my marriage.  That was petty but was MINE.  I lived my otherwise so far elusive dream that day.

IMPORTANT NOTE: We had to do four to five re-takes (I was perfect in walking though).

My Independence – Financial Independence has always been my dream. I have mentioned it so many times before as well.  I did enjoy that before getting hitched in wedlock. From taking petty odd tuitions to being an executive in a financial institution; from meager 1K to 30K+  per month in Indian currency and I had it all.  As the digits changed, as they ascended they gave immense pleasure. The increasing purchasing power in hand did boost up my confidence in being an equal supporter and contributor in the family.  Evolving standards of living did mark their presence felt in our merry times, felt fortunate and blessed.

Now after almost a decade of apparent unemployment (don’t miss to read between the lines) and reading innumerable times “We Regret To Inform You” I still yearn to live my dream once again. Though I am blessed to have a roof over my head and a comfortable life with no dearth of any sorts I have realized it was not the amount in hand but the role and the place in the set up that mattered.  The sense of being equal and being able to contribute makes a whole lot of difference, that’s my opinion though.  Nevertheless, that would take away nothing from millions of housewives working 24×7 to make things work and keep the flow intact for the family and I am an active member of this section.  Trust me, ladies, we are doing absolutely great!

But my longing for a job (my dream but not a dream job, will talk about it in another write-up) is not about just money only, for the Belgian Tax System suggests me to cool off my heels at home. For me it’s about my identity, interaction with the world outside, new learnings, regaining my confidence, enhancing the horizon of knowledge and more importantly it’s about one’s preparedness for the uncertainty that lies ahead in life. When life throws lemons at you, you be ready with your apparatus to make lemonade out of it 😂.

You can safely call me materialistic but my experience says that a pay cheque in your hand is not ONLY about purchasing power but it’s also about enhanced confidence of being an active partner when it comes to running affairs of the household; it’s about equally able to question as answerable you are; it’s about giving your family/partner an assurance that they are not alone in their journey; it’s about better preparation for future ( as said by the richest man Warren Buffet two streams of income are always better).

And this is what I suggest to my near and dear ones – strive for financial independence to ensure stability in the long run for economics do have an impact (if you know what I mean).

So I won’t stop dreaming about living my dream with and for my family. Though a lazy bug I am, I will surely work out a way to the realization of my dream one day – Hopeful and Willing too.

Anyways I  won’t mind facing the camera again 😂😂😉 (that’s called being over-ambitious and fantasizing).   Any suggestion on this path of dream realization is welcomed.

TRIUMPH IN FAILURE

 

Wings, I had wings

To soar high without any attached strings.

 

Dreams, I had dreams

To be the cream in the midst of creams.

 

Goals, I had goals

To touch many parched souls.

 

Ways, I knew the ways

To move on ahead along the coasts and the bays.

 

Steered, through every winding road I steered

No hill, valley or desert I ever feared.

 

Pinnacle, yes my aim was the pinnacle

To reach there, I needed a miracle.

 

Efforts, I put in hard and smart efforts

And I was offered all available supports.

 

Changes, alas there arose changes

In the contours of life’s ranges.

 

Questions, many questions

Gripped at all times the head and heart.

 

Faith, in God strong faith

Was the anchor while the river was in full spate.

 

Alone, never did I feel alone

Remembering always that God is still on the throne.

 

Own, never would He forsake His own

In hopelessness I would never bemoan.

 

Shine, for His grace shall on me shine

And not let me sorrowfully whine.

 

Hope, indeed I have a blessed hope

That I would in darkness never grope.

 

Victory, awaits me sweet victory

To bring an end to this journey’s story.

MY DREAM OF BEING A WELL-KNOWN DANCER

I just love to step into my dancing shoes – literally and figuratively. Dancing makes me happy and confident. It is one of my so many passions and since I was a kid, I wanted to be a well-known dancer. Now let’s define ‘well-known’, it has a different definition for each person and for me, the definition kept changing over the years.

