HOW DEPRIVED IS YOUR HEART?

Deprivation!

I am very scared of this word, ‘Deprivation’. Susceptibility follows deprivation, temptation follows vulnerability and devastation follows the temptation.  So you can understand how dangerous deprivation is…

We have seen children, deprived of food, that are tempted to steal it when the opportunity arises. People who are deprived of sex are susceptible to just anything to gratify their desires. People, who are deprived of love, cling to it when they receive it suddenly. Moreover, when our heart is deprived of something… then it is very difficult to calm it down.   

My wife is deprived of mother’s love as her mom left her when she was just a kid. So when somebody gives that motherly love to her, she feels great. And when she sees others having that love from their childhood her eyes fill with tears in agony.

Heart!

The favourite organ of our body… which pumps out blood through the veins of our body… which also pumps out the emotions in different times.  It feels, it beats, it flutters, it stirs, it sinks, it succumbs, and it reacts responding to different circumstances and causes from outside.

Have you seen people waiting for their lost love? They knew they have lost their beloved yet they wait for them in vain.

Have you ever seen people getting close to their friends more than their spouses, when the spouse is supposed to be their closest friend? 

Have you seen girls and boys falling in love with married man or woman even though they know that it is just impossible? I remember once I read in the newspaper which says, “A girl committed suicide when she came to know that famous Pakistan Cricketer Wasim Akram is married.” Wasim Akram was a very handsome man and was the heartthrob of many girls all over the world… But committing suicide for him being married made me mystified. I could not even believe that. It was really difficult for me to understand the mind and heart of that girl.  

The Scripture says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and utterly wicked. Who can understand it?”

So true!

Sometimes I wonder about my own heart… Forget about others, even I sometimes get bewildered about how my heart reacts to certain situations that I face. My vulnerability and susceptibility caused by various deprivations sometimes make me struggle hard in my day to day life. It worries me and alarms me to the highest extent.

In Bollywood movies we come across so many connotations to the word HEART… like –

‘Dil tho bacha hai’ – Heart is Childish

‘Dil tho pagal hai’ – Heart is Crazy

‘Dil mushkil hai’ – Heart is Complicated and so on…

Ancient Hebrew used the term “heart” to mean the inward motivations which control a person’s words and deeds. And we all are aware of the fact that it is really very difficult to handle the matters of our this “Inward Motivations“. 

Few days ago there was an article published on Candles where the writer said something about HEART:

It can not only be full of self-deceit, but can also be brimming with ideas to ensnare others. While we need to accept this undisputed truth, we also need to acknowledge that we can choose not to allow ourselves to wallow in this fallen state forever.

That is absolutely right!

We need to choose better things for our heart because the Scripture says: 

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”

We can’t afford to let our heart move towards destruction as our life depends on it’s smooth functioning (both physically and emotionally). When we are hungry, sick, weak we are asked to eat well, check our diets, eat healthy and more… In the same way we deliberately need to feed our heart with good food. We can’t let it stay deprived and weakened. If it is weak, deprivation will creep in… and we already know, “susceptibility follows deprivation….” and blah blah blah…  

I remember few months ago in the year 2016, I once asked Aastha to keep a check on me in one of the matters concerning my life as I kept sharing stuffs. As a good friend she did keep a check on me for sometime which smoothed my life to a great extent. 

What is your take on deprivation today? How well are you managing your heart’s matters? If you have a friend or close relative take him or her to your confidence and pour out your heart’s matter, ask him/her to have a eye on you in regards to your actions. But we all need to realize that there’s nobody who really can guard or check our hearts other than we ourselves. We need, ourselves and God to sit together and have a board meeting concerning our heart and the deprivation we are going through. 

Keep thinking as you read and never forget to give your valuable feedback… 😉

Stay Blessed!!!

NATIONAL APPEAL ON NATIONAL DAY!

Is India changing today? Yes, India is. Since a decade or so, overnight changes are taking place in India. I mean in the lives of Indians, changes are happening at a faster pace. There are thousands and crores of stories to prove it, but months back while doing online research I came across the NDTV Classics special report on Aviation industry covered on December 2006. In that report, the story of Air Deccan Airhostess Chitra, a 19-year Sindhi girl from Darbhanga, Bihar actually dragged my attention towards the study of changes happening in India. While her interview Chitra said, “All my friends came by flight to give an interview but I went by train”, even in the next interview Jet Airways Airhostess Neha Oberai also quoted that, “many girls who join this glamorous job have never flown before joining this job”.

