When you stumble on something that keeps inspiring you,
make sure you make room for it in your life.
We all are so accustomed to living in our little world, scared to step out of our comfort zones and explore. I know its all not just me, but most of us are sailing in the same boat. I remember myself as an ambitious and adventurous soul ever since i got into school and colleges. I always enjoyed fun-filled and thrilling activities.
But ever since, I left my job in Infosys and got into the parenting walkway, I could say, I got bitten by it. I lost all my enthusiasm to step out of my cocoon, i began to build up a small home within my four walls. It was a hard step initially but again, once I got used to it, I fell in love with it. I hated the world outside, as they begin to judge me.
I forgot how did I ever looked like in the mirror, forgot to dress up and get ready for my hustles as I used to do. I started to focus only on my children who were my heart and brain and whatnot. I had no world outside them, but yes i had a virtual world connected, which connected me to the world outside like a tiny window opening for me, which I could shut anytime.
Still stepping out for me, was a brave step.
It was then, one day, my family decided to send me for a detox holiday. And for me thinking about being away from my kids, was something huge, like keeping a huge rock upon my heart which aches me too much. At first, the reflux in me prompted me to say that i wasn’t going for it at all. But then again, after a friend of mine and my brother who is my greatest companion talked me out and soothe me with words of assurances, I did agree to go.
And yes, it was indeed it was a great step for me as well as my children. It was indeed the first step for me as a mom to set myself free from the burden of weighing myself with loads of duties.
It was just the beginning for me after a very long time.
But it was indeed not the last.
Ever since i regained a pinch of confidence, it helped me get back to my career which I was never hoping soon to happen. But yes, as I write these words, I am truly delighted that my first step was never the last step but a great beginning to much more first times in my life ever since I became a mom.
Ever since the lockdown began, things seemed a little upsetting. For me, it was just a complete stop to the new beginning of my office going. as I was just getting used to the environment at work almost after 10years of being at home. But again work was normal to me as I have been freelancing for a while but going to the office and being with my colleagues was a fun time. Thanks to the lord that i am always surrounded by happy people who keep me at joy.
But again, Everything is a blessing in disguise.
Lockdown and back to work from home did have lots of pros for me as a mom, and a woman as such. There were those times when I hardly took care of myself and every day was a marathon for me. And indeed the new job thing was also taking up my time with my kids, family and my besties. Now with my travel time saved, I kind of profited extra time which I surely get to use in plenty.
I also started working out much more and also took time to be with my kids. Things never seemed to be complex amidst work and life balance for me. Even though at times I do feel exhausted and lost (obvious mood swings), I still feel this is PERFECT!!.
I started to focus on my writing and even reading too. I helped my children to get to read more and also enjoyed my “Me-time” as well as my “buddy-time” which was almost negligible then.
There are also things which are not in our control like work-wise the expectations lay more specific as we have no excuses to make or run away from work. But again, here I feel blessed as my work is my passion, hence it never took my mind off.
Everything seemed to change, but some things never changed, like;
- everyone around me asking for one more dosa, when I am in a hurry to finish my kitchen work and get to work,
- asking for attention, when I am lost in work…
- asking for specials to cook, when I am exhausted…
- asking for an extra walk, when my legs are aching to take a break…
- asking for the long story at bedtime, when I am in love with the bed, who is cozily rolling me into sleep.
- the alarm that goes beeping, when these winter nights are for sleeping.
- the morning rush, even when I am on a holiday, as others are not…
I know these things will never change, even if its work from home or not. All I need to change is my attitude towards it.
And all will look PERFECT as I wished for.
“Are you ok?”
“Do you need help?”
“Shall I come over…”
All these soothing words do make a difference, especially now in this pandemic time, when all are shut in those concrete walls which they call home. Even being at home, most of the people are experiencing their wildest depressions which one cannot imagine and none to help even when they are surrounded by people they love.
The worst situation right?
Indeed it is. Past few months, I have seen the best people around me suffer due to the changes we are experiencing and I know how hard they might find to cope with the same. Couples find it hard to stay together, even when there were times in the past when they craved for time together. Kids finding it hard to stay at home, when there was a time when they just want to play all the time rather than go to school. Everyone is taking a toll over their patience.
