My favourite read

Of all the beautiful reads I had, the one that I could not get over was Rachael Lippincott’s five feet apart. I remember waking up for hours in the middle of the night, checking up my tab and having the long read. Intriguing, emotional, heart-wrenching and absorbing is how I define my favourite book.

Picture Credit : Google

The story of the Stella Grant and Will Newman still makes my heart flutter. It dealt with Abby’s and Poe’s death, how the two affected Stella’s life and Will left her amidst this giving her a new life. The drug trial involved with cystic fibrosis patients having B.Cepacica was a whole new concept that gives us a sense of hope and the author wishes it too that one day such a treatment be found.

Having five feet apart in my collection is what that made me ponder about the life, the death, the love and the perseverance. It’s written with a heart that believes true love exists even in the most unrealistic circumstances. Don’t know where to start but this book has so much to say and what not to teach. A careful read of this book taught me that the death is inevitable to all and what we are supposed to do is to live in the moment and make the best use of it. When on medications what one must not lack is perseverance and the faith. It proves that love is the ultimate expression of the will to live. And children’s love is what binds the parents together when the terminal illness evokes in. Where there’s a love, there’s a sacrifice. It values the human touch as the premium ease of all sufferings. The protagonist of the story, Stella shows that girls know coding too. It shows how the transgenders share the equal rights and how the socialisation and technology has made living easy, causing awareness and helping people win the battle over a terminal illness such as that of cystic fibrosis. And above all, what this book had for me is one more lesson teaching never to take your health for granted.

More Pain, More Happiness you are Rewarded with

It is said that ” the height of emotional pain we endure, measures the amount of happiness we gain”.
What do you say?

Happiness is not just a stand-alone emotion, it is a comparative emotion.

If you notice, some people are overjoyed with even little things in life, because they have suffered the most inwardly and everything else they receive in life seems to give them the strong gush of happiness.
It is told that, if we do not experience darkness, we do not value the light we receive. It is hard to measure in terms of how much joy it gives, but if you feel your heart is uncontrollably happy and thumping, then you have the joy of your life.

Being a mother, i felt this joy, when I look into my daughter’s eyes, the immeasurable joy i find being with them, cannot be even expressed in words.
Some days, i get too tired and exhausted that i feel like the world is hanging upon me, especially when I was going through the postpartum depression state, it is hard but i guess most moms can relate to it. In such a state, the pain induced into our mind, due to insecurity, the helplessness, the chaos in life, the acceptance of becoming a mom, the madness of mad hours and much more is like a crazy drive, but again, in the end, when i hit the bed, be it like 12 in the night, or maybe like early morning 2, i just fall into the bed, and then comes, the soft little fingers looking for me, the moment it touches my skin… it is like magic.
I feel like being lighter and floating in some cloud. As if i am transported into another world and every burden seems to fly away from me. It is like a cradle holding me up in the world, protecting me from the thorns of expectations, troubles and much more. And all i need that tiny hands to hover upon me and put me to sleep.

This joy is immeasurable !!!
The joy of motherhood.
All pain disappears and all I need is my angels near me.

As i said, you cannot enjoy the joy every moment gives you, without enduring the pain.
People build walls around them to protect themselves from the emotional pain, but they forget, the higher they build the wall, the lesser happy they are gonna be. When we build walls, we disconnect from the world, which is also bound to give you happiness too.

Pain does serve several purposes in life.
It signals us to pure joy and happiness that is like a rainbow after the rain. But the more we run away from everything in life, we are gonna miss what is in store for us.
You can’t reach a destiny when all you want to do is stay indoors.

The intensity of the struggle determines the happiness you will receive.

UNDERSTANDING EQ IN DEPTH

We had a very nice week discussing about one of the very vital subjects of life, “Emotional Quotient.” My co-writers have written about it and to certain extent we are clear about the subject.

Things have changed over the years. EQ is now valued more than IQ in every field.

You may ask, “Why and how?” 

It is actually because our emotions play a big role in our productivity, efficiency and maintaining relationships. In recent times, team work has been of utmost importance. Those times are gone when you just used to do your work, earn something and enjoy it at home with your family. In every sector, we are observed how good we are in socializing and team building. 

If I have to define EQ then I would like to define it as – “EQ is understanding my own emotions, managing it well to motivate myself for the task and responsibility bestowed upon me and sensibly understanding other’s mind using my communication skills effectively.”

