CHASTITY IN THE LAND OF LUST

Understanding Lust:

I have seen people using lust and love as similar meaning words on many occasions. But the meanings of these two words are completely different.

Unlike love, lust is extremely self-centered, it never allows a person to see anyone else but himself or herself, it lets a person focus someone’s physical body than their inner beauty and it lets a person to have physical intimacy than establishing a deep emotional bonding with another.

Let me explain how lust can affect a person…

Have you ever seen a drunkard blabbering on a road tottering from this side to that side of it? Yes, we all must have witnessed it many times on the streets.

Do people take him seriously whatever he says in that fully drunk state? No, because we all know it very well that the drunkard is not in his own control.

Lust is a state something of that kind. It is an experience of intense carnal urges and unbridled sexual craving. Lust is not an emotion, but it involves the experience of fleshly enjoyment with anticipation of sexual pleasure.

Mary C. Lamia, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, and psychoanalyst says, “Lust provides a rare window through which you can view your vulnerabilities as you are swept away by your imagination.”

But the condition is, only if we can realise about our vulnerabilities then we can learn from it for a future reference otherwise we move towards destruction gradually.

Depth of Lust:

We all know, how different companies produce different products for their customers according to what they wished in their minds. In the same way, the media produces different films and series basing on the mindsets and desires of people of this world today.

Would you believe that the psychological disorders which I had studied while doing a counselling degree are now slowly being accepted as sexual preferences or choices?

Let me explain…

BDSM which has been unknown to most of the people previously has become popular among many today. I feel very scared to even think about it even.

I watched a series recently on the same subject and was amazed how it ended. A married woman who loves her husband a lot. The husband is a very good man and loves his wife as well. They didn’t have any problems whatsoever. But the woman always feels very lonely staying all the time at home when her husband is at work. She eventually meets a man on a chatting site who insists her to meet him at his place. She doesn’t agree initially but thought of giving a try as she is attracted to what the man used to write about sexual submission and dominance. And finally, she visits him and submits to his dominance. She suffers from a psychological issue later on and to help her out, her husband comes to know about her secret life. The story ends with the husband releasing his wife to that man. Message of the story was – Lust won over the chastity of marriage.

Examples like the above, are many, I can’t list them out all here.

Famous psychiatrist and author Judith Orloff, M.D. rightly says, “As a psychiatrist, I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people.”

Crimes Led By Lust:

Lust is an intense mental state which leads a person to commit heinous and soul stirring crimes.

The Bible mentions a good king who fell for a beautiful woman, slept with her and to marry her, he murdered her husband craftily.

We are aware of the crimes against women and children in the forms of sexual abuses, molestations, rapes caused by lust.

Have you ever heard about ‘Lust Murder’? Wikipedia explains, “A lust murder is a homicide in which the offender searches for erotic satisfaction by killing someone”. I was shaken literally when I read this sentence.

Apart from strong sexual urges, lust can also depict intense cravings for food, money and power as well which ultimately leads to various small and big crimes happening daily around us. Lust of money leads people to rob things from others. Lust of food makes people sick and obese. Lust of power creates disparity in the country and war situations around the world.

Chastity against lust:

In this context of lust, talking about Chastity seems meaningless and impossible. Isn’t it? It looks like Chastity has been swallowed up by the lust of human beings in this world. But we all are aware of the consequences; lust can only lead us to destruction.

The Bible stirs our minds with few thought-provoking questions –

“Can a man take fire in his bosom
And his clothes not be burned?
Or can a man walk on hot coals
And his feet not be scorched?”

We know the answer very well. Lust is like fire, like burning hot coals that can burn our chest, our body if we embrace onto it. It can burn our feet if we walk on its path.

Chastity is also a state or practice of refraining from extramarital, or especially from all, sexual intercourse. Basically, chastity means sexual purity.

So, as human we can live in one or other way – live a life of purity or lead an impure life. We can’t stay in a 50-50 condition because, a tiny bit of impurity soils and spoils everything. Yes, I understand that we as human are not perfect, we have weaknesses but there have to have a constant striving within us for perfection – moving from impurity to purity. When we stay stagnant at a point, we stay impurity of lust.

