TOGETHER WE SAILED

Hurry up, they are reaching here, Come’ on dear, hop on. we have got to go“.

I stood amazed at what we were about to do. But then hopped on and just pushed my feet on the land to get the boat moved. And there we were sailing away…

We could see, the torch lights in the distance, approaching the banks, but we were already half the way.  Not knowing where we were off to but determined to be together.

I held him closer, cuddling in his arms. The heaven I wanted to be in all along. I did not know, whether I was crying for being happy or just sad. But somewhere deep down I knew I was happy because I was with him.

Sailing under the moonlit sky, in a boat, along with him, the moment was the beautiful one I could ever imagine. We sailed and sailed away to a direction unknown, with the moon guiding us and wind pedaling us to somewhere, where we belonged.

The journey went on and on… the night was enticing, and the moon showered the silver light upon us. He cupped my face in his palms, and there he was gonna kiss me…

Suddenly the boat began to shake… I lost my balance, but we never left the hands of each other.

There we fell off the boat…

Mamma wake up… wake up… she is fighting with me…” I was awakened by the call of my elder one… and there again I was pushed into reality.

Afternoon naps after romantic movies are quite enriching with dreams.

WINNING IS NOT IMPORTANT, PARTICIPATING IS

As the title goes, this was one piece of advice my parents gave me.

“Winning is not important, But participation is .”

When I was a child, there was a moment wherein, I saw a friend almost break down to tears upon losing a match. Being a child, I was unsure about what made her cry a lot. She vented out her anger on everyone around her. It was hard for me to take it lightly. I went ahead and asked my parents and they offered me the greatest lesson of my life.

It is quite natural that everyone is in a cat race. But all forget that one’s calibre is not compared to the other. As each of us is different. If you ingrain that thought in yourself, you will never be intimidated by minor setbacks. I understood that the friend of mine, was disturbed by the thought, that she failed and moreover failed to someone else.

I realised: “No one is actually afraid of being failed, but the thought of failing in comparison to the other, who might or might not be an opponent.”

Participation actually helps to deal with such fears, which the winning doesn’t bring out. And thus, we learn much more, than be disappointed or upset over it. You will also realise your positives and negatives which will help you in the long run.

Now, being a mother, even I encourage my kids to participate, but I don’t force them to bring in prizes, as I am not keen on stacking up those at home. I tell them, that the more you put in your effort, the better you gain – be it a lesson or even a worldly treasure to adore. It never mattered me much other than their joy. 

I inspire them to be much more like an explorer, it is no harm in learning through a few setbacks. I assure them, that I will never compare them to someone else as I believe that they are their best versions. As  I had learned from my parents, that actually Comparision kills – I never even brought in that topic. And thus, they were always enthusiastic about anything that came up their way. With this , the fear of failing also never bothered them much. Thus they could give their 100%.

Nowadays, compared to my childhood time, I see that the competition is on the roll and everyone around me are in the cat race. All want winners and not just an average or a happy child.

I see that parents and even grandparents are in a rush to make Ambanis, Neil Patels and some duplicates. They forget they are forcing them to be someone, who the child does not want to be.  They are so blinded, that they do not see that the child has lost his/her childhood.

As a parent, my prime responsibility is to encourage my kids, to enjoy every bit of action they want to, so at one of point of life, they don’t complain that I never gave them a chance. Being grown up in a middle-class family, I never had the luxury of enjoying much, but I believe I did learn many things, that help me now and in the long run.

My piece of advice to those parents, who are pushing too much- just look at them with all those love and just love, don’t you think, you are doing it too much. As a mom, I pity that child, who is growing up with such parents, who are just making another duplicate in the world.

Rememberwe don’t need replicas, we want cent per cent originals.

Teach them, that setbacks, be it small or good, are for a reason, not because the child is not done perfectly. Failure is always a stepping stone to success. With every unsuccessful attempt, we learn to adapt to something new or we learn to choose differently – both are in a way the best way to live.  Every competition in life, teach you something fruitful and also gives an enriching experience.

All you have to do is encourage them to be an active participant, enjoy the moments with friends, and make them realise that childhood is for boxing up tons of memories, be it happy or sad.

Every child is unique, never compare them or ask them to be excellent in everything. 

Let them cherish childhood- Life is just once- let not anything stop it from being lively.

 

DO WE NEED WOMEN’S DAY?

Womanhood – something  I don’t want to define with a feminist perspective but as a humanist. I feel womanhood as the greatest blessing on earth. Able to keep a tiny life within and be braver to endure any pain without a repent and do much more, which another many cannot even think about.

