INDEPENDENT PARENTING


What has changed my life in last 30 days?

Well, my life has turned downside up (opposite of upside down) in the last couple of months. From living with parents (or in laws) for last 7 years, I am finally living on my own. And it’s a world of difference to me. I had been looking forward to this for many years now. A time when I can just drop my son downstairs to play and have the whole house to myself for at least an hour or so. A time when my son would just say Goodnight and go sleep in his own room (well, not there yet but almost there). A time when I don’t have to feed him, bathe him, clean his potty etc.

There is famous saying about motherhood – “Motherhood feels like years pass by in a blink of an eye while days are almost an eternity”.

Motherhood is a constant tug of war between wanting kids to be independent so that I can have my own space and being scared that kids will finally grow up and go away. Somewhere in this tug of war, we manage to find our own moments of happiness. That stolen “me” time which would be a quick pedicure after the child sleeps or those sparkling eyes when I cook his favorite cheese omelet – there are millions of such moments which make motherhood so very special.

Well, after living with parents for so long – I had been craving for independent parenting. Yes, I came up with this term “Independent parenting” a while back. It really means to have a space where I can parent my child without anybody’s interference. When a child gets exposed to different parenting styles, he/she can really get confused. Where none of the parenting styles are wrong, they are just different and can really screw up with the child’s psychology.

This year January, I decided to move to Dehradun because there couldn’t be a better opportunity to spend time with my parents and live in the home where I grew up. I decided to stay there for as long as schools don’t reopen. 6 months later I realized that my son was getting so many different messages from all around and he had started behaving so weird. I have a certain parenting style, my parents have yet different one and my in laws are quite different as well. To top it up, my husband would visit us once in a while and would approve/disapprove of many ways in which he was getting parented. Forget about my 6 year old, I was getting confused about how he is supposed to behave.

It is not like the parenting styles are poles apart, but every family has their own unique traditions and habits. I started to feel very strongly to build these unique traditions and habits the way I want them and not borrow them from my parents or in laws.

9 months later in last October, I moved back to Bangalore. Now I am struggling as a single working mom handling “WFH office” and “online school” (my hubby stays in a different city). Also trying my best to expose him to some hobbies (in non-online way) whatever is possible. This keeps me super busy and also frustrated and exhausted many times. But at the end of the day, I have a sense of achievement at least in being able to parent him the way I want. And it means the world to me today.