In short, I want to mention a few helpful points for our striving towards Chastity in the land of lust. They are as under:

Guarding my eyes: The Bible says, ““I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman”. There’s a tendency in us to look at another person of the opposite sex with lust but when we prayerfully practice it not to do so, one day we see the result ourselves. Practice makes a man perfect. But there has to have goal setting and willingness to strive for a life of purity.

Guarding my mind: The Bible says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”The Bible verse doesn’t contradict the natural instinct of human beings getting attracted to the physical bodies of people of the opposite gender. In fact, that is how we are made! But, lust in the mind creates a craving for adultery in action – “a thought of having physical or sexual relationship with the woman I am looking at.”The eyes look at the woman, sends the message back and there’s a thought evolves in the mind instructing the eyes to look at the woman again and again. But when we guard our mind by constant striving, we can help stopping the lustful thought process and ultimately, we can hope for a positive result one day.

Guarding my steps: I always need to know whom I am following, what I am following. Am I feeding myself with filthy stuffs or feeding myself with good things? I can’t expect to be pure if I keep watching pornography. I can’t expect to be compassionate if I rear hatred in my heart. I can’t strive for chastity if I keep looking at this woman or that.

The Bible says,Don’t imitate the behavior and patterns of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” If I want to change the mindset of my community and the people around me then I have to first change myself. That is possible if I do what is right. I can do what is right if I know and understand what is right. If I follow what people are doing then I will surely be faltering sooner or later. I need to know where and how I am walking in my life.

Friends! Preaching is easy, practicing is very hard, and living it, is all the more difficult. It is a challenge for all of us to maintain Chastity in the midst of a lustful world but it is not impossible and also beneficial for us. Let’s keep guarding our eyes, our minds, and our steps.

Stay Blessed!

Advertisements

WHAT MOTIVATES ME?

Neuroscience – Motivation is a desire to perform an action…

Psychological Theories – Motivation can be conceived of as a cycle in which thoughts influence behaviors, drive performance, affects thoughts, and the cycle begins again.

Natural Theories – The natural system assumes that people have higher order needs, which contrasts with the rational theory that suggests people dislike work and only respond to rewards and punishment.

The above three theories made me conclude about what motivation actually is….

It is a desire to do something influenced or driven by our thought processes for achieving a desired goal or something that satisfies us. 

I am a person who is very unstable. Now don’t get disturbed with that word ‘Unstable’. I fail to motivate myself when it comes to a routine work. I am mostly a very creative person and feel very de-motivated doing a regular and routine job every day.  Probably, most people can relate with me and that’s why the natural theory mentions about two factors to which usually my kind of people respond or get motivated to – reward or punishment. 😉

That may be about my work life or daily household chores but in my life I have always felt that I get motivated when I see a need in a human heart. Let me explain…

Last couple of months were bit tough for me. A month back I was in a very extreme mental condition. I was grumpy, sad and absolutely disturbed when I received a ping on my Whatsapp. One of my closest friends who said: “Chiradeep, I just want to cry.

When I am down, I usually don’t go to any social network or chit chat with anyone but just sulk into my own sadness. But I quickly responded to her, “You can cry if you want to… Are you in a position to cry over the phone?” She said yes and I called her to talk with her. She cried over the phone while talking with me and I let her do so.

And you know what?

I was out of my low state and was ready to take up the challenge I was facing.

Many persons with empathy can relate with me too in this regard. I tend to feel better and rejuvenated when I see others in pain. My heart goes out for them forgetting my own challenges and struggles.

I also tend to get motivated when I was given a target or reminded of my higher calling. Like when I feel down and de-motivated being an expressive person that usually reflect on my statuses or profile pictures or timelines or quotes on YourQuote. Lo and behold my friend Prabhjot usually asks almost within an hour of such changes, “Why have you changed your privacy settings? Why can’t I see the blue ticks when I send messages to you? See, Chiradeep if you stay negative then what will happen to us?”