I found some interesting video presentations on YouTube which I think are very important for all of us to watch and understand EQ in depth.  

1. Emotional Intelligence by Brendon Gouveia:

 

2. Leading with Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace – Carolyn Stern:

 

3. Emotional Intelligence in Leadership – BreakthruInMarketing:

 

These videos are so interesting to watch that I kept watching videos after videos trying to understand this subject in depth though I am unable to mention all of them right here. But you can go ahead and surf through all that yourself.

Keep reading and watching… And yes, don’t forget to manage your EQ well 😉 .

Stay blessed!!!

EMOTIONS IN THE WORLD OF MIND GAMES

Isn’t it so startling!

We are the people of smart-age. Our generation is almost in the pinnacle of success. Often we tag “There’s nothing impossible for me” on social media. But still we struggle with our ‘emotions’ and maintaining even an average level of EQ in different stages of our life.

Every next person to us is struggling with some kind of emotion. Sometimes it’s quite similar to us and sometimes it’s different. 

Last Friday, I was travelling to office. Suddenly I saw a middle-aged, educated lady sitting in front of me facing towards the window crying bitterly. I thought that somebody told her something but I found everyone were busy with their own business. Some were busy their mobile phones, some were having great political talks, some were just waiting for the bus to reach their destination so that they can hop inside their offices. No one told her anything, but still she was crying though she was trying to control her emotions in public. I was truly feeling bad for her. My heart was insisting me to go and ask her but questioned popped up in my mind, “Do I know her? How will she react to me? If something else happens, will I be able to handle that situation?” Bugged down  with all these thoughts when I came out to my senses, I found the lady getting down at her destination.

Human emotions are always controlled or played by the minds, of our own’s or of other’s.

Sometimes our Emotions stays UNEXPRESSED. Even though our smart gadgets provides us with ‘emoticons/emojis’ to express our emotions yet  we fail to express ourselves properly sometimes.

Sometimes our Emotions are MANIPULATED.” In most of the relationships we usually find someone’s emotion is being manipulated by somebody else.  True love in a relationship usually helps us to grow in our relationships without manipulation of each others emotions.  But now days things have changed a lot. Emotions are usually manipulated when we have selfish motives in our relationships. We have many TV series depicting manipulation of emotions, i.e., “Emotional Attyachar.” 

Many times Emotions are IGNORED”. When any of our friends struggles with heart breaks etc. do we pay attention to him/her or make fun of him/her? This way we ignore their emotions. Our ignorance doesn’t heal our friend’s emotional wounds rather we scratch it more and make it worse. Let’s try to ‘Love Band-Aid’ the emotional wounds of our friends rather than playing the mind games by ignoring their emotions.

Low EQ in a person usually make him/her inexpressive or over-expressive. Low EQ makes a person play or manipulate with others emotions. Low EQ makes a person insensitive and makes him ignore somebody else’s state of mind.  

Don’t be the Player of Mind games, especially when it comes to EMOTIONS!

God bless! Stay tuned!

Avinash

KNOW WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE

I am a huge fan of stand up comedy. I mean a stage show with the perfect mix of humour and sarcasm is a “paisa-wasool” performance for me. And I’m one of those people who likes to work those witty remarks, subtle insults and funny intonations into a conversation because you know everybody needs to add a flavour into a conversation and I love being the funny one.

I have been brought up in a family where me and my siblings love taking the mickey out of each other and it’s all in good fun. So, naturally as I was growing up, I inculcated this into all aspects of my life: with my friends, relatives, acquaintances and now with my colleagues. And I love being the one who can make somebody laugh.

But in all these years I also learnt it the hard way that not everybody is as accepting of being the object of my humour. Amidst all the applause and laughter I never paid much attention to fact that I might have inadvertently hurt somebody’s feelings even though I had not meant to. That’s when I learnt that there is a very thin line between funny and rude. And that taking back your word even if it was in good humour is never possible.

Also, being a funny person your EQ needs to be higher so that you are aware of the situation you are in, know the kind of people you are with and then carry out a conversation which puts them at ease.

