More Pain, More Happiness you are Rewarded with

It is said that ” the height of emotional pain we endure, measures the amount of happiness we gain”.
What do you say?

Happiness is not just a stand-alone emotion, it is a comparative emotion.

If you notice, some people are overjoyed with even little things in life, because they have suffered the most inwardly and everything else they receive in life seems to give them the strong gush of happiness.
It is told that, if we do not experience darkness, we do not value the light we receive. It is hard to measure in terms of how much joy it gives, but if you feel your heart is uncontrollably happy and thumping, then you have the joy of your life.

Being a mother, i felt this joy, when I look into my daughter’s eyes, the immeasurable joy i find being with them, cannot be even expressed in words.
Some days, i get too tired and exhausted that i feel like the world is hanging upon me, especially when I was going through the postpartum depression state, it is hard but i guess most moms can relate to it. In such a state, the pain induced into our mind, due to insecurity, the helplessness, the chaos in life, the acceptance of becoming a mom, the madness of mad hours and much more is like a crazy drive, but again, in the end, when i hit the bed, be it like 12 in the night, or maybe like early morning 2, i just fall into the bed, and then comes, the soft little fingers looking for me, the moment it touches my skin… it is like magic.
I feel like being lighter and floating in some cloud. As if i am transported into another world and every burden seems to fly away from me. It is like a cradle holding me up in the world, protecting me from the thorns of expectations, troubles and much more. And all i need that tiny hands to hover upon me and put me to sleep.

This joy is immeasurable !!!
The joy of motherhood.
All pain disappears and all I need is my angels near me.

As i said, you cannot enjoy the joy every moment gives you, without enduring the pain.
People build walls around them to protect themselves from the emotional pain, but they forget, the higher they build the wall, the lesser happy they are gonna be. When we build walls, we disconnect from the world, which is also bound to give you happiness too.

Pain does serve several purposes in life.
It signals us to pure joy and happiness that is like a rainbow after the rain. But the more we run away from everything in life, we are gonna miss what is in store for us.
You can’t reach a destiny when all you want to do is stay indoors.

The intensity of the struggle determines the happiness you will receive.

UNDERSTAND THE TIMING OF YOUR SMILES AND TEARS…

My life’s motto which I had written on my Resume as “To Smile And Make Others Smile“. And I believe I had been a reason behind the smile in either this or that person at different situations or different points of time.

A smile fine, is condensed sunshine. 

A smile is one of my clothes that I wear every time while I interact with people. You can say… ‘I have a smiling face‘. I personally don’t like being grumpy. I look worse when I am grumpy. Nobody, those who know me likes my grumpy face. They always like my smiling face and someone known to me can easily make out when I am grumpy. They would know when I am pretending to be ok and wearing a fake smile on my face. So a fake smile can hide a millions of tears is not something which is possible when I am grumpy. 😉

That is when I always like myself to be all alone to get recharged. As I said I hate to stay grumpy. That’s quite unlike me. But when I am extremely sad or hurt my smile really fades out from me. And it was more necessary for me to be all alone to myself. I create strength by shedding tears in solitude because I desperately try to get out of that phase.

“Yes,  I am emotional and it’s ok.” God created so many things but out of all His creations our emotions are the most intricate ones that He created within us. I love the fact that I am emotional. It’s a confirmation that my God created me more intricately. Actually He did that to all human being though we express differently to be named as either ’emotional’ or ‘cold’.

So when I start smiling again freely I get confirmed that I am ready to interact with all as usual… I can create magic with my smile or with good words that comes out very naturally from my mouth. But I agree that crying your heart out relieves the burden. I smile now because of that hearty weeping session which I choose either to be in my bathroom or while sleeping with my face away from the person beside me.

This is all about me which I shared above concerning my smiling and my shedding of tears. But I would like to conclude with a piece of advise for all of you which I had learnt in my life.

For me Tears and Smiles are like two windows that displays all our different emotions which are hidden within us. Both these outbursts of our feelings are very precious to ourselves, are extremely loud and are our strengths or weaknesses at different times. So it is very important for us to know the timing of expressing them… as the wisest king Solomon says,

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: … a time to weep and a time to laugh.”  

So many times I tell my wife, “don’t waste your tears or smile in front of this or that person… you can be taken for granted”. Yes, never let your precious pearl like tears fall in front of a person who doesn’t value it… you might regret it later… Or never smile when someone might get hurt mistaking the warmth of your smile as cold. Understand the timing of letting your smile or tears to appear on your beautiful face. 

