More Pain, More Happiness you are Rewarded with

It is said that ” the height of emotional pain we endure, measures the amount of happiness we gain”.
What do you say?

Happiness is not just a stand-alone emotion, it is a comparative emotion.

If you notice, some people are overjoyed with even little things in life, because they have suffered the most inwardly and everything else they receive in life seems to give them the strong gush of happiness.
It is told that, if we do not experience darkness, we do not value the light we receive. It is hard to measure in terms of how much joy it gives, but if you feel your heart is uncontrollably happy and thumping, then you have the joy of your life.

Being a mother, i felt this joy, when I look into my daughter’s eyes, the immeasurable joy i find being with them, cannot be even expressed in words.
Some days, i get too tired and exhausted that i feel like the world is hanging upon me, especially when I was going through the postpartum depression state, it is hard but i guess most moms can relate to it. In such a state, the pain induced into our mind, due to insecurity, the helplessness, the chaos in life, the acceptance of becoming a mom, the madness of mad hours and much more is like a crazy drive, but again, in the end, when i hit the bed, be it like 12 in the night, or maybe like early morning 2, i just fall into the bed, and then comes, the soft little fingers looking for me, the moment it touches my skin… it is like magic.
I feel like being lighter and floating in some cloud. As if i am transported into another world and every burden seems to fly away from me. It is like a cradle holding me up in the world, protecting me from the thorns of expectations, troubles and much more. And all i need that tiny hands to hover upon me and put me to sleep.

This joy is immeasurable !!!
The joy of motherhood.
All pain disappears and all I need is my angels near me.

As i said, you cannot enjoy the joy every moment gives you, without enduring the pain.
People build walls around them to protect themselves from the emotional pain, but they forget, the higher they build the wall, the lesser happy they are gonna be. When we build walls, we disconnect from the world, which is also bound to give you happiness too.

Pain does serve several purposes in life.
It signals us to pure joy and happiness that is like a rainbow after the rain. But the more we run away from everything in life, we are gonna miss what is in store for us.
You can’t reach a destiny when all you want to do is stay indoors.

The intensity of the struggle determines the happiness you will receive.

Breaking away my cocoon and flying high

We all are so accustomed to living in our little world, scared to step out of our comfort zones and explore. I know its all not just me, but most of us are sailing in the same boat. I remember myself as an ambitious and adventurous soul ever since i got into school and colleges. I always enjoyed fun-filled and thrilling activities.
But ever since, I left my job in Infosys and got into the parenting walkway, I could say, I got bitten by it. I lost all my enthusiasm to step out of my cocoon, i began to build up a small home within my four walls. It was a hard step initially but again, once I got used to it, I fell in love with it. I hated the world outside, as they begin to judge me.
I forgot how did I ever looked like in the mirror, forgot to dress up and get ready for my hustles as I used to do. I started to focus only on my children who were my heart and brain and whatnot. I had no world outside them, but yes i had a virtual world connected, which connected me to the world outside like a tiny window opening for me, which I could shut anytime.
Still stepping out for me, was a brave step.
It was then, one day, my family decided to send me for a detox holiday. And for me thinking about being away from my kids, was something huge, like keeping a huge rock upon my heart which aches me too much. At first, the reflux in me prompted me to say that i wasn’t going for it at all. But then again, after a friend of mine and my brother who is my greatest companion talked me out and soothe me with words of assurances, I did agree to go.
And yes, it was indeed it was a great step for me as well as my children. It was indeed the first step for me as a mom to set myself free from the burden of weighing myself with loads of duties.
It was just the beginning for me after a very long time.
But it was indeed not the last.
Ever since i regained a pinch of confidence, it helped me get back to my career which I was never hoping soon to happen. But yes, as I write these words, I am truly delighted that my first step was never the last step but a great beginning to much more first times in my life ever since I became a mom.