That pricks me harder and motivates me to be back on track again.

There’s a saying that, “the one who loves you more, hurts you more”. And if I add to that line then I would say, “The one who is the cause of your irritation, is the cause of your motivation as well”.

Yeah, you guessed it right!

My wife has always been the factor of my motivation and inspiration. If no one encourages me for my work or song or write up it is she who never fails to appreciate and praise my work whatever may be the case. Sometimes she says it on my face that she doesn’t like this or that. But that makes me to do it in a much better way to get praise at least from her. I would like to say that if I could compose music today it’s all because of her or she being my motivation behind it.

I perform well when I am challenged and have a target in front of me. And both the above cases motivate me out of challenges that I wish to take on.

There’s one last but not the least of all which has been my motivation since my childhood. And I can’t hide it from you.

The Bible says,

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

And He was truly faithful to what He had promised from the beginning. Whenever I lose that motivation in my heart He encourages me from within and gives that desire in my heart to do what is right. And that is why I kept on moving with a smile on my face despite of all my follies, all my weaknesses, all the adverse situations around me, all the struggles that I have to go through.

Friends! Never lose heart… look around you… there will be motivation somewhere lurking at you and waiting for you to grab it for your benefit.

Keep reading, keep getting motivated…

Stay Blessed!

ARE WE CONNECTED TO BE ENSLAVED?

Whoa! What a world! What an opportunity to know the outer world!!! What a way to explore all hidden desires!!! What an excellent platform to let my wild imagination be played out!!! There’s no one to know!!! There’s no one to restrict!!! There’s no one to shout at!!! All I have is me, my imagination and freedom! Absolute Freedom!

I spent a lot of money after Yahoo chatting… I made many new friends… I was all alone in the city and there was nobody to control me. I was on my own. Soon my favourite pastime became going to the café and chatting for hours over reading books. Later I was introduced to Friendster.com, then Myspace.com and then came Orkut.com. But I was not addictive to all of those because nothing could beat the attraction and allurement of Yahoo messenger. Interacting with people has been my favourite thing. And Yahoo messenger gave the scope to interact with a wide range of people.

Time went on like that…

I was late yet finally got the taste of a new networking site called FACEBOOK.COM. Yahoo messenger became boring and outdated as soon as I started exploring the charm of FB. Yahoo Messenger had allowed only a coffee shop to hangout but FB gave a city to live in with the people we found on internet. Life changed literally I would say. The new world of interaction seemed very interesting, captivating and extremely addictive. I have been always very imaginative from my childhood and when I came to know about Role Play I was hooked to it for hours. Role Play gave me the scope to do whatever that I had ever dreamt and desired in life though in the forms of imagination only, it devastated my focus on the most important things of life. I could have achieved lot more in my life if I would have mastered the use of internet instead of being enslaved to it. I deeply regret it today.

No doubt there were lots of benefits of being connected to internet; I am not denying them at all. Candles Online is part of being connected. But despite of all those benefits there are some adverse effects of social networking sites or being connected which had alarmed us over the last couple of years.  And the effects are devastating. Let’s look in to them one after the other as under: 

  1. Lost skill of Face to Face Interactions: This is one of the biggest setbacks which social networking sites have brought in to our lives. People are busier with computers and smart phones than person to person interactions. Sometimes we joke even husband and wife communicate each other through whatsapp inside the same house as both will be busy in their mobile phones instead of being with each other. We can laugh about this but this has killed the effectiveness of personal human interactions. 
  1. Causes of Break ups and Divorces:Sometimes I talk rudely with my wife when she asks something because she interrupts my communication with others on my smart phone or laptop. That should not be the case. I regret it later but the relationship gets affected. I am quoting an article which I found on web which talks about how FB causes break ups in relationships which reads as under:

“It’s not official until it’s on Facebook,” they say. But keeping it off Facebook could be the best way to ensure your romantic relationship stays strong. Individuals who use Facebook excessively are much more likely to experience Facebook-related conflict with their partner, which can lead to non-digital conflicts as well, including emotional and physical cheating, breakups, and even divorce, a study says. 

