LISTEN TO ME – I’M YOUR WELL-WISHER

It is said that “A good communication begins with good listening“.

But how many of us listen?

In my home, the day begins with me screaming around and asking my kids and husband to get ready for the day. And it is truly said, ” if any woman speaks and no one listens -then her name is MOM”.

I just have to push them ahead to get my day moving. Even when they don’t listen, all I do is smile inside as it reminds my days as a child. Even when growing up, we still do the same with our parents.

Have we forgotten what exactly listening means?

If we look out in society, everyone is a speaker, if I could say precisely- a motivational speaker. If I am upset, or write something quite upsetting – I have at least a minimum 10 well-wishers coming to speak to me.

But are they really our well-wishers?

It is the most confusing part of the conversation, that takes up my time. Each and everyone comes to speak to us, but then very few like countable ones are actually bothered about our actual situation and want us to swim across the wavering tides. When our minds are disturbed, it is difficult to distinguish who are our friends and who are not. I have had enough experience with fake people and the outcomes of their wrong advice. Call me a fool or blind – but I am sure everyone has such phases to think about.

I have had a couple of experience, wherein I was misled by my own family members, who pose as well-wishers and then ditch us a walk away, finally, when the blame game begins, they just mock our wrong decision making. This is what happens when we listen to people who just hear us, and not listen.

Most of them, just want us to hear them, and follow blindly. We actually jot down their points and then follow them, as if they actually meant to help us, then finally realising, we were just another piece of an experiment for them.

If you see the current society, the majority of the problems are the outcome of our lack of listening capacity. Couples don’t go along, as they hate listening to each other because of ego. Parents don’t listen to their kids, and then in future, they don’t listen to their parents.

Does listening take up so much time?

All it takes is a few seconds, then it is effortless.

Listening is always a choice, one needs to take up to be supportive, while speaking is spontaneous in most cases. Unlike hearing, listening need not only ears to open but also the heart. One must be an effective listener to anyone who requires someone to talk to.

Do you listen to your heart?

It is something we have shut our ears to. Most of us, don’t listen to the warning that our conscious mind whispers to us and walk into trouble. It is said that God has designed in a way, where our conscious soul is capable to identify the problems before it comes or occurs. We ourselves have the power to solve every problem, but as we have shut our ears to our soul, we follow the footsteps of the outside world, until we finally have none to listen to. So let us all listen to ourselves at least for a minute, and then see what changes we can bring in ourselves.

God gave us two ears, and one mouth just to remind us that listening is twice important than speaking. 

To conclude, it is important to identify who truly listens to us, or whom we are listening to. A True listener actually paraphrases what is being told, before landing in any conclusion or suggestion. It is easy to identify the listener through their body language and the way they let us spill the whole matter before running into conclusion. Most of the listeners acknowledge the speaker through nodding or with eye contact, which is actually all the more encouraging.

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” -Karl A. Menniger

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THE RAIN THAT WASHED AWAY MY HEAVEN…

It was the month of October 2018, under the scorching heat, I arrived at the Railway station which was again half an hour away from our home. There was unusual tensions in my mind and unanswerable questions that I kept mumbling in my head. As I approached my home, my anxiety was on high alert… My home sweet home, where my heart resides. It had lost its glory.

The faded walls, the markings of the water, which hinted me the level of water, the stained doors and the lost furniture, it all just took me a few months back, when there was a natural disaster. The unending rains, that flooded our beautiful village.

It was a rainy month, every day it rained, unstoppable was the water level that was rising in the dam. Every now and then, our eyes were hooked on the television, which was flooding with the news on the disaster happening in our own Kerala. All I could see,  on TV was the flooding rivers, the demolishing homes, the landslides and much more. It was indeed causing too much pain. I wondered then, what was happening in my native. Being away from my hometown, these never physically cause damage to me, but mentally I was disturbed.

It was torrential rain, and in my Facebook group of our native place, was flooding with queries from Pravasi (NRIs) from everywhere asking about how is the condition in my place. My WhatsApp was again continuously in use, as my cousins and friends who were stuck at homes, began to message that the water level was rising. The panic was just heightening, hence I couldn’t concentrate on anything in my home.

I began to coordinate with few friends away from our place, off for jobs and all I did was just be a part of that group, wholeheartedly. We began sending location details, and even details of families stuck. I was contacted by many people from my native, who were total strangers to me, yet, we all had one mission – that was to help our people be safe. Day and night we were just worried and still praying.

My grandmom who was 96, my other relatives including kids were stuck on the second floor of their homes for almost two and a half days. We kept on coordinating and still waiting for a positive message to receive from people. The same was going on for two more days until we received messages from the control room, they had done their best and many were saved.

