IT DOESN’T TAKE TOO MUCH TO CHEER UP!

Past 7 months of pandemic have been really rough for all. We have been surrounded by gloom, demise news and too much work load. How can one cheer up in such cases?


Well, I couldn’t. I thought I was braving the situation well but a point came when I realised that I am not able to handle this anymore. The monotonous routine of too much of household chores, ever piling and very demanding office work and a hyperactive toddler was all getting more and more difficult to handle with every passing day. I knew I had reached the limit when I couldn’t control my anger and tears at petty things. I was reaching the breaking point.


I knew I had to do the damage control because If I remained upset for a long time, my family was going to suffer, my child would see my wrath, my husband would not feel loved and my MIL would miss my usual chit chatting self. Yes, if you are unhappy, your ENTIRE family suffers. The food you cook doesn’t come out tasty, how much ever you dress up, you don’t feel beautiful and how much ever you sleep, you always feel tired.


So what did I do? I packed my bags and headed straight to my mom’s place. 15 days spent with my mom made a big difference. Aarnav got to meet his other set of grand parents, I got to meet my parents after a very long time! The change in air, the change in environment and the change in routine made wonders.
My mom dished out one of my favourites every single day! My dad got so many new toys for Aarnav. Late night talks with mom which we had long forgotten about ever since I got married, no household chores – I was only a helping hand to the mom. It felt nice to be able to lean on my mom for support because I was tired being a support to my family all these months. Being devoid of any responsibilities and expectations for good15 days helped me cheer up. It transformed me to a happy human being that usually I am. 


It took nothing out of the box to cheer up myself. Good company, lessened responsibilities and good food did the trick. And if you see, these three things will do the trick most of the time. 
Lot of times, we expect a lot – from others as well as from ourself! We must learn to cut the slack. Take time off. Relish good food. Binge eat sometimes. Give in to your cravings once in a while. Hug your kids tight. Cuddle them while sleeping. Steal a kiss from your spouse, watch the sunset together. Chat over a coffee. These are the most sasta and tikau (tried and tested) remedies for a cheerful mood.


I understand, it may not always be possible. We cant fit every single thing in our routine and if you make a routine out of this, it won’t be fun any more! Just know that when you want to do this, go ahead and do it.
Be happy and cheerful!

THE POWERHOUSE CALLED ‘EMOTIONS’

Many a wistful teardrop dries in the eyes,

Skilfully concealed from the world’s jeering whys,

Surging emotions get stifled unnoticed,

Leaving the heart mercilessly vandalized.

 

Restraint, yes, is good,

Not however at the price of being misunderstood!

 

Peals of laughter and squeals of excitement,

Crying out to the heart’s content,

Giving vent to feelings of dissent,

Are healthy signs you should never prevent.

 

Emotions are immense powerhouses of human faculty,

Never an abnormality,

More often bringing one face to face with reality,

Never hasten to assuage their actuality.

 

Ne’er wield your emotions intense,

For any benefit beyond practical sense,

Coerce neither anyone to build a mighty fence,

That would fail their emotions to dispense.

 

Apathy towards self or others,

Is never good – always eventually bothers.

Measured emotions work wonders,

A mere vegetative state it definitely hinders.

 

Positive emotions in yourself and others,

Ne’er hesitate to inculcate,

Richness of life and existence,

It would go ahead to indicate.

 

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EMOTIONAL, BUT NOT ALWAYS . . .

Recently, I asked my friend Sheetal, “What is your understanding on ‘Being Emotional’?” And she replied, “Being emotional for me means I understand everything deeply and the purpose of the situation too.”

Isn’t she very true?

I completely believe in her statement as I am a very emotional person. Though I pretend at times that – ‘it’s okay!’…with a plastic smile but the inside story contradicts it completely.

Last year I was at Park Street traffic and a small boy knocked on my cab window requesting me to buy one balloon…as my eyes fell on that guy the first thought that sprouted in me was, “What if I was in his condition today!”

That thought not only emotionally inclined me with his situation but also humbled me before God and reminded me not to defame my character by taking easy exits of life.

Emotion always paves the way to incline with the situation or the person’s situation in order to retrospect our life and develop Godly standards within us.

“Emotions are our Strength…”

One of the biggest combat plans is “identifying the strengths of your enemy”. We human beings are framed in a mortal structure with an immortal image within us and the biggest agenda of the devil is to skillfully strike on our strength and denigrate our immortal image.

