I sometimes wonder whether I am truly grown up as an adult according to the generalized societal standards or not. I rarely bother about what should we eat the next day, make a financial plan for the future and what will happen if there is a crisis. Usually, any adult man will poke his whole nose into these matters but I stay aloof about all of them.
So am I still a young boy and haven’t matured to be a man?
I was and am aware of that threshold very well; then why am I wondering about my being a man?
From the very beginning, I had always relied on some or other person to accomplish something or other concerning me considering my ill health. I struggled to lift a heavy school bag, so my aunt and friends helped me to carry it. I found it difficult to run while playing cricket so someone else was appointed to take a run for me. I was not allowed to carry my own bucket to wash or take bath, so someone else at home did it for me. While travelling I rarely carried my own luggage, forget about helping others. I never rode a bicycle to my school or college so I used to go to my classes either by rickshaw or on a friend’s bike or bicycle. I never had the guts to stand for my friend when there’s a fight while studying in my school or college. I was scared considering my health. I used to back off or ask my friends to protect me.
According to me, the standards for reckoning a boy becoming an adult or man depends on his THREE M’s – Muscle, Money, Mind.
The growing muscle power or strength of a boy makes him a man. So when I look at myself in the mirror then I find myself to be the same boy who has never grown up to be a man in regards to his muscle power. I mean, I am not that same boy, I have grown up but I am talking about the degree of the growth in my muscle power.
Considering my health, I studied what would be easier for me than what I was interested in really. And I started working which was never very strenuous or fetch me good money. So I never had that mindset of financial plans considering what I have been earning. Though earning or working in a certain place was not primarily because of my health but it was because of my desire to do something. So whatever may be the causes behind my working in a certain place, the planning in regards to money has never been my mindset. Living in the present, finding joy in whatever I have, leading a simple life and in faith have been my ways. So if money is the major aspect to qualify as a man from a boy, then I haven’t grown to be a man yet.
I grew in the midst of pain, suffering, rejection, weakness and sickness which made me mentally very matured and tough. I didn’t become hard-hearted but very sensitive to the pain and suffering of others. I understand a particular person and consider his certain behaviours or actions leniently than how others would react to his misconduct. I grew up to be more compassionate. I grew up to be forgiving and I have always believed in reconciliation than resentment. So considering Mind as one of the standards to qualify me as a man, I am a matured man. I grew up well. My transitioning from a boy to a man in regards to the strength of my mind was absolutely great. I praise God for that.
As I still struggle with my Muscle power, sometimes I curse my not being so manly in regards to physical strength. Sometimes I feel bad when I could not do something for my loved ones or help them financially. But when it comes to the mental toughness, maturity to handle stress, taunts, negativity, I always express my gratitude to God for transitioning me to be an adult this way.
I am the man, how God wanted me to be, and I have transitioned in a special way, only for His divine purposes. I don’t question anymore but take pleasure in them.