ALWAYS GIVE A FRACTION AND YOU RECEIVE WHOLE OF IT

Over the years, things in my life changed, even though I was dwelling in my own problems I always found an escape by dealing with other’s problems and understanding them.

It always came to me that, the more I indulge myself in solving others problems, I could find my own way out. It is a human tendency, that when problems arrive, to the individual, they lose the thought process and they become completely blank on what needs to be done. But when they are the other end of the problem they become expert problem solvers.

In my course of life, I have to be the victim, the problem solver or even the problem creator, which actually led me to a problem-centric person rather than I would say people-centered.

I do not know, whether to call it my speciality or a defect, but yes I always had some or other to deal with.

Even amidst the crisis, I have to deal with, I never stepped away from inspiring others or even be the torchlight in the darkness, even though at times I have shied away from it due to the darkness I was engaged in.

Even if I say, I have missed being the “good soul”, I do ensure that a piece of me does something for the people around me. Being an empath, it was quite easy for me to just swim into the pool of other people’s issues and problems they face, in a much more understandable way. I could say, the things I have been brought up around or things like i keep doing like the ones mentioned below, helped me to be what I am today.

Hence these were my shell-breaking things, which made me much stronger and focused on people around me.

Sharing is Caring

From childhood, we all learn the basics of sharing. We encourage our kids to share when the one near you does not have anything. I recollect as a child, I used to be around people who were financially not so great and the other way round too. Since being a child we do not know where do they come from or what do they do to make a living. all I knew was that, if the person next to me was starving I should be sharing what I have, at least that used to keep me happier.

Ever since then, this was something I never stopped doing. It always came as a positive approach to be friendly with people around me.

A gentle soft gesture doesn’t harm anyone.

Give what you own more, than you need

Since my childhood, my parents taught me to share if I actually had more stuff than I required. Nowadays, if you see, the kids are given or gifted things , that are actually already available in abundance with them, or they do not need them. Even though being a responsible mom (as far as I think), I ensure, they do not waste whatever excessively they receive. I channelize such stuff to the needy. Like if they get lots of color pencils or crayons, which are already available in abundance at home, I ensure, I give to the children, who are not in a position to buy them.

There smile is more than a treasure box for me.

Never treat others as beggars- as they are not begging

Most of the people who come to work in our apartment, earn through hard work. Treating them as individuals and not like beggars are important. Feelings are also important when you consider being people-centered. When you offer something to someone, they should never feel that we are offering them out of their financial state or something else. Make an offer as a gift, a token of love, they feel much more valued for what they are doing.

It is a simple fact, but at times we need to be careful not to hurt their emotions.

We waste a lot, why not be for the good

On numerous occasions we put up parties, there is so much food wastage, and money being wasted unwantedly. What can we do about it?

It was hard to decide upon, as one part of the mind you want the people you love to be happy and pleased, at the same time, the other part wants to do something good for the needy especially when items are wasted. This is when you have to take a serious step.

Big parties, big weddings, etc just please the ones, who already have enough. Why not try giving the ones, who do not have anything, they will value every single piece being offered.

All these were my thought process to keep my focus on other people intact – at least to help them. In spite of all these, I struggle a lot in keeping relations close, or even keep everyone around happy, as my decisions are quite decisive at times. But as I say, the more I tend to be a problem-solver than a problem-centered person, I tend to forget what I am going through.

Being people-centered is always my life goal. Being a mother, I have to be much more selfless and be dedicated to my home. Everyone has a roller coaster ride, fighting their own wars every day, hence it is important that we value each individual be it a small baby or even an elderly person, they all are important like us.

Give a fraction of your second, you get peace for a lifetime.

A LOOK BACK INTO THE YEAR (2019) GONE BY – THE FIRST TIME IN 10 YEARS I AM INDEPENDENT

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The year 2019  is winding up and as I look back, there are many more things to be happier precisely. If I summarize it was a year mixed with emotions for me. Being an emotional being, I had my ups and downs to look for.

My first- New Year Without DAD

As the year 2019 began, it was my first new year, without my Dad. He was my motivator, my everything who led me to things I could barely think of doing.  I tried my best to support my mother, who is anyway much stronger than me in everything though.

My First- Job after 10 years of gap

I had my ups and downs in my career in my past years if I look back. After 10 long years, I took my dreams to the next level, I was given an offer to work with a company, which was kind enough to understand my toils and my needs and offered a pretty good work environment to work in with total flexibility. Hence I regained my confidence and my dream to be much more independent in my life. It was again a tough decision to arrive at, as there was a  huge gap in my career and was not pretty adaptable to any work environment. But here, after a long gap, this was indeed a milestone in my life.

