A CRUSH, A LETTER, A CONFESSION AND A MISTAKE

Mushy love stories/experiences, right? That’s what you all want to hear and read from me?

Let’s begin then. 🙂

A CRUSH

I was hardly 13 years old when I saw her. She was pretty and was fair. Her smile is very soothing and calming. And I definitely wanted to talk to her. All others were talking to her but I was too naive and afraid of talking to her. My aunt was a teacher and all her colleagues who were my teachers too, know me pretty well and I should not be caught talking to a girl by any one of them. Moreover, my friends will laugh at me, tease me for sure if they see me talking to a girl. That is considered a taboo as the pupils of local language medium schools were not that broad-minded like the pupils from English medium schools. All I could do was stealing glances with her. She would smile looking at me and I will do the same. She was not a bright student. She studied with us because she failed in the grade/class to which we were promoted. And later when we were promoted further to the higher classes she failed again and probably left the school. I had no idea about what happened to her later. But my eyes definitely did fall in love with her. ;P

A crush always supposed to be crushed sooner or later and so did my crush for that pretty girl was crushed…one incident concerning her will definitely make you go nuts if you read it HERE

A LETTER

I don’t know whether she had ever fallen in love with me or not, but we were in no position to fall in love with each other. I mean to fan the love for each other as the conditions or life situations were such. But I still can’t forget the letter she had written to me. The letter came through someone who didn’t know what is there inside it, thankfully. And when I opened it and read it, I felt so warm and loved and cared and mushy, as Preeta calls it. 

She wrote I am an epitome of simplicity and I should not change myself ever. I hope I am still the same. But I remember I wept so much reading that letter, knowing that we were in no position to express each other’s love for one another though we definitely acknowledged God’s plans for both of our respective future lives. Probably, I will consider her as my first love and that feeling which I had for her was suppressed deep down in my heart. 

A CONFESSION

Oh yeah, I finally confessed my love to a girl I fell in love with.

My heart used to skip and beat faster when I used to see her in the morning… When she used to look at me from far, we used to exchange smiles before she goes back to her department and settles down. Later as the day progresses she comes to my department… I see her but I wait for her to come to my desk after she finishes her works with others…  she comes and sits in front of me, smiling she asks, “How are you…?” Then we continue talking with each other till we realize its time to concentrate on our works. She returns back to her desk.

The same drill went on for two months. And the life seemed so dreamy and flowery. I finally broke the silence and poured out my heart confessing my love for her. She smiled and said she feels the same. Her signal was grey, I took it as more towards white, but it was actually more tilted towards black that I realised after another two months. She started ignoring me and avoiding me. I broke down. That was the worst Christmas that I spent in my life, the account of which you can find it, HERE.

 A MISTAKE

I really don’t like to get reminded of this incident ever in my life. I had never spoken about it openly before as well. We somehow found each other’s landline numbers. We didn’t have our own mobile phones at that time. And all we knew about each other was by hearing our voices. I won’t say, I fell in love with her but I did have the interest to know more about her. She had a lovely voice and she was actually very sweet.  

After a few days, we decided to meet up with each other in a very filmy style. I told her, I will be wearing a blue shirt and she told me she will be wearing a blue dress and will be holding a blue umbrella. I took a Dairy Milk Cadbury bar for her and she had her image and a letter written for me.

We met in the railway station, we had a conversation before I took the return train to my place but was unhappy. Unhappy because she was absolutely very sweet but may not be according to what I expected. She was a very good girl and immensely matured. She understood that I lost interest in her and we parted unceremoniously. 

I had never committed to her, I had not fallen for her but the interest I arouse in her for me was not the right thing which I did. It was my biggest mistake. I have never done that with anyone else and I still hold myself responsible for hurting her feelings. 

Later, I saw her at a conference with her friends. She was looking different and good. I felt happy to see her that way. I don’t know whether she had seen me or not, but I moved away from that place. I truly hoped and prayed for her betterment and a life partner much better than me. 

As I was recollecting these mushy or slushy love experiences over a period of 14 years, I was wondering why I had to go through such experiences in my life, especially the last one. But I can say that these experiences made me more sensitive towards the feelings of an individual, whoever he or she may be. I can guarantee, the way I can understand a person’s heart now, no one else can.  Through all these silly, crazy, loving, sweet and idiotic experiences God wanted to teach me and train me for a better human being in regards to knowing a person’s heart and his or her emotions. Later in life, I got married and met an ample number of women in-person or virtually and these experiences definitely helped me to deal with every one of them in a better way.

In the end, I can say, the Crush always makes me laugh, the Letter I always cherish in my heart, the Confession always makes me learn more about a woman or human being in general, and the Mistake always makes me regret and sad… *Sighs* 😦

Friends! Do you relate to my experiences? Some of you, maybe, as the Bible says, “Just as water reflects the face, so one human heart reflects another“. 

Stay blessed!