THE BEAUTY IN BROKENNESS

Recently, while cleaning my favorite coffee mug it slipped from my hand and broke. I felt bad for a while and thought it is of no use now. But after a while, the Japanese idea of mending broken objects came to my mind. Well, I don’t have gold, so I used Feviquick Gum and fixed my coffee mug. Now I can’t use it anymore for the same purpose but that doesn’t mean it is of no use now! I promoted its place to my study table from my kitchen and of course, I will be using it for a special purpose.  

I have cracks and patches YET, I’m Alive
I have pain and problems YET, I’m Alive
I have worries and anxieties YET, I’m Alive
I am ditched and rejected YET, I’m Alive
Now I learned, “This is what is life!”

Somewhat in an emotional state during the initial years of my passion for writing, I penned these words. Every time I re-read these lines today, it seems quite apparent to me.

We all are broken from inside in different ways and at different intensities BUT you know, “it’s okay to be broken!” In fact, unless something is broken it can’t be built again. Rising up from brokenness multiplies our strengths and understanding. As a good teacher brokenness teaches us volumes and redefines the meaning of our existence.

As an immature adult, some of the wrong decisions I made had deeply hurt my parents, and my dad refrain from interacting with me. Those three and half years were too painful and burdensome. In advance, if God would have given me an option to erase something from life, I would have erased those years.

“Does that mean those were so bad days nothing beautiful that I can’t bask in?
Or, Is there nothing worth enough for me to take away?”

Obviously not! Brokenness gives us a story. But the story begins only with pain and its top checklist is, “our hope & desire to stay alive.”

God in His supremacy never intended man to become the puppets in His hand. Rather he has crowned him with knowledge, wisdom, and freedom of will so that “man can become the better version of himself”. Yet, in the supremacy of our freedom of will, we take some wrong decisions which create cracks and later part brokenness within us. Our guilt reminds us, “you are of no worth!”

But Jesus said,

My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life”.

There is always beauty in brokenness. It is often way beyond our understanding but that is how God designs us. An anonymous poet has expressed it this way,

When God wants to drill a man,
And thrill a man,
And skill a man
When God wants to mold a man
To play the noblest part;

When He yearns with all His heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall be amazed,
Watch His methods, watch His ways!

How He ruthlessly perfects
Whom He royally elects!
How He hammers him and hurts him,
And with mighty blows converts him

Into trial shapes of clay which
Only God understands;
While his tortured heart is crying
And he lifts beseeching hands!

How He bends but never breaks
When his good He undertakes;
How He uses whom He chooses,
And which every purpose fuses him;
By every act induces him

To try His splendor out-
God knows what He’s about.

B.B.B

“Broken ‘but’ Beautiful”


Clearly, something’s not right-looking at the 3 above words. I tend to look at a word or a phrase practically from the point of the language first, after which on dissecting it further, will I probably look at it from a different angle, and even after looking at it from both the aspects – it doesn’t feel quite right

I personally think the above phrase or the concept of ‘broken but beautiful’ is absolutely flawed, simply because if we look at nature as a whole – broken things don’t really make beautiful viewing (talking about objects here) and to apply the same principle to people is simply preposterous.

Help me understand better here: aren’t we taught in school, that a particular energy floating around gets attracted to similar energy floating elsewhere?; applying the same principle to people – a broken person will only be attracted to another person who is probably going through the same feeling, so how does then broken+broken=beautiful?

Yeah right! When it comes to emotions, we really can’t talk of calculations.. but if you look at it logically, you will see my point. I look at life from a very realistic point of view, so what I see, is what it is, and what it is, is the way life rolls out.

Am I reading too much into it, or am I just a realist to understand the ground reality other than just accepting blindly what I read, watch, or hear?

There’s an Indian web series by the same name ‘Broken But Beautiful’, and while it makes perfect viewing for the ‘average emotional Indian’, I, on the other hand, enjoyed it for its pure entertainment value and background music.

It is said that, how a person turns out to be, is a combination of the people, relationships, and situations he finds himself around.

People aren’t born broken, it is simply a combination of meeting the wrong people, going through wrong relationships, and hanging around in the wrong places. Ever wondered where your wheels are driving you to? or your feet walking you to? Maybe a little awareness of what we’re doing and how much we’re giving ourselves into temptations, gossip, and wrong company, would go a long way, in us leading a much more content life instead of swinging the other way.

