2019 – THE TRUE BITTER SWEET YEAR!

It’s that time of the year already when we reflect on self and measure how far have we come, what went well, what could have been better. I stumbled upon the gratitude post from last year published on My Instagram account. There was so much to be thankful about in 2018! What about 2019 then?

Well, let me be very candid. 2019 has not been as fulfilling as I would have liked it to be but nevertheless I am glad that it gave me some wonderful lessons of life. I would like to share the two most important and life changing things that 2019 brought in:

1. Let go attitude: I learnt this a hard way! I was looking forward to rock this year in my career. I had set ambitious goals professionally but all came crashing down. Joining back work after maternity has not been easy. I find my self less focused on work compared to my earlier self. I don’t feel ready to make demanding commitments at work. I tend to not take up challenging projects and rather prefer to stick to my comfort zone. This was not ME! Not until I became a mother. Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming motherhood, how can I when I have begged for it for so many years. But you know what, its not easy either to experience this change at the career front. It’s not easy to compromise a career of 11 years and take it slowly further. No, no one has asked me to do it. It’s my own call. But a part of me always cries over lost opportunities at work, missing promotions and witnessing others pass by you while you stay put in your comfort zone. I know it’s a phase and will pass. Another important aspect of career that 2019 highlighted is that I am now absolutely sure I don’t want a job. My purpose of life is not being a corporate slave. God has sent me to do better things in life. And I think I have found my calling. No, I am not heading to Himalayas and meditating my whole life but I will be right here, amidst all of you and serve the mankind that I am supposed to. Having said that, I understand I cannot live without money. I shoulder financial responsibilities at home equally with my husband. So if not my job then what? Well, I think I know the answer and I am so grateful to 2019 for bringing this clarity to my mind. Now we just have to wait until I figure out how to wrap up my corporate slavery and start working on my calling. It will take a few years. I am giving whole of 2020 to me! Wish me luck guys! All this has made me a pro at letting go! I have let go the project, the opportunities, the growth at work not so happily but I have made peace with it now that I know the bigger purpose of life. So, on a career front, I have let the sand slip out from my fingers and have seen others build castles out of it. Well, I am glad they were able to!

2. True Love: I have newly fallen in love with this little man called Aarnav. I love him more than last year and I love him more with each passing day! Aarnav has taught me the true meaning of love. No matter how mad I get at him all that he has to offer in return is love and only love. It’s amazing that how kids choose to forgive and forget your wrath and return double the love to you. I never felt so loved before you know! Not when I fell in love with the man of my life, not when I got married, just never. May be if I would remember how my mother loved me when I was an infant, the feeling could be a close hit but I think we do not recall memories earlier than 2 or 3 years of age, not sure!. You can say I have drowned in love this year. And it has been a beautiful feeling. Those tight hugs, those kisses, those cuddles are just incomparable to anything in this world. More importantly, the lesson that I learnt from these expression of love is valuable. I learnt from Aarnav to love selflessly. Yes, he loves me even of I scold him, punish him or just get mad at him. Are we adults able to do that? No, right? We hold on to these negativity and hold back when we love. But, 2019 has been different. If not as much as Aarnav, I have learnt to love selflessly to some extent. I will work more on this in 2020.

Having said that, I cannot wrap up 2019 without expressing gratitude towards the amazing support system that I have at home. My mom-in-law, mother, sis-in-law and Aarnav’s nanny have stood by me every single moment. I can’t thank God enough for having them in my life. Thanks to all these, Aarnav is a happy child today, staying at home when I got to office and is getting raised with good morals and manners. I am not too sure how the things would have been if I had to leave him at a Day Care. No, don’t get me wrong, am not saying that kids at day care are not brought up well, they are, they certainly are! But who can stop a mother’s heart from worrying, right?

I trust each one of you has had a fulfilling 2019 and looking to adding to that fulfillment in the coming year