I am truly proud of being a woman – at this point of time.

It wasn’t this way, earlier for me. The moment I realised I became a woman, it was hard for me to accept, why God has given all the pain to women alone (all the Hoola hoops with periods etc.). I tried to be more like a man, which was again impossible for me. The more I tried, the more I was condemned.

Motherhood- kicked my brains

But, yes things changed gradually. When I became a mother, especially of two girls, I began to think in a different perspective. Even though my thoughts are always conflicting, I was just sure about one thing- I will never let my daughters feel sad or even bad about being a girl. I will let them celebrate the feeling of being a woman, rather than condemning them for just being a girl – making them feel brittle or even belittle them.

I am not a feminist, but I believe wholeheartedly, that every woman should work and be independent. It makes them feel bold enough to take decisions without seeking anyone’s support. It is not easy, but not difficult or impossible either. It is all about choices. Now, we women are getting much more things done, thanks to the changing (not completely though) mindset.  We can point out great examples in every field and they are the best in their field – accomplished and popular.

Watching women juggling with corporate work, household, children and much more -still smiling and enticing the crowd around.

But why do we again need to celebrate a day for it?

It is like we are celebrating, just to remind that women exist (seems like people forgot that women are around every other day or even every other moment). We need not celebrate a day, let it be every day when a woman is respected for what she is – not what others want her to be or even what they take her to be for what she does.

A woman – She is not just an entity who loves pink, red lipsticks, dolls and utensils to play with or just a shy bride. She is much more than that- if she decided to be what she wants to, accept her or take her as she is.

The day, she is not ignored, she stops demanding for being equal, the moment she feels she is not judged, not toyed or belittled – we all will stop celebrating this “March 8th – as Women’s day” .

As then on, she will be cherished, admired and accepted as SHE is.

Women are waiting for that day, when they will be acclaimed for their entirety .

It is not just about a man or a woman, it is how a human is supposed to be treated.

Let us all celebrate a “Human’s Day” rather than these gender biased days.

 

LIFE IS LIKE AN EXAM – THEN WHY MANY FAIL?

Let us first understand – why life is an exam?

Is it really an Exam?

Who is judging you?

Do you have any say on this?

It is true that life is challenging, but we all have different challenges to deal with. I might not be dealing with what you have, neither you will be dealing with what I have to. We all have varying hurdles to live through our daily routine.

We all tend to overlook into others lives, and make our life much more challenging by complaining about what we lack, ignoring what we already possess.

So why do we fail in the exam called life? Ever thought on the same?

There are several reasons, why we fail in life :

  1. We all are scared of failing.
  2. We listen more to others than our innermost desires.
  3. We compare ourselves with the better, assuming that we are just nothing.
  4. We just want to be a copy of others, than being different.

Being Scared of Failing 

If we try, then only we can decide, whether it is fun or not. Without even trying, assuming things to be difficult is the first step of failure. Take life as a challenge that is when you will cherish every moment of it. Wade off the fear of failing and prepare yourself to experience a new you.

Have you ever seen a baby stopping to try to walk, upon falling several times?

It is simply because, the baby is not scared to walk, even when it might fall a couple of times. Success is not an easy thing to achieve.  Growing up, most of us have lost that inquisitiveness in life.

Turning Deaf to the innermost feelings

Taking advice from the wrong is going to lead you into much more trouble. We all tend to take advice from people who do not have a single knowledge of what we do. And finally, even when our heart desires a lot, we just break away from those innermost feelings.

Don’t you think that is the worst part of being in a challenge? 

If you want to make life challenging, challenge the people around you who are stuck in monotony and show them how life can be happier with a choice that glows your heart.

Comparison- The slow poison on life

Even though we all know that we have varied things, aims, desires, dreams, passion, lifestyle everything including habits, we still tend to compare.

Yes, Comparison kills the joy of life.

One may have, a luxurious life but may not be completely happy. At the same time, a poor one may not have the luxury but has a peaceful life. It is all about how you take things. Identifying what you actually need and what makes you sufficient is important.

The moment you realise that you are different from others and you chose to be different, then it is a grand success.

We all even must have encountered several instances wherein parents compare children with other children and forget that their own child possesses something unique. In such cases, the child loses its self-confidence and even fails at many things. Little do they realise that comparing the child to another one, is killing the joy in their life.

Let them be what they want.

We all are Copycats 

We all just try to be a copy of the one near us or known to us. We never try to even change a little bit, because we assume that , something that is being called perfect among us is an epitome to be followed.

Being different is a challenge.

Life throws different challenges to all, and we all try to copy, forgetting that we all have different question papers to solve.

