Couple of days back I was watching a show, a reality show where a single girl/man is given a chance to choose their future partner. In the process of finding the right one, often they develop strong feelings for many. When we can interact with another and completely understand them, it will be very obvious to like them if we admire their personality, qualities, how compassionate they are, how caring they can be. It is very difficult to not love. The girl has to let go of all the men to be with the one she sees her future with. She goes through emotional turmoil before she can and also often after she makes the decision.
One question was on my mind, “Can a person be romantically in love with more than one person at a time?”. Quite a lot of religions, castes around the world allow polygamy, to be legally wedded to more than one person. In earlier days, kings had many wives, did they not love everyone of them ? May be they did, may not be equal love for all of them, they cared to a great extent.
The girl on the show while eliminating a man said, “I love you very much and care for you, but right now I am not in love with you“. I did not understand the difference, as usual my quest started on the internet. A lot of people are also really confused because I have found contradictory answers on several websites.
Love is the most cherished feeling in the world, who doesn’t want love? The problem is, we want everything of the person we are in love with, but reality is quite different. They love many others, they do have many significant people in their life. I am not specifically talking about romantic love here. Have we not encountered siblings being jealous of each other as they think parents love the other more? When we can love many other people, they can too, we should not think selfishly.
Siddu (whom I mentioned about in the article) was my best friend. He became very busy right after we were out of college as he started his own company. There was not a single day when he wouldn’t have messaged, a week we haven’t talked over skype. Any time we were in the city together, we wouldn’t go back to our respective destinations without meeting. If anyone asks me if I had loved him, of course yes, but I never developed any feelings for him, either romantic or brotherly, he is my friend – plain, pure and simple. I was not his only friend, he had many friends, he cared for them as much as he did for me.
We find soul sisters, soul brothers outside of our family. Does that in anyway mean we do not love our siblings ? Or our siblings have never fulfilled our needs, hence we needed a brother outside? I heard this concept from someone I don’t actually remember, it is very hard to love a person without having feelings(romantic), hence no girl can have a soul brother. Wait, that’s absolute nonsense. We do not develop romantic feelings for everyone we love. I have soul-brothers. They cared for me the most and they do even now. Romance is not the only feeling we can develop outside family. Are all my male friends my brothers, sorry No, I cannot develop brotherly feelings for everyone too. Every type feeling is very sacred.
Akshay, one of my friends always sounded disturbed when we talk in the group about our families. I never dared to ask him what the problem was. One day he told me what it was, “I lost my mother 6 years ago. My father married another woman. I do not talk with her, somehow I am unable to see her in the place of my mother“. In the entire conversation he used only ‘she’ and ‘her’, never mother. I can understand the struggle he is going through. “Does she never ask you to call her mom ?”, “We don’t talk Aastha and that’s it”. He was a little frustrated. “No one can take any body else’s place, do you know why? Every one is special. She cannot take your mom’s place, she can make hers. But that can happen only if you allow it. You are not going to get mom back, at the same time no one can take away the love you have for her. Try to give your new mom some place, have a good conversation with her, if you cannot do it on your own, take your brother along with you. Give her one chance, that might change what’s bothering you into something that comforts you“. It took around 6 months for him to accept her, but once he did that there was no looking back. He calls her mom now in our conversations, that makes me happy.
In the process of restricting ourselves that we cannot love more than one person, we have overly complicated “love”. It is also not true that once we develop feelings we will never fall out of love. Many of us would have read in books that true love happens once in life time, there is only one soul-mate who is made for you. If we really go by these books, half the marriages would have never existed. It is the value that we add to our lives which is very important.
Special people and special bonds happen by virtue, Lucky are those who have people to love and be loved. This week we are going to learn of such special bonds and what difference it made to us. It is going to be a lovely week …