These two sentences of the two young Indian air hostesses are enough to say How lives are changing in India! How fast people are moving from marginalizing to the middle class and from the middle class to the elite class! How my country India is growing! In this rapid national growth, the Big Question is HOW FAR WE CAN KEEP OUR STEPS ON THE UP WALKING PATH OF CHANGE > GROWTH > DEVELOPMENT???

Is there any loop in our up-walk/in our thought?

Do we need some more Add-ons to our growth?

What about the sustainability of this growth?

As you keep thinking, I want to brief you with couple of ideas:-

In the September 2016, there was a post going viral on Facebook. “A dog pissing on the national flag of Pakistan”, one of my old friends tagged me with that and immediately along with me few other Indian guys objected her and deleted that post from our Facebook pages.

Being an Indian let’s think is it the right thing we do?

Can our soldiers on border ever allow such kind things to happen?

How can we forget the Godly principle with a tagline of “religious nation”?  

Yes, globally we are known for being religious, but it’s so painful that we forget the eternal principle to “love your neighbour as you love yourself”.

Being deep-rooted to Culture & Mannerism we proudly say Basundhara Kutumbakam which is also one of the National Identity we Indian hold. It means “we consider people irrespective of Caste, Creed, Religion, Language and Nationality as one FAMILY!!!” The first and foremost attribute of a family is “LOVE out of Pious Heart”.

Being an Indian let’s think are we getting side tracked from our Culture and National Identity?

Are we not living a hypocritical life?

How can we give a pious talk and walk just in opposite to it?

The heart of every growth is the ‘LOVE’ towards it! As we vigorously strive for the national growth, my appeal to each INDIAN is – “Shall we put a full stop to hypocrisy? Is it not possible for us to LOVE others with pious heart?”

Respect begets Respect!

Love begets Love!

Don’t forget! Stay Blessed!

Avinash

MY AFFAIR WITH THE GREEN EYED MONSTER

envyHave you ever felt jealous? Have you ever had an affair with the green eyed monster? I have… Even though I keep telling myself that I am that calm and contented person who is happy for others, mostly I am, but at times the monster does rear its ugly head.

My husband keeps joking that Facebook and other photo-sharing sites of social media are full of photos that have been put for the sole purpose of making others jealous. How many times have you liked a picture and in your mind wondered how on earth does such and such person find time and finances to vacation so many times a year. I mean look at me posting pictures of the latest birthday party I attended in the adjacent building and my friends are in Bali or Macau or New Zealand or Australia…. 

Then there are the children. I guess I am surrounded by moms of overachieving kids. I mean look at their marks or their sports achievement or their extracurricular activities. Makes me wonder if my parenting techniques are in the right direction or not. Don’t get me wrong I love my children and they are fairly good in studies and sports. But then they are not winning medals in spelling bee contest and Olympiads and national level sports etc etc.

Someone is getting a promotion or an increment, I am genuinely happy for that person but somewhere in the corner of my mind you know my dear friend the greeny monster keeps asking me why I didn’t get it.

I know I am not painting a pretty picture of myself here but this is the way I was some time back. I would compare myself with others and then wonder what I had done wrong to get such a crappy life. 

But in due course of time I came to realise two things, firstly these envious feelings of mine were not helping my position at all rather I was just burning up inside and feeling bitter every day. To help my own cause I needed to think in exactly the opposite direction. 

Secondly remember nobody’s life is perfect. We will always feel that the grass is greener on the other side. In Urdu there is a famous couplet “Har kissi ko muqamal Jahan nahin milta, kissi ko Zameen kissi ko aasmaan nahin milta” which roughly translates as everyone does not get a perfect life. When I looked closely at other’s lives I realized that everyone had their own set of struggles. If the person is doing fabulous in the office then maybe he/she is facing a huge crisis back home or vice versa. We look at only one aspect of their life and feel jealous maybe that same person is looking at our life and feeling jealous. So basically I came to the conclusion that jealousy is a futile emotion. We should stay away from it as much as we can.

Seriously friends it works. I mean instead of wasting my time and thoughts on the things I don’t have. I have started looking for things that make me happy. Let it be a small achievement, I try to celebrate it. I don’t need to prove anything to the world. Even though I still have huge ambitions in life but now I have started enjoying the journey instead of just concentrating on the goal and the people ahead of me.

It’s not always a happy journey. Life does give us setbacks but we need to get up dust ourselves and try to move on. I recently read a book called the legend of Lakshmi Prasad by Twinkle Khanna. I just loved a quote from it…

“In English there is a saying ‘when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade’. But in India when life gives us lemons, we turn them into talismans threaded with chillies to protect us from the bumpy roads it takes us on.”

