ATTACHMENT TO MY PERSONAL DIARIES

Trust me, this was difficult. When I was told to write on this topic – it was difficult to think of a non-living item that I am attached to and feel I need to have it with me at all times. I thought of my mobile, laptop, kindle, clothes, jewelry, shoes etc. as the first items. But those are needed because my life depends on them – I don’t have any attachment with these items. If my laptop breaks today, I wouldn’t care much provided all important data that I need to run my life is safe.

I am attached to my past, memories, people but not really things. While I was almost thinking that I will give up writing on this topic – something came striking to me. It was the fact that I have preserved my school diaries and personal diaries that I wrote as a child. I have carried them all throughout my life. I had them with me in my hostel while in college, then while working before marriage and then kept while moving multiple homes after marriage.

Now I feel that soon I will have to keep them in a lock because my son might someday sneak in and read my childhood secrets – which I wouldn’t want. Childhood secrets, they are such mesmerizing memories.

While writing those journal, I used to write the whole conversations in my diary, sometimes the whole day’s schedule, sometimes just my feelings, sometimes just the questions that I had for life. Whenever I read them, I go back to that age of innocence, craziness and confusion. And needless to say that I love that. One can say that I am actually attached to those memories. But the fact that I have preserved those memories so carefully in pieces of papers – I am attached to those precious diaries.

There are 5 personal diaries and a few school diaries also which I used to scribble on. And they are full of text that is written nicely and sometimes scribbled. At some places the pages are torn because I was so angry while writing it. If I read all of them one after the other, I can see myself grow from a little child to a grown woman. And it is a very exhilarating feeling to see what I was and how I turned out to be me.

I wish I could share these diaries with my family and friends, but that would be a breach of trust to the little me who actually wrote it. So, I will not do so. Because if someday I meet the little Prabhjot, she would be very disappointed with her own future. Well, now I am talking of time travel ☺

I don’t write daily journals anymore. Maybe because I have started blogging. But writing blogs is very different than writing a diary. While writing a blog I need to keep up to a standard because there are readers who will read it and judge it. However, writing a diary is just me. It will never be read by anybody other than me. And so it is me in my purest form. Probably that is why I am so attached to my diaries much more than my blogs.

This makes me feel that I should start the practice of writing daily journals. If I do, I wonder what 50-year-old Prabhjot would think of the nut case that I am today!!