Patience,
that’s what you have
when there are
too many witnesses.

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I AM IN THE SPOTLIGHT – Deepa

Discover to be Discovered…

Thank you, Chiradeep for discovering me amidst the million bloggers and giving me a chance to rediscover myself with some thought-provoking questions from none other but you. I am glad to have come out of my protected shell to share the honest me.

1. Do you work according to your emotions or your intelligence?

in a war of intelligence, my emotions always win!

Given a situation, I first become emotional and then I think of a way to handle it with intelligence. There are many instances where I had been emotional. When I had to quit my job to become a full-time homemaker, I became emotional as I had never thought about quitting my job even in dreams. Had I not given a thought of intelligence to keep aside my job for family, I may have missed seeing the smiles in them.

2. Why are you grateful to God in your life, assuming there’s something you are grateful for?

one man’s need is another man’s sacrifice!

I am always grateful to God for what I am now, for the beautiful family and harmony in my life. Some wellwisher’s prayers for my well being is making a huge impact on my everyday life in the form of events. I am always grateful to HIM for making me wake up to see a beautiful tomorrow.

3. What are those two favourite quotes that you relate well?

To gain something, you have to sacrifice something.
Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. So choose your life and chase for it.

The first quote has been following me since my birth. In every important decision of my life, I have been through a sacrifice to gain something. To share my personal experience, I almost gave up on life when I had a miscarriage at 9 months a decade before. My baby was dying right in front of my eyes. I had a low placenta and the baby fell into the toilet breathing its last. The paramedics gave up hopes when I went breathless. Had I not been emotionally intelligent that day to fight the death, I will have been a framed picture now. I chose to live and chased the death by the grace of God.

4. How long does it take you to trust a stranger?

  all relationships revolve in the axis called trust.
a five letter word
easy to say and write
but with time t
trust also rusts

Even salt looks like sugar. Unless verified, a blind trust can spoil a dish. I have faced difficulties because I easily trust anyone. Bitter experiences in the past have taught me to trust better people over time.

5. How much you value patience in your life?

we clip our wings even before testing the wind

I am not an epitome of patience. To me, patience is “what I have when there are too many witnesses.”

6. Rewards or words – What energizes you more?

life is all about finding people who will notice those little things you do for them and appreciate it.

I love words. I love words of appreciation and so do I love to return them with rewarding words in return for their effort to make me happy.

7. Do you avoid conflicts or like confrontations?

conflict is a battle between you and your state of mind.

I am very flexible, delicate, sensitive, and equally emotional. Conflict is something contrasting to my character. I try to avoid any situation should there be any conflict involving in it knowing it is worthless for an argument.

8. What are those few things that really fill your heart with joy?

sing a song of joy
live a life of love
flashback to see
the child in me
coffee and me
makes me high
and
brings me joy

9. What do you keep under your pillow when you sleep?

they infect you
the more you are in love.
Tears are sacred, aren’t they?

I love my pillow. It has seen me at my vulnerable best and it has whipped my tears when no one else did.

10. What was the last time you cried and why?

our last goodbye was never said

This cold sweat always breaks out on my eye. I cried today morning waking up to see a dull weather, dirty floor, my bird’s poo, washed yet forgetful to line dry the laundry, craving for sweet food and a rumbling stomach. When I realized the reason for tears, I could not help myself but laugh out loud. I went on a hunger strike yesterday and which is why the reason I cried. An emotional person like me will always have a bucket of tears no matter for happy or sad moments.

Patience is indeed a virtue. Thank you for sparing a few minutes of your time to know me.

ATLAS ON MY SHOULDER

Sometimes I assume
I am carrying problems
on my shoulder
rather than the actual weight
my shoulders hunch
as nobody tells them to relax
my world is an emotional baggage
of what I don’t see
and what I see
yet I have chosen not to unload
I have become used
with this excess baggage that
it has become comfortable to carry
I have forgotten to enjoy a ride
with less baggage…

Sometimes I carry a hidden baggage
of anger, fear, and sadness
that sneaks up on me
and ambush me out of nowhere…

I want to get rid
of that old baggage
that I carry every day
on my shoulders
I wrote a list of my impacts
and tucked it into my purse
little did I realize that
the old baggage I am carrying
day in and day out
has been holding me back
from maximizing my potential…

I finally gathered the courage
to let this emotional baggage go
I tore the list into pieces
and dumped into the trash
my shoulder is
no more burdened
with the weight
my heart is light
like an infant smile
I am moving forward
less weighted down
by the past…

AN APPEAL

I am not allowed to think
beyond four walls
thinking out of the box
was considered
a sinner.