  1. Induces Jealousy and Peer Pressure: My friend Prabhjot once wrote about this in her article on our webzine. She says, 

Looking at all the goody goody pictures of people you are hardly in touch with gives a feeling that – whole world is having fun and living a perfect life but me. It is a very obvious feeling.” She also described the story of a 17 year old boy who killed himself while taking a selfie. He wanted to take a “cool” selfie on a railway track with an approaching train from behind. He got run over by the train.

That’s what peer pressure or being liked by others can make to you. This is how social media induces it. 

  1. Vulnerable to Criminal Activities: Crimes on internet is when computer networks or devices are used as means to perform fraud and identity theft through social engineering as well as cyber bullying, cyber stalking and cyber warfare. And when we upload all our personal details we get exposed to the danger of being harassed and bullied online by the criminals. 
  1. Obsession and Addiction to Internet can be fatal: The obsession and addiction of internet makes life worse. Women [64%] are more likely than men [55%] to consider themselves addicted to the internet. In the 13-17 age demographic, up to 3 out of every 4 kids could be considered addicted to the internet. The percentage of 18-24 year olds who would qualify as being addicted to the internet today: 71%. These obsession and addiction can spoil the students as they lose concentration on their studies. It makes the adult neglect their real life by spending more time on virtual world and spend life idly. 
  1. Severe Health Hazards:There’s an interesting article on ‘whashingtonpost.com’ that I read which my cousin shared once really alarmed me and can really make you worry as well.

The human head weighs about a dozen pounds. But as the neck bends forward and down, the weight on the cervical spine begins to increase. At a 15-degree angle, this weight is about 27 pounds, at 30 degrees it’s 40 pounds, at 45 degrees it’s 49 pounds, and at 60 degrees it’s 60 pounds.

That’s the burden that comes with staring at a smartphone — the way millions do for hours every day, according to research published by Kenneth Hansraj in the National Library of Medicine. The study will appear next month in Surgical Technology International. Over time, researchers say, this poor posture, sometimes called “text neck,” can lead to early wear-and-tear on the spine, degeneration and even surgery.

Long hours in front of the screen can spoil our eyes, makes us lazy and obese when it is continued as a daily practice.

What can we conclude now after understanding all these alarming facts and information?

Couple of verses from the Bible comes to my mind:

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything. “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

From childhood we are told, “anything excess is bad“. If we don’t make the social medias and our being connected our slave today then they will rule over us, destroy us and devastate our peaceful lives. It is we who are responsible for allowing being connected to be a boon or bane; the choice is ours.

Stay Blessed!!!

(Picture Credit: HERE )

ARE YOU CHASING AFTER THE WIND?

One of my very closest friend told me few days ago, that she is searching for the meaning of love, life, inspiration etc… I immediately understood how that feeling is. It is a feeling which can literally make you quiet and disturbed within. I had gone through that experience many times before so I know how a person can feel when he or she fails to understand the meaning of life and all that is within it. I didn’t answer back but thought of writing this article where I can express well and make my friend understand what I mean.

I remember a statement made by an successful athlete who was asked what he wished someone would have told him before reaching to the top, he replied, “I wish that someone would have told me that when you reach the top, there’s nothing there.”

The statement of the athlete made me to quote the wise words of a wise king in the Bible, who says:

“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
    says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
    Everything is meaningless.”

“What do people gain from all their labors
    at which they toil under the sun?”

“I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

“I said to myself, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good.” But that also proved to be meaningless.”

“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
    I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
    and this was the reward for all my toil.
Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
    and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
    nothing was gained under the sun.”

“So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. And who knows whether that person will be wise or foolish? Yet they will have control over all the fruit of my toil into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. For a person may labor with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then they must leave all they own to another who has not toiled for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun? All their days their work is grief and pain; even at night their minds do not rest. This too is meaningless.”

Now, a man like him who can hate life realizing that everything is meaningless then just think about me and you who are so mere that can easily be frustrated and get away from the real meaning of life.