Lost was lost forever, the shelter homes were filled, with people irrespective of caste, creed, colour, religion and even financial status. Everyone stood up together, under these rescue homes and slept together and ate together, still, there was a smile, for their life was saved.

We were all strangers till then, but after this, we all became like a family. Even after the rescue operations were done, there was a huge demand for food and other basic amenities like diapers, sanitary pads, medicines etc. , which was again a gruesome work to be done. My FB and other social media pages were just filled with requests and shares on major requests.

Even though I was not physically present in the situation, my heart and soul were here. To some, this might seem quite less, it is indeed not much. But in such a situation, even a positive response from somewhere is also like a light in the darkness.

It was what I did.

And Pray for everyone.

Even though the loss, is never regained, as we all are still reviving from that disaster. Even after months, I am still looking at the reminiscence of the great flood, which was again a day marked in History.

MURDERERS OF CHILDHOOD – I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU

I feel sorry…

Actually, I feel sorry for everything that happens around me, or even for matters that fall in my ears. If I am to cite an incident on instances I felt sorry, I would have plenty of them to pool in.

Marriage is all about in a relationship with a lot of understanding beyond imagination. Coping with married life needs better understanding at least with respect to age. When families marry off those kids (girls) at such a young age, I wonder how much do they concede. It is true their perception is never recognised, but all they do is flow with the marriage.

When in India, the legal age for marriage is 18, there are still child marriages happening in India. To my knowledge, my maid, who is hardly now 25 years has already four kids, and she was married at a young age of 15. And such young ages they conceive and give birth. They hardly get basic education, health facilities or anything that is requisite for such a young age. And they are all the more burdened with responsibilities of managing the family.

As she narrated me, there are many girls in their village who are getting married at the same age, they are mostly given a minimum education which she claims is just enough to read and write as the schools in those outskirts are not much more advanced to offer enough learning. Imagine, when we are assured the government is offering a good education, there are schools where nothing is done -maybe I can say, there is no school itself.

These girls are married off to some guys, who just ensure they have two three kids, and abandon those kids and the wife to survive on their own. And it is up to them especially the girl’s family or all by herself to endure then.

Is that what responsibility means?

It is not just poverty-stricken families who are on the same page, there are many in the urban areas who ensure to get their girl child to marry at a very early age- as if they are de-burdening themselves.

I felt sorry for such families who do such heinous act. At such tender ages, they are bound to enjoy their teenage, learn the life lessons step by step. For them, Marriage is like pushing them into a well and then lock up there for several years to endure a responsibility that came in soon.

It is not just the issue of younger age, they are also bound to give sufficient dowry to feed the richly-poor grooms family who shamelessly asks the girl’s family to pay for their expenses.

Even the urban areas are infected with such pathetic people, who are shamelessly greedy enough.

I feel sorry for such parents, who marry their girls off to such families, who are just greedy. Nothing could be done other than they being cursed with a Midas touch like a curse.

I being a mother of two girls, would ensure I don’t steal my children’s future and their dreams just to keep my reputation or my societal commitments. Instead of being sorry, for such wretched souls who are doing harm, I would be better to take a step ahead to protect them, at least my own children.

FEED THE GREEDY WITH CHARITY

The world has turned out to be filled with philanthropists, that it has become too hard to find the best one out of it.

Every other day, one or the other popular person is awarded the honours of Philanthropist At times stimulating my thought, do they know what exactly does it mean to be a philanthropist?

Charity is good, but are we all doing it right?

We tend to do Charity in the name of Greed – for fame, name, money and much more. the magic of giving has vanished now, even the takers do for the same reasons, fed by greed.

Charity in olden times : 

When there was only a need for food and education, even a bag of rice and board and pencil to write was considered to be “worth-giving”.  There was only hunger prevailing, and to fulfil the need of the stomach which was quenchable to an extent.

But now, the greed has grown beyond boundaries.

Charity Today

Everywhere you see “help the girl child”, “help the needy ” as such many organization coming forward. Many famous people adopt a child, in the name of fame for the greed of fame to showoff they do a lot.

I remember, there was a colleague of mine, who used to show off the cards she receives on sending payments to help children receive an education.  Should I believe that every child who is discarded and taken up by these organizations are being provided what they deserve – And still we have much more in the society who are deprived of their right to education.

Every shop has a box, where they claim to collect money for the same reason to evade poverty.

But the next moment I see another child begging on the street.

Even when the number of philanthropists is increasing every year, I see thousands of families stranded and in need of help.

Now Charity is like a weapon for every person who is successful to tame the audience and receive applause.

Charity in the name of  WOmen empowerment

Charity in the name of equality

Charity in the name of Politics 

Charity in the name of protection of Girl child

Charity in the name of freedom.