My first- Motivational Session

I took my very first motivational session in my office, which was again rather “my first” attempt. I actually don’t know how it went, but it was one of a kind experience I wanted to venture.

My First- “Self-love”

Most of the time, I preach about self-love, but now I began to do it. And yes, I feel totally good. I recommend everyone to do the same.

My First – Co-author book published

The first time, getting my three poems selected and published in a book. I take it as my first step to pursuing something I want to do in my life. In spite of all the rejections and failures, not meeting other’s expectations, I did something out of the blue to keep my passion ignited.

And yes – it is my happiest moment!

My first- New Year without breaking my unwritten Resolutions

Yet another happiness is about me changing my self a lot from earlier. Even though I don’t lay any kind of resolutions to follow (as I am good at breaking them), I just go with the flow.

Many things changed:

  • I did start my workouts.
  • I started writing much more.
  • I made new friends.
  • I learned many more lessons in life and at work.
  • I changed things, which I hated about myself to an extent.
  • I kicked out negative people out of my life.

Downfalls

Everything is not always great. Accepting the mistakes and problems occurring in your life is important to understand and diagnose the issue at much deeper levels. I had problems in life, which I face strongly and arrive at decisions. But this time, I took myself in priority for an instance.

Moving On…to 2020

I do not know what lies ahead… but I am well prepared to face anything that comes to me.

Happy New Year To All !!

 

HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP -A MUST IN TODAY’S WORLD

Friendships as always being meant as the sweetest relation you have on earth. The one with whom you can be as vulnerable as you can.

Most friendships are dealt with without much thinking. Every phase of life we meet different kinds of people, with whom we develop a unique relation. Every friendship has a beauty to adore. Each people we bond with have a unique identity in life. Yet again maintaining a friendship is much harder.

Types of Friends

Some friends stay all along with us, in hard and easy times but, at some point in time, they get hurt for even the silliest thing that happens, and tends to break the bond over it. It is hard to convince someone to stay in a relationship when the trust is broken.

Whereas some friends , do not bother much, but they will be around when required. They are like candles in our life. They just come in when needed and then fade away or keep themselves negligible among the crowd.

Few friends, like the long-distance ones, they just remind and help us to recollect the days that were lost once in our life. They bring back memories as they shared the most important phase with us.  They are the ones with whom, we can continue even after a long gap.

Nonjudgemental ones- the most favorite of mine. They just are good listeners, they tell you everything without any filtration. They let you be as vulnerable as you can. Even if you do the hideous thing in life, they accept as vulnerable you are. (hard to find though)

Judgemental ones are again hard to be with. We have to be cautious with every word we speak with them. Even though they might be helpful or even good with us, they tend to judge which is hard to ignore.

How do we maintain these friendships?

The hardest part is maintaining friendships. We are all selfish that we want all kinds of friends with us, surrounded all the time.  The first thing is we need to appreciate one’s privacy and their importance in our life. Give them the needed value and appreciate their value-add to our life. Even friends fight, it is natural (as we are humans), but it doesn’t mean we can’t reconcile. Ensure that you reconcile even if it is the hardest thing to do. Remember that the best things to be done are the hardest, yet the best always.

Being a friend means understands all the ups and downs your friends face. It is important to understand and be with them when they need. Some friendships break in a spur of the moment. It is important to go to the root cause and then decide upon one’s behavior. It is even true with every relationship.

Tolerance is an important aspect to consider in any relationship. Friendships truly require it in abundance. Tolerating one’s behavior when they are in their mood swings or even the happiest moments is tough as we tend to name it in the wrong way. So if you want a healthy relationship in friendship, be tolerant.

To Sum up,

Friendships do add great value to your life. Treat friends as they are the best you get who is irreplaceable in life. Never make assumptions about friends be open always. Keep clarity in your friendship.

ARE THE MEN WHO CRY, WEAK?

Oh boy, do not cry, you are a shame to the boys

Being boy you are crying, shame on you

Be a boy, Don’t cry like a girl

You are a boy, don’t crib

We all must have heard such comments that are prevailing in the society.

Don’t you think that it is the harsh treatment we do to boys?

Girls get umpteen chances to weep a lot. If you look at the TV soap serials, there are enough ones to justify my statement. Interestingly, the market utilizes the fact that women cry and men don’t cry.

In reality, Men do cry. And actually, I want to refurbish that statement- Real Men cry.

Crying is signified as a sign of weakness. But it is not right. Women cry but they are never weak. Crying is one way, our body expels the pressure that we give to the mind. A perfect cry can make even the roaring mind calm.

