Loss – a small but extremely heavy word. It brings along a negative feeling and challenges our survival instinct.
The saga of loss starts from our birth and continues until the death. When a baby is born be loses the comfort of mother’s womb. He strives and struggles for survival in a bright and noisy world – Totally contrast to the dark and quiet womb of his mother. As the baby grows he suffers different types of loses at different times in his life and the impact these loses bring is also different. The intensity of impact of a loss increases as we grow old. Well, that also depends on what kind of loss we suffer.
Typically the phenomenon of loss has three stages – denial, acceptance and motivation/breakdown. The stage of denial is the toughest. Next two stages are relatively easy. More often than not, when we lose something the very first question we ask is why me? Why did this happen to me? I didn’t deserve this or I deserved better than this. We trap ourselves in the loop of denial by repeatedly emphasizing to ourselves that this should not have happened. Then gradually we overcome the weeping part and look through the reality. We try and come to terms with the truth. We may or may not be deserving the loss that we suffered but at this stage we just accept it. We condition our mind to agree to the fact that the loss has actually happened and it cannot be reversed. Some may break down with this acceptance while others may choose to move ahead in life. It is this third stage of loss where our survival instinct is challenged. Those who break down sink in to depression or may take their own life while those who choose to move on try to find some motivation from the loss. For example if someone has lost a loved one or his companion to death then he may not want to live further alone. He may want to kill himself and even if he doesn’t he would just drag his life. He will make his life full of tears, sadness, lack of will to do nothing, preferring to stay isolated etc. These are clear signs of breakdown. On the other hand someone other person going through the same situation may find motivation to resume a normal life. The motivation could be anything like raising his kids or may be his career or perhaps his loved one’s wish to see him happy after she was gone.
Each loss brings you a lesson. Some are busy weeping over the loss while some other are smart enough to learn from it.
Ever wondered why we need to go through a loss at some point or the other? And here I am talking about a big loss that etches itself on your mind and heart. The suffering from loss is nothing but karma and this karma is not necessarily from your current life, more often than not it is from your past life. Once you realize that the pain we suffer from a loss is the outcome of our own deeds it is easier to accept the loss. You may ask how foolproof is this Karma theory. Karma theory has been proven with the help of past life regression. I will not get into details of it since it is not the topic of discussion this week but you can read Dr Brian Weiss’s books (Many Lives Many Masters, Only Love is Real to name a few) wherein he has explained Karma, suffering and past life regression beautifully.
Having said that, is it possible to reduce the sufferings from loss? I would say NO! It is not possible to reduce the suffering from loss but if you surrender yourself to the Almighty He will definitely grant you the courage. He is always watching you and He will never let you suffer more than you can bear. Also, meditation and willpower also goes to a very long way in shielding yourself from the suffering.
It is certainly easier said than done but from my personal experiences I can vouch that it is not impossible. Like many of you, I have suffered many losses. The very first loss was my first love. We were like a “made for each other” couple only to part ways later because the guy’s family did not approve our alliance. I wept and cried my heart out because I thought I had lost the best man in this world and thought that I will never be able to give myself away to any other man. Little did I know that I was destined to meet my husband – a real gem a year later. This was the toughest loss because I was so naive then. I suffered the most during this time. Slowly, life happened and it groomed me. The next loss that gave a very strong blow was the death of my father-in-law. It was a sudden death because of cardiac arrest because of which my husband and mother-in-law went into trauma. It was a very tough time for me because I had to be sane, gulp down the pain from loss of a fatherly figure and stand up to support my family to slowly take them out from the grief. It took time but it happened eventually. During this phase it was not as difficult as it was the first time. The third grave loss that I suffered was two pregnancies. This loss was beyond everything else. Words cannot describe how broken I was at that time. It was during this time that I understood and experienced the Karma theory. When I reflected upon my life I could connect dots as to why did I lose what I lost. It was during this time that my relationship with Almighty improved manifold because it was only this time that I completely surrendered to Him and to His will. Eventually I followed the path He showed and now I am a happy mother!
The list of loss is endless and so are the lessons from it. It is up to us whether we let the loss make us or break us. Gail Cladwell has made a great quote
“We never get over great losses; we absorb them and they carve us into different, often kinder creatures.”
As I progress with life some or the other losses will keep giving me a blow. I cannot escape these losses and I do fear that the worst is yet to come. I may not be fully prepared yet but I know that I shall be able to over come those losses because
I am a fighter, I will not give up,
I will stumble and I will fall but
I will stand back up.
And it might take longer at times
But I WILL stand back up and keep fighting.