My imagination is
short-circuited
and creativity is
on the verge of extinction
I have become
an endangered species
in the process
of analyzing and thinking.

Whenever
I stayed awake
as a night owl
striving for five A’s
for my assignments
and modules
I received
two dark crescent
under my eyes
everyday was
about the
grades and As
that
I hardly
forgot
the values of life.

My parents
wanted the
best of me
at the expensive
expense of my
childhood ruins.

Dear tiger moms
and helicopter dads
I don’t want to
skip my dinner
to complete
a project
on healthy eating
I don’t want to
be that physician
who poisons
the children
I hate to be that
trained nurse
who loves
killing
the fetus
I don’t want to
be the
revengeful graduate
who kills
the women and students
I don’t want to
be that agriculturalist
who mixes chemicals,
pesticides, and GMO
in the soil.

Let me
not be raped
in the name
of Education
so, please
do nothing
allow me to fail
and travel the bumps
instead
of landing
a smooth sail.

REVOLT

Having seen my
parents in love
since childhood
no matter how worse
difficult times
tested their patience
I inherited
the art of loving
from my parents
as I grew up
society taught
me hatred

My family
is a palette of colors
my dad was black
so was my brother
my mom was wheatish
and I was born
with a color
that reminded
them of the beet
I inherited from them
to see colors as only colors
but society taught me
racism

It was Christmas
and
our neighborhood
were all celebrations
while friends believed
that
santa will
come down the chimney
to deliver gifts
dad amazed me,
“It is not father santa
who delivers gifts
but it is me”, said he
once again I inherited
honesty
from my family
but as I
stepped out of my house
I had to lie
to please my friend
to make my teacher believe
to compromise in my business
to be rewarded for promotion
I learned to lie
from
head to toe
to please
the society
and me

While I inherited
the core values
and
struggled to abide them
society rewarded me
incapable
inexperienced
immature
inconsistent
incompetent
and irrelevant
I was forced to transform
to adapt to
the social stigma
to play the
Life game

Values are inherited
but life is the
hardest time
that teaches us
the most
valuable lessons!

CITIZENSHIP OATH

When my eyes are bold
to identify
the
good and bad

When my ears are

keen to listen
to stories unheard

When my mouth

dares to
speak the truth I see

When my hands

break open free
to fight for justice

When my legs

never complain
to walk the miles
to support a cause

The day when I
scrub off the
impeding dirt
of my body clean
I pronounce
I am a
good human being
and
When I am able to
fulfill these
I am
a good citizen!

PACING FOR SPACE

as growing up
I was surprised
and taken back
when
dad asked me
to sleep separately
he said something
something called space
which
I am yet to understand

years passed
and
I had a baby brother
after nine long years
some more years
I entered teenage
mom and dad
were after me
poking into my privacy
checking on me
when I dressed up
overhearing me
when I called my friends
Oh ! is this called space
that I need badly

I became a maiden
and my brother
an adolescent teen
I understood space
by now
very professionally

I was married to someone
who I never met
love is in the air
and
so did I experience
I hated anyone
who invaded our space
we planned our first child
few years after we
cherished the marital bliss
fate had some plans
I gave birth
after a year
to enter
the world of
motherhood
at workplace and family
I forgot about the space
until one day
when I gazed myself
in the mirror

What a mess
have I made to myself
my hair was sticky
with few strands of silver
eyes swollen
with dark circles
and cracked lips
although
I was happy
that our family was complete
I was sad
to see me incomplete
with
dashes and comma

I checked
on my better half
he looked cherub
and happy
as a lark
juggling between
family and work
I lost my space
space where I enjoyed
being just me

love is strange
while it brings us close
it pushes us further away
balancing togetherness
and space
is not an easy task
but
it’s worth a try
the fairytale
does not end
with the words
happily ever after
the real life begins
where the tale ends

at some point
too much of anything
is stressful in life
like a lip-locked kiss
that has to come up for air
love and relationships
need space to grow

have the right space
that does not
stagnate your individuality
let there be some space
to keep the
excitement alive

sync for space
sink not too much with space
let there not be space
physically
breathe for the air
emotionally!