“Is this not David, of whom they used to sing in dances,
‘Saul killed his thousands,
And David his ten thousands’?”
The people of Israel sung this song when a young lad, named David, killed Goliath with just one pebble dug deep into the giant’s forehead and won battles after battles for his king and his countrymen. The whole nation was celebrating their victories while the enemies were remembering David’s courage but Saul, the king of Israel was burning with envy and insecurity concerning an inexperienced boy, David. And till his death, he tried to kill David many a time even though he knew the boy David was not guilty of anything. It is because of his insecurity of losing his throne to David made him attempt this crime.
When I think about the king and his feelings of insecurity, I see a reflection of myself in him. Yeah, it is true that I don’t have power and scope for which I haven’t tried to murder anyone or doing something close to it out of sheer insecurity. But I know in my heart, if I would have in a position to kill or harm someone like king Saul, then I would not have stepped back even a bit to do that crime. As we know – Power Corrupts.
In my life, I have lost many opportunities of doing something that others can do because of my health conditions. And that always had made me feel insecure about my ability to do something remarkable, impress others and gain attentions of others.
I am not saying these feelings should not come in our minds. Everyone feels insecure from time to time, particularly in certain situations or circumstances when we might feel less talented, less attractive than others. It is natural. But when this feeling of insecurity controls our minds or life then it is very dangerous and devastating. And especially when we start comparing ourselves with others it becomes worse. Just imagine, if we are worried and anxious about our life thinking whether we can live or die the next moment or tomorrow, then when will we actually live a life!!!
I will tell you the truth people… I had suffered from this disease called, INSECURITY a lot during my childhood till I came here to Kolkata for work. And my insecurity has always made me grumble about everything that I don’t have or I couldn’t do. I used to stay unhappy and sad always. I used to day dream thinking I am this, I am that… and at the end of each dream, when I used to realise my real status, I get frustrated.
The symptoms of this disease are anxiety, paranoia, fears of loss, instability etc., diminish our capacity to think and act effectively. And that’s what happened to me most of the time during those phases of my life. But I have observed, after my second surgery in 2001, I received an immense strength from God above to battle out this insect – INSECURITY from my head and really felt healed in the latter part of my life till today.
A few days ago, I was having a heart to heart conversation with one of my beloved sisters and while sharing my life with her I told her that, “the moment I stopped grumbling about what I don’t have and concentrated on what I have, keeping ‘whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might’, as my motto, my life changed“.
On closing, I want to mention what Psychotherapist, Erin Leonard says… “Humility, vulnerability, and mild insecurity are qualities that allow a person to grow and love in a healthy way. They allow human beings to be beautiful.”
We can’t cure this disease of insecurity feelings completely but we can moderate it, manage its level and keep it under control as many diabetic patients try to keep their sugar level down.
To keep your insecurity level checked, follow FOUR things, as I do…
- Always seek to do what is pure and right…
- Do things with all your might…
- Keep negativity out of sight…
- Trusting in the Lord to continue the faith-fight…
Trust me, these things are proven through my life and is very much applicable to another human of flesh and blood like me 😉