A SWEET AND SALTY RELATIONSHIP

It was 21st December 2008 when my husband came to see me for the first time with his parents. Yes, we chose the traditional route of arranged marriage 😁. We were nervous as hell, hardly speaking anything, just occasional glances at each other in a room full of people. “Why don’t you guys take some alone time and talk?” Proposed my Uncle. The would-be groom sprang out of his chair exhibiting both his nervousness, anxiety and eagerness to strike a conversation. We decided to go to the nearby temple. We commenced our stroll and conversation. Our dialogues were borderline whispers 😁. As we were about to enter the temple an old lady begged for some alms. And I am not sure what was going on in his mind or that was a completely unmindful action, he handed a currency note Re.500. To this date, we have a hearty laugh about it. My brother and cousin joked about that incident “how we wish we disguised ourselves and were at the place of old lady, we could have received a hefty note”.

That was the first meeting, first conversation, first weirdly sweet incident. Then both the families (of course with our consent) agreed to carry forward this alliance and culminate into the sacred institution of marriage. We got engaged on May, 16th, 2009. We had a distant courtship period before we tied knot in the month of August same year.

Be it the courtship period or time frame after marriage till there’s an addition in the family (2nd August 2011), life if photo framed would be nothing less than picture-perfect. Stealing glances when surrounded by people attending different functions organised by the families not the newlyweds, holding hands beneath the tables πŸ€—πŸ€«), discovering the person you are hitched with, late-night movies, lazy weekends, long strolls in the neighbourhood, outings…….. Yes, it was all candyfloss and rose-tinted!!!

When did things change? As the life of every married couple, ours too took a turn when we had our son, our first child. The idea of romance isn’t anymore the same. In fact, romance either takes a back seat or cease to exist completely. Its Love – for family, for kids, for the spouse that comes to the fore in ways that need the heart to understand the underlying emotion. To begin with, we were not together for the first eight months due to visa issues. Restlessness and eagerness to see each other was riding a high tide. And when we finally met we realized we are set to play a different ball game altogether – Parenting. The levels of frustration of sleepless nights could unleash havoc in relationships. With more planning going into every aspect of life – from grocery list to life insurance plans tensions do knock the doors. Postpartum depression definitely needs a mention here. I had severe mood swings, I would cry for trivial things, but my husband had my back. The best thing or say one of the best things about him is that he is quite easy going when it comes to how our home is kept. Even to this day when we are running into our 12 years of marriage and having two beautiful kids, he would say “take care, relax, sleep. Chores can be winded up later, health comes first”. That takes off a lot of pressure of running around and racing against the clock tidying up things. As much as he doesn’t give undue importance to the chores being done he doesn’t even pin-up his expectations or demands to the way I look. I was once almost like a big bag stacked with potatoes, but never did once his attentions deviated from me. If loyalty has a face, it’s him (I know the password to his phone and he leaves the phone without worrying πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‰). He never ceased to take a stand, support and talk for what is right without any bias. And what else a woman can ask for.

Then what is Salty ( sour or bitter for that matter)? Yes, I’m coming to that part of our relationship. I would be a liar of higher-order if I say there’s nothing wrong in our relationship or us as human beings. My flaw is that I am extremely emotional and me getting swayed by emotions is no it new. And I see things through the tinted glass of emotions that can paint things differently than what they are. And making the situation worse is sudden flared up tempers of my husband. In the spur of the moment, he could say some really mean things which otherwise he never meant or never had any place in his psyche. When such extremes collide the air could be lot volatile at home. There have been situations when we would go simply silent for a couple of days just because he uttered something uncalled for and my emotional quotient being high decline to take it the other way than what I perceive. A constant feeling of breaking free brews inside (I am talking about myself) during those moments. I surely can’t give complete detailing of our conflicts as washing dirty linen in public isn’t a done thing 😁 and obviously dirty linen is an every household thing, isn’t it?😜

Then Still Continuing? Yes of course and going strong. These 12 years have taught me a few important lessons on life, love, commitment, respect and completing each other. My husband at the end of each of our clash says just one thing “you tend to remember the words that I never meant but blurted out in the fit of rage but forget my actions that I wholeheartedly mean”. Be it taking a stand for me even if I mean going against his family, be it encouraging me to learn something new at every step, giving my health importance over any other thing, most importantly being loyal to me – my husband surely got qualities that can negate or at least overshadow his shortcomings. After the first year of marriage I never saw him in an eternal romantic mood that I crave but also never saw him take his responsibilities lightly, doesn’t that qualify as love? And when love, loyalty, respect cohabitates there’s enough reason despite minuscule faults that we continue this journey together till death parts us away.