Over the years, we have taught the boys not to cry, as it is bad for them to do it. doing it, we have overburdened their emotions and not allowed them to expel in the right way. As they grow up, these frustrations and negative emotions build up and finally, they begin to be harsher. It not only ruins them but also the people around.

Instead, when we let them cry, their mind do not get burdened and they are able to cope with the changes.

Let us break the myth that -“to emote is to be weak“.

Sometimes I keep wondering who gets hurt when a boy cries? Does it ache them so much while crying?

As moms, when we raise a child, be it a girl or a boy, raise it like they are a whole human being rather than segregate emotions like for boy and girl. Encourage even the boys or girls to share or expel their emotions, it is not the sign of weakness. It is important to teach them, why it is essential to express what they feel.

Have you seen a toddler go crankier and crazier when they try to express some emotions and they do not know how to go about it? Anger is one such emotion, that derives from subsequent bottling up of emotions. This, in turn, makes men more abusive and starts beating up the people around them.

Many doctors have stated that suppressing emotions especially crying, is bad in many ways to men or even women. Depression and anxiety are something we have to look forward for in such cases.

Want to raise good human beings – forget the gender bias. Learn to garner such insights that make the boys or even girls understand and analyze the mystery of crying. Teach them to open up their emotions in the right way rather than suppress them.

Cry, when you need to cry. Tears have no gender bias, they just flow down, even if you have a beard or not.

SACRIFICING LIFE – CHOOSE WISELY

What exactly means sacrificing one’s life?

“It simply means giving up something we dearly want for the sake of others’ happiness.”

In this selfish world, does it really happen?

Yes, it does. If you look around we can find an uncountable number of people who sacrifice every moment of their life for others. It is not the poor or just the rich, not just a man or a woman, everyone around you sacrifice their precious peace for someone else’s smile.

A daily wager, walks kilometers breaking their bones working hard to earn enough to feed their family. A maid works cleaning the filthier plates, clothes, and homes without any taking any, just to keep their family has enough income to teach their kids to help them be successful in their life. An IT employee works 24/7 sacrificing food, pleasure, family, friends and much more just to earn and save for the future.

If you look out there are many who does these mundane things sacrificing their precious life. But what do they gain?

Do they gain happiness?

Do they gain relations?

Do they gain health?

No. Ultimately they lose all these in the long run. They forget to live in the moment. Their sacrifices are never valued. They sacrifice themselves for the sake of others and finally, they are not rewarded for their efforts.

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Motherhood is yet another sacrifice

Women are again embodiments of sacrifice. They sacrifice much more than needed for their children.

All this is out of Love – the only emotion that helps anyone let go of anything.

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Winner’s Sacrifice

Most hardworking people, sacrifice their free time and devote themselves to tasks that make them ultimate winners.

It is said that when you say ‘yes’ to one opportunity, it means you are saying ‘no’ to many other things in life. 

The true side of sacrifice

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The real fact which leads us to sacrifice is that we tend not to prioritize many things in our life.  And if we affirm that we are sacrificing something, then we are not enjoying what we do.

A mother never sacrifices her sleep, hunger, emotions, just like that for a baby. It is because she loves her child to the core. Similarly, everyone sacrifices only when they love doing it.

But there are some exceptions too.

Some merely hide their sorrows, sacrifices their emotions and then finally surrender themselves to the wicked world. But yet again, it is not the end of the world. There is always a  brighter side of life.

No sacrifice goes wasted. 

If you look in our Indian Society, mainly, there are thousands of women who being highly educated, get stuck indoors doing mere mundane tasks. Their dreams, their aspirations all go wasted in those four walls.

But why do they do it?

No women are weaker. They are stronger than they are assumed to be. The moment any woman decides to set themselves free from all these, they can just walk away.

But here again, they sacrifice for the sake of others’ happiness. All they do is expect a miracle to happen one fine day, where their loved ones see their immeasurable sacrifice and appreciate them.

Yet, again their sacrifices are so used to by others, that they never escape from them. Some sacrifices become compromises in life and it is hard to escape them.

Certain Sacrifices are worth taking

It is important to sacrifice certain habits, that really put us in trouble. Certain things like improper meals, unhealthy habits, lack of exercise, overdoing certain things for others, etc. can be sacrificed for your betterment.

To wrap Up

Choose wisely, before you do something for someone. Some sacrifices are to be well-considered choices while some others are better to be avoided for your peace of mind. Life is just one, a gift of breathing that you get. A time that cannot be captured back, hence living for yourself is a priority to be considered amidst living for others.

THE HARDEST THING I EVER DID WAS TO BE JUST ME

The hardest thing I ever did was to be just me all the time.

