MOTHERHOOD AND GUILT ARE INSEPARABLE

Being a mom, you are going to be bombarded with so much guilt for everything you do to everything you don’t do.

Nearly, 90% of moms feel guilty- And yes it is not a surprising element. Right from giving birth, breastfeeding, parenting, helicopter parenting and much more, you will stumble every now and then with guilt.

When pregnancy starts, it begins creeping into the thoughts.

“Oh, I didn’t have this, my child would have got better eyes, lips..etc”

“Oh, I should have lost enough weight,so that I would not have gained this much during pregnancy, now how I am gonna take care of myself and my kids . . .”

Blah… blah… blah…

A lot many thoughts keep conflicting the mind, rather than focussing on the real thing.

Again, after giving birth, most moms around 10 % or so, struggle with breastfeeding, some do not have enough supplement, that they have to start on formula milk, some do feed enough that the baby is growing fatter… and much more..

The list just prolongs from then, there is never an end to it.

Again the common guilt which is prevailing is when a mother is back to work. The guilt is much heavier than an atom bomb, it just breaks away the confidence and the mother’s dreams, that finally she gives up, the hopes and be a dedicated mom.

But again, it is not the end of the story – the guilt is inseparable.

When kids grow up, the mother again feels lonelier and again guilty of giving up her career, and then finally not able to give a kick start to it, because she keeps blaming herself for all the decisions she took in her life.

So what’s the story now?

Why do women, especially moms feel the guilt?

Is it because she doesn’t do her things well enough? Or,

Is it the society, who is grading the moms?

People tend to forget that moms are also humans, they also have their share of life. All they need is some time on their own, a job to make them independent to boost their self-confidence. And they just need slight support, not huge though.

So moms, just chill, if you are feeling guilty;

  • Firstly you do an excellent job, being a mom.
  • It is not easy just being mom, it takes up so much effort and you are the best at it.
  • Remember that your happy mind keeps everyone around you happy. So smile, take your own time and chill out.
  • Not breastfeeding is not the end of the world. Somethings are not in your hands. There are thousands of women who are not able to lactate, and it is not their fault.
  • Parenting is indeed a mess, you fall in uninvited, but yes, you might take your time to gather around and swim across to the shore.
  • Do not compare your parenting with others, you need not be guilty for your choices if you know you cannot control it.

Moreover, it is not in your hands that, the people around you are beguiled by the traditional patriarchal child-rearing setup, which is mostly triggered by maternal guilt rather than parental guilt.

Leave the idea of perfectionism, rather than focus on what is good for the child.

Just ignore your guilt and then focus on your child. Guilt gives you nothing, your child will give you the universe of happiness.

LAST TIME I CRIED…

4 months ago:

The anesthesia had already started to work, when the doctor asked me, “Soumya, what do you want?” With a smile on my face, I replied, “Anything doctor.” My doctor asked me again, “Still, any preferences?”

Drifting into the world of my dreams for some seconds, I thought about the most beautiful relationship according to me. The relationship that the siblings share. I had always dreamt of a brother as a sibling. And I also had a wish that, if ever I am able to give my daughter a sibling, then it should be a boy so that she can feel and enjoy it as all my cousins did. I have always felt that the relation between a brother and a sister is very pure, strong and charismatic. I have seen and witnessed the love they share.

I answered, “Doctor, as you know, that I already have a daughter. It would be great if she has a brother to play with.

The procedures had already begun. I drifted back to those painful 8 months. Those initial pains, series of blackouts due to hypoglycemia, premature tendencies, increased number of hospital visits, chances of miscarriage during the 6th month, admitted and being treated for the same. The many painful steroid injections and IV drips, giving way to many painful days and some very painful nights. The labor pains and the fear that we (mother and child) might not survive if things go otherwise. Emergency admission and surgery. I and my husband were both tensed for many such reasons. During my previous hospitalization, we had a mother who lost her 33 weeks baby to gestational diabetes. I also had gestational diabetes and endocrinologist had also warned us about stillbirths. My husband (who wasn’t in a good shape either) was waiting outside the OT for some news, hoping it to be good.

