Loss… it is a big word and I do not know if I can do justice to this 4 letter word in this article.
Every loss is a big one till you lose something bigger. For my 3 year old, losing a ball in the play area is a loss big enough to ruin the whole evening. I try to make him understand that this is a very small loss and is something that doesn’t need so much attention. But does he understand? No. Do I understand when I lose something precious to me and somebody tells me “It’s not worth crying for”? No, I don’t either. Then how do I expect my son to understand. The fact is that loss is a very complicated event and how it impacts the concerned person cannot be understood by others. It is extremely personal for each person.
In my short span of life I have lost a lot. A few battles, some money and a few expensive items, some loved ones, sometimes my peace of mind, sometimes my self-respect and now while I am writing this – I wonder which one was worst.
Every time a loss happened it was the worst only till I had to lose something even bigger. It never ends and probably will never end. Losing and gaining is a part of life which gives us momentum to carry on.
A few years back, we (me and my husband) attempted to open up a venture. It was a restaurant and 6 months later we realized that we will never be able to sustain. We lost a lot of money that had been invested, leaving us in debt. What followed was financial insecurity, loans, EMI’s and a lot of frustration. This was probably the worst that I had lost with respect to materialistic side of me. This is the worst till now. What happens when you have no money to even buy next day’s dinner is something that I could not comprehend till we reached that stage. But even then I was extremely frustrated and angry but I was not broken. After all, it was just money and money is something that can be replaced or earned. It is needed for survival but I knew that we had enough to get through the situation.
3 years back, we lost a family member (my husband’s brother). Well that loss has shown me the worst of everything. It has shown me what grief is and how it can impact me. It has shown the value of love and more importantly the value of communicating that love. It has shown me what happens to a family when a member of that family just disappears to never return. One of my friends told me when the whole family was grieving over the loss – Death is the ultimate truth, once you accept this fact no other loss will be too big for you to handle. I don’t know how to accept that. Death is scary and is evil. I know it is the truth but how will I ever make peace with it when I know that I will lose my closed ones one day and I would be completely helpless. I don’t think I can and I don’t even try anymore.
Have you ever lost a relationship that you were not ready for? When a relationship dies but the people are alive and they move on. Well, I have gone through the heartbreaks that life had to offer me. Maybe to teach me something worth learning. I lost some important relationships while I was not ready to lose them.
Couple of years back, I was in a situation at my work place which was very difficult to handle. I was very low on confidence at that time because I was not able to manage all the expectations that people had from me. I was jumping from one place to another without giving it a thought. It was change in my career because I had just stepped into a leadership role and I screwed it totally. I felt like a failure and almost believed that I cannot manage as a good leader. Well, that was past. Today the situation is completely opposite. But at that point of time, I felt that I had lost my confidence and my self-respect. Just the right amount of guidance and right kind of energy channelization turned it around for me.
For me, all these big losses have always resulted in just one thing – learning more and more about life. And I know I have a long way to go.
I cope with each of my loss by drowning myself in work. I have done that multiple times and each time it has helped me emerge as a better person. And the only motto I have in mind for life is – Be it whatever, just bring it on!