So find a way to cope with the setbacks either with the lemonade or the talismans but don’t look at your friend’s life with jealousy you really don’t know what struggle is going on in his or her life. 

I don’t know how much this will help me in the long run. But right now with this attitude I am happy and at peace. And hopefully I have had a breakup with the green eyed monster…

POSITIVITY FROM NEGATIVITY!

“Sometimes its just a little inspiration that keeps you rolling” : anonymous

Obama’s out and Trump’s in!!! America has become a place where half of the population love Obama and half of them don’t. But has all the hatred and negativities ever had any impact on him inspiring masses? I dont want to be partial or judgmental, but he really has shown people how to live a life of dignity, grace and poise. Not only does he respects but has also treated everyone with humility. I had never ever seen a president climb down his drone just to shake hands with the officer standing outside. Of course, that’s all media and everything. But isn’t that quite an inspiring sight? Somehow, I have gained a lot of inspiration not just from his nature but more from his character. Many of us might agree to the above paragraph and many of us won’t. But, I just want to point out a simple truth here, and that is, in all and every situation he has been a source of inspiration.

I am far from being a perfectionist, still I strive to achieve it. We all know, perfectionists undergo a lot of stress, anger and depression, if a particular work done isn’t ‘perfect’. Time and again I have felt the same. At times I feel my family should be perfect, my daughter should be perfect, everything in my house and outside should be perfect. And I go mad if I find things out of place or not as I have thought them to be. I fight and create chaos. I have also felt that there has been a need for a constant motivation. For me, it comes from many things and many people. I get that from the Bible, my mom, dad, husband, daughter, mother in law, father in law, friend, family, books, internet and many more. But gaining inspiration and being one to others is in all a different story. I have constantly sought motivation but I have never motivated anyone is what I feel. I would like to share a recent event which has affected me positively.

One of my very close friends is going through the typical ‘break-up’ phase in her life. It’s too hard for her to accept the fact as she was very much into it and it has been a decade that they were together. In their relation both were sure that it won’t go to the marriage phase and it would eventually end in a sour way. It did end that way and she was accused and blamed for many things. That day she thought of ending her life!!! I and her mother tried to talk her out of it. It was hard! Not only for her but for us also. There I thought, ‘love for a partner in life is so much greater and stronger than any other love’. Even that was the first relation God had blessed mankind with – companionship. But it’s also important how our companion treats us and loves us. In my life now, I have many such examples where either of the partner is abusive or loveless. It’s sad to see them fight and blame each other. There is no one who thinks of the child. Then, just the other day there was the video of the former POTUS and FLOTUS. It showed the love they had, the respect they had for each other and the way they treat their children. This gave me so much motivation. I started giving my husband a little more respect and love than the usual. Loving my daughter a little more than usual. Giving more time to them in person and not only cooking and doing chores. And believe me, I can see small differences. I feel loved, I feel happy and I feel there is more to this relation. My heart dances with joy singing :

Today my house is a little more brighter and lighter is its atmosphere,
Today I see them smile and I no longer see those tears,
Today I have loved a little more and I have lost all fears,
Today some one has me inspired and tomorrow I hope I can inspire the needy peers.

I hope this world is filled with more of, all kinds of positive inspirations and motivations which could be available for all, in order to lead a happy life. I hope this world extracts positivity of all kinds and minimize the effect of negativity. Lets us all Inspire and get Inspired!!!!

GO THE EXTRA MILE

What if the word ‘selfish’ didn’t exist?

What if EGO was not in the list?

What if people’s love were without condition?

Without compromise, and without adulteration?

Then we would know for sure Euphoria existed

In that, a tinge of heaven we had tasted!

But we still can get a glimpse

If only we cure our attitude’s limps

And give beyond what is required of us

With a cheerful heart, without making any fuss!

           When your friends ask you a helping hand

            Don’t just help for the sake of it

             Go the extra mile with self sacrifice

             So that their heart strings are hit

            And wonder they of the love you have shown

            Such that the same love in them would lit!

           When you are angry with your loved ones

           Don’t let your ego take control

           But go the extra mile, show your love,

           Show your care and play well your role!

           Hold no grudge, forgive quickly

           Because harmony is the ultimate goal.

We often speak about big changes to bring

But the key lies in altering those small things

Go the extra mile, take the pain!

I guarantee, there’s nothing to lose but everything to gain!

