Irritated or actually Grumpier!!

I myself, let confuse on both when I know I am in a way bothered as well as grumpy by nature.  From the time I recollect, right from childhood, with a denied freedom, that makes me a completely gloomy person. Like Midas turned everything to Gold, I turned everything irritable when touched.  I was a mood spoiler, happiness crusher and even everything as famous as a “dramebaaz” (dramatist) in my childhood (even now in bits and pieces).

As my beloved friend who exclaimed various reasons of “grumbling” in his article this week, as I was reading through – I could actually reflect me in everything he wrote (seemed I was his inspiration). I actually turned grumpier on lot many reasons as mentioned in CP’s article.

I showed grumpiness on being insecure, to hide away my mistakes and even got habituated to it for a certain amount of time. Now I am an addict. Like every other self-medicated patient seeking help from Google, I did search “Why I was so irritated without any reason ?” too. All I found out was  I clinically ill by Google, hence I absconded from those.

True Revelation Time 

When my kids used to fight, they showed me the signs that I was actually being grumpier all along, because they began to copy me… And trust me –The truth was shattering and heartbreaking 😦. I decided every moment of affliction, I shall not be doing it. I even apologised, but repeated the same, shamelessly.

I understood that cognisance is not just the thing I needed.

I needed an altercation.

I needed to practice empathy as well as let go a few things.

It is hard, but worth a try. And I am on it. 

But here let me put it little seriously. Mostly, out of habit, I do get cantankerous. But there are a lot of many reasons other than that :

  1. Lack of Sleep: Ever since  I got into the Parenting part, sleep seems to be a saboteur to me. The moment I am so damn sleepy, I am kicked out of the bed, either by kids or due to a load of obligations.
  2. Anxiety: Common symptom in me, especially when unexpected guests arrive, my alarm doesn’t work, or even when I am unable to do my multitasking.
  3. Mild Depression: Yes !! I get depressed”. Most people see me smiling, Yet I do get pessimistic – mostly on the issues regarding my inability in doing things, my aspirations being downgraded and of course my weight issues (never-ending problems) 
  4. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder: Woow, the name seems interesting, it is nothing but mood swings in women just before the menstruation. An interesting time, I wish I could be the real demon and blame the Menstruation at times. But I am at my worst, at this time. Visit Me during these days, you will see exactly what a “real joy stealer means”.

All these never brought me to a conclusion that I should try my best to change, until when my kids began to follow my footsteps. They literally began to imitate me, and instead of stopping them, all I could do was pause in disbelief seeing a reflection of me. Ashamed rather, being such a disastrous parent.

All in all, this epiphany was quite startling to me. Now am on a “repair-diet“, hoping to be a better one on the go. I do understand that being grouchy is not at all a solution. When I realised that my grumpiness in spoiling the atmosphere around me, it hurts a lot.

I did realise…

That all I could do was ” Believe – I could heal it “.

Tips I did to help myself were :

  1. Exploration (reasons)
  2. Be more compassionate
  3. Get rid of nervousness with deviation.
  4. Find my alone time and do what I like.

Being grumpy is not always one’s fault, it is at times the surroundings that stimulate you. Hence Stay Cool!!!