In search of the meaning of life many go after things like business successes, wealth, good relationships, sex, healthy lifestyle and doing good to others. But after achieving everything in life many have testified like that athlete that there was still a deep void inside them…, there’s a feeling of emptiness that nothing really can resolve for them.

When God created us He created us for a purpose. He blessed the mankind and said:

“Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground. I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.”

All these He did for us so that we can have a fulfilling life on this earth and glorify His name for the gift of life. But that really didn’t happen. If it would have happened then we would not have felt so empty and void within ourselves… we would not have searched for the meaning of our life.

Sin was the reason which literally changed the meaning of life and left us frustrated and craving for the things which God gave us naturally in the beginning. Now we run after all those materialistic stuffs which were actually supposed to be ours. We try to earn our own thing. We have to toil for the fulfillment of life which were supposed to be by default ours when we take birth on this earth. That’s funny… That’s the irony… Isn’t it?

So many times I feel very broken. Even this morning I was sad and broken though I didn’t show up yet I feel my sorrows making me think about ‘why on earth I am still existing…’ But again I was reminded of that loving call of my God, my Saviour who says:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Yeah, it is only God who can make the difference when we are going through the turmoils of our heart. He gives us a choice to seek Him and His will for our lives; the result will be a life finding contentment and satisfaction which is way different and better than a life of discontentment and emptiness. 

To conclude, as we are about to finish this year 2017, I would like to invite you all to seek God instead of chasing after the wind and… 

Delight yourself in the LORD and HE will give you the desires of your heart. 

BE AN EMPATHIZER, NOT AN ADVISER

Advises!

Suggestions!

Taunts!

They irked me so much during my sickness last month. I even warned few of my family members, shouted at them and reprimanded few of my friends lovingly.

People usually showed their sympathy and started giving examples according to their thinking and understanding of the matter or issue. There were very few who could really understand what I was going through at that particular moment of my suffering. ‘Empathy’, what I was needed, not sympathy from the people around me.

In sympathy, emotions are predominant. The sympathizer relates emotionally with the person concerned. But in empathy the intellect and discerning are predominant. The empathizer focuses on understanding the person’s frame of mind, his/her context, how he/she feels and why. Then it becomes easier for him/her to talk, counsel, console and comfort the victim in a better and successful way.

A classic differentiation between sympathy and empathy was displayed by Liza  in her poem: Sympathy and Empathy a Poem have a look at it.

A week ago I elucidated few encouraging messages that I received while I was in the hospital. And I was elated and strengthened by each of one of those messages because each of those messages reflected the sender’s empathetic heart.

An empathizer always puts his/her feet into the victim’s shoe and try to understand how it feels to be in that shoe.

Just imagine about the person who has lost his/her spouse or children. Consoling that person or a bereaved is all the more difficult as the grief level of a bereaved is the highest in comparison to any other sadness or grief. How can we be empathetic in that case if we do not have any such experiences in our own life?

Let me give an example I just remembered. When my cousin died of an accident and I was weeping for him before flying for his funeral my aunt here in Kolkata was trying to comfort me as she was also in pain. She was saying, “I can imagine how it will feel if my son would have died today. The pain of that mother is so great who had lost her son.” That’s a cry of an empathetic heart. And I have seen her comforting me, my wife and few others at different times. She is the best in doing so.

We had a week for a topic called, “Managing Grief” last year in 2016. I wrote an article where I had mentioned about few things that we should remember while consoling or comforting a bereaved. They were: Listening to them patiently, Giving them a hug, Allow them to weep or wail, Cry with them, Talk less with them, Don’t force them for anything and so on.

I quite liked this statement that I stumbled upon in WordPress:

What is the true essence of therapy? What is a key aspect in loving? What is understanding? The answer to these questions is an ability within self that requires learning and growing, this ability is empathy

Recently, I came across the term, “Validation through Empathy“. Psychology Today says, “Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person’s thoughts, feelings,  sensations, and behaviors as understandable.  We may approve it or not that’s a different matter but we accept and understand the person and his/her feelings.

I have a video which can really make sense and help us all to understand the concept of Validation through Empathy. Let’s watch it.