I believe if we can sort these 3 things, we can clearly drop the ‘broken’ and simply keep it ALL beautiful

WHEN OUR PATHS CROSSED

After eight years of marriage, Saanvi visited Delhi which once was her turf. She grew up there. That city for her is a bundle of memories – good, bad, enjoyable, precious, sad, unbearable – quite a complex concoction that she treasured. After her marriage, she moved away from the city so does her family.

Now after eight years an unusual business brought her back to the city. As she landed in the city, she was caught by the whip of air of the city, “how much I missed you” she sighed and headed for the hotel. As the taxi traversed through the lanes of the city, her thoughts wandered along with the wheels. Her eyes feasted on the street food, her senses were bamboozled by the color and fervor of the city, the ears were enjoying the concert of the noise of all-around. With all the sensory overloads she reached her hotel. That day passed in resting.

The next day after she was done with the day’s business she decided to indulge herself in some exquisite Delhi shopping. As she was loitering in the lanes of famous local markets, she felt as if someone called her name. She turned around but couldn’t find a familiar face in the hustle and bustle of the market. She strode forward and within a few seconds she heard her name once again “Hey Saanvi!” She turned again to confirm if it was real or if she was hallucinating something. But to her surprise (rather a shock) she wasn’t. It was Amit, her Ex.

Hi Amit, how are you? Long time” Saanvi greeted cordially but the awkwardness was written all over her face. She never imagined she would have to face him again in her life. In heart of her heart, she always prayed that she doesn’t have to encounter him. “Yes, Saanvi, it has been 8 years. Where were you? It seemed you completely disappeared after your marriage. What happened, did you decide to sever the ties completely with your old friends? Itne bure nahi hain hum (we aren’t that bad)” and he laughed heartily. They decided to sit in a nearby restaurant to catch up.

Saanvi was still wasn’t at ease. Amit realized that and without beating around the bush he confronted her “what’s the matter? You don’t seem to be alright. I see you are upset with this unexpected meeting as if you never wanted this to happen. Am I right?” Amit paused a bit to give Saanvi a chance to explain herself.

“You are right as usual, I never wanted to see you again. The reason being I am burdened by the huge baggage of guilt that I have been carrying throughout these years. Do you remember that day when you proposed to me? I was happy but my happiness was short-lived. When I reached home the biggest shock of my life was awaiting me, a marriage proposal. My father’s health, his reputation, and everything else were at stake. I tried to open up my heart to him but couldn’t. I had to accept my fate. You were upset when I broke this news to you. We cried together and that was the last time when I saw you. I carried on with my duties and responsibilities as a daughter, a wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother but the guilt never left my heart. The guilt of not giving our relationship a chance, the guilt of leaving you in misery made me weak to pray that I never have to face you. My life is comfortable but there are moments when the thought that it could have been different with you often crosses my mind. And there isn’t a single day when I never apologized to you in my heart. Would you ever be able to forgive me and let me put off this guilt?” She paused.

Amit patiently heard this and at the end, he smiled “so you needed the courage to face me? Are you serious? See, there are many things in life that we direly need and want and our relationship is one among them. I never dreamt of anything or anyone else so dearly in my life other than you. It’s true but just the way you compromised with your fate so did I. I loved you so there was no place for any anger to foster there. Of course, it took years to take a forward leap but I did. And anyways I am not a saint, I too got married and this is my world now“. With a hint of wit in his tone, he showed his family photograph to Saanvi. His gesture calmed her down, her smile was more natural now. She sensed relief.

The serious conversation finally got diverted to a lighter tone as old friends would have. The cheque was paid and before leaving Amit reminded on thing to Saanvi “Our relationship might be broken but not finished, not every relationship needs a name or gets a closure. It might be broken but it is beautiful, isn’t it?”

***Note: Based on a true story

BROKEN BUT BEAUTIFUL

I was hurt, as he turned out to be a flirt,
I was in pain, as his behaviour was insane.
All my requests and petitions to him
Were nothing but all in vain.

I was in utter loneliness,
But he didn’t care to see my brokenness.
I was crying, but no-one heard me
Or could understand my the sign.
I was dumped, but he never cared,
I touched the rock bottom, the seabed.

I decided to finish my life,
To break free from all my strife.
Why to live when there’s nothing left?’
I thought as I planned my own fate.

But then, my inner human arose
From the depth of my soul,
It showed me the beauty of a Diamond
That lays deep down in the ugly mines of coal.

The blessings of that very moment,
Always stood firm beside me till my present.
After the passing of a devasting storm,
I, the sapling survived and life took a new turn.