WHEN MY SON EXPLORED MY MOBILE

Kids of this generation are techno savvy. They use electronic gadgets comfortably since quite and early age and my son is no exception to this.

He discovered the YouTube world when he was an year old. And slowly he learnt to scroll the screen up and down, swipe to left and right. The next progression was choosing the song of his choice, mostly driven by how attractive the coverpage is. Whether I like it or not, I was okay with it.

One fine day, he was fiddling with my phone while watching YouTube. I took the phone after the screen time allotted to my son was over. I wanted to check WhatsApp messages. Just when I was ignoring the forward messages, one message caught my attention. It was from my driver. I read

“Madam, why have you sent me your picture?”

It didn’t take too long for me to decipher what must have happened. My son accidentally managed to share my picture to the driver while he was enjoying his play with my phone. And why driver, because his was the most recent chat as I had asked for confirmation of pickup scheduled for the next morning.

I didn’t know what to reply. The driver must have received “blue ticks” which means he will know that I have seen his message. I was so so so so embarrassed. I got a thought that the earth should crack open and eat me up but …!

I messaged the driver apologising and telling him that it was my son who did that and that he should delete the pic. The driver cordially said it’s alright.

There was an awkward silence the next morning when he came for the pickup. I broke the ice and apologized again. Again he said it’s alright very calmly.

Fortunately, I never met the same driver again. I dont know if his shift was changed or he was assigned a different route. And I just hope I never have to message him again for the pickup!

I still feel very awkward thinking what he must have felt about me sharing the picture , but it is what it is, and I had told him the truth 😁

Kids I tell you! They will land you in a soup more often than you can imagine.

THE ‘WHAT’ AND ‘WHY’ OF TANTRUMS

Children between the ages of 2 years to 5 years crying their heart out to get their desires fulfilled are a common sight in most shopping malls. They cry and cry till they can no more cry, or till their desired thing is purchased for them. Parents find it difficult to handle such children. They feel offended with the thought that people around would be labeling them as incompetent parents. After a couple of such episodes, many parents resolve never to take along their kiddos during the family’s time out.

Most children throw such wild tantrums. Few quiet ones are rare exceptions. Tantrums are children’s ways of dealing with emotions that are too big for them to handle. At this age, the brain of a child is still developing. The child is learning how to express his/her needs. The concepts of requesting, waiting, delayed gratification have not yet been learnt. This is the phase in which children are gradually learning to wean themselves out of the ‘demand and get’ mode, which they were used to as infants.

When children throw tantrums, they may be feeling several different emotions – out of control, tired, frustrated, hungry, etc. Hence, it is necessary to handle them wisely. Here are some ways to handle your child’s tantrums:

Stay calm

Don’t engage in power struggle with your child

Acknowledge the feeling your child is trying to express

Never leave your child alone thinking that he/she will become quiet with time

Don’t take your child to places which are beyond your means

Arrange your environment to prevent tantrums

Avoid using negative strategies such as criticizing, comparing, discouraging, shaming or physical punishment

Use positive strategies. Affirmative discipline eventually makes way for self-discipline

Patiently explain to the child what is wrong in behaving in a particular way

Reward the child for showing good behaviour till he/she masters it

Model appropriate behaviour

Don’t say NO all the time

Don’t give in to their demands all the time

The principles of behavior that you teach your child during these formative years, will go a long way in shaping their adult behavioural patterns.

 

PARENTING: WE LEARN, AS WE GO

I knew my life has changed right at the very moment I looked into my daughter’s eyes at birth. I became a parent and knew this will be the best, most important job I will ever hold this lifetime. Was I scared? Yes, terrified and I found the quote “You can’t write a prescription about parenting, because every child is different”, very true.

Thankfully, I was blessed with mine, an “easy” child. Her curiosity was unsatisfiable from an early age, which made me realize the importance of role models in her life. Not just talking about my own behavior, but to surround our family with positive, well grounded people. People she can look up to, people she can learn from. With keeping in mind, that even when you think no one is watching… think again!!!