Stay Blessed!

​THE SOUND OF SMILE!

6p.m. : Sanket logout from his system and sent a WhatsApp message to Priya…

Sanket: Hi… How are you?

Priya: Yes…I’m fine. How about you?

Sanket: Just logout. When will you logout?

Priya: In 15min.

Sanket: Okay. Let’s have coffee and then I will drop you at your place!

Priya: Okay. Coming to next building CCD in 20 minutes

Sanket: Okay Ma’am. Waiting for you

At CCD…

Sanket: (with big smile on his face) Hey dear… How was your day?

Priya: (with a bit of reluctant smile) Hmm… as usual. Nothing new. How about yours?

Waiter: Hello Good evening Ma’am, good evening Sir! Your order please?

Sanket: Priya, what would you prefer?

Priya: One Cold Coffee!

Sanket: One Cold Coffee for Ma’am and One Cappuccino for me

Waiter: Thank you Sir. (He walked off) 

Sanket: I am doing good but what’s the matter with you… How’s life going on?

Priya: Wish I die at once, rather than dying every moment!

Sanket: Why are you saying like this? Is there anything wrong?

Priya: I have never expected Sanky will cheat me. Last month I caught him intimate with another girl from his company. How come he can do like this? For him I went against my parents. I pushed my life into all kinds of messy situations. I trusted him. He was my first love. I had dreamed so many beautiful things but why he did like this? Where shall I go now? What shall I do? It’s better for me to kill myself rather than dying  remembering his betrayal each moment. 

Sanket: My friend…why do you think like this? It’s good that you saw his real face quite early. Still you have better option to choose. Live your life with your parents… Keep dreaming for something better rather than that cheat. You don’t know people are in worse condition than yours.

Priya: Yes… dear. Since then my parents and their aspirations regarding me have helped me to survive. Though the days to come may be harder for me but I will try to live on.

Sanket: Okay. Good and courageous girl. Let’s go…it’s already 8 and I need to drop you as well.

Priya: Don’t worry, I will call Uber. 

Sanket: No…it’s okay. I can ride 2 km more for my dear friend.

Priya: Thank you for being so kind to me. You’re truly a good friend of mine. Wish we could have met early.

After an hour Sanket dropped Priya at her home. And with a smiling face he gave her a nice Indian hug. Kissing her forehead he said, “Stay in peace. Wish I could meet you tomorrow but…”

Priya: Wiping tears from her eyes.. thank you my dear for the love and encouragement. Why people are not like you? 

They Shook hands with each other and went their ways. Next morning at 7am  Priya sent a WhatsApp message to Sanket…

Priya: “Good morning dear. Thank you again for yesterday. Almost after one month I was able to sleep last night. It’s all because of the time spent with you. Can we meet sometime today?”

But there was no reply from the other end. She tried to phone him but his number was switched off. After 30 minutes…the phone rang. 

Priya: Hello

Other end: yes… this is Smita yaar.

Priya: oh…yes. Tell me

Smita: Did you hear the news?

Priya: What news?

Smita: Arre…yaar about Sanket!

Priya: (very worried and in loud voice) What happened to him?

Smita: Rahul phoned me and said… Sanket hung himself last night in his bedroom. Police took his dead body for post-mortem this morning. I came to know that, last week his girlfriend rejected him because he was from a middle-class family and was unable to afford her the luxuries. 

Priya: With sobbing tone… what a girl is she? Getting partner like Sanket is a blessing. But you know last night after office both of us had coffee. As I unfolded my story to him, he counseled me and encouraged me to move on leaving the past as past and so on. Even he dropped me with a nice hug, kissed on my forehead and said, “Stay in peace. Wish I could meet you tomorrow but… wait….wait…  Stay in peace. Wish I could meet you tomorrow but…

She thought for sometime thinking of those sentences what he said to her…

Priya: OMG…what a blunder I did? (slapping her forehead)

Smita: What blunder?

Priya: That’s the reason he said, I wish to meet you tomorrow but…..! How fool I am  that, I just ignored that ‘but…’

We come across this sort of stories in our walks of life… Isn’t it?

Often we meet people like Sanket. Though they carry too much of pain in their heart but still they don’t display it on their face. You will only find smile on their faces and encouraging words on their lips but they have a stories underneath their aching hearts.

