The very moment I opened my eyes as I took birth on this earth, I had already a purpose set before me by God, the Almighty. And the foundation of my life was laid on pain and suffering which became evident only after two years of my birth when I was taken to a doctor for some other normal check-up.
So, I had known pain and suffering very closely. I was deprived of every happiness from the very childhood because of my health conditions. It is quite obvious that my ill health affected my mental health as well making my life miserable.
There was a constant feeling of worthlessness which made me fearful, pessimistic, irritable, sad, and lonely. That again led me to get indulged in weird habits and obsessions. I developed a habit of daydreaming and fantasizing about things that could have never happened in my life.
I had shared a story about a close friend many times on this webzine and I want to mention her again today. It was because of her suicide incident, I decided instead of dying daily with self-pity I need to take care of the people all around me. And I kept searching for different ways till I came up with an idea of starting a printed booklet. named, ‘Candles’. Every woman gives birth to her child after bearing it for 9 months, but I carried my child many years within me before I delivered it.
It was through my child, ‘Candles’, I decided to reach out to many people who are suffering and in pain, in desperate needs emotionally and spiritually.
But what is the significance of the word or the name, ‘Candles’?
Some time ago, I remember someone asked me about the significance of this name, ‘Candles’. “Does it have any religious significance?” She asked. My answer was, NO. And today, let me clarify it again, why I chose that name, ‘Candles’ for my child that I delivered in January 2006 (28th December 2005, launched 3 days later of inauguration)!!?
Have you ever watched a candle made of wax closely?
Firstly, it is small and insignificant in comparison to other luminous objects like kerosene lantern, petromax and tube light, etc. Secondly, it is only one piece and never gets a refill anytime like lantern and petromax. Thirdly, it never requires external energy like fuel or electricity to emit light and heat but it burns itself to fulfill the purpose. And last, but not least, it emits light to remove the darkness in its shorter life span. It gives light throughout its lifetime.
I quite relate myself with a piece of candle, even if I am not exactly like it but I am striving to be one. I am insignificant and weak in comparison to others; I know that very well. But I will burn throughout my life, giving light and warmth to the people those who avail me and my help. I wanted many such candles to join along with me to burn together illuminating in this darkened world.
I want to quote one Bible verse that inspires me always to use my frailty and suffering as my strength…
“…we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the His Holy Spirit…”
And when I kept on experiencing that hope of God’s love burning in my heart through my pain and suffering every now and then in my life, I desperately wanted to spread that illuminating hope among many more as well.
And there, 15 years back, I lighted the fire to this one candle inviting many other candles to burn along with me together then, now, and till the end.