SPREAD A SMILE, IT’S WORTH IT!

“Are you ok?”

“Do you need help?”

“Shall I come over…”

All these soothing words do make a difference, especially now in this pandemic time, when all are shut in those concrete walls which they call home. Even being at home, most of the people are experiencing their wildest depressions which one cannot imagine and none to help even when they are surrounded by people they love.

The worst situation right?

Indeed it is. Past few months, I have seen the best people around me suffer due to the changes we are experiencing and I know how hard they might find to cope with the same. Couples find it hard to stay together, even when there were times in the past when they craved for time together. Kids finding it hard to stay at home, when there was a time when they just want to play all the time rather than go to school. Everyone is taking a toll over their patience.

And this was when I began to start talking to people in need. I kept my arms and ears open to listen to their problems. All they need was a listener or someone upon whom they could vent out their frustration. I could relate to the pain, be their support in whatsoever manner they needed.

Our world is short of listeners and yes now they are in great demand. I too decided to open a page in my blog to help people stay anonymous and share their problem. I always believed in ‘being there’ for others because I knew the pain of being left alone.

Finding ways to cheer ourselves up, is quite hard, but once we find the way out, we can sprint across the problems without much hassle.

It was one winter night, and as usual, I was onto my bed after all daylong hassles of household work and taking care of my kids. I was completely exhausted and tired, but then when I begin to shut my eyes, sleep became my enemy. In no way I was able to catch my sleep, it was almost half-past 12 and I knew I have just a few more hours to sleep. I tried and tried, but again other than tossing around my tired body, which was hardly listening to me I could not sleep a bit.

Wide awake I lay there when my mind was cluttered with all the negative aspects. I felt useless, began to tremble and cry as all the negative thoughts were gushing into me like a tsunami and destroying me from within. I cried, but my conscious mind “shushed me” not to awake anyone.

The sense of being useless was accompanied by many thoughts, which were storming into me and I was losing my grip. But then other my tiny lil girls, i had non beside me to tell my tale. I sat up, with lots of courage, skimmed through my phone to find some help and finally when it all got wasted, I lay down again beside my daughter.

Somehow, amidst her sleep, she just wrapped her tiny fingers upon mine and hugged me saying” I love you, mamma.”

Finally, my tears stopped, for a second, I felt like i am being pulled back. In the shadows of the night, I watched her tiny little face and saw her smiling. She was asleep, but still, she was smiling. I knew and felt how much I mean to her. She was my world and there she stood there upholding my world and balancing it with her smile.

I hugged her and kissed her so much, without waking her up and realized i was being silly to cry all along.

With her one small thought, my thinking composition changed and I began to think all the good things i could and gradually I slept off amidst all my contemplations.

But that day I realised how important is to be strong and think positive. Negative thoughts await for a turmoil and they bust in like an uninvited guest to our home and destroy our inner peace.

Spread a smile.” whenever you can knowingly or unknowingly. It does make an impact.

IF I CAN TRADE MY WORDS . . .

“If I can trade my words I would invest them in your smile”

That’s pretty much cheesy, right out of a popcorn romantic flick, isn’t it? Don’t blame me, I am currently watching way too many Disney movies – Prince, Princess, Love story, perfect fairy tales. They not only entertain me but a perfect recipe to cheer me up. Apart from that my phone’s gallery is my hideout. Binge eating, unforeseen shopping (apart from groceries 😜) are more or less commoners in the world of “let me cheer you” force.

But it is undeniable that no matter how much ammunition one has to ward off shadows of gloom, a strong shoulder to lean on and an empathetic & soothing word is still an unmatched comfort. We can falter and crumble at some point, all while throwing around a charade of being strong. We do need someone to ask and say “How are you?”, “I understand”, “I am with you”, “what can I do to cheer you up”, “you are strong”, “you deserve much more”, “relax, I am there for you”, “just chill”, ” let’s hangout, don’t bother for anything else”

Why do one need someone or something to Cheer themselves up? When one gets tired of chasing dreams, battling adversaries, struggling demons ranging from bullies to inner enemies of that of depression / anxiety, our mind send us SOS. Nursing of a dented spirit is so much needed to bring it back on its feet. All the apparent and oblivious battles deplete us of our both physical and mental strength and that’s when exactly doubts trend – Can I fight it out? Can I do this after all? Seems I am unworthy? This is proving futile, let’s quit? I have lost everything? Was it meant to be this after all? If these questions left to knock too much one’s soul they can bring sabotage the same beyond repair. That’s the very reason we are talking about this issue at the first place today. Be attentive dearies!!