As I was saying, 

Life is an interesting challenge to endure. Making every moment challenging is even much more fun.  The moment we push ourselves outside the glass wall of others’ expectations, we are going to make life interesting.

At least at one point of life,  choose to take up a challenge. It might change your perspective of life.

 

 

MOTHERHOOD AND GUILT ARE INSEPARABLE

Being a mom, you are going to be bombarded with so much guilt for everything you do to everything you don’t do.

Nearly, 90% of moms feel guilty- And yes it is not a surprising element. Right from giving birth, breastfeeding, parenting, helicopter parenting and much more, you will stumble every now and then with guilt.

When pregnancy starts, it begins creeping into the thoughts.

“Oh, I didn’t have this, my child would have got better eyes, lips..etc”

“Oh, I should have lost enough weight,so that I would not have gained this much during pregnancy, now how I am gonna take care of myself and my kids . . .”

Blah… blah… blah…

A lot many thoughts keep conflicting the mind, rather than focussing on the real thing.

Again, after giving birth, most moms around 10 % or so, struggle with breastfeeding, some do not have enough supplement, that they have to start on formula milk, some do feed enough that the baby is growing fatter… and much more..

The list just prolongs from then, there is never an end to it.

Again the common guilt which is prevailing is when a mother is back to work. The guilt is much heavier than an atom bomb, it just breaks away the confidence and the mother’s dreams, that finally she gives up, the hopes and be a dedicated mom.

But again, it is not the end of the story – the guilt is inseparable.

When kids grow up, the mother again feels lonelier and again guilty of giving up her career, and then finally not able to give a kick start to it, because she keeps blaming herself for all the decisions she took in her life.

So what’s the story now?

Why do women, especially moms feel the guilt?

Is it because she doesn’t do her things well enough? Or,

Is it the society, who is grading the moms?

People tend to forget that moms are also humans, they also have their share of life. All they need is some time on their own, a job to make them independent to boost their self-confidence. And they just need slight support, not huge though.

So moms, just chill, if you are feeling guilty;

  • Firstly you do an excellent job, being a mom.
  • It is not easy just being mom, it takes up so much effort and you are the best at it.
  • Remember that your happy mind keeps everyone around you happy. So smile, take your own time and chill out.
  • Not breastfeeding is not the end of the world. Somethings are not in your hands. There are thousands of women who are not able to lactate, and it is not their fault.
  • Parenting is indeed a mess, you fall in uninvited, but yes, you might take your time to gather around and swim across to the shore.
  • Do not compare your parenting with others, you need not be guilty for your choices if you know you cannot control it.

Moreover, it is not in your hands that, the people around you are beguiled by the traditional patriarchal child-rearing setup, which is mostly triggered by maternal guilt rather than parental guilt.

Leave the idea of perfectionism, rather than focus on what is good for the child.

Just ignore your guilt and then focus on your child. Guilt gives you nothing, your child will give you the universe of happiness.

COOKING IS MY LEGACY

I was always a foodie, even now and will be forever.

So food was not something I stayed away from. I loved being in the kitchen, be it for cooking or for eating. I always enjoyed making things, even if it might not be perfect. I enjoyed watching my mom cook. My love for cooking comes from the way my mom cooked and served everyone, I believe.  I have always seen her making everything we all loved eating and even if she never gets a bite to eat, she served everyone, enough to fill their tummies and even their heart.

The ease with which she met our demands, was tremendous, in spite of being a working mom. Even when I was mocked for being fat, my mom was never reluctant to cook and make me eat. Every time any guest came to our house, our dining table was filled with dishes. She was never tired of trying new styles, which is why I and my brother were extreme foodies.

When I was a kid, I used to dream about food always. One of the ads which were my favorite was one of those oil advertisements.

Being foodies is not a crime. 😛

I would say, that was the only reason, I never enjoyed my hostel food as such.

In the first half of my life, I would say I spent eating rather than cooking. The rest a few years went into helping my mom and even making dosa for my brother, who was too small to cook. I remember even making, sandwiches, sausages, etc. for everyone when I was in my 6th or 7nth standard. Whenever my mom was unwell, I tried my best to cook. I always felt it was magical to make all those continuous circles on dosa, making it look so adorable.

Image result for making dosa

The early morning black tea was something, I enjoyed making. The wonderful aroma of it, kick starts my day.

Ever since I got married (when I was 20+), I began all my experiments with cooking. With multiple failures, I enjoyed cooking on my own, serving my guests, my colleagues and even my family who comes to visit us. Their encouraging words were boosting my skills too.