Few years back a very elderly English speaking man came to my house asking for financial help. At the beginning of the conversation I was very much impressed by his gesture and moreover his story literally brought me to emotions and after 20 minutes I gave him Rs. 100 in a very humble way. As he departed, with a heavy heart I prayed for him. After 15 days again the same man came to my house with two rotten bags and a walk-stick in his hand and asked me money. Though I felt like he is taking advantage of my emotions still I thought let me go further and help him, if he is taking advantage then God will take care of it. But as the days went on the old man started regularly visiting my house and even in my absence he started emotionally forcing my parents for money. Finally, after 2 months of this drama I decided to have straight talk with him and in his next visit I gave him Rs. 20 with warning not to visit us again.  

The Bible says,

“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.

Therefore be as wise as snakes and as innocent as doves”.

Being emotionally driven is very good but at the same time we need to safeguard our goodness, our emotions using the God given wisdom and knowledge as the people of these world are like wolves. At times when we see people taking advantage of our emotions we need to draw a line then there. It will hurt them and us as well but we need to remember, “scars and pain on both sides are obvious while taming a horse”.

“Being emotional is good but safeguarding the goodness is more necessary…”

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EMOTIONS – WINDOW INTO OUR THOUGHTS

Emotions are one of the most complicated actions of a human body.

For me, they are the window of my thoughts. There are millions of thoughts that run in our minds all the time. Every image we see, every sound we hear, everything we touch, every smell that goes in – triggers a thought. Most of them are not even registered in our conscious minds. Thoughts switch from one context to another all the time unless you are really concentrating on one thing.

Law of attractions say that negative thoughts attract negativity in our lives and positive thoughts attract positivity. Which means that in order to have a positive life we need to keep track of our thoughts. That sounds like a lot of work. Now, is it really possible to keep track of these thoughts? I bet, NO. It would drain us in mentally if we had to do that.

Then how do we make sure that our thoughts really are positive? Through emotions. Emotions act as a window into our brain. Feeling good, happy, relieved, victorious, healthy are all the signs that you have majorly good thoughts. Feeling sad, angry, guilty, upset, bored are all signs that you have majorly negative thoughts.

Thoughts breed its own kind. Have you ever experienced going down spirally into a big dark abyss of negativity. It starts with something small and then more and more negative incident starts to happen around us and just when we think that this is worse – something even worst happens. That one small negative incident just sparks a fire that goes uncontrollably in all directions destroying all the positivity around it. Nobody wants to be in this situation – yet it happens to almost all of us some times.

To avoid going down spirally – it is important to keep an eye on this window of thoughts “Emotions”. If you are feeling negative, you feel that way because your thoughts are negative. How can you turn that around? Of course, it is not possible to keep track of your thoughts but it is definitely possible to consciously change the direction of thoughts. Think of a baby, listen to your favorite song, watch that movie you love, talk to a person who makes you happy, do something to turn that negative thought around. Keep doing it till you start feeling good. Because if you let your emotions be on auto-pilot – you mostly land in big dark abyss of negativity.

Does it mean that you should control your emotions and not let them out? No, that is not what I mean. Sometimes letting the emotion out is the only way to get rid of the negative thoughts. So be it. Let it out. Cry, shout, scream, do whatever it takes to get the negative feeling out of your system. But make sure you do it safely. Don’t let your emotions out in front of people who will only mock you or take advantage of you.

For me, the solution is mostly the same. Every time I end up in an argument either at work or home, as soon as I feel my anger or upset is taking over and driving me insane – I just ask people to pause the argument till next day or something. I wear my running shoes and go for jog either in gym or outside (depending on the situation). Most of the time I cry while running and I cry hard. Sometimes I even end up screaming (if there aren’t any people around). After all my energies are drained and I am physically and mentally tired – I just go off to sleep. When I wake up after all this, I feel fresh and rejuvenated. In my experience, whenever I have returned to the same argument after a workout and sleep – the argument never remains an argument. It mostly is a small discussion with smiles and apologies (and hugs and kisses). This has worked for me every single time.

The main challenge is to take pause in an argument. We usually get so involved in a fight and proving ourselves right is more important than anything. Taking a pause from the argument really becomes a challenge in such cases. But once that pause happens, I know what I have to do to get rid of this negative situation.