It is very unique… ‘Human life begins with tears and ends with tears…’ But still there are few people who know how to smile. Because they know that smile is contagious and very effective. Smile is not just a display of emotion rather it displays relationships…it displays love…it displays care… and more over the silent words behind it are – ‘I know I have problems but still your problem is greater than mine. Can I help you?’

Though I don’t have younger sister in my family but still God has provided me a sweet lovely younger sister Alaka (her elder sister is my friend). Whenever I feel worried and in much of sorrows… I feel desperate to see her face. It’s just to see her truthful smile I search for her because I usually don’t share my problems but her smiles bring a smile on my face  spontaneously and I feel bit comforted.

Bible says, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows”. And in context of giving smile, this is absolutely relevant. The tendency of selfish human nature is to move around in our own stories and own problems, we never tend to give a smile and look at other’s problems. We always love to wipe our tears and give tears to the other person.

But I will encourage you to ask yourself a question – 

“How many times I stood as the reason of someone else’s smile?” 

Life will begin and end with tear. That’s the reality and the perfect pattern to teach us many things. Life lessons cannot be learnt in the stillness of water, it can only be learnt facing the high waves in the seas of life. But along with the tears in heart we have to smile and look at the other person’s story. I am not giving an encouragement to reflect a plastic smile but encouraging to be a reason behind the smile.

Be a reason and read the story behind every smile or tears.

God bless you!

Avinash

TEARS CAN BE USEFUL

There’s an iconic dialogue in one of the Indian movie – “Pushpa, I hate tears”, this is what the protagonist says to the lady of the movie.  That actually makes me think not just twice but many times – Why?  Why hate tears? They are not that bad per say, what say?

Tears according to my understanding have their own importance in human life.  They are a strong weapon a woman possess (men say so 😉). Ok let’s not dig deeper into serious and sensitive issues of feminism and gender equality.

*Note: This is my personal take on tears and you can always have a different view-point.

I vividly remember when I was in 11th class, I along with a group of friends went for the renewal of bus pass as we started using public transport. Everyone in the group got their bus pass renewed and my turn came and the person on the other side of the window declined to renew my card. “Why?” I asked.  He said…… (actually I don’t clearly remember where the problem lied) but the crux of the matter is denial to oblige the request.  I broke down in tears as everyone from my group almost left the place with job done and that was the last date.  The person in charge looked at the sad face of mine and decided to grant the permission for renewal.  And I was relieved.  My tears played positive for me.

In another incident I had a similar melt down in front of doctors while I was searching a place for my son in special schools.  My tears definitely impacted them (I believe so and wholeheartedly).

But trust me my reaction in any of the above mentioned situations was not intentional.  It just happened.  And I am unapologetic about it😊.

So frequent are my melt downs that my teacher once asked me if I have an inbuilt tank in my eyes that start overflowing at the click of a button. But can’t help it, this is Me!

So tears in melt downs can melt the hearts and prompt them to help others.  This is how I think tears are useful.

Crying your heart out relieves the burden :  There are times when I feel knocked down in life.  I can not voice my inner feelings vocally but only let my eyes swell with pain and the tears dampen my cheeks.  Slowly and steadily with every drop pain seems to vanish leaving me light.  And of course one such session gives a good night sleep, a blissful slumber 😁.

Only sensitive not weak:  Many think that tears are a sign of weakness.  And God forbid if a man is seen teary eyed he is branded “weak”, “girly”.  It is an absolute wrong notion.  Tears show how sensitive you are and sensitivity I don’t think is a synonym for weakness.  Your tears are a way of expression be it happiness or grief.  And there is nothing wrong in letting them flow.  On contrary suppression could lead to build up of agony within oneself.  That equals to volcanic eruption as anger that could damage our relationships, our image, could result in possible depression which is fatal in every possible way. Expression and letting the pain go is very important.

Therefore let the tears flow, it’s absolutely Okay!

SMILES AND TEARS

Nature’s kin, the earthborn beings,

Every soul shelters

a nature within.

Tear-brimmed eyes

are infinitesimal clouds.

Every blink a lightning.

Every glare a thunder.

Then the tears travel south

like a river adamant to

engrave its own path.

Staining all lands

with sentiments moist.

A smile fine,

is condensed sunshine.

Refulgent and live

like minuscule streaks of wildfire

powered by fiery wind,

vaporizing the moistures

drying away the gloom,

which the tears hide

In their lucent bulk.

In the microcosm of a human

The fire gets to win.