And this was when I began to start talking to people in need. I kept my arms and ears open to listen to their problems. All they need was a listener or someone upon whom they could vent out their frustration. I could relate to the pain, be their support in whatsoever manner they needed.
Our world is short of listeners and yes now they are in great demand. I too decided to open a page in my blog to help people stay anonymous and share their problem. I always believed in ‘being there’ for others because I knew the pain of being left alone.
Finding ways to cheer ourselves up, is quite hard, but once we find the way out, we can sprint across the problems without much hassle.
It was one winter night, and as usual, I was onto my bed after all daylong hassles of household work and taking care of my kids. I was completely exhausted and tired, but then when I begin to shut my eyes, sleep became my enemy. In no way I was able to catch my sleep, it was almost half-past 12 and I knew I have just a few more hours to sleep. I tried and tried, but again other than tossing around my tired body, which was hardly listening to me I could not sleep a bit.
Wide awake I lay there when my mind was cluttered with all the negative aspects. I felt useless, began to tremble and cry as all the negative thoughts were gushing into me like a tsunami and destroying me from within. I cried, but my conscious mind “shushed me” not to awake anyone.
The sense of being useless was accompanied by many thoughts, which were storming into me and I was losing my grip. But then other my tiny lil girls, i had non beside me to tell my tale. I sat up, with lots of courage, skimmed through my phone to find some help and finally when it all got wasted, I lay down again beside my daughter.
Somehow, amidst her sleep, she just wrapped her tiny fingers upon mine and hugged me saying” I love you, mamma.”
Finally, my tears stopped, for a second, I felt like i am being pulled back. In the shadows of the night, I watched her tiny little face and saw her smiling. She was asleep, but still, she was smiling. I knew and felt how much I mean to her. She was my world and there she stood there upholding my world and balancing it with her smile.
I hugged her and kissed her so much, without waking her up and realized i was being silly to cry all along.
With her one small thought, my thinking composition changed and I began to think all the good things i could and gradually I slept off amidst all my contemplations.
But that day I realised how important is to be strong and think positive. Negative thoughts await for a turmoil and they bust in like an uninvited guest to our home and destroy our inner peace.
“Spread a smile.” whenever you can knowingly or unknowingly. It does make an impact.
“Hurry up, they are reaching here, Come’ on dear, hop on. we have got to go“.
I stood amazed at what we were about to do. But then hopped on and just pushed my feet on the land to get the boat moved. And there we were sailing away…
We could see, the torch lights in the distance, approaching the banks, but we were already half the way. Not knowing where we were off to but determined to be together.
I held him closer, cuddling in his arms. The heaven I wanted to be in all along. I did not know, whether I was crying for being happy or just sad. But somewhere deep down I knew I was happy because I was with him.
Sailing under the moonlit sky, in a boat, along with him, the moment was the beautiful one I could ever imagine. We sailed and sailed away to a direction unknown, with the moon guiding us and wind pedaling us to somewhere, where we belonged.
The journey went on and on… the night was enticing, and the moon showered the silver light upon us. He cupped my face in his palms, and there he was gonna kiss me…
Suddenly the boat began to shake… I lost my balance, but we never left the hands of each other.
There we fell off the boat…
“Mamma wake up… wake up… she is fighting with me…” I was awakened by the call of my elder one… and there again I was pushed into reality.
Afternoon naps after romantic movies are quite enriching with dreams.
As the title goes, this was one piece of advice my parents gave me.
“Winning is not important, But participation is .”
When I was a child, there was a moment wherein, I saw a friend almost break down to tears upon losing a match. Being a child, I was unsure about what made her cry a lot. She vented out her anger on everyone around her. It was hard for me to take it lightly. I went ahead and asked my parents and they offered me the greatest lesson of my life.
It is quite natural that everyone is in a cat race. But all forget that one’s calibre is not compared to the other. As each of us is different. If you ingrain that thought in yourself, you will never be intimidated by minor setbacks. I understood that the friend of mine, was disturbed by the thought, that she failed and moreover failed to someone else.
I realised: “No one is actually afraid of being failed, but the thought of failing in comparison to the other, who might or might not be an opponent.”
Participation actually helps to deal with such fears, which the winning doesn’t bring out. And thus, we learn much more, than be disappointed or upset over it. You will also realise your positives and negatives which will help you in the long run.
