I WANT TO CALL IT A QUIT, BUT…

I very well understand that this poem reeks of negativity but there can’t be a denial that it exists. Many of us experience the feeling of being suffocated at various points of time and in different relationships. That feeling of claustrophobia comes from the fact that we willingly (unwillingly though) suppress ourselves from speaking up and out. We feel “give another chance, let’s not break”. But the fact is we want to break away at the first given chance but never dare to do so. This poem is about that dilemma where we want to express but fear if we are exposing ourselves – to the criticism, to the adversities, to trauma, to loneliness (which probably we might not have realized yet we are).

Dying in fragments everyday,
my soul still fears sneaking out
and searching for life
that I might leave many lives rattled behind.

Drinking from the cup of insults,
my heart is still keeping it’s disgust obscure
from the world for I might end up
enrage buried wounds.

Drained from the losses,
I am still restraining myself
from crying out my anguish
for that might not be music to the loved ones.

Detached from the bond once nurtured,
I am simply embracing the rubble
from crashing for I might be just remembered
for the sabotage.

Devastated from within,
I withhold that ugly sight to myself
for no one might understand
as I ain’t an angel but a human.

Doomed by dilemma at this dark hour of my life,
my thoughts are oscillating between liberation & submission,
for I don’t know if my freedom comes under
Express or Expose!!!

Kalpana Vogeti

Time and again, responsibility and the people we love are the biggest BUTs for which I quit to quit. 🙂