Me as a person on the other side of the fense, in the capacity of a friend (universal relationship with every related person in our lives) got a weird sense of intuition (I can be boastful sometimes, kindly excuse me😂). With people whom I am in regular touch with can easily read between the lines from our seemingly “Fine” conversation. From dry OKs, lifeless HMMs, tone of “I am fine” in chats I can tell not everything is fine. May be rapport over years is the reason. Whenever I sense something off, the first thing I do is to pester them with one question “what happened”. Sometimes no matter how close you might be some investigation is imperative. *Note: an immediate call in person rather a chat always scores. Lending an inquisitive ear is very important. I believe in strongly saying this “I know it’s easy to say that I understand and be strong because I am not there in your shoes. But also I know that you have fared much better in more worse situations in life before, you will surely see the shore surely. You are loved. You matter to us, just remember this. And for anything else I am here, Talk to Me”.

A page from my therapeutic experiences (if you can call talking one): a friend of mine who now shifted to Switzerland had her share of self esteem blues (parenting can really take a toll). We used to talk a great deal. My only aim was to cheer her up invoking her love and confidence in herself. I used to say “You are doing great”. These words seem very simple but might rekindle the positivity streak within one self. Might work at least 5 out of 10 times. Even if it is 1 out of 10 it’s worth giving it a try!! And what made be happy was she used to say “talking to you brings positivity to me, I feel relaxed”. Can anything beat that?

Words can make or break so I chose the first one.

“If you are giving chocolates don’t forget to mix sweetness of words – for someone sweet like you.

If you are hanging out don’t forget to imbibe these words in the itinerary – it’s always so much fun with you.

If you are gifting diamonds to lift up the spirits don’t forget to polish them with words – for someone more precious than these.

If you can only talk then don’t forget to send your warmth via vocals – thank you for being with me, so PROUD OF YOU!!!❤❤❤”

Words make a lot of difference – period.

LOVE’S TRUE GIFT

love-cubes

A spring of water in a sun-scorched land,

A pinch of salt in a dish that tastes bland,

A luminous ray in a grimy dungeon,

Thus is tender love for hearts in blanched convention.

A precious hour, a sweet smile and a kind word of understanding,

A gentle touch, a warm hug and a shoulder for all teary unburdening,

Shower heaps of invaluable valuables,

For weary dreary tempestuous fallibles.

The tangible gifts of love speak of feelings intangible –

Sapphires, rubies, emeralds or solitaires,

Castles of gold or villas manifold,

Reveal the bubbling of emotions told or untold.

But alas! Giftings such are sure superfluous,

If the heart underneath calculating and contemptuous,

With arguments contentious and words pretentious,

Serving deceit on platters for many so ingenuous.

Many a passionate kiss showing dreams of heavenly bliss,

And cozy cuddles building secure havens bereft of struggles,

Promises more than four – of a world of happiness galore,

Plummet to the ground thus unveiling the sly masquerade that was till then crowned.

Mere lovey-dovey words and philanthropic records,

Knowledgeable expeditions and ambitious renditions,

Spell emptiness in a world screaming with strife and stress

Should we still plan to simply impress?

Patient trust with doubts never unjustly thrust,

Perseverant hope lifting others from slippery slope,

Honor over dishonor and never a raging demeanor,

Unflinching faith and undying love are never empty charmers.

Brothers, sisters, friends and thinkers –

Love wholly, love truly,

Love with kindness and passionate persistence,

Love without recording each others’ raves and rants.

Love with your mind, heart and soul,

If need be, lay down your life in love and your all,

This is the truest gift that love can grant,

In your hearts this do firmly implant.

❤  ❤  ❤

A JOURNEY OF LOVE – FROM IMPERFECTION TO PERFECTION

Love is deliberate action which is prompted by the emotion love. And we really can’t love somebody truly, without any demand, selflessly unless we are taught, refueled and refilled again and again.

