I don’t know what to write and how to express my feelings for you. The number of lessons that you have taught me when you were amidst us was unexplainable in this letter. But they are all so rooted within me that I can train myself as well as the people around me.
You had slapped me only once in my whole life. And I wept so bitterly as I wasn’t expecting it ever from you. I took you for granted that this man can be teased and bullied in any manner but he won’t say a word. I know, you never had touched me afterwards till the end. I was a kid that time and that slap was a souvenir for me. 🙂
But I am sorry, I could not be like you who always had stayed quiet, wearing that gentle smile on your face when you were teased. I don’t know how you must have been feeling, how much pain you hid it behind that beautiful smile of yours. I retaliated at times and bashed those who tried to tease me or bully me.
I am sorry, I could not be as happy as you were when you had very little. You were happy even when you had earned a small salary, ate whatever was given to you, and led a very simple life. You never demanded, as I sometimes demand.
I am sorry, I could not tolerate like you did whenever you suffered physically. You endured all the time till the pain becomes unbearable and the wounds are visible or prominent to someone else other than you. I am no match for your endurance.
I am sorry, I could not be as aloof and peaceful as you were when you were not included in any one of the important discussions. You never flaunt around announcing your presence amidst all. You either sat or walked away quietly.
I am sorry, I could not share my belongings with others as you did in your lifetime. You never said that – “this is mine”. You always used to share what was yours with us and others; whether it is your share of food or anything else. I miss this the most when you used to share your food with us and we used to scold you to take your food back.
The amount of patience and resilience that you had taught me through your life that I could not learn from any school or college or from anyone else. It is because of your gene and your blood I stay strong and be patient against all the taunts, insults and bullying in the name of this and that.
You taught me the simple way of growing in Christ’s likeness which sometimes I find so difficult to follow in my life. Our saviour did more than saying a lot of words. You followed Him as best as you could have with all your simplicities.
Dad! I was sorry about many things that I could not practice what you showed through your life when you were in your physical body but I am so very grateful for being an example as my father. I thank you so much for the lessons you left for me in stacks to understand, learn and practice them one after the other till I mature more in His ways.
I hope to meet you soon 🙂
Your apologetic son,