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Life is set with rules and regulations for everyone. It is just that all these rules do not let you be what you are always. Every rule portrays you to be someone else according to someone else’s rules.

That is life – that is what everyone replies to who cribs about this.

Even when others lay the rules, it is not easy to be not who you are at times. I have encountered myself, quite a number of times in my life till now. Every time I come face to face with my own self, I just have to bid goodbye to it and take up the burden of being an epitome of a rule book.

If I have to pick the hardest moments I ever had to be just myself, then there are plenty of them. As most of the times, my life is not what I always wanted it to be.

When I wanted to study and conquer my dreams, my family wanted me to start a family and be bounded by the marital laws. It was hard. Even after conflicting thoughts with myself, I had to sacrifice and be bound to their rules. Yet again I failed to be just me.

When I struggled in my career, I again lost the ambitious me to the laws of family. Wherein I set my priorities higher for my family than my job. Just to blame me in the end for the magnificent end of it.

When I began to write, it was a natural fight with the society rules and just my rules. I write a lot more about the expression of love either emotionally or romantically, they entice me, but again it was ‘just me’ writing without abiding by the rules of a  ‘good woman’. Even when I am character assassinated as many things unimaginable to me, I still continued to do what I always wanted to do. It is hard to make a decision in favor of one’s own consciousness at times, but I decided to pen down only my true emotions which I wanted to write and not anything that never touched my heart.

Most of the time, it is hard to be what you want to be, but it is better to be what you are. Lying to oneself leads you to a downfall, be true to yourself and you will see you are happy.

Self-love is never harmful, it is the best medicine to your soul. Mostly, it is not selfishness or self-indulgence but it is more of taking care of one’s self rather than just giving away everything.

PARENTING – A RESPONSIBILITY WITH FULL-ON COMMITMENT

Parenting is a huge responsibility for which most couples land in, with their eyes wide open, ears sharpened and mind quite boggled. Even then it is a huge responsibility.  It is not easy to convince each other to reckon with the transition and adapt to it. But once you are a parent- you are always a parent, be it just for one kid, two or three or more. Parenting is not a cakewalk, it involves lots of hardships and commitment. As the couple enters into parenthood, they are responsible for a life that is growing up among them. It is not easy to understand and provide solutions for every instance, because in every instance a different solution looks appealing to the child.

Most people enter parenthood, expecting joy, the soothing presence of a baby, the sense of parenting, happiness of seeing a baby smile – but is that what it is all about?

A smile is worth -when you have undergone sadness. Happiness is worthwhile only when you know the harshness of sorrow. 

Parenting is all about committing yourself to your child as a couple. A child must be both parents’ responsibility. But if you look out in our society, we might stumble upon many families, where one of the parents has to take up the whole commitment. Most of the couples, after a child is born to them, leave the complete responsibility to one shoulder and burden them.  It always happens and none share the responsibilities and finally, parenting becomes the secret dagger to blame the partner for lack of commitment.

Parenting is all about commitment.  There are many things to keep in mind when you are a parent.

  1. It is not a single effort- As becoming a parent is not just a one-person effort, it is important to realize that, the task must be shared. The child is equally both mother and father’s responsibility. The sooner you realize it, the better the results.
  2. Give time –Time is essential. Parenting is not just about having a child. Parents should dedicatedly give time to their child and also ensure they spend it as a family. Mostly as kids grow up, they become independent and might not completely need parents to help them. I personally believe that a child should be given a requestive amount of attention at a very young age. This is the time when bonding happens.
  3. Kids rely on their parents, hence be their rock: Kids rely on parents for everything, from the very beginning. It is important to be their support, but it doesn’t mean you have to be there for everything, few things they should be let to experiment on their own. All you need is to offer a hand of help, they might not need it but will be happy to hear from you. As a parent, your commitment must be to guide them, as well as give them space to decide on their choices.
  4. Share your responsibilities: Parenting is a big task, hence it is ideal when sharing is done. Taking care of your child is not just one of the parents’ duties. A happy mother or father can only make a happy family. To get a happy mind, relaxation is important. When one of the parents takes up the whole responsibility, they get exhausted and will not be able to do it well. Both mother and father need to share their work so that the other person doesn’t get drained.
  5. Understanding: This is something that washes away quite soon in a marriage. You need to understand and support your partner in parenting too. He/She might be confused, hence understand their plight and be supportive.

Even though parenting is something unplanned, there is a joy behind every moment of parenting. At times when I am exhausted, juggling around the responsibilities, end of the day, I feel like I am dead, but the moment my kids come and hug me, I feel energized.

In the end, the joy of being a parent is in the touch of your little one. There are no best or good parents – all are just work in progress parents.