While we are at an attempt to achieve the big things in life, we often put aside those things which create bigger differences. We end up earning titles of being ‘selfish’, ’arrogant’, ‘rude’ and so on. Let us defeat the self-centeredness inside us and take the extra mile, may it be for a friend or relative or a random stranger. Go beyond what is expected of you and create the difference. With the advancement in every area, this is the only zone where we are lagging behind. Let’s outrace this one too. Let’s take the extra mile!

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INSPIRATIONS ARE UBIQUITOUS

Sipping tea in my balcony, I wondered what will happen if I jump down. “No”, said my inner soul, “My children need me”. I shuddered and came inside my room. I had obeyed my biological clock, giving birth to first child at 30 and the second one at 35. I was extra vigilant this second time that postpartum depression will not hit me. First time, it struck me physically as I suffered from severe backache and was always out of energy and strength. Nevertheless, after my second baby, the hormonal saga played a major role in swallowing up my mental might. I was losing my confidence and my temper. Bubbly and chirpy me was becoming a pessimist.

Thankfully, I have a WhatsApp group with my cousin sisters, Kuljeet and Prabhjot, in which we share all our woes and bliss. They were my saviours, managing to take me out of the depression. Since I have an interest in writing, they asked me to join their blogging group Candles Online. I declined as I knew I won’t be able to write, being too occupied with my children, especially the younger one. However, Prabhjot, without my knowledge, got me join the group (I am so thankful she did)! I started gaining confidence with my first article itself and the feedback I got, inspired me to write more.

Since then, I see heroes everywhere around me, who inspire me in one way or the other. One of my friends, who is gem of a person, got married abroad, found out that her husband is a casanova. She alone managed to get a divorce and now is happily married to a nice guy, but is still struggling to conceive. In spite of all the odds, she smiles and spreads happiness around herself.

Life is full of problems, otherwise it won’t be life! Right? Talk to others, share your views, trust yourself and cherish what you have. Inspirations are everywhere around us, we just need to come out of our shells. And as my sisters say, remember, “It’s just a phase”.

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A LIGHTHOUSE ON STORMY SEAS

Whenever people talk about truth, certain phrases like “the truth will set you free” and counsel that it isn’t to be feared, ought to be embraced, etc. arise.  Even though the previous quote is taken out of context to mean something much more general that it originally did not, the truth of it (mind the pun) remains.  Truth is especially important in the context of our interpersonal relationships. The paradoxical nature of truth is that while it “liberates” it also “constricts”. It constricts perception to reality but it also frees from the danger of believing things that aren’t true about self and others. Whereas truth illuminates, ignorance blinds. In the same way that darkness prevents us from seeing our steps, the blindness of ignorance prevents us from living life to its fullness. Ignorance is a passive position. Ignorance cannot be obtained unless the truth is willingly sacrificed and suppressed.  We are all born without knowledge (“ignorant”) in a majority of areas in life. We have simply passed from childhood to adulthood through maturity and education (hopefully), one beam of light at a time. Therefore, if we believe we have truth and a dear one doesn’t, we must approach them humbly knowing that we were once without as well.

Sometimes truth hurts tremendously and sometimes this author wishes he hadn’t known the truth about certain things.  In fact, truth can be world-shattering just as after you’ve been in a dark room for some time and someone flips on the light unexpectedly. In this way, paradoxically, truth is blinding for a moment but the perception of our spirits adjusts quickly if we embrace it.  Therein lies the complex nature of truth, sometimes it is necessary and even vital to the growth of a relationship while other times certain things can be held back in order to preserve harmony.

Now this is not to say that lying is ever acceptable and decent human beings should always endeavor to tell the truth; however, sometimes this author may find that speaking truth regarding a particular situation is far too costly to the relationship depending on how important the truth is. Because truth also divides as light does the darkness, it can often create conflict. However, insofar as our desire to bring truth to the table is mitigated by a sober understanding of its effect on our relationships as well as a desire for the relationship to either grow as a result, we will then be able to use discernment to know when it ought to be shared or not.  Even when truth creates unwanted tension in relationships, it must not be viewed as an enemy but as a dear friend. If a man is aware of the lighthouse on the shore warning approaching ships of dangerous rocks, then advising those approaching in a way that shows them the gravity of their situation is a justice that he can (and ought) to do. The watchman does this so that the person receiving the truth of perilous shores is able to see more clearly in order to navigate this life’s treacherous waters.

May each reader be inspired to value their loved ones enough to share the truth and to discern when to withhold it.