It took them 12 minutes to cut through, then they pushed my baby out. I was fervently praying that my baby should cry out loud when it comes out. Lo and behold, my baby cried. My doctor told me, it’s a boy. But I was so much happy that my baby cried that I couldn’t hear what she said. I asked again, “Doctor, is it a boy or a girl.” My anesthetist said, “you had made a deal from above, you couldn’t have got anything else, it’s a boy. Congratulations.” After giving him a wash, they brought him near my face. I could just see his small little nose, his beautiful eyes, and red lips. I was overwhelmed.

As soon as I was out of OT, my husband came to see me. I looked at him and cried. He reciprocated. It was a cry of happiness and victory. God had lead us through the valley of troubles and dangers into a beautiful life. Our family was now complete. Our second bundle of joy was here.

All Rights Reserved with Mrs. Soumya Rout & her beautiful family

Struggling through the entire pregnancy, being ill for almost 90% of times, I now have a chance to witness the bond I have had longed for my entire life. I can live the love and bond through my kids. To be a mother is a very intense feeling and to get your heart’s desire is another one. I had a combination of both at that time and it was a magical and emotional phenomenon. My son is now almost 4 months old and has already started looking at and following his “didi (sister)”. This is just the beginning of a happily ever after.

FB BEST CAPTION COMPETITION – 3

This time I took long to announce the winner but this time there were 25 entries and it was difficult for me to decide which one was the best. All entries were fabulous and I thank all of you to participate enthusiastically. There were few Biblical metaphors and a Bible verse which can’t be compared with other entries so they are not considered though they were absolutely fitting for the picture.

Following are the captions for the picture:

Ashrita Saran: “Arise and step out from where you are to where you need to be!”

Amiya Kumar: “Arise and awake…Be ready for struggle…But life is not an empty.” dream…make it sublime!

Kalpana Kameshwari Vogeti: “Your cocoon is no doubt comfortable but there’s more to life beyond that!”

Pratikshya Priyadarshini: “Break-through 

Smruti Rekha Patra: You will never know your real self unless you break through the shell of ignorance.”

Vidhi Bomb: “Break the walls of anxiety and learn to fly on wings of hope.”

Pradita Kapahi: “*Looks at the camera* MOMMMMY”

Parimita Mohapatra: “Safe in a shell but that’s not what you are made for. Get ready to break open your comfort zone and face the unprecedented life.”😬👍

Esther Joy: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb…” Psalm 139:13

Subha Smita: “Birth is jus preliminary.. Each time u step out, you face a whole new world…” 🐣

Rain Stickland: “Limitless possibilities await.”

Subhashree Das: “He breaks & he builds!”

Namrata Patro: “Metaphor for resurrection, immortality, and the Trinity.”

Lipika Sahoo: Struggle for surviving begins!!”

Sagnika Rout: “Sometimes the start of something new begins with a goodbye… Trust the magic of beginnings!”

Isaac Mohanty: “Come out and be a living creature!”

Nerella Sima Das: “Preservation until the time Appointed!”

Vijayanand Mohapatra: “Struggle- our companion from the very first day we step into this world.”

Swatismita Rout: Indication of God’s Appointed time which overrules….”

Avinash Das: “Hope for Life!”

Preeta Bhatnagar: “Dear Future, I am ready!”

Diya Lal: “Imagining the world from dotted holes. Ready to rise.”

Sakhi Bansal: “Dwelling in Darkness made him think he’s Blind; stepping in light gave him Vision.”

Aditi Chitale Ranade: “Be brave, take the first step… then there is no looking back!”

Vipra Madaan: “Expecting the unexpected!”

It’s a delight announcing the best one which I chose to be the winner of this particular competition… Sakhi Bansals  caption impressed me more than the others as it tells the life goal of a human coming into this world and moreover it was a very wise quote so I chose it to be the best.

 CONGRATULATIONS, SAKHI BANSAL!

Note:  The Wining Poster Certificate was set as the featured image of this post and will be displayed on the site’s sidebar.