I also found it important to involve her in extra curricular activities such as; athletics or playing a musical instrument, to help build a wider social circle and teach her how to be committed to something, building a persistent character.

Last month she became a teenager. A new phase of our life, a new phase of parenting. So far, I learned, that listening could be a better friend, than lecturing, in building a strong relationship. Listening carefully is how I can gather information about what’s going on in my child’s life and head. Listening is always the first step in solving problems.

Parenting, is something you learn, as you go. Just keep calm, and listen to your kids, and they will teach you how to raise them!

— JUDIT

GOOD PARENTING REQUIRES WISE BALANCING

“Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.”

It’s easy to be a child, but requires hard work to be a good parent.

Good parenting doesn’t mean to give in to the wishes of children all the time…to fulfill every desire as soon as it is uttered by them. That’s termed as Permissive Parenting in psychological lingo. Permissive parents do more damage to their children than they can even think of. Children of permissive parents never learn to accept ‘NO’ for an answer. As they grow up, and get to hear ‘No’s from different quarters, they feel rejected, unloved and frustrated. Unable to manage the volley of emotions springing up within them, they either sink into depression and become addicted to smoking, drinking and drugs or strategize to have their desires fulfilled by unscrupulous means.

Good parenting also doesn’t refer to being strict taskmasters and building fences all around children…always keeping them caged within the boundaries of do’s and don’ts. That’s Authoritarian Parenting. Authoritarian parents aim to control their children all the time. And so, they end up robbing their children of the joys of childhood. Children of authoritarian parents seem to be obedient and well-mannered. But in essence, they are individuals with bottled up emotions who lack the freedom of thought and expression. As they grow up, they feel lost in a world that expects them to take decisions and make choices.

An overdose or under-dose of love and discipline can cause irreparable damage to children’s development. Hence, it is ideal to maintain a wise balance between the two. Discipline your children within the warmth of your love so that even as adults your children will look up to your presence and counsel in their lives. Train up your children to choose their paths wisely and as adults they will always be prudent in their choices.

GOOD PARENTS CREATE GREAT LEADERS

Every morning sitting with a cup of coffee or tea in one hand and the newspaper in the other, we come to terms with the world we live in.

What do we do?

In most cases we end up complaining and blaming our leaders for not doing their job well. We complain of our votes getting wasted and then resolve and wait to vote for the next leader who would repeat their mistakes and make new ones. We are full of suggestions and are always trying to put in our own advice during the rise of a crisis.

Well is this that we are entitled to do?

We all dream of a better society brimming with competent leaders skilled enough to handle our social, political and economic issues.

But where do we find such people?

Our education system has taken up an endeavour to create leaders for tomorrow. But the making of an excellent leader starts from home itself. A good leader has great parents. Children learn from experiences and by watching their parents. They consider their parents to be their role models. A parent who upholds the values of integrity, perseverance, justice, cleanliness would try to inculcate these in the child; rather the child would imitate the parent and strive to be like him or her. On the other hand, a child whose parent is negative, torturous and lacking in morality and hygiene would succumb to these values later on in his or her life.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “There is but one way to train up a child in the way he should go, and that is to travel it yourself”. That explains the fact that a parent should be a good role model.

Every child is different and therefore to create good leaders, a parent should learn not to compare a child to its peers. This involves having good management. Parents can adapt themselves to the child’s temperament and try to understand better in case a difficulty arises. So, good management of affairs is the key to making a good leader.

A child remembers all when an adult. Hence, it is necessary for a parent to create good memories. They will help the child later in life. It’s not only a parent’s job to train up a child as some of us are competent, some are not, some are blessed and some are in the waiting.

You don’t need to have kids in order to be a parent. I am not married and don’t have kids but still I consider it to be my job to guide children in making them amongst greatest leaders of our nation. If you are like a parent to any child, grab the opportunity to inculcate good morals when required as our world is in need of a cure.