“Love your neighbour” is one thing and “love your enemy” is another…

Last year in 2016 during a special event on the occasion of Valentine’s day I spoke to few young guys and girls on this topic of love. I am sharing the presentation which I prepared for them that day. Hope you all will like it.

(Click FULSCREEN button in the middle of the presentation and keep scrolling it from right to left..)

Gift your beloveds with the love that is eternal and which never fails… Learn to travel through the journey of love by getting out of the imperfections and moving towards the perfect.

Stay Blessed!

THE POINT CALLED, ‘LOVE’

Have you ever dared kidding your mom?

Yes, you must have! A Mama’s child often does that, because that is the loveliest fun on earth.

When I was doing my Intermediate studies, once we had organized a “First-Aid training program”. One-day we were getting trained on how to bandage someone when his/her head is hurt accidentally. In that session few of us acted as victims and few acted as the First-aid givers, I was playing the victim role and my friend who was playing the First-aid giver’s role very nicely put bandage on my forehead. Though the training program ended, I left the bandage intact on my forehead. Before going home, I requested my friend to put red ink on the bandage, so that it may look as if I had an accident. With that bandage on my forehead I entered into my house. Within a fraction of a second, my Mom with slack-jawed, loud voice and unblinking bug-eyed look, asked me, “What happened? Why is there a stitch on your forehead?” And my reply was, ‘LOL’, never laughed that much.

As every Mom does to her such mischievous kids… so did the same with me!

It’s better not to discuss on social sites!

Jokes apart, the worried questions from my Mama at that very moment are enough to say,  ‘how much she loves me’. Isn’t it?

Someone rightly said, “Mother’s love is unlimited & never fades away…”

Several times we have hurt our Mamas through our words & actions. But does their love for us change? No… It ain’t & it won’t as well! Because it’s not the love that we have with our spouse/friend/would be/pets, it is the love that carried us over 10 months in womb, over 5 years in bosom and over innumerable days in heart.

Love is the greatest gift because every other best gift is converged at the point of LOVE!

At the point of love…. There is gift of FORGIVENESS! Which we experience everyday in our mother – child relationship. I can never forget those 3 ½ yrs of my life… when I was away from my father’s love due to my wrong deeds. But in those wilderness days my Mama’s love remained as it is! It’s not her pampering but it’s her unending Forgiveness towards me.

At the point of love… There is gift of HOPE! Which we experience everyday in our mother – child relationship. Though my life was on the wrong track, still my Mama had great HOPE that, someday I will change my life’s track. It was not just her metaphysical assumption but it was her undeniable Hope wrapped in love, which is beyond any exact definition.

At the point of love… There is JOY! Which we experience everyday in our mother – child relationship. The greatest Joy for me was on 5th Sept’ 12, when my Mama smiled because I was restored back to my father’s love as he found me on the right track of my life. It’s not the JOY I & she paid for but it’s the JOY of a Restored relationship.

But the BIG QUESTION is, IS THERE ANY LOVE GREATER THAN THIS???”

Yes… there is! We can see more than the above 3 best gifts converge in One Person (JESUS) for One Relationship at One Point called “at the Cross”.

Though He is the Almighty God but still He transcended and took the form of man (Jesus), lived among us human beings, died as the ransom for our sins to set us free from the bondages of sin and resurrected from dead as God (Because death has no power over God).

His promise for you & me in the Bible is – “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you!”

Just a belief away and an experience away!

Jesus loves you!

GIFT OF PATIENCE

marriageThe above quote really made me laugh. Marriage or a relationship is definitely not a bed of roses, but, I am sure it’s not a battle field either. When a relationship is new we are in seventh heaven and look at the world around us with rose tinted glasses. We try to match up to each other’s expectations. We spend time with each other and try to understand the other person. That is when life looks like a bed of roses.

But a few years down the line when routine sets in and outside factors come in, life slowly turns into a battle field.

Have you ever realised that whatever our frustrations are they usually come out on our spouses only. They seem to become the punching bag for all our vexations. The husband gets bypassed for promotion he comes home very upset and a slightest irritation or excuse at home gets him to blow his fuse. The wife has some squabbles with her in laws and she is so full of it that the moment she is alone with her husband she pores out her woes. The child is not keeping well and parents have not slept through the night taking care of the baby and in the morning in the irritable state the parents are fighting over the fact that whose carelessness was responsible for the baby falling ill in the first place. Or maybe who cares for the baby more. Work pressure, boss issues, children even maid issues anything could trigger the battles.