I never had any formal training in dance, so quite soon in my life, I realized that I won’t go far with this ambition. Did I take any formal training? No, because I was busy with life and always had my hands full of something or the other. When I started working in GE Bangalore right after college, I was absolutely delighted to know that they had a dance group. They had multiple different events all throughout the year enough to keep this dance group on its toes. In my 8 years stint in GE, I have done at least 15 or so performances. Some of them were repeats but yes, those were performances. I loved that time of my life. Late evening and weekend practices, learning those new moves and always eager to teach coaches. It was a fun loving group which gave me a lot of friends.

However, there were some consequences of being known as a “dancer” at my workplace. When I left GE, I knew for sure that I would never mix up work life with my dance life. The two don’t blend well together because at my workplace I want to be known for my work. So, I joined Philips with a clear goal in my head that work would mean work alone. At the same time, I also conceived my son which meant I had practically now no time for a dance. Being a new mom took a good amount of toll on me.

Still, I did not give up. I took up Zumba when my baby was just 4 months. And the first time I did Zumba, I came back crying because I realized how stiff and heavy my body had become to even think of dancing ever. Slowly and gradually, with years of Zumba training – I could sustain more than an hour of the session. I even had the ambition of becoming a Zumba instructor myself – but gave up looking at my fitness levels.

Where am I now with my dream of being a well-known dancer? Well, people at work still know that I dance well (though I am not known for it). I still do Zumba but limited. I sometimes try to practice on my own in my bedroom on some Bollywood numbers. Recently, I choreographed a couple of dances for kids in the apartment and performed myself also in a group. This was done on Ganesha chaturthi last year. A few years from now when my son grows up enough, I can probably take up dance classes for kids or maybe even adults. I would definitely do something about it, just waiting for the right time. I hope that I don’t stay this busy with my life all my life to pursue this dream.

1, 2 – CHA CHA CHA, LET’S DANCE

Hello Everyone,

December 2006, party in the office and I was pretty excited because it was my first.  After feeling shy to open up, my feet succumbed to the beats of the music and I did hit the “Dance Floor”. Party was over, turn the page to the next day in office – people started recognising me for the first time and for a reason other than my work. “Is she the new girl from phase two who danced yesterday?”, “Is she the one who danced yesterday? – this is how they wanted to be sure, this is how people outside my team and block started to recognise me (I became pretty popular 😋). That was because of my “Dance” and I enjoyed every bit of that appreciation and popularity (me being a human have my own follies, appreciation do flatter me😉).

And this is not just one occasion in my life, I have incidents (read parties, celebrations, friends get-together etc.)  where my moves were applauded.

I loved dancing since the day I knew about it. But could never pursue it. I don’t regret it because that’s the way my course of life was shaped up.

Dance for me is a way to be happy: There was a time (precisely 2006-2009) when I used to work as a collection executive for a banking firm, everyday after returning to home, at the end of every stressful day at office I would simply switch on the music channel on television and let my hair down and flow with the beats. That period of barely ten to fifteen minutes would lead to flushing out negativity, release stress and not to mention the perfect exercise it was.   And when stress is at bay I am definitely a happy soul, isn’t it?IMG-20170726-WA0023

Dance – Dream:  Well I don’t want to mince words and make it sound like “dance is my passion”.  No, it’s not and I am honest about it.  Had it been passion then I would have pressed hard to acquire professional training in dancing.  But it’s still my love not to the level of obsession. And for the dreamy person I am, I literally dream that I am dancing when physically it’s not possible. In my head when I dance there’s a full setup around along with people and it’s only me who hold everyone’s attention. And the bliss that I enjoy in that music trans is evident for sure on my face. If you have experienced it then you know what I am talking about 😀.

I know I don’t have those perfect moves of those learned ones, I am not that flexible but I enjoy what I do.  I dance for myself and dance (whenever I can) like there’s no tomorrow. I am not sure whether I am talented or not and that makes least difference to me but till the time I can dance I would and would never hide it. And would love to learn it some day to have gratification of  “Me” in me and it doesn’t matter at what age.