2019 – I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS FOR YOU!

I love this time of the year. Lesser work, lesser pressure, holiday mood and lots to think about. This is the time of the year that I love taking a step back to judge if I really am going in the right direction. Well, I cannot open up my entire life in an open blog – but there are definitely a few things that I would love to share with my readers. Let me just give a glimpse of what challenges I faced and how I grew in major aspects of my life. I am doing this in a hope that you too would do the same for your last year (if you already haven’t done it)

Professional Growth

I think I went up by leaps in my professional terrain. I don’t mean big promotions or hikes, I just mean my experience and my confidence. I took up an opportunity at work (a new project) that I wasn’t clearly prepared for. It was a tough one and when I jumped into the wagon – I had no clue how big is this beast (project). For nearly 3 months, I literally gave up everything in life to make this project happen. Not only was my life a hell but I had to ensure that my team suffered equally. There were arguments, anger, disappointment, frustration, fear, tension all throughout the day and night. I could have never believed that a project at work could give me sleepless nights – but this one did. Not one or two but multiple sleepless nights. This was the period from July to Sep that was no less than crazy. 

Since it was a huge challenge to deal with and we eventually succeeded, the taste of success was just awesome. The celebration that followed and the recognitions we got was a great deal. But the two most important things that I gained from those 3 months were Experience and Confidence. And it indeed was a “Leap of growth” 

Physical Health

Overall year wasn’t good health-wise. I didn’t really take care of myself. My weight and waistline grew, my hair are greying out faster, lethargy is going up and stamina is going down, sugar went high, PCOS kicked in and thyroid levels fluctuated. Not a good place to be at. There were multiple reasons and I ignored my health big time during majority of the year. 

After Diwali this year, I had tears in my eyes when I stepped on the weighing scale and looked at the number of medicines I had to start taking. So, I decided to do “Resolution till New Year” instead of a Resolution that starts at New Year. Getting back to my ideal health was foremost in my mind in last 2 months and results have paid off well till now. I am waiting to see how I grow in this area in 2020.

Relationship Breakthrough

I remember thanking the folks at work for pulling me into this intensive crazy project some time at the beginning of second quarter. The reason was absurd. Since the mid of 2018, I was going through a turmoil in my marriage, the reason for which was a simple one – me and Kapil were in different phases in this relationship. I was in a phase that constantly needed him and he was in a phase where he wanted his own space. So, I would always try to cling on and he would try to avoid me. That led to endless arguments and fights. 

Getting into this project made me so damn busy that he got his space indefinitely. The work load also ensured that I am so constantly busy that it was easier for me to ignore him. It brought great peace to my marriage. And thankfully, we are in blissful state of marriage now. Touchwood!

Motherhood

With my son’s 4th birthday – things got better as far as Motherhood was concerned. He started doing a few things independently. He could now play with his friends mostly without getting into a conflict. He started eating on his own, peeing on his own, sleeping easily, afternoon naps were gone, started understanding logic and sense. All this made parenting slightly easier. Handling him as a toddler was so very tough for me. There still are challenges but they are just different challenges. Thankfully I prefer preschooler challenges more than the toddler challenges. I hope next years also bring a similar relief to me.

Family Life

I lost one of my oldest cousins this year. He was just 49. It was a heart breaking experience to cremate him, it really felt like a part of my childhood came to an end. I had lost touch with him since years, but the time we had spent together during my childhood is still special to me. He was the oldest brother and I was the youngest sister, imagine the pampering. When he started earning, I was still in primary school – how he showered me with gifts every time he came around. How he scolded me so bad once when I came out of the house on the roads without slippers. How he took us around the city to eat Chinese and watch movies when our parents flatly refused to do so. Memories. And just memories now. 2019 will always be remembered for you – Bobby Bhai. 

Mental Health

Well, with a difficult situation going on with my hubby and deadly timelines at work – peace of mind was very far away from me. However, when I was going through the sleepless nights – I realized that things cannot go on this way or else I will end up getting sick. Meditation sounded like just the right thing to do. I started with Cure.fit “meditation at home” series. One fine Sunday when I was trying to fight the Monday blues, I came across a particular meditation and I was surprised how comfortable I felt when I did. I made it a practice to do this meditation almost every day. It just took about 15-20 mins at the end of the day and it made me sleep peacefully. 

I have come a long way from those days. I know a lot more about meditations now and I meditate also much deeper now. For me, the growth in my mental health was also a “Leap of growth”. And I would take this aspect very seriously in 2020.

Happiness Quotient

My happiness quotient fluctuated a lot in 2019 but I am really glad that I am ending the year a much higher happiness quotient than I started this year with.

Wishing you all a very happy, healthy and a prosperous New Year!