So, what is your solution? Do you have one? Do you let your emotions on an auto-pilot or do you keep checking them? Even if you check them, how do you switch to a positive note from a negative one?

Think and re-think. Emotions are complicated but they can simplified a great deal if you have a good strategy in place.

 

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MY LIFE – AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

Life they say is an emotional roller coaster. Some times it’s high and sometimes it’s low. Many a times we humans start our lives with innocence, love, tenderness etc. but after facing all hardships of life by the end are filled with anger, bitterness and regret. I really want to avoid this path.

Well let’s start at the beginning.

At the risk of sounding repetitive. Like my fellow writers Astha and Sreepriya, I too am a very emotional person. I guess all women are emotional. We are designed like this by God that we tend to show our emotions very easily.

The joke which goes around in my family is that the bucket behind my eyes is always full. It just needs a slight nudge and lo behold the bucket spills and the tears come tumbling down. Well to a certain extent it’s very true. Though I am not ashamed of crying, it’s a good outlet for all negative emotions. But at times the tears come out at a very wrong time. For example when I am very angry and I really need to give someone a piece of my mind, I need to look stern and really pissed off and here come the tears in my eyes and spoil the total effect. The other day when I was driving and suddenly my car brushed against another one. The damage was minimal and it was fault of both the drivers. I needed to get down the vehicle act all serious and angry and put my foot down that it was not only my fault and I will not pay for it. But before I could pull on that serious mask out came the tears. Now how do I manage to do all that with tears in my eyes? You can all imagine what happened after that. I was intimidated into paying some damages to the other driver (anyways you know the women drivers are always at fault)

So these days for my own benefit I am trying to control these pesky tears and try that they don’t come out at a wrong time.

Being emotional is still understandable. But what is really harmful are negative emotions and negative thoughts. Self-pity, jealousy etc. I guess we have all felt these emotions some time in our life. The idea is to not let them linger long in our minds. These negative emotions have a tendency to multiply in our minds one thought leads to another and we are filled up with bitterness. I have been through such emotions many times and I make a conscious effort to kick it out of my mind the moment I realise that my mind is going on the wrong track. Some time back I had written an article also about jealousy: My affair with the green eyed monster.

Anger is another such negative emotion. In my anger I have hit my child when he did something wrong and immediately regretted doing it. In the end I was also crying with my son and feeling really sorry. But then the deed was done. And by apologising later I diluted the lesson I was trying to teach my son. Had I controlled my anger and handled this situation in some other way it would had been a win-win situation for me. In a very angry argument we sometimes say such cruel words which we regret saying later but the words are already out of our mouth so nothing can be done about it now other than apologising.

So my friends it’s ok to be emotional. Being emotional means being normal, being human. But steer clear of negative emotions and stay happy, stay blessed.

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EMOTIONS THAT DRAIN ME,​ YET STRENGTHEN ME