Pratibha Roy

​LIFE IS ALL ABOUT SMILES AND TEARS

It was a week after I got to know that I was pregnant  with my first child. After 2 years of marriage, my husband and I decided to have a baby as my biological clock was ticking as I was 29 already. We were elated and extra careful, as I was working as a pre-primary teacher in a formal school. I noticed 2-3 rash spots on my abdomen. I immediately called up my mom who said it’s not normal and asked me to visit my gynaecologist as soon as possible. I went to my school to give my cupboard keys and by that time another rash erupted on my neck. I was just smiling and wasn’t perturbed at all. We were not sure what was the reason behind the rashes.  We went to the doctor, who asked us to wait and watch the rashes, as they were too less in number and I didn’t develop any fever. Just the next day my rashes grew and yes, we were sure it was chickenpox.  I was referred to a dermatologist  who gave me varicella medicine and assured us that there’s nothing to worry. However, the gynaec told us that chickenpox, that too for the first time in life, possesses 2.5%  threat to the foetus. The child may be born without limbs, without eyesight, or with mental defects. Also, she told us that the 5th month scan will confirm whether to keep the pregnancy or terminate it.

Just when I had started to enjoy the pleasure of motherhood, I got this blow. My smiles turned into tears. I was terribly scared and no matter how much I tried to be happy, tears would roll down on my cheeks. The dermatologist told us that since I have taken the medicine, there’s no need to worry. My 5th month scan came out normal and I was relieved, yet a bit petrified. Finally, when the labour day came, the second question (first being the universal – boy or girl), I asked my gynaec if there was any effect of chickenpox on my baby. The moment doctor showed me my boy and told me everything is normal, I was smiling wide and shedding tears of joy. 

During schooldays, when we were taught the famous quotations, I came across this one-

“Life is not a bed of roses”.

I always used to wonder why… But realized when I grew older and learnt the complexities of life. Life gives you so many reasons to smile and many reasons to cry as well. I have been complimented often that I have a beautiful smile, so I always try to put a big smile on my face and feel confident to face the challenges.  Yet, I am able to break down easily. If I am very upset or angry, I cry. I just cannot control my tears. If I hit my son, I regret and cry. Any little sweet gesture that my children give me can also make me cry. In short, if I am upset, I cry and  even if I am too happy, I get teary-eyed. My husband makes fun of me, saying that I have an ever-ready  tear tank in my eyes! I just tell him, “Yes,  I am emotional and it’s ok.” 🙂

SOMETIMES, A GOOD CRY CAN CURE WHAT A GOOD LAUGH CAN’T …

How have you been? Long time !!” – Doctor

Sorry Doctor, couldn’t manage time for a visit to the hospital. I am doing better than earlier. ” – I have explained him my current health condition …

Okay, that sounds good. Any other symptoms?” – Doctor

I have one big problem, and I need your help in resolving it” – Me

What is that?” – Doctor

I am unable to cry …” – Me

What? Are you crazy and do you face a big problem because of not being able to shed tears?” – Doctor laughed out loud…

You told me that I will have dry eyes and would feel very dehydrated due to medication. But, I was not anticipating this side effect. I am really sorry but can’t live with this” – Me

Tears do heal me and I love the friendship I have with tears. I cannot go without them and I have suffered enough since the last two months. I am facing a lot of problem because I am unable to do my waterworks. It is considerably important for me to be able to cry. I cry, a lot, at least 2 -3 days a week, I do shell a few tears. As natural it is for me to respire to live, the same is the importance for me to be able to cry. I am not afraid of my emotions, at the same time I feel embarrassed, so I usually don’t cry before others.

If I get into some fight or few people talk totally insensible things about me, sometimes it disturbs me. When a loved one is involved that hurts me a lot. At the same time, I really don’t like reacting at that moment, I do take my time, cry out, think through and get back to normalcy. 

I am a very strong person, to which I agree, but the strength does not come from any black hole. I create strength by shedding tears in solitude, I control my anger, deal with the hurtful situations I am going through, all of this managing a smile on my face and with one expression I really love, “I am ok”. I may be fooling others, but that is better than ending up hurting them.

Apart from the general emotions that fall under the umbrella of hurt, I do get emotional and cry for other things. Singing or listening to National Anthem brings tears, seeing an act of kindness, holding a child, seeing a new born in ICU, if my loved one is in pain, well, I do feel very emotional.

When we are overwhelmed with joy, we don’t control our smile, it’s ok to cry. People who ignore sadness cheat themselves out of an important facet of life. Crying, it’s a sign that you’re a human and have feelings beyond what you’re told is appropriate to show in public.