So if you are one of those people who likes being the funny one, know where that line between funny and rude lies, try your best to never ever cross that line and lastly, if you do end up cross that line be sure to apologise profusely and sincerely. There is nothing wrong in being funny, just make sure you are not insensitive.

funny-babies-pet-animals-Favim.com-4137560

OUR EMOTION IS THEIR BUSINESS

Years back while travelling on Delhi roads in auto rickshaw I saw a pair of hands begging for alms in scorching heat.  To add to the misery of sight there was a baby in lap.  And she said “please give something, baby haven’t had anything since two days”, I was moved and handed over a note of Re.10, she blessed and went to other vehicle at the traffic signal.  To this the auto driver said “madam, you shouldn’t have done this, this is their business, they carry babies only to attract attention and get money.  They know the nerve of donors well”.  It made me think and think more seriously till I reached my destination.

This is just one incidence.  Daily we see numerous faces on roadside who are into this business.  Yes, you heard it right.  It’s a business.  And what is capital invested?  Innocence.  Yes, more innocent a face is greater the chance of  earning more per day and who better than  kids can be the owner of innocence.  Its proven that every day small children (babies as well) are being abducted and put into this lowly act of begging just to quench the thirst of greed of some greedy souls (read people).  This is not just one case where our emotions are traded for meeting selfish motives and making moolah.  In  almost every field,  every occupation human emotions are bankable assets.  Let me elaborate with few more examples.

  • Nowadays we see a substantial rise in the number of C-section deliveries.  Some are genuine but majority of them recommended merely because they come with a huge medical bills that are paid in favour of hospitals.  They are cashing our fear here.
  • Fairness cream brands portray fairness as the only parameter of acceptance in the society.  Dusky complexion is taken for granted and fairness is always wanted.  Here our insecurities are banked upon.
  • Banks promote compulsive buying when they vouch for credit cards.  They try to tap our temptations and our weakness to control them.

So basically it is lack of our control on our emotions that makes us weak.  Be it fear, anger, greed, insecurity, anxiety, overly sympathy etc.  Lower the control means lower Emotional quotient.  And this gives an opportunity for opportunists (read people with business acumen) to mint money.  And once action taken people with low emotional quotient try to list reasons for their miseries in life, trying to put blame on others, eventually develop more negative emotions.  I am sure all of you must have heard about words “emotional fools”.  That’s nothing but a slang to define people with low emotional quotient.

Then how not to get branded as such.  Does it mean we stop being emotional and completely robotic.  No, I definitely don’t mean so because then we will no more be considered “human”.  Emotions are an integral part of being human.  We should rather develop our innate level of emotional intelligence.  Before taking any action at the drop of hat just “pause and think” and answer few questions depending upon the situation:

  • Is it necessary?
  • What could be the consequence of my action?

I know its not an easy task to begin with but this old saying never fails if put into practice

slow and steady wins the race 

And definitely we will reach our goal of being at a position to be able to take decisions without being carried away by our emotions and no one else could take undue benefit from us.

 

COMMON DEVIL – EMOTIONAL INVALIDATION

“How can you be angry at such a trivial thing? This is no reason to be upset.”

“You should not be hungry at this hour. You have already eaten so much”

“How can you think of having an ice-cream when your father is in ICU?”

These are examples of some of the common statements that we hear day in and day out. You might ask what is wrong with these statements. Exactly! We don’t find anything wrong in telling others in our life that what they are feeling is wrong, because our intention when we say such things is absolutely good.

Every human feeling/emotion is absolutely valid. And when we make such statements, we actually invalidate the other person’s thoughts. This person is usually our loved one and we only mean good for him/her. But we still hurt the person by invalidating his/her thought or feeling. This is extremely common and most of us do not even realize the damage because we believe that we were helping. Rarely anybody invalidates other’s experience intentionally.

How does a person feel when you invalidate the very feeling he/she has? Try and remember the last time it happened to you. Usually a person might feel judged or ignored or rejected by such comments. How upsetting it is for a particular person depends on his/her emotional sensitivity.

Validation is accepting the person with his/her negative and positive feelings. It also means accepting the person with his/her negative and positive internal experiences. Best way to stop invalidating others is by replacing it with validation. It does not mean that you lie to the person – it simply means that you accept the person’s experience as valid and understandable. The major challenge is to identify the instances where we invalidate other’s feelings. Listen to yourself, listen to the advices that you give to your loved ones, listen to what your inner voice tells you about other’s experience. Keep an eye on your own thoughts. Once you learn this, it is highly powerful in improving your emotional quotient.