And all encouraging the rightful greedy, who are feeding on it and enjoying every bit of sacrifice the people do in the name of tolerance.

Altruism is also a charity we do suffer to give away what we actually deserve rightfully.

Even in a human relationship, people tend to be charitable in their deeds, giving away their happiness for the greed of others happiness, as it helps to reign peace in the family.

It is not just in one family that this happens, it reigns everywhere. At many instances, life turns out to be only meant to feast the greediness for power and rule.

Love marriages, for instance, many at times, it does not just love that bring in two people together. It is the harsh reality that, they personally don’t’ want to be a failure in attaining the love of their life. To satisfy the greed of their inner conscience, to accomplish the power of achieving – they go against everything they could to be together.

Here the greed to win – takes it all.

We are all polluted by the greed to prosper than to survive, hence we are on an endless journey of satisfaction, where one comes after the other leaving no space to even perspire.

Men, in the family who take it all on their shoulders, to proclaim that they are still ‘the leading one’ – the greed to be ‘the One’ overburdening the Charity called happiness. Everywhere you check around, you see that we are indeed ‘Charitable-beings’ in anything we do- only the greed for changes with respect to people.

We as humans tend to be quite charitable in our deeds, but it is time to think :

Are we really feeding the greed, in us through Charity?

HERE I AM HERE I AM!! CAN YOU SEE ME?

Even the one drowning, needs recognition – else they will be asphyxiated and no more.

Being recognized is quite relevant need of the hour. Some cry for it, some easily plunge in it as if they belong to it and the rest struggle a lot, yet remain unobtrusive.

Ever since the existence of human being is on the marathon of recognition for every reason accountable.  Call it immaturity, pride or being selfish – everyone is hungry for attention.

Am I an attention-seeker?

adorable animal attention cat
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I love recognition, indeed like any other normal being.

In spite of being identified for all wrong reasons, I could never recollect a time when I was given recognition for what I am but mostly I was in the spotlight for “reasons” the others thought was the best in me.

Stabbed several times, for all the negative reasons, my confidence was shattered away. I was losing a piece of me, which I failed to contain.

Negative Recognition 

Ever since my childhood, I have always been recognized as a foody – take it positive or negative, I was always being bullied for eating a lot.  The moment I sat for eating, I used to be joked for eating everything that was served to me. It was hurting then, to me as a child. My relatives thought I would be only a foodie and would starve the family to death when I get married. (Luckily I have not met their expectation)

As a child, all those bullyings brought me low self-esteem – and nothing else. Being noticed for all the bad reasons made me hide away from people.

Good or Bad – The Bad stands out

When I started scribbling my poems, Slowly and steadily I was in the spotlight for my writing which actually played well psychologically with me, giving me all the reasons I could be happy. Since my poems were a mix of romance, there were a majority of times when I was character assassinated and even asked to stop writing, as I could be a bad reputation for the ones who said – they cared for me.

For a moment I thought – was I badly portrayed – yet I couldn’t stop doing what I loved doing.

It is quite essential how you gonna value a person. It is not just about being recognized, but also the way you are treated matters – everything contributes to the “self-esteem” of a person.

Even in a class of 35 students, I have seen kids struggling to be noted by the teacher just to get a pat on the back, for even the smallest venture they accomplish. In this busy world, all are running behind fame and name, where do they see minor talents.

Thousands of women are being ill-treated even when they contribute the most in the home or even at work. Many men become the silent victim of “burdens of the family” which he has to enslave -under the name of responsibility.  All they need is “a pat on the back” – just to let them know they are being seen for the struggle they do.

close up of a person hand with card
  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

A Time was there when I craved for at least one person in the crowd to recognize me, for my words I spill. I was literally holding a pluck card and walking – HERE I AM, CAN YOU SEE ME!!!

I realised that my close connection whom I call my own were the ones who discarded my passion and pointed me the path, which they want me to take up.  For everything I did, I waited for validations from others, who were least bothered to inspire me.

Gradually the rebel in me awoke, out of my insecurity. When I began to shed my inhibitions and cared less to seek words from others, I began to do better.

Sometimes it is better to do and never stop for the words to reassure you.

If you want to recognize, do it the healthy way, else never do it.

Either be the breeze that tantalizes
or
the storm that blows away
the choice is yours.

IRRITABLE ME OR THE GRUMPIER ME

Irritated or actually Grumpier!!

I myself, let confuse on both when I know I am in a way bothered as well as grumpy by nature.  From the time I recollect, right from childhood, with a denied freedom, that makes me a completely gloomy person. Like Midas turned everything to Gold, I turned everything irritable when touched.  I was a mood spoiler, happiness crusher and even everything as famous as a “dramebaaz” (dramatist) in my childhood (even now in bits and pieces).

