Oh How I wish I could travel back in time. There are thousands of things I would like to erase or change. I would erase all the embarrassing moments of my life or the bloopers I committed. I would change all the reasons because of which I got scolding from my parents or teachers. Ha Ha !! If I could go back and tell my younger self the things I learnt the hard way, life would be so much more sorted… But these are only wishes. And maybe then I would have missed out on the experience of growing up.
But then we all have regrets in our hearts and always wish we were given a chance to undo it. I can also think of a few things.
I was a very happy go lucky kind of child. Never took my studies quite seriously. In my primary school years I was in the top ten in class but by the time I touched secondary section there were many distractions. And I somehow lost that competitive spirit. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self how important it is to get a cutting edge degree or a professional degree. And how a plain vanilla B.Sc. doesn’t take you too far. It’s not that I didn’t have the capability, at least l like to believe that I had. Its only that I was not inclined to work hard, didn’t have a goal in mind. I just went with the flow. School, then graduation, then marriage… Everything just happened. It was like my boat was just floating with the current I didn’t even try to steer it. This regret is always there in one corner of my mind.
As far as my relationships are concerned there is one more thing I wish I could change. When I was in my early twenties I had my sister and two cousins living with us. I was an elder sister to all three of them. The go to person for them. I used to be their agony aunt their problem solver and their shield when we faced the parental ire. I really miss those days, the camaraderie we shared and the fun we had. My friends were by default their friends too. And we were a big happy gang of girls.
When I got married and shifted to Mumbai I suddenly plunged into a brand new world, a new city, new family, married life. I got so immersed in my life I think I suddenly left them in the lurch. Those were the days of STD calls and rationed talk time, no mobiles to keep in touch with my family. My parents probably understood but my gang of girls deteriorated. There was a rift between the three of them (Two on one side and the third one on the other side. My sister moved to a hostel for her engineering studies I think that was the time she must have felt the most lonely and needed someone to talk to and I was busy building a new life. To this day regret that phase of my life. I did not even realize the chasm that was created between me and her till it was too late. I just hope she doesn’t carry any bitterness in her heart even now. If I could just re live those 4-5 years of my life I would not let my baby sister feel abandoned ever. I was so intent on creating new relations I took the ones I already had for granted.
But these are only wishes. Alas time travel is not possible yet. Anyways even if it were possible things would become too complicated if we try to go back and change things. We just have to learn to accept our mistakes and move on and try to be a better person than we were..
Google gave me an apt quote for my state of mind
“We don’t regret the things we have done. We just regret the things we didn’t do when we had a change.”