Whoa! Excellent! Isn’t it?

I have been trying desperately to be a person like that… A person who will not judge other’s frailty but understand and accept his/her actions, emotions and mind. I sensed people feel comfortable with me, sharing their hearts because to some extent I could provide the warmth of that empathy which they desperately need when they are vulnerable. And I will strive more and more to be validating their emotions through empathy.

Dear Friends! Our level of empathy actually determines how good we can be in consoling or comforting those who are going through difficult situations.

Keep reading, keep learning and keep leaving your feedback.

Stay Blessed!

‘SELFIE’ – A WAY OF EXCHANGING EMOTIONS

“I need an inspiration right away… Please send me a one liner of your own to inspire me…” I gave a task to my co-authors in the group and few others two days ago and they sent me following the lines:

“What have you done so far.”

“At least I have these people in my life!”

“Even in tough times hold my hand in yours and heart in mine.”

“Lofty are the mountains, loftier still are my dreams.”

“Every morning when you wake up, among the million things that pull u back, look for the one thing or thought that takes you towards your goal.”

“Be the best in your own eyes, rest of the world will not matter.”

“You are not ‘Everyone’, you are WHAT you Are.”

“Either you run the day, or the day runs you.”

“Let your smile change the world but don’t let the world change your smile.”

“The world has many contagious thing, smile and success is one of the many.”

“Speaking the truth in love…”

“We may not be perfect but we are certainly not useless… We are God’s most wonderful creation designed in His image.”

“Know your worst fears, know your worst enemies, know your darkest secrets and then confront them all; that’s how you build on your worth and your strength.”

Now you may ask why I performed this exercise and why am I mentioning them in an article on a completely different subject…

All of the above statements were either written by themselves or taken from someone else… But all the statements reflect their feelings, their expressions and represent their psyche in connection with me or about themselves or about the situation they are going through. These are all Invisible Selfies of themselves.

I really want to appreciate all of them for sending me such beautiful inspirations. 🙂 And the above one is a ‘Video Selfie’ for expressing my gratitude.

A ‘Selfie’ always declares a person’s present state of appearance. How does a person look at one particular time? A Selfie gives the answer.

I love to take selfies… Why? Not because I am self-obsessed or NOT to post it on FB showing how handsome I look or how beautiful or expensive my clothes are… but to send them to my loved ones to let them know my present ‘state of appearance’ making them feel about the distant and real me. And I do expect them to send their selfies too to know their present state of appearance.

In my group there are many who are quick to send their selfies including me but some are extremely pushy or rocky or unshakeable. If you ask a selfie from them they behave in such a way as if I have asked their eyes or nose etc. 😉

I have one friend. She simply sent her morning selfie when I was in the hospital. And that gesture really touched me.

WHY?

Usually females don’t like to send their selfies early in the morning when they look shabby and without make up. They always like to look good and presentable before capturing themselves. They are very cautious and conscious. But she wasn’t. She wasn’t formal. She just wanted her real-present-state of appearance to be reflected to a close friend like me. I thanked her for that informality.

Now let’s talk about the spouses who are far from each other… Don’t you think it’s so beautiful to send selfies to each other letting each other know how they look at that particular time…? A selfie from each other when they are missing each other so desperately makes them feel loved and brings a delightful glee on their faces. Lovely, isn’t it?

Sometimes when I send a selfie to Aastha… she would immediately react like a sister saying, “Dada, you look tired… Take rest”, “Dada, that shirt doesn’t suit you”, “Dada, ask Bhabi to smile” and so on… I do the same when she or someone else sends me a selfie too.

My psyche behind a selfie is expressing myself to my loved ones… And it’s not that bad at all if handled well; in moderation and with wisdom. There will be many more views to ‘Selfie’ which we will be reading in the subsequent days of the week.

So friends! Keep capturing and sending selfies, keep expressing… But be CAREFUL!

Stay Blessed!!!

HARNESS THE WILD HORSE

“Emotions,” wrote Aristotle, “are all those feelings that so change men as to affect their judgements, and that are also attended by pain or pleasure. Such are anger, pity, fear and the like, with their opposites.”