As my beloved friend who exclaimed various reasons of “grumbling” in his article this week, as I was reading through – I could actually reflect me in everything he wrote (seemed I was his inspiration). I actually turned grumpier on lot many reasons as mentioned in CP’s article.

I showed grumpiness on being insecure, to hide away my mistakes and even got habituated to it for a certain amount of time. Now I am an addict. Like every other self-medicated patient seeking help from Google, I did search “Why I was so irritated without any reason ?” too. All I found out was  I clinically ill by Google, hence I absconded from those.

True Revelation Time 

When my kids used to fight, they showed me the signs that I was actually being grumpier all along, because they began to copy me… And trust me –The truth was shattering and heartbreaking 😦. I decided every moment of affliction, I shall not be doing it. I even apologised, but repeated the same, shamelessly.

I understood that cognisance is not just the thing I needed.

I needed an altercation.

I needed to practice empathy as well as let go a few things.

It is hard, but worth a try. And I am on it. 

But here let me put it little seriously. Mostly, out of habit, I do get cantankerous. But there are a lot of many reasons other than that :

  1. Lack of Sleep: Ever since  I got into the Parenting part, sleep seems to be a saboteur to me. The moment I am so damn sleepy, I am kicked out of the bed, either by kids or due to a load of obligations.
  2. Anxiety: Common symptom in me, especially when unexpected guests arrive, my alarm doesn’t work, or even when I am unable to do my multitasking.
  3. Mild Depression: Yes !! I get depressed”. Most people see me smiling, Yet I do get pessimistic – mostly on the issues regarding my inability in doing things, my aspirations being downgraded and of course my weight issues (never-ending problems) 
  4. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder: Woow, the name seems interesting, it is nothing but mood swings in women just before the menstruation. An interesting time, I wish I could be the real demon and blame the Menstruation at times. But I am at my worst, at this time. Visit Me during these days, you will see exactly what a “real joy stealer means”.

All these never brought me to a conclusion that I should try my best to change, until when my kids began to follow my footsteps. They literally began to imitate me, and instead of stopping them, all I could do was pause in disbelief seeing a reflection of me. Ashamed rather, being such a disastrous parent.

All in all, this epiphany was quite startling to me. Now am on a “repair-diet“, hoping to be a better one on the go. I do understand that being grouchy is not at all a solution. When I realised that my grumpiness in spoiling the atmosphere around me, it hurts a lot.

I did realise…

That all I could do was ” Believe – I could heal it “.

Tips I did to help myself were :

  1. Exploration (reasons)
  2. Be more compassionate
  3. Get rid of nervousness with deviation.
  4. Find my alone time and do what I like.

Being grumpy is not always one’s fault, it is at times the surroundings that stimulate you. Hence Stay Cool!!!

SHARE TO CARE

Eyes protruding
like the bones in the body
perpetually dwindling vision
yet the taste buds on an urge
to taste the essence of food
that quench their hunger.

Thousands of kids are left hungry in the developed countries. Even when there is plenty of production of food happening everywhere, the needy still be the needy of the same. According to recent surveys, the study focus on wastage of food that is occurring everywhere, which is about 30 % of food produced for the consumption which again equates to 1.3 billion tonnes of food per annum. Economically this food wastage causes $940billion a year as quoted by the Foodcloud.

Even though food waste is apparently happening everywhere, the amount of food wastage in developing countries are on the high end. When one end of the city is troubling with hunger and malnutrition, the other end is celebrating the feasts and once the housed levels are filled, the rest of the food is just thrown away.

The food wastage is most commonly seen during the festive season when unusual food wastage happens at an uncontrollable rate. I personally have seen numerous instances, wherein we tend to buy food more than we ever need and it goes wasted.
Food is one thing, that is refused once you are filled, unlike money.

In recent years, overseeing the amount of food wasted in parties and get-togethers, we all family members decided to give away the food, to the needy. We ensured that we never gave away the leftovers.

Food redistribution, which is veering the surplus amount of food that we bring in during celebrations are given to charitable institutions, which is one way to ensure that no one stays hungry and the food is reached in the right stomach.

Many organizations are on the urge to bring up a food reviving system, to ensure that poverty doesn’t cause malnutrition, by sufficient supply of food.

Giving the needy is the soundest charity

India is rich in customs and traditions, we all follow a lot many traditions to upkeep our culture. Most of the occasions like poojas, most of the families, unlike a few who are still remaining orthodox, prefer to feed the needy than call up the neighbouring kids who are well off.

Now society is gearing up a little bit to eradicate malnutrition, with redistribution of food. Let us all pledge not to waste food and channelize the surplus to the needy.

To conclude :
You can only have more for yours when you ought to share a piece of it“.