Now, being a mother, even I encourage my kids to participate, but I don’t force them to bring in prizes, as I am not keen on stacking up those at home. I tell them, that the more you put in your effort, the better you gain – be it a lesson or even a worldly treasure to adore. It never mattered me much other than their joy.
I inspire them to be much more like an explorer, it is no harm in learning through a few setbacks. I assure them, that I will never compare them to someone else as I believe that they are their best versions. As I had learned from my parents, that actually Comparision kills – I never even brought in that topic. And thus, they were always enthusiastic about anything that came up their way. With this , the fear of failing also never bothered them much. Thus they could give their 100%.
Nowadays, compared to my childhood time, I see that the competition is on the roll and everyone around me are in the cat race. All want winners and not just an average or a happy child.
I see that parents and even grandparents are in a rush to make Ambanis, Neil Patels and some duplicates. They forget they are forcing them to be someone, who the child does not want to be. They are so blinded, that they do not see that the child has lost his/her childhood.
As a parent, my prime responsibility is to encourage my kids, to enjoy every bit of action they want to, so at one of point of life, they don’t complain that I never gave them a chance. Being grown up in a middle-class family, I never had the luxury of enjoying much, but I believe I did learn many things, that help me now and in the long run.
My piece of advice to those parents, who are pushing too much- just look at them with all those love and just love, don’t you think, you are doing it too much. As a mom, I pity that child, who is growing up with such parents, who are just making another duplicate in the world.
Remember – we don’t need replicas, we want cent per cent originals.
Teach them, that setbacks, be it small or good, are for a reason, not because the child is not done perfectly. Failure is always a stepping stone to success. With every unsuccessful attempt, we learn to adapt to something new or we learn to choose differently – both are in a way the best way to live. Every competition in life, teach you something fruitful and also gives an enriching experience.
All you have to do is encourage them to be an active participant, enjoy the moments with friends, and make them realise that childhood is for boxing up tons of memories, be it happy or sad.
Every child is unique, never compare them or ask them to be excellent in everything.
Let them cherish childhood- Life is just once- let not anything stop it from being lively.
Womanhood – something I don’t want to define with a feminist perspective but as a humanist. I feel womanhood as the greatest blessing on earth. Able to keep a tiny life within and be braver to endure any pain without a repent and do much more, which another many cannot even think about.
I am truly proud of being a woman – at this point of time.
It wasn’t this way, earlier for me. The moment I realised I became a woman, it was hard for me to accept, why God has given all the pain to women alone (all the Hoola hoops with periods etc.). I tried to be more like a man, which was again impossible for me. The more I tried, the more I was condemned.
Motherhood- kicked my brains
But, yes things changed gradually. When I became a mother, especially of two girls, I began to think in a different perspective. Even though my thoughts are always conflicting, I was just sure about one thing- I will never let my daughters feel sad or even bad about being a girl. I will let them celebrate the feeling of being a woman, rather than condemning them for just being a girl – making them feel brittle or even belittle them.
I am not a feminist, but I believe wholeheartedly, that every woman should work and be independent. It makes them feel bold enough to take decisions without seeking anyone’s support. It is not easy, but not difficult or impossible either. It is all about choices. Now, we women are getting much more things done, thanks to the changing (not completely though) mindset. We can point out great examples in every field and they are the best in their field – accomplished and popular.
Watching women juggling with corporate work, household, children and much more -still smiling and enticing the crowd around.
But why do we again need to celebrate a day for it?
It is like we are celebrating, just to remind that women exist (seems like people forgot that women are around every other day or even every other moment). We need not celebrate a day, let it be every day when a woman is respected for what she is – not what others want her to be or even what they take her to be for what she does.
A woman – She is not just an entity who loves pink, red lipsticks, dolls and utensils to play with or just a shy bride. She is much more than that- if she decided to be what she wants to, accept her or take her as she is.
The day, she is not ignored, she stops demanding for being equal, the moment she feels she is not judged, not toyed or belittled – we all will stop celebrating this “March 8th – as Women’s day” .
As then on, she will be cherished, admired and accepted as SHE is.
Women are waiting for that day, when they will be acclaimed for their entirety .
It is not just about a man or a woman, it is how a human is supposed to be treated.
Let us all celebrate a “Human’s Day” rather than these gender biased days.