Well, we all struggle for our emotions and try to suppress it. But that process really doesn’t help. Let’s get inside it and study more about our emotions to know what way we can be helped in this regard.

Emotion has three specific definitions according to Miriam Webster dictionary. One of them is – “emotion is a state of feeling”.

That state of feeling can be of Primary or Secondary. A primary human emotion types are the one that triggered in response to an event, for example: Anger, Sympathy, Empathy, Love and so on. Secondary emotion types are those which follow the primary emotion, for example we show care and concern to the needy after we are moved with compassion and love. Here the feelings of care and being concerned are secondary emotions of human or the care giver.

That state of feeling can also be Negative or Positive. Fear, anger, pride, self-pity, envy etc., are negative emotions and love, hope, trust, patient, joy are the examples of positive emotions.

If I extend it little further then according to me this state of feeling can also be Momentary or Lasting. Usually primary emotions are Momentary and the emotion that follows it becomes Lasting or Secondary.

Now when there’s an upsurge of emotion that we feel after an occurrence of an event we immediately can know whether it is negative or positive after it processed through primary to secondary. At that particular moment we need to take little time to make it Momentary or Lasting. We should let the positive emotion proceed further and put a bridle on the negative emotions.

Don’t mock me…

I know it’s extremely difficult doing than how easy for me to mention above. But if you have marked people around you then you can easily make out how impulsive people suffer all the time. They respond quickly. They react in lightening speed. They are quick to speak harsh words and hurt. Their tears roll down swiftly. They are short tempered. They flare up instantly. We all know about it very well.

If we look into our day to day life then we will realise at times we are impulsive and at other times we are not. Have we ever tried to find out why we behave differently at different times?

I will tell you…

The presence of certain persons, a particular situation makes us to behave differently at different times. Can we show our emotion of anger impulsively in front of our boss? No, we can’t. But in front of our spouses or children we react quickly and flare up instantly. If we observe we will find many such instances in our life that will tell us how differently we behave. It gets inculcated in us from our childhood to react in a certain way. Now at this point of our life when we try to set ourselves back on track it is really difficult.

Our emotions are like wild horses. Have you seen a wild horse? Controlling it is the most tedious task for its master. And when our emotions go berserk it is really very difficult to keep them quiet.

But we all know that a wild horse can be tamed by a harness; and so also our emotions need to be harnessed… not suppressed.

The other day I was talking with my wife about emotions and she said, “If we suppress our emotions then it will burst one day”. And she was absolutely right. I have seen people trying to suppress their emotions and they feel they will be portraying themselves as weak if they are emotional but that’s not true. Always be yourself and let your true emotions come out.

To support what I just said above I want to quote an article in Psychology Today :

“So emotions don’t have to be a problem for you. Any emotion can bring a welcome sense of positive energy or the opposite—a dose of gloom and doom. It just depends on how you work with it, how you respond to the upsurge of energy.”

So the solution is harness your emotions. Tame it. Keep it under your control to use its energy as your strength.

But, how?

The same article concludes like this:

“When you’re feeling tormented by your emotions, what do you do? You probably look for an escape route. But you can’t see your emotions the way you can see smoke or fire, so which way do you turn? You can’t exactly decide, My anger is hammering at the front door, so I’ll go out the back . If you react out of panic, without thinking it through, you might end up jumping from the frying pan into the fire. You never know what might be waiting for you in your backyard. Instead of leaving your well-being to chance, it’s a good idea to have a rescue plan for those times when you find yourself on shaky emotional ground, looking for a lifeline.”

Yes, we need to plan ahead, practice, keep our lifelines ready for those shaky moments.

Dear Readers! Our emotions are like messages. Our emotions tell us a lot about our likes and dislikes, what we care about or fear, what makes us happy and what makes us sad. Emotions are our identity. It also lets people know who we are and what our personality traits are. So it is very important for us to harness our emotions to keep our chin up. But remember, never suppress it.

Stay blessed!

Express