​WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY SPACE?

WhatsApp Image 2018-07-24 at 5.22.00 PMSpace! How do you define space in a relationship? More importantly how do you find space in a relationship? Careful in your quest for space or you will end up in the real space like this cartoon.

Be it friendship or love or marriage every relationship is plagued with this issue of space. Actually, there is a very thin line between being too close and giving too much space and drifting apart. Let’s take a case study.

Arush and Priya were a young successful and fun couple, they had a 4-year-old daughter. A new couple shifted in their neighbourhood Sunaina and Vineet. They too had small kids. Both the couples hit it off well and that was the beginning of a close friendship. They used to go out together for movies, malls and trips etc. Their kids also jelled well. Things were going fine. But this did not last for long. Slowly uneasiness started creeping in. Priya felt that they were missing out on family time because every outing was with friends. Sunaina started feeling that Priya was having too much say in their family matters. These small differences started to take a toll on the couple’s relationships and one fine day it turned into a big issue and now they are not even on talking terms.

Maybe you find this story a bit exaggerated but these kinds of things do happen. Too much closeness is also detrimental for the health of a relationship. Even when we are very close friends we shouldn’t expect to do each and everything together. All of us need some ME time. That I think is the definition of space.

This kind of expectation is there in married couples as well. Couples doing everything together might sound like a good idea but slowly it leads to boredom and irritation. We all have our own set of friends with whom we might want to hang out. Or there might be some activities like football or fishing or dance which only the husband enjoys or the wife enjoys. Don’t grudge your spouse that happiness. Let them enjoy and they will come back to you happier and would in turn make you happy too.

A downside to this could be giving too much space. If my friend and me are not spending enough time together there is a great risk of her drifting away from me. Or thinking that I am aloof to her needs. Same is the case in a marriage also. We all must have heard of divorces happening because the two of them drifted apart and there was hardly anything left in common.

That is why I said that there is a very thin line between both the eventualities and we need to walk this line for every relationship. A step or two this side or that is ok but don’t digress too much from the line and your relationships will stay healthy