By the time a little grey starts showing in our hair and our marriage is around a decade old we all would have faced some of these situations. If you haven’t then you are the ideal couple and I would really like to know you and get a few tips from you 😉

For the rest of us I guess in the long term the gift which we can give our spouses is the gift of patience.

patience

Patience to see through the irritated demeanour of my husband and realise the true reason for his anger. Even when he makes me angry unintentionally. Patience to get through the tantrum of my toddler in the middle of the mall. Patience to understand the teenage angst of my 13 year old.  Patience to understand the insecurities of my in laws … I would think before I speak and give the other person some space to vent out his or her frustrations. Basically I would like to gift my loved ones my effort to try and understand them, not to judge them before giving them a patient thought. That’s my gift to you, my patience, it might not be infinite but I would definitely try…

patience-2

THE PERFECT GIFT

Love is just a four letter word but I think it is the most misused and misunderstood word in the world. And when we talk about the “Gift of Love” – that turns out to be even more misunderstood. The real meaning of love is different for each one of us. I might show my love to another person by giving expensive gifts and making that person the center of my universe, but maybe s/he might feel a bit strangled by my love. There is a concept of “Love Languages” that was born just because for each individual the meaning of love is different.

Wife 1 – “He got me an expensive diamond ring yesterday. Can you imagine? Why can’t he understand that we need to save for our daughter’s higher education. Why does he have to spend a bomb on a diamond ring? And then he wonders why I wasn’t happy during our anniversary celebration yesterday.”

Wife 2 – “Wow, solitaire diamond ring! What is wrong with you? I wish my husband could even dream of gifting me something like this. All he thinks of is “making the future” for our kids.”

Wife 3 – “But at least your husband helps you with the household chores. I don’t care about a diamond ring but I would love him a million times more if he could share the responsibilities of cooking and cleaning.”

These are not very uncommon conversation. And it is very true – grass is always greener on the other side. Why does this happen? Why do some people like expensive gifts and exotic vacations whereas others like to be served, some people like to speak out their love in words and others show their love by being physically close to the person? Well, because we all are created differently and brought up in different environments. 

Based on this, there are 5 love languages that are identified and these are very broad categories but can help you in a big way in understanding your loved ones.

Gift giving – Some people just love giving gifts. No occasion or every occasion – they are ready with their gift packed item. This is their way of showing love for other people. 

Quality time – There are other people who like to go on vacations with their families, spend evenings with their kids, go out with friends and just talk over drinks. For them, the most important thing is to connect with the people they love. They can never get bored of spending good time with the ones they love.

Words of affirmation – Some people just can never get tired of saying “I love you”. Every phone call and conversation needs to end with this. Not just this – they also keep saying it different ways. 

Acts of service – There are other people who like to serve their loved ones. They like to cook for them, clean for them, do their work to share the load etc. That is how they show their love.

Physical touch – Some people just need to hug their friends every time they meet, they just need to hold hands of their friends, they need to be physically intimate and close to show their love. 

Each one of us has a dominant language. And remember not only do you show your love in your dominant language, you also expect love in your language. 

My dominant love language is “Words of affirmation” and my husband’s dominant language is “Gift Giving”. Guess what happened in first year of our marriage. He got tired of my words because not only did I say them, I also wrote about my love for him in lengthy emails and greeting cards. I got hurt when he stopped paying attention to them. He kept gifting me nice dresses and fancy dates in expensive (hired) cars and I could not appreciate that as much as he wanted. In the end, both of us felt unloved and got frustrated with our attempts to show love to each other. 

Over the years, we have understood our love languages and now I don’t write to him as much and he doesn’t gift me as much. We instead do it other way round. I try my best to give him gifts on specific occasions and he tries his best with words of love.

So, do some work with your loved ones to understand what is language that both of you talk in. Once you do that – life becomes way easier. Instead of feeling unloved and frustrated you would just realize that you were conversing in different languages. 

Once you understand the power of Love Languages – then it takes no time to find out the Perfect Gift for your loved one.perfect-gift-the_t