My greatest critic is my husband though. He ensured I was informed well, that I cooked disastrous and when nice, he kept silent, but I could observe it from the way he had food.

Again being mom, changes all your tastes, rather than eating, you prefer feeding everyone. Many even thought that me being a foodie, would never share anything from my plate but little did they realize that now after being mom, I have changed.

I would try cooking, baking, grilling and much more just for my kids. As a mom, I would want to feed them the very healthy food. So I included all kinds of foods on my daily menu. Cutlets, soups, noodles, all kinds of parathas, paneer (being my daughter’s favorite) and much more.

Cooking is much more fun when you just don’t all the ingredients but a pinch of love to it. And I realized you need not be a good cook always, but someone who loves to share a piece of what they have always. The added flavor of my cooking -is love, which made everyone happy and filled.

And I still continue my legacy, that I  carry from my mom. And she is still my mentor who is teaching me much more.

The joy of cooking comes from the joy expressed while serving it with the one who is in need of food. — SoulRecitals

ALWAYS GIVE A FRACTION AND YOU RECEIVE WHOLE OF IT

Over the years, things in my life changed, even though I was dwelling in my own problems I always found an escape by dealing with other’s problems and understanding them.

It always came to me that, the more I indulge myself in solving others problems, I could find my own way out. It is a human tendency, that when problems arrive, to the individual, they lose the thought process and they become completely blank on what needs to be done. But when they are the other end of the problem they become expert problem solvers.

In my course of life, I have to be the victim, the problem solver or even the problem creator, which actually led me to a problem-centric person rather than I would say people-centered.

I do not know, whether to call it my speciality or a defect, but yes I always had some or other to deal with.

Even amidst the crisis, I have to deal with, I never stepped away from inspiring others or even be the torchlight in the darkness, even though at times I have shied away from it due to the darkness I was engaged in.

Even if I say, I have missed being the “good soul”, I do ensure that a piece of me does something for the people around me. Being an empath, it was quite easy for me to just swim into the pool of other people’s issues and problems they face, in a much more understandable way. I could say, the things I have been brought up around or things like i keep doing like the ones mentioned below, helped me to be what I am today.

Hence these were my shell-breaking things, which made me much stronger and focused on people around me.

Sharing is Caring

From childhood, we all learn the basics of sharing. We encourage our kids to share when the one near you does not have anything. I recollect as a child, I used to be around people who were financially not so great and the other way round too. Since being a child we do not know where do they come from or what do they do to make a living. all I knew was that, if the person next to me was starving I should be sharing what I have, at least that used to keep me happier.

Ever since then, this was something I never stopped doing. It always came as a positive approach to be friendly with people around me.

A gentle soft gesture doesn’t harm anyone.

Give what you own more, than you need

Since my childhood, my parents taught me to share if I actually had more stuff than I required. Nowadays, if you see, the kids are given or gifted things , that are actually already available in abundance with them, or they do not need them. Even though being a responsible mom (as far as I think), I ensure, they do not waste whatever excessively they receive. I channelize such stuff to the needy. Like if they get lots of color pencils or crayons, which are already available in abundance at home, I ensure, I give to the children, who are not in a position to buy them.

There smile is more than a treasure box for me.

Never treat others as beggars- as they are not begging

Most of the people who come to work in our apartment, earn through hard work. Treating them as individuals and not like beggars are important. Feelings are also important when you consider being people-centered. When you offer something to someone, they should never feel that we are offering them out of their financial state or something else. Make an offer as a gift, a token of love, they feel much more valued for what they are doing.

It is a simple fact, but at times we need to be careful not to hurt their emotions.

We waste a lot, why not be for the good

On numerous occasions we put up parties, there is so much food wastage, and money being wasted unwantedly. What can we do about it?

It was hard to decide upon, as one part of the mind you want the people you love to be happy and pleased, at the same time, the other part wants to do something good for the needy especially when items are wasted. This is when you have to take a serious step.

Big parties, big weddings, etc just please the ones, who already have enough. Why not try giving the ones, who do not have anything, they will value every single piece being offered.

All these were my thought process to keep my focus on other people intact – at least to help them. In spite of all these, I struggle a lot in keeping relations close, or even keep everyone around happy, as my decisions are quite decisive at times. But as I say, the more I tend to be a problem-solver than a problem-centered person, I tend to forget what I am going through.

Being people-centered is always my life goal. Being a mother, I have to be much more selfless and be dedicated to my home. Everyone has a roller coaster ride, fighting their own wars every day, hence it is important that we value each individual be it a small baby or even an elderly person, they all are important like us.

Give a fraction of your second, you get peace for a lifetime.