“Relationships are based on trust and honesty and the boundaries of being monogamous need to be set by partners themselves.”

And when the boundaries are breached there are heartaches, brokenness, pain and devastation. It is really very difficult to win back the trust of our spouse when we are the main culprit in our relationship or we are caught cheating behind our spouse even though we realize and repent later.

Can we gain her/him back? Can I win her/his trust ever again?

I know, this question haunts many of us when we finally find ourselves guilty of cheating on our spouses. What can we do at this point? Because, only realisation doesn’t help us  in anyway…

I kind of researched a bit to find out few steps that we can take on a daily basis to gain back the trust of our spouses who were betrayed, cheated, hurt and broken because of us, for our illicit activities in the past.

Following are those steps:

  1. Keep the Apologising Attitude on: Why I said apologising attitude? So many times we apologise and then think our part is over. But in this scenario we need to have a constant apologising attitude, may be till we get our spouse back to ourselves.
  2. Owning the responsibility: A relationship can be restored only when we have the desire to reconcile and rebuild and for that we need to own the responsibility. When I think “She doesn’t show any interest to reconcile” then I would be sure that I am not ready to reconcile. As I have cheated and breached the trust then it is my responsibility to take the step first. When she is hurt, angry and I have lost her trust and confidence then it is me who’s gonna be doing everything to gain her trust and ultimately gain her back into my life.
  3. Expect Denials: When we are on the verge of regaining the trust of our partner who is hurt and try to restore then we should always be ready for denials to our attempts. Our partner may not want to rebuild or reconcile again with us… She has all the reasons to do so. In that case, we should not be disappointed with our partner’s denial, we should be ready to face that and accept it in a very positive way.
  4. Patience is the Key: We being the cheat and culprit, we need to remember one thing that we can’t be hasty or hurry in anyway… Remember we have lost their trust… We can’t afford to lose our patience. We always need to remember that “breaking is much easier than rebuilding.” We need patience. We need perseverance. We have to keep coming again and again to reconcile and regain our partner’s trust. And one day when we succeed we have to start rebuilding slowly.
  5. A Humbling experience: It is really not at all easy to come again and again expecting a response to our invitation to reconcile and restore a strained relationship. Regaining someone’s trust is a humbling experience. A very tough one… May be the toughest one in one’s life… We need humility along with patience to break the wall that’s created by us. When we face denial our ego may challenge us to take a step back and stop thinking of bending down again or we might lose heart, thinking we may not gain our partner’s trust again ever. We might have patience to come again but we might not stay calm when we hear absurd and hurting words from our partner. We need to give our partner the time and space to vent their feelings, hurling out judgments on us… That’s the consequence of our cheating our partner and we need to tolerate that silently. We need to remind ourselves that regaining is our responsibility because we have lost it… Thus, we have to bend down again and again to regain; we need to prove ourselves at every steps, small or big again and again to win the trust of our spouse.

All these steps have to be carried out together. It’s not that we would finish the first step and then try out the second one. All these have to be undertaken all at a time and then only we can expect a rebuilt relationship after we regain the trust of our spouse. No matter how shaky it seems at the moment when things went all wrong but by taking it one day at a time, following the above steps might bring our relationships float well and strong again.

Before I close, I would like to request all those who have been hurt and broken because of their cheating spouses that – Cheating doesn’t have to lead to divorce or breakup always. you can build a more honest, healthier and love filled relationship all over again against all negatives and messy scenarios by forgiving your partner seeing his/her truthful repentance.

Stay Blessed!!!


  1. Well I agree to disagree, this is something that needs a lot of courage and thoughts on. True it all depends on honest apology but sometimes it does not hold true and might have varied reasonings. But hats off well written, you brought a perspective that needs to worked on, relationships are not meant to be broken straight away after all!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I understand what you are aiming at… But some cheating spouses try to rectify when they realise what they have done and how much they had caused sorrows to their partners. But they are not allowed an easy come back… They need to go through a thorough process to win that trust again.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Very earnestly penned giving hope and recommendations to couples who are going through this ordeal.
    This pragmatic approach might help reinstate relationships. 👌👌👍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a lot Smruti. As I replied to Ashrita, I would like to repeat the same thing here that some cheating spouses try to rectify when they realise what they have done and how much they had caused pain to their partners. Though they should not be allowed an easy come back… They need to go through a difficult process to win that trust again. Your few suggestions in your article made me think of writing this instead of talking about cheating again.


  3. Good advice for the cheaters…but then those who have been cheated go through many trials and tribulations special to BELIEVE ….if or not the cheaters have honestly made up their minds or honestly trying to rebuild the broken relationship…. Sorry to say …the cheater side are mostly MEN and the so called MEN EGO acts as a greatest hurdle not to cement up the broken relationship…. In many, it is seen if they are caught they use the weapon of abusing their partner(wife) warning them not to repeat the matter again and again or else the process will continue…this leads to break up and decision to take divorce….how to trust back?…..but anyways hatsoff

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Working on it Sis… Will come up with more and more case studies in this matter. I can see you have the angst in support of the women who are cheated by their husbands.

      Thanks for the feedback.


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