“It was an amateur me

A spontaneous moment

wherein I lost all the integrity

The lessons I read but never implemented

a moment of childishness

a moment of anger

that exploded in me

It was quick but left an impact on many 

I never turned back to look what was the impact

but the effect stayed along in me as I walked away

for a moment it was relieving 

for a moment it was clouding my thoughts 

unable to throw me out of my dilemma

I ran away from the emotions

I closed my eyes, to read my heart

yet it was deceiving me too.”

~~~~~~

If I could recall a moment of emotional me, it would be the last job I worked on. It was not a decision  I made, but the “emotional me” let me decide that I do not want to be crunched under those political feets. I was drained emotionally, unable to think and every effort I took was not getting noticed. In a way, it was draining me. I knew being emotional in a corporate world was not a right choice.

Bein born to get attached to people and things was the only defect I had. I knew I had the least survival chances in the corporate world, as I never knew how to be swim across the current. The only solution was to bid goodbye to my job and leave myself in an isolation. Yet, the decision was strong enough for me. It brought in a positive aspect of life into me. Though initially, it was an untamed emotion, gradually it became an asset to me, to decide and understand the world. The emotional step changed my life as a whole, yet I was happy.

Being a mother, changed the whole perspective of emotions in me. My heart seemed to be much more vulnerable when am a mother. A heart that yearns to be with the child always. I realised motherhood is the weakest emotion that let you carry away, yet the strongest of all. I realised that emotions are my strength – the power of love, anger, gratitude, sadness everything in a mixed form – that is what I am. I am proud of it now.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I look at you

The only feeling that accumulates  

is the feeling of love

emotions became my strength 

emotions let me feel you the most

As you arrived in my life 

there was a reason that my eyes watered

It was the strongest feeling that aroused in me

the feeling of being a mom

you drive my emotions crazy

yet you are my life 

you are my weakness

you are my strength

there is nothing more joyful than being a mom

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being a mother, I enjoy the roller coaster ride of emotions.

To quote : 

“Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.”

Roger Ebert

Yes, emotions are our inner strengths undefined.  An asset to us, which helps our unconscious mind lead us to the right path. Driven by emotions at times might lead you into troubles, yet every step in life is a lesson. A lesson to be learned, a lesson to be cherished.

 

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BEING EMOTIONAL ISN’T A FLAW, IT’S DESIGN EXCELLENCE …

I am a very emotional person. Being a woman and also sensitive, crying comes naturally, I cry, cry a lot. It was only today I cried the last, majority of my early mornings or when I slip into sleep I do shell some tears. Please don’t ask me why, I really cannot explain. 

As I grew up, entered the male dominated corporate world, I learnt that displaying emotions is considered negative and can badly effect my career. I get very emotional but usually in solitude, so I tried not to display emotions often when others are around. A very few people even are considerate about those who display their emotions, I am saying it out of my experience, I have had tough times when people consider all of it fake. 

How long can we control emotions? That depends, irrespective of the duration we can catch hold of our emotions, they are going to come out one day. The same happened with me very recently at work. I am the kind of person, who takes in a lot of pressure, take-up challenging tasks at work but yet try to be contained. It has been over an year I was handling one such task, we were due for some thermal tests for our equipment, there were a ton of issues, people refused to accept the root cause. I tried my level best to handle the situation, but it was way out of my control, it is hard to stand against a group of leadership defending against what they think is absolute ‘nonsense’ isn’t the case.

One fine evening, after a two hour long meeting while I stayed all in silence, at the end of it, I uttered 3 sentences, my voice had a shiver, tears in my eyes, it felt like the moment where I was breaking down. Before so many people I really felt embarrassed, this one instance gave me a tag of “an emotional person” in my team. Anywhere people encountered me, they just used to say, “she is very emotional”, because of my already established understanding of being emotional as not so good thing, I was worried. 

Last Thursday, I was almost done with my lunch, about to leave but was waiting for others to finish. Meanwhile my teammate and very good friend of mine asked if he can join, I replied, “sure”. He noticed all of us were almost done and said “may be I joined at the wrong time”. Everyone was talking about something, one person said “she is very emotional, very much , she cannot just handle”, pointing a finger at me. My friend replied “Yes, she is but you cannot find such people easily”, I looked at him with an expression of surprise on my face. 

“Look, I am not trying to convince you, but I will tell you what I have learnt in life. I am not talking only about you but people similar to you who are adding value. One of my previous teammates was just like you, very sincere, at the same time she was intelligent, if she thinks her design would make the architecture better she used to sit for hours to prove its worth. Tell her there is an issue, she would sit all alone in the night to fix it. There are many people who just don’t do anything, not only in our team but many teams, sincere people are making projects succeed. Emotional people are very sincere. Being emotional is not at all negative and in fact your sincerity along with the emotion makes others really consider it. Emotions, let them be, they are only going to help you. Don’t even think of changing yourself, it’s not worth”, these were his words. 

It is very true. Every word of his is true. Emotions are really good and turn out to be helpful. If any of you have the habit of watching TED talks, there are many videos where people just break into tears. Their emotion displays their sincerity, as an audience I have always felt more involved when I watch speakers feeling emotional. When they knew few hundreds of people are watching them live, they are being video-graphed, and the video is going to stay in history forever, people don’t feel the need to hide their emotions.

I personally do not consider being emotional as negative. My emotions have always helped me discover who I am, they have taught me to a great deal, they make me dwell into situations better, make better decisions after I am over the emotional turmoil. Being emotional helps me make deeper connections with others, in some way if I can be of some help that’s really awesome. 

Men or women, it is important for us to display our emotions when appropriate, or when we cannot handle anymore, people who love us would understand us. The expression of emotion could be anger, frustration, ecstasy, many other feelings which can be overwhelming, but trust me, we would be loved the same by people who really know who we are. Let yourself be, let your emotions flow ….

“Eyes that do not cry, do not see.” ~Swedish Proverb

 

 

 

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