Sanika was sipping coffee at the breakfast table, alone. She felt much better after talking to the kids. Just the sight of Anika and Anshul revived her wholeheartedly. She felt so complete and relaxed now. Just thinking back about the idea of getting drunk the way she did looked really stupid to her now. Only if she would have just taken her mind off Pranay and spoken to her kids and husband – maybe she wouldn’t have been in such a mess today.
She was much calmer and felt much wiser now. Thoughts of Pranay kept appearing in her mind all throughout the day while she was at work – but she could keep the thoughts away and focus on her work completely.
In the evening, while returning back to her hotel, one question kept popping up in her head – “Why now? Why did fate get me face to face with him now? I got over him. I found a wonderful husband and have beautiful children, why would God do this to me?” She is a strong believer and always knows that things never happen out of nowhere, they always have a reason (a good reason). Life is always throwing challenges at us, always teaching us something new.
“What is life trying to teach me by making me confront my past? I cannot not see any good reason behind all this. Everything is so chaotic. I feel miserable and Pranay is acting like a weirdo. And in all this poor Atul is suffering immensely.”
She opened her hotel room and sat on the armchair in her balcony.
“Pranay must also be having a similar life. I know he got married to girl named Tanu. She was one of his father’s friend’s daughter. Oh yaa, one of those typical business cum arranged marriages. Maybe they have kids together. Maybe he is happy with his family. Or maybe he is not!”
“What is life trying to tell me? What part of this Pranay episode incomplete for me?”
Suddenly she just stopped still. It was as if she saw something transformational. Yes, it was indeed transformational. “When Pranay rejected me so painfully, I was hurt. I did all that is possible to get him back. And some time later I realized that the biggest cost I am paying for all this is losing my self-respect. I gave up. I stopped hoping that he will ever come back. And when I met Atul, life became easier. The only thing that was not complete in all this is the Closure. I never got the closure with Pranay. That is the reason I was panicky when I saw him. I don’t have any feelings for him anymore. But I need a closure with him.”
With these thoughts she got reminded of her satirical remarks towards Pranay the earlier day. “Good that I spit my anger on him, it made me feel better. But now it is also a time to give myself some space and talk to Pranay. It is high time that I get over him completely – my love for him has just turn into hatred. But I want him to be just another person in my life – no love, no hatred, no anger just nothing for him. That is when I will get closure.”
“But talking to him could mean a lot of other things. I will need to make it clear to him that we just talk it out. I need to know why he did what he did. I will forgive him and move on with my life. I cannot carry this baggage of painful past on my marriage anymore. Then maybe I need to admit it all to Atul as well and then the past would be rightfully in the past.”
“What about Pranay’s life? What about his marriage? Does he really love his wife?”
With these thoughts Sanika too opened up Facebook. She typed in Pranay Kapoor and hit the search button. There he is. Ok, so he is quite active in updating his DP’s. She browsed over his albums looking for his pics with his family. But none! There were no pictures of his wife. She quickly went and checked his relationship status – Empty. “Why would somebody who is so active on FB and is happily married put his relationship status as nothing? Or was he happily married or even married now?”
Sanika’s head again started going all around. “Oh no no no, if he is single – then maybe it is not a good idea to get in touch with him at all. What if, he talks me into his emotions? C’mon, I cannot be that weak. I just thought so clearly about forgiving him and getting the freedom from this forever. Why am I worried? Do I really have any feelings for him? What difference does it make if he is single, it doesn’t matter. I will call him and meet him tomorrow.”
With these thoughts she took the number of the guy who called the hospital